When Eddie says he wants to talk after their shift, Buck can admit that he spirals a little. It's not like he thinks Eddie is leaving again, not after how it went when he was on B shift for a month, but it's clearly a big conversation, and it'll be their first since all of that happened. If Eddie is trying out his whole "being honest and asking for advice when things are going wrong" thing, this is probably it, and Buck's not sure he knows what that looks like.
Or there's something wrong with Chris. Or one of them has a terminal illness. Buck is really good at catastrophizing, and "hey, we need to talk" is one of the most stressful phrases that exists, somehow.
Still, it can't be that bad, he reasons, because Eddie said it didn't have to be right after their shift. So Buck goes home, grabs a shower and a nap, and shows up at Eddie's with takeout for lunch just after noon, as planned. Eddie is waiting for him on the couch, which is normal, but he has his laptop open and a few library books with names of countries on the covers scattered around him, like he's writing a paper or something.
"Hey," he says, glancing up at Buck with an absent smile. "What are we having?"
"Burgers. That grease fire last night really got me craving fries."
Eddie snorts. "Of course it did."
Buck heads to the kitchen to grab plates and distribute the food. Eddie follows, grabbing him one of the flavored seltzers that he only even has because Buck likes them and trading it for the plate Buck offers. It's a comforting kind of familiarity, the kind that soothes Buck's nerves a little.
Whatever Eddie wants to talk about, they're going to be fine, right? They made it through Buck's stupid lawsuit, and Eddie's stupid Kim thing. This conversation isn't going to be what breaks them, even if sometimes, when Eddie looks at him, he still feels like he's on ice that's about to crack, and he doesn't know what's underneath it.
Eddie sits at the table, not back on the couch, so Buck sits across from him, and for the first few minutes, all they do is eat.
Then, inevitably, Buck's anxiety gets the best of him. "So, what are we talking about?"
"Chris's school is doing this whole middle-school graduation thing. Making it a big deal. Which does not make sense to me because he's not even going to a different high school? It's combined middle and high so he'll just still be there. Whatever. They're making it a thing. Probably in the pocket of big graduation robes or something."
"Okay," says Buck, more confused than he had been before Eddie started talking, but at least less worried. He's pretty good at worst-case scenarios, but he has no idea how a graduation can be that bad.
"So, it's a big deal, and all his friends are getting, like, graduation presents? And obviously he wants one too."
The relief is immediate. "And you don't know what to get him."
"No, he told me exactly what he wanted. A vacation."
"A vacation?" Buck repeats.
"He said we've never been anywhere, and he's not exactly wrong. The only place we ever really go is back to Texas. The longest trip he's ever taken was to summer camp. So he wants a real vacation where we go somewhere and see stuff."
"Did he have a more specific request or is it just seeing stuff, like, generally?" Buck asks, unable to keep a smile off his face. Eddie and Chris have been good, really, and every time Buck asks, Chris confirms that he thinks they're actually doing better than they were before, because Eddie treated him like a grown-up and let him do what he needed to do when lived with Buck, but still. It's nice to be presented with such solid evidence that things are fine.
"His first choice was Japan because that's where video games are from," says Eddie. "I told him I'm not sure we can afford that, and as soon as I said that, he said we could just drive somewhere for a couple days, so now I'm feeling guilty for shutting him down so fast. But I really don't know if we can afford it. Plus it's a pretty long flight and none of us speak any Japanese, so I don't think it would be a great first vacation."
Buck nods. "So you want me to help you think of somewhere cool and exciting that you can go that you can also afford."
"We can afford," Eddie says, not quite as casual as he probably wants to be. "You're invited too. Family vacation."
Every time Buck thinks that he understands where he stands with Eddie, Eddie will just say something that completely disorients him. And he always says it so straightforwardly, like Buck is somehow the weird one for not assuming that he would be included in Eddie and Chris's trip. Like he should have known better. And, yeah, Eddie has told him that Chris is basically his son too before, but…
"It's Chris's thing," Buck says, a little desperately. "Does he want me to come?"
"Are you kidding? He assumed you were coming. It's not a question for us, Buck. Of course, if you don't want to..."
"It just might be tough on Bobby, you know? Finding coverage for two people is harder than one."
"Buck," says Eddie, amused but gentle. "If you want to come, Bobby will figure it out. We have vacation time, even if no one on the team ever uses it. If you don't want to, that's fine, you can just say that. I'll explain to Chris. But we want you to come with us."
Buck swallows hard, trying not to do something absurd like tear up. It's not like he never went anywhere with his family, but it was usually like Texas is for Chris. Visiting family for holidays or whatever. And, unlike Eddie, the Buckleys had plenty of money and jobs they could have taken time away from, if they wanted to take their kids places. They just hadn't wanted to.
"Okay, so, what are you thinking?" Buck asks. "Where do we want to go?"
Eddie smiles like the sun coming out from behind clouds. "I've got some ideas."
*
Their considerations are primarily financial (what can they afford) and logistical (where can Chris go and have fun with minimal stress and resentment). Distance is complicated; air travel is something Chris actually likes, generally, but he's never been on a plane for more than a couple hours, and Eddie's not sure how he'll do with it. So Japan still isn't an option this time for many reasons, but Eddie figures that if this vacation goes well and Chris is still interested in going there by the time he's finishing high school, they could think about going for that high-school graduation.
"Which is the actual big deal anyway," Eddie points out. "None of this just changing classrooms bullsh*t. So if we're going to do a big trip, that's the time to do it anyway."
(The way he says it, Buck is pretty sure he's included in that wetoo, and it makes him feel like he's going to trip even though he's sitting down.)
"He's never been out of the country, so I think we should leave the country," Buck says, frowning when Eddie suggests New York and maybe some of the surrounding areas.
"Yeah?"
"Look, I get why you think the whole middle-school graduation thing is dumb, but Chris doesn't. And this is his first time asking for a vacation, right?"
"Yeah."
"So it's a big deal. You don't want to make it seem like you don't get that. And it'll be cheaper with me along. That opens up our options."
"Will it?" Eddie asks, dubious. "I didn't think adding people reduced cost. Kind of the opposite."
"I'm pretty sure we can still fit into one hotel room. Two queen beds and a cot. I don't mind taking the cot. Then you pay half, I pay half. And that works for everything," he goes on, gaining steam as he talks. "You and me, fifty/fifty, right down the middle."
"There are three of us, so it should be three ways."
"Ah, but one of us is Chris. So I'm paying for half of Chris's stuff, because it's his present."
Eddie opens and closes his mouth. "You don't have to," he finally says.
"I know."
"That's not why I invited you. I wasn't looking for--"
"Eddie," he says, putting his hand on Eddie's arm. "I know. You didn't ask me, but I don't mind. I want to get him something. And I can afford it. My parents might not be perfect, but they still transfer money into my account every month because that's the only way they've figured out to try to be parents. I should probably be paying for more for Chris."
"You shouldn't."
It's on the tip of his tongue to argue. To point out that if he really is another parent to Chris, a part of the family, then it's stupid for Eddie to be worrying about this stuff when Buck could help. But Eddie has always been bad about taking money from Buck when it comes to Chris; he's never denied their emotional connection, but there's something about Buck helping out financially that he struggles with. He sent $300 a week the whole time Chris was living with Buck and refused to accept it when Buck tried to Venmo him back, so Buck has been reduced to sneaking twenties into his wallet when he's not looking.
He knows how to pick his battles.
"Okay, but I should be getting him a graduation present."
"For a fake graduation."
"Yup."
Finally, Eddie sighs. "Okay, yeah, fine. That would really help. Thanks."
"You're welcome. So, I'm thinking Central or South America? Or somewhere tropical, depending on what we're looking for. What are we looking for?"
"I figured we could come up with like three to five options?" Eddie offers. "Not everything but, I don't know. Maybe he wants to go to a resort and have everything covered. Maybe he's more interested in sight-seeing? Enough stuff that he won't feel like he has to do whatever I tell him and he knows that we don't just have to go camping or whatever to save money."
"Yeah, that makes sense. Maybe we could find one all-inclusive kind of resort, see if he's into that. And then a couple more cultural ones? I didn't make it to Machu Picchu when I was in Peru, but I always wanted to go." He frowns. "Not sure how accessible it would be for Chris, though."
"We can check. He might still want to see it, I don't know." He taps his jaws "How about some cities? I know you want to take him out of the states, but maybe he'd rather go somewhere he hasn't been domestically with a cool zoo or something."
"If we're giving him options, New York can be on the table," says Buck magnanimously. "Although honestly, I spent a few days there when I was doing my whole nomad thing and I really didn't get the hype. And the zoo wasn't even that great."
Eddie gives him a look. "Wait, you're telling me that you were, what, twenty, twenty-one, bumming around the East Coast, stopped by New York for less than a week, and went to the zoo? Alone?"
"Not alone!" Buck protests. "I met some people at this bar, went back to their place, got high, and really wanted to see some monkeys."
Eddie busts out laughing, and Buck swells with pride. It's not like Eddie laughing is rare, but big laughs always feel like an accomplishment, especially in the last few months, when Eddie is still so careful about everything.
"And the monkeys sucked, so now you hate New York?" he asks, when he's recovered.
"I don't hate it! I just think there are cooler places we could go."
"Anywhere else that you lived that you think we'd like?"
"Even without Machu Picchu, Peru was cool. Chris and I could work on our Spanish. But honestly? This is still my favorite place I've been."
"We're not staying in LA for vacation."
"You asked! Besides, I don't really want to take you and Chris anywhere I was when I was on my own."
"Really? Chris would probably love it. That's a road trip he could live with. The Evan Buckley origin tour."
Chris probably would love it, but Buck doesn't like thinking about it. Not that he regrets his early twenties, or even that he'd mind going back to some of the places he's been, but Eddie and Chris don't belong there. He thinks it would make the memories worse, to see them through the lens of his life now. He spent all those years searching for something, and now he has it. The comparison wouldn't do his old life any favors.
"Hey, where's your family from in Mexico?"
Eddie makes a face. "I don't really want to make this a family history trip. Someone might tell my parents, and then they'd want to tag along."
"I thought things were going better," Buck says, his voice careful. The last thing Eddie mentioned about his parents was that they found out from Abuela, who found out from Pepa, about Chris living with Buck, and they'd been kind of pissed. Even once they'd been convinced that Chris going to El Paso for a few weeks while he cooled down wouldn't have been an option, they were mad they hadn't heard about the accident because Buck is Eddie's emergency contact, and he'd had too much going on to think to call them.
It's not really Buck's fault, no one thinks that, but things don't actually have to be Buck's fault for him to feel bad about them.
"Yeah, they are," says Eddie. "But that doesn't mean I want them tagging along. It's Chris's trip, but it's also my first real vacation in I don't even know how long. Pretty sure it's yours too. So I want to relax. The more people who come along, the more complicated it gets. Especially with extended family."
Buck swallows down on the offer to let it be just Eddie and Christopher, because Eddie has already been clear: he wants Buck to come. If he hadn't wanted Buck to come, he wouldn't have asked.
He taps Eddie's knee instead. "So, if it was up to you, where would we go?"
"Other than New York?" he teases.
Buck holds up both hands. "If you really want to go--"
"No, I'm just messing with you. Honestly, I don't even care. I just want a decent hotel with a pool and a restaurant on site for when we don't want to find somewhere else to eat. And somewhere warm, but it's gonna be June, so I'm not really worried about that."
"And not Mexico."
"I'm not vetoing the entire country, I just don't think me and Chris need to try to find our roots on this trip. There's lots of cool historical stuff there. If you want to pitch Mexico, go ahead."
With that invitation in mind, Buck suggests they each find three places and eliminate one to get a top five to present to Christopher, which Eddie agrees sounds like their best bet. Buck does a little googling to find a nice all-inclusive resort in Mexico that's also close to some non-resort stuff that Chris might like, then puts together a pitch for Peru, and Hawaii, while he's at it. He's never been to Hawaii, but he's always kind of wanted to visit, and he figures Chris might be into the surfing opportunities. It's not another country, but they couldn't drive there, so he figures that counts for a lot.
He finishes before Eddie, so he wanders into the kitchen to grab another seltzer, absently checking the calendar to see what's coming up. Eddie's doing basketball with Tommy again next week, not circled, and it makes Buck's chest twinge a little, but it's fine. He told Eddie to stay friends with Tommy, and Buck is even a little bit friends with him. They just didn't work out as a couple. It happens.
And, when he wants to get competitive, he can see how much more his name appears on the calendar than Tommy's. Which it does. A lot more.
Eddie's shaking his shoulders out when Buck gets back. He tops Eddie's glass of water off with the pitcher he brought, returns it to the kitchen, then settles back on the couch. "Okay, what have you got? Other than New York."
"No New York," says Eddie. "But I thought he might like DC. I want to take him to museums while he still thinks they're fun. And Costa Rica? I was just googling places to go in Central America and it looked cool. And then Hawaii. Figure that one speaks for itself."
Buck laughs. "Yeah, definitely. Hawaii was on my list too."
Based on how pleased he looks, Eddie has a preference for where they go, and it's totally Hawaii. "Yeah?"
"Hawaii, Peru, Mexico."
"Where in Mexico?"
"I found this cool resort, it's near a bunch of parks and some historical stuff, but all-inclusive. Absolutely no need to have any contact with any extended family. Even if they live around there. Unless they work at an all-inclusive resort."
"They do not. I think we're safe."
"Okay, so this is perfect. We don't even have to cut down the list. Five options for Chris to pick from. And two votes for Hawaii."
"Which doesn't matter, because Chris has three votes."
"You're really okay with that?"
"Which part were you worrying about?" he asks, co*cking his head at Buck.
"I don't know. Just seems like a pretty big decision to leave entirely to Chris."
"Obviously, I'm fine with all my options. I know you did your research, so I'm fine with all your options. If you're paying half, I'm pretty sure we can afford any of them. And I want Chris to feel like this is his thing, even though we came up with the places. Whatever he wants, I'm going to be cool with, because no matter what he picks, he'll be there and you'll be there and we won't be working for ten consecutive days. Without either of us having to be hospitalized first."
Buck has to swallow before his voice works. "Okay, yeah. When you put it like that. I'm still hoping he picks Hawaii."
"Yeah, that's why I'm the one giving him the options, not you. One of us has to be impartial."
For a second, Buck can't quite breathe right. It feels like there's this weird chasm in his chest sometimes lately, like something has been ripped open, leaving him raw and aching. It's about family, about how he thinks sometimes about there being a kid in the world who's half him who he's never going to know, about the way his mom called Tommy his friend whenever she mentioned him, the way she specifically asks if he's met any girls since he and Tommy broke up.
The way he felt when he was driving away from Eddie's house after Chris agreed to let Eddie move back in, like he was going the wrong way.
"Better you than me," he tells Eddie, after too long a pause, in too strangled a voice.
Eddie raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't ask, and Buck tells himself he's grateful.
*
"So, how do you actually put in a request for vacation?" Buck asks, as Bobby is working on lunch the next week.
"You must have taken a vacation day before, Buck," says Hen. "I know you're a workaholic, but I remember you taking time off."
"I remember him swapping shifts," says Chim. "Which is related to, but distinct from, taking a day off."
"Ten days," says Eddie.
Everyone turns to look at him. Hen is the one to say finally, "Buck's taking ten days off?" with as much shock as when they found out he could do math.
Eddie shrugs. "Well, three or four. We want ten days off total, but half of those we'd be off anyway. Sometime in June or July. Figured we'd check with Bobby when it would be easiest to let us go."
"Are you having your honeymoon before Maddie and I do?" Chimney asks. "Because we got married first. We have next dibs."
"Hey, you snooze, you lose," says Buck. "With how long it took you to get married, I figured you weren't going to do your honeymoon until at least 2045."
"Chris wanted to go on vacation," Eddie says, before Chim can reply. "So we're taking him to Hawaii. Dates to be determined, but flights are cheaper midweek, Bobby."
"I will keep that in mind. Hawaii, huh?"
"We gave him a few options," says Eddie.
Buck grins. "And he made the right choice."
"Ah, yes, the secret test where you let your child decide, but there's a right answer and you don't tell them," says Hen. "Classic. Really healthy."
"Hey, I would've been good with wherever," says Eddie. "Buck's the one who got really set on Hawaii. Luckily, Chris loves surfing and the Honolulu Zoo looked really cool, so everyone's happy."
Hen and Chim exchange a look, and it's not like Buck doesn't get it. There's been a shift in how the rest of the team thinks of Buck and the Diazes, ever since Eddie moved out of his house and let Buck live there to take care of Chris. Everyone was supportive, of course. He even thinks
they understood. But it must have been weird for them, and it probably still is. It's still weird for Buck. He'd probably feel better if they teased him a little more, but apparently Chim's honeymoon comment is all they're getting.
"So, yeah," says Buck. "We need to take time off. Officially."
"Well, I think it's a great idea," says Bobby. "After the year you two had, you could use a break. I'll take a look at the calendar, see where I can rearrange things. June?"
"After June 8," says Eddie. "It's a graduation present for Chris, so after he's done with school."
"They do middle-school graduation now?" Chim asks. "Really?"
"That's what I said!" says Eddie.
"You have so many events to look forward to, Chimney," says Hen, with a sigh. "Seems like every year they're adding new ones."
There's a part of Buck that wants to join in, because he knows this stuff too. Parent time belongs a little bit to him now too, and he could participate. But the ache is opening up in his chest again, and he goes to Bobby in the kitchen instead.
"How long's it been since you took a trip?" Bobby asks.
"I can't even remember."
"That just means you're overdue."
Buck laughs a little. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Of course, knowing all of our luck, I figure Hawaii's going to get hit by at least one tsunami while we're there."
"No, definitely not. You already did a tsunami." He pauses deliberately. "They have volcanoes, don't they?"
"Only two Hawaiian islands have active volcanoes," Buck says, because that was one of the first things he checked after Chris picked it. "Kīlauea was actually erupting continuously from 1983 to 2018."
"But not now."
"Not now. And we're planning to be on Oahu, which does not currently have any active volcanoes."
"Glad to hear it." Bobby studies him, and Buck tries not to squirm. "You're doing okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Like I said, you've had quite a year."
"Not like Eddie did. He's the one who self-destructed."
"And you're the one who had to watch and help pick up the pieces," Bobby shoots back. "It's hard to see the people we love hurt themselves. Especially when they hurt us in the process."
"I'm good," he says. "Really. But I am looking forward to taking some time off. Which I think is a sign of personal growth. Remember when all I wanted to do was work?"
"I do. And I'm very happy that you're not dreading vacationing on a tropical island with your family." He slides a cutting board and some parsley across the island to Buck. "Chop that for me, will you?"
Buck salutes. "Yes, sir."
*
He wakes up after his post-shift nap to a missed call from Maddie, no voicemail, but a text: Call me when you get this.
His stomach drops and his fingers shake a little as he navigates to call her back. He'd left his phone downstairs, not on purpose, just forgotten it, so the call didn't wake him up. But no one else is calling, so it can't be that bad, right? If something had happened to Jee-Yun or to Chim, he'd have way more missed calls.
Still, he doesn't relax until Maddie picks up with an, "Evan!" that sounds more exasperated than panicked.
"Why are you mad at me? I'm mad at you!"
"I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad? Hang on, why are you mad?"
"Because you called me, didn't leave a voicemail, and told me to call you!"
There's a pause, during which he assumes both of them are thinking about how incredibly normal that sequence of events is.
"Yes?" says Maddie. "I wanted you to call me."
"Okay, but you can't just say that. You need to add everything is fine or not an emergency or something. So I know it's not bad."
"Oh," says Maddie, and it does sound like she gets it. "Sorry. Not an emergency."
"Yeah, I got that. What's up?"
"You're going to Hawaii with Eddie?"
He probably should have expected it, but it's still a little funny. He'd thought someone was dying, and she's probably just annoyed that she had to hear about his vacation plans from her husband. "And Chris, yeah. I figured I'd tell you once we had finalized dates and flights booked and stuff."
"Because, obviously, Howie wouldn't mention it or anything."
"I did not think about that. We need Bobby to give us dates! We're still pretty early in the whole planning process."
"But it's the three of you, going to Hawaii, together."
"Yeah."
"Because of Christopher?"
"Yeah. And honestly, probably a little because of us. I mean, we could all use a vacation, right? You and Chim should definitely go next."
There's a pause, and then Maddie asks, "Did Christopher invite you?"
"They both did." He knows what she's thinking, but he's not really sure how to address it. He's never been sure. "I thought about not going, but it's not like I'd have more fun going on vacation by myself, you know?"
"I know. I just worry about you."
"There's nothing to worry about. I already checked, we're not going to be near any active volcanoes."
She laughs, but not really like it's funny. "Not what I was worried about, actually."
"I think me taking a vacation is the opposite of something to worry about," he points out. "I'm recognizing that I could probably use a break and I'm taking one."
She sighs, but all she says is, "That's true. Okay, so, have you made any plans yet? Where are you staying? Tell me everything."
*
Bobby gets them their days off, and their next 48 off is spent deep in planning mode. Buck doesn't have a clipboard, but he has a lot of carefully maintained spreadsheets which he obsessively updates while Chris tells him what he's found that he wants to do and Eddie brings him cup after cup of coffee. Buck doesn't want to plan every second of their vacation, he just needs to have the broad strokes of it, so that he won't need to go into fire-marshall mode when they're actually there.
"Don't you have anything you want us to put on the list, Dad?" Chris asks, as Buck is making his hotel price/amenity comparison list.
"All your ideas sounded pretty good."
"Yeah, but you can want to do different things. Oh!" he adds, straightening up in his excitement. "And I was thinking we should ask Carla to come."
Buck and Eddie exchange a look; Eddie's the one to ask, "Why would we ask Carla?"
"Because she needs a vacation too. And then if you want to do something and I don't, we could split up a couple days. Or you could go to a restaurant I don't like or something."
To his surprise, Buck doesn't hate the idea. It would be kind of like having grandparents along, but with way less baggage. And Carla definitely deserves a break. He tilts his head in Eddie's general direction, and Eddie tilts his back, agreeing.
"We couldn't pay for her trip," Eddie says, mostly to Buck.
"No, but we could help. Like, maybe we cover airfare for her and her husband. And then they just have to get a hotel."
"And food."
"Yeah. But we could pay her for, like, a couple days to hang out with Chris, and then she'd make some money back."
"And she'd get to go to Hawaii!" Chris puts in.
"She might not want to," Eddie tells him. "But we can talk to her about it."
Buck adds a rough estimate for the cost of two more round-trip plane tickets to their budget, which isn't the worst, but he can already tell that he's going to be lying to Eddie about what half of their total bills are. The Buckleys can afford to subsidize a nice vacation; Buck thinks they owe him at least one of those.
He'd been planning to just stay for dinner and then head back to the loft, but Chris wants to watch a movie, which is increasingly rare, and he and Eddie have a couple beers during that, and while he could definitely sober up enough to drive home if he needed to, he doesn't really need to. The couch is wide and comfortable enough, and when he buries his face in the pillow, it smells like home.
Chris wakes him with a joyous, "Carla!" followed immediately by, "Do you want to come to Hawaii?"
"You can have some coffee before you answer that," says Eddie.
Buck can hear amusem*nt in her voice when she asks, "Oh, is this a serious offer?"
He drags himself off the couch and into the kitchen so that Eddie doesn't have to field this whole conversation on his own. "Morning, Carla."
"Didn't know you were here too, Buckaroo."
"Up late planning."
"I never would have believed you were the organizer type," she says, shaking her head. "So, you want to actually have a conversation about this?"
"Chris made some good points," says Eddie. "Mostly about how even on a family vacation, it's nice to have some breaks from family." He clears his throat. "I wish we could afford to just pay your way, but that's not really in the cards. We were thinking we could cover airfare for you and Howard, if the two of you wanted to take a trip the same time we are. And then pay you to watch Chris for a day or two when we're there."
"Or you could not bring Howard and put whatever we'd pay for his ticket towards a hotel," Buck puts in. "If you really need a break."
Eddie nods. "Or you can say no. No pressure from us."
"But if you were looking for an excuse to take a vacation…"
"You should come!" Chris finishes, and Eddie laughs.
"But like I said, no pressure."
"I'll talk to Howard about it. It has been a while since we went anywhere, and a partially paid trip to Hawaii would be nice. Maybe even worth a teenager dragging me around to all the places he doesn't want his parents to take him," she adds, grinning at Chris.
"Carlaaaa," he protests, grinning back, and Buck tries not to think about it.
*
Buck isn't around when Carla makes her decision, but Eddie passes along the relevant points. Carla and Howard will come, but just for the last half of their trip, so they won't have to spend as much on their hotel. She'll be around to take Chris off their hands for a day or two so he can do cool teen stuff with adult--but not parental--supervision, and she and Howard will be on the same flight back to LA with them, which will be a help if there are any unexpected airport issues.
Buck tries not to think about how he used to be the non-parental adult supervision, and how he's not anymore. It's not like he would have really wanted to have a Buck-and-Chris day if it involved leaving Eddie alone in Hawaii anyway. Not that Eddie couldn't keep himself occupied in Hawaii alone, but it would be sad. It's not like he'd be finding a date or something. In fact, the last Buck heard, Eddie is still swearing off dating completely. Which is honestly probably the right call, given how the last one went, but it still makes Buck's heart twinge. His own love life has been pretty minimal since he and Tommy broke up, a couple trips to queer bars to try out flirting with guys, a girl who asked him out in a coffee shop, but nothing that made him want a second date, or even a real first date in some cases, but he hasn't given up. And yeah, Eddie screwed up on a level that Buck hadn't even realized existed, but Buck still doesn't believe he should be alone forever. Eddie has a lot to offer, if he could just figure out how to find someone he knew how to date.
Which he won't do in Hawaii anyway, so Buck tries not to think about taking care of Chris to give Eddie a break there. It's great Carla is coming, not some sort of personal failing on his part as a best friend/co-parent/whatever he is.
Once everyone's flights and hotels are booked and Buck has all of the comings and goings entered into his spreadsheet, vacation stuff kind of…stops. After the initial frenzy of figuring things out and planning, there isn't actually much to do. Buck makes another spreadsheet with the days they're there and possible things they'd like to do during that time, and every now and then he'll get a notification that Eddie has edited it, adding in a beach he and Christopher want to visit or reservations he made for a restaurant, but that's about it. The trip moves from being an active conversation to a background one, and Buck feels a little left behind, because he kind of still wants to talk about it all the time.
He contents himself with adding his own items to the spreadsheet and dropping cool facts about Hawaii into conversations as much as possible, which has the added advantage of meaning that sometimes when they're on a call, someone will ask him why he knows so much about Hawaii, Eddie will usually be the one to explain that they've got a trip coming up, and Buck will feel a glow like embers in his chest.
Eddie starts going into panic mode a month before they're supposed to leave, which mostly means that he for some reason thinks he should be starting to pack already. Which is excessive even by Buck's admittedly excessive standards. But Buck finds a pretty good Hawaiian vacation packing checklist online, updates it to suit their specific needs, and shares it with Eddie, which does seem to help. At least Chris stops calling Buck to complain that his dad is trying to take "clothes I want to wear this week" and pack them for a trip "in a month." Which Buck considers a win.
And, of course, before they can go on the graduation trip, there's graduation to get through. It shouldn't be particularly hard, except that Eddie still has a grudge against it, and neither of them really knows what the exact vibe for middle-school graduation is.
"Tie?" asks Eddie, holding up a couple to his neck like he's trying to decide which he'd like to use to hang himself. "No tie?"
"Maybe like a fun tie," Buck suggests. "You know, one that says you're a cool dad."
"I am a cool dad."
"Which is why your tie should reflect that."
Eddie throws a scowl over his shoulder. "I hate you."
"I know. Did you ask Carla?"
"She just said wear something nice, so she's probably mad at me. She has to know that didn't help."
Buck sits up from where he's sprawled on Eddie's bed for long enough to snap a picture of Eddie's reflection in the mirror. He texts it to Carla with the message, Tie y/n? and then settles back. He still doesn't love Eddie's mattress, but sometimes he finds himself weirdly missing it, like he got into some sort of Stockholm-Syndrome situation with it when he lived here.
"Why aren't you worried?" Eddie asks.
"Because I'm secure in the knowledge that Christopher loves me, I look fine, and I actually believed you when you said middle-school graduation wasn't a real thing, so I don't care if I mess it up. Also I'm going to take pictures, not be in pictures."
"There's no way you're getting away with not being in any pictures."
Buck might have been fishing for that, but it worked, so no regrets there. "Do you think I need to change?"
"No."
"There you go."
Carla texts back: No tie, undo another button. It's not a funeral!
Buck heaves himself off the bed with a sigh. "Carla says no tie. Come here."
Eddie turns around and Buck makes a show of inspecting him, tugging on the sleeves of his suit jacket, checking his lines, and finally getting the button Carla told him to undo. It does soften the look, more casual dad than job interview.
Eddie is watching him, and Buck takes a step back, nodding once. "Yeah, you're good. Am I good?"
Eddie's still watching, but just Buck's face. He doesn't even bother checking his outfit before he says, "Yeah."
"Is Chris doing okay with this?" Buck asks, instead of saying something stupid like, you didn't even look.
"He's so excited, yeah. Changed outfits like five times, but he finally picked a favorite."
"So we're also going to be excited and not say that this is a fake thing to make money on robes, right?"
"Right. But it is."
Buck pats his shoulder, and straightens his collar while he's at it. "Yeah, I know."
*
Eddie isn't wrong; the whole thing is kind of bullsh*t. But it's also Chris, finishing middle school. It's not like Buck hasn't been noticing all these terrifying milestones Chris has been having, but every one is still like getting smacked in the face. He's so grown up. Buck's going to blink and four years will have flown by and he'll be at Chris's high-school graduation, praying he managed to learn some basic Japanese before that trip.
But he'll be there. He absolutely will.
Buck and Carla both obviously cry, while Eddie cries less obviously, presumably because he doesn't want to admit the fake graduation is giving him real feelings. But Chris is pretty early on in the (unnecessarily long) ceremony, so by the time they're meeting him for hugs and congratulations, they're all fully recovered and all smiles. Buck takes pictures of Chris with Eddie, and with Carla, and with Eddie and Carla, and then other families keep asking him to take pictures of them, until finally Chris says, "Buck, we need ones with you!"
"Duty calls," he tells the family of six he's been photographing, returning the three phones they'd given him for their photoshoot. "Congrats again."
Carla takes a bunch of pictures of Chris and Buck, with and without Eddie, and then ropes in a passing stranger for a few of the four of them, and then it's more hugging, a fond farewell to Carla, and Buck driving the three of them back to the Diaz house. Chris has already shifted fully from graduation mode to vacation mode, so he spends the entire drive talking about where he wants to go in Honolulu, what he wants to do, and how jealous his friends are that he's going to Hawaii for a whole ten days, because apparently even the friends who are going on trips are either going for less time or to less cool places. Which makes Buck feel very accomplished, if he's honest. They are going to have the best vacation. Clearly.
"I'm going to go pack!" Chris exclaims, literally as soon as he's crossed the threshold into the house.
"We're not leaving for five more days," Eddie reminds him. "How come when I was packing early, it was a problem, but now you don't need clothes for the next few days?"
"Because school is out! I'm just going to play video games in my pajamas."
"You're going to see the sun at least once a day!" Eddie calls after him, but the door is already slamming. "That kid," he mutters, with a fond shake of his head.
"He's excited. That's a good thing."
"Maybe I was excited when I was trying to pack too."
"Maybe. But mostly you seemed kind of manic."
"Thanks. Really."
"Hey, if your friends don't tell you, who will, right? Honesty. Best policy."
"Sure," says Eddie, turning to head into the kitchen.
Buck follows him like a lost puppy. "More importantly, you totally got into that fake ceremony. You were moved."
"And you weren't?"
"Oh, we all knew I was going to get into it. Have you met me? I would have cried if he was graduating from a CPR certification course. There is nothing I won't cry over."
Eddie's mouth twitches up into a half smile. "That's true."
"But you. You were so ready to not care."
"It was cool, right? Seeing him up there with all his friends. He looked really happy."
Buck swallows past the urge to cry again, because that would probably be a bit much. "Yeah. It was the best."
"Still fake," Eddie says.
"Yeah, yeah. Are you going to go pack now too?"
"I was going to grab a beer and then do absolutely nothing. You want in?"
Buck grins. "Love to."
*
"You're leaving for your trip soon, aren't you?" Athena asks, like she doesn't already know. The two of them are watching as Eddie, Hen, and Chim work on getting a biker who hit a pothole out of the windshield of the car he flew into. Buck had tried to help, but it was kind of a too many cooks situation with four of them. He was doing more harm than good, so he's leaving this one for the paramedics.
"We are. This shift, 48 off, one more shift, and then we're gone for ten entire days."
"Decadence. All packed?"
"Not yet. But I've got my checklist ready so it's really just putting everything in my bag."
"Excited?"
"Like you wouldn't believe. And reminding myself that we have all sorts of cool stuff we want to do, because right now just lying on the beach the whole time sounds really good."
"You know if you wanted to lie on a beach, that's available much closer to home. And cheaper."
Buck ducks his head, laughing. "I know, I know. But it's different! You know me, if I was here, I could never take ten days off work without a doctor forcing me. Kind of looking forward to not having the option to go in."
Atehena studies him for a minute, then looks away, her eyes finding Bobby as he directs the scene. "That's good."
"You sound surprised," he offers, without much confidence. She's always so cool that he doesn't love trying to guess what she's feeling. But there's definitely something going on.
"Not surprised," she says, because of course. "But I'm glad. I was so nervous before Bobby and I went on our honeymoon."
It's the second time someone has compared his and Eddie's trip to a honeymoon, and, like, he gets it in both cases, but he still feels like he deserves two nickels.
"Really?" he asks, instead of demanding payment.
"You know I love Bobby, but we've both been married to our jobs for a long time. I was worried that just the two of us with nothing but free time would be too much."
"Guess that didn't turn out to be much of an issue."
"Oh, we still managed to have that one out."
"To be honest, I'm more worried about a hurricane hitting us, too. Or pirates? It was pirates, right?"
She huffs a short laugh. "Don't remind me."
"Anyway, I feel like I should be making a list of every bad thing that could happen just so that it won't."
Athena pats his arm. "I'm not sure that's how it works, Buckaroo."
"Yeah, yeah. I know."
"But I think it's great that that's what you're worried about. Not how you're going to fill up ten whole days in Hawaii."
"Well, it's really only eight whole days. Two of them are travel days."
"Oh, well, that's different," she teases.
"I guess if I'm worried about anything, it's that Chris won't have a good time. He's really excited, I want it to live up to his expectations."
"Welcome to parenthood."
His stomach swoops. "Not really."
"Yes, really. There's more than one way to make a family, Buck, and more than one way to be a parent. You're not going to deny that you love that boy like your own; we all know that you do. If you're not a parent to him, then I don't know what you are."
"Yeah," Buck says. "That's kind of the problem. I don't know what I am. Not since that month he was living with me."
"Have you asked? Because I'm pretty sure Eddie would say the same thing I did."
He would. He has. Buck's the only one having trouble with this, the only one who can't quite make the pieces fit right.
Which makes it clearly his issue, and no one else's.
"Yeah, I know." He clears his throat. "So, uh, were you trying to make me feel nervous about my vacation, or was that an accident?"
"I prefer to think of it as a bonus. You're going to have a great time. And I hope it helps you sort some things out."
"That would be cool. I think I probably need this."
She pats his shoulder. "I think you probably do."
*
Once he's packed, Buck throws his luggage in the back of the jeep and drives over to Eddie's. They're leaving their last shift a little early to make sure they get to the airport on time, and Carla will be dropping Chris off at the station to save time, so Buck just carpooling with Eddie to the station made the most sense.
He doesn't really need much of an excuse to stay at Eddie's. Even on the couch.
When Buck arrives, Chris is on said couch, fully engrossed in a video game, but he manages a vague wave in Buck's direction before his attention is fully back on the television. He is wearing pajamas, Buck can't help but notice. But he probably saw the sun at some point today.
Buck checks the TV, verifies that Chris seems to be winning, or at least doing well, pats him on the shoulder encouragingly, and then heads into the kitchen to check on Eddie.
"Need any help?"
"I can still cook. I didn't lose that when I went back to active duty."
"And you can still have a sous chef."
"I'm good, Buck. All packed?"
"Ready to roll. Brought all my old fun clothes."
That gets Eddie to turn away from the the stove, his eyebrows raised. "Fun clothes?"
"Casual stuff, you know."
"As opposed to your off-duty, also casual stuff?"
"I used to get t-shirts from all the places I visited. I figured those would be cool vacation clothes."
"From when you were like twenty?" Eddie asks, sounding dubious.
"Twenty to twenty five."
"Did you try them on?"
"They're t-shirts, why would I try them on? You think I gained weight?"
"I think you gained muscle. The shirts you buy now barely fit you."
Buck looks down at himself. "This fits!"
"You know, my shirts, if I pinch them, there's some give. You're always about to burst out like you're the Hulk."
"Which has never actually happened, proving that my clothes fit, actually. But if it'll make you feel better, I will try on one of the shirts to prove it fits too."
Eddie considers him for a moment, then gestures expansively. "Go ahead."
Buck's suitcase is still by the door near Chris, so Buck brings it into the kitchen to resolve this particular debate. Eddie leans against the counter, watching with a mild expression that Buck knows is going to turn smug if this doesn't go well. But they're t-shirts. Buck hasn't actually gone up a t-shirt size. He's still buying the same ones he bought when he was twenty.
Which might actually be a point in Eddie's favor, but Buck is also right that none of his shirts have ever ripped open before, so it's fine. Clearly.
He tugs off his polo and pulls on the first shirt he finds in his bag, a navy blue one from Virginia Beach. It's a little snug, and, okay, smells a little musty, but it's fun. There's a smiling cartoon fish on it. It feels like the kind of thing you're supposed to wear on vacation.
"See? Fits."
Eddie shakes his head, like he was zoning out. "Uh, sure. That's definitely how clothes are supposed to fit. Quick question, do you have circulation in your arms?"
"Ha ha."
"Can you do this for me?" he asks, doing a shoulder stretch.
Buck rolls his eyes and does it with minimal--but not zero--difficulty. "See? It's perfect. I'm vacation Buck."
"Why do I think vacation Buck is going to just be fire marshall Buck in a novelty t-shirt?"
"Becuase you are a pessimist," says Buck, pulling the t-shirt off and rooting around in his bag until he finds his sleep shirt to pull on. It's early for it, but if Chris is in pajamas, he can be too. "See, that shirt fit, and this one is baggy. That's how clothes work."
"Sure, Buck."
"What did you pack, like fifteen henleys? I feel like Hawaii might be a little warm for that."
Eddie snorts. "I guess you'll find out. But I will have a full range of motion." He turns back to the stove. "I really am good here, you can go hang out with Chris, if you want."
"I actually had something I wanted your help with."
"Yeah?"
"You're not going to like it."
"Oh good. What?"
"I was talking to Athena, and I know it's superstitious, but I kind of want to make a list of all the disasters that could hit when we're there and talk about what we'd do if they did. I feel like if we talk about them, they won't happen."
Eddie frowns. "I thought you believed in jinxes. Isn't this, like, the ultimate jinx list?"
"No, see, if you say just one thing, then that's a jinx. Or if you say nothing can go wrong. But if you talk about all the things that can go wrong, that's, like…you're keeping them from happening."
"So then whatever we forget to put on the list is the bad thing that happens?"
"Yeah, so that's why volcano eruption is, like, number one."
"Over tsunami?"
"That's number two. See, we already had a tsunami."
"Right, so now we're immune."
"So, if there was a volcano eruption, what would we do?" Buck asks, ignoring him.
"Uh, depends. We're assuming a volcano near Honolulu somehow becomes active enough to erupt? Or is this one of the ones on another island and the eruption is so bad that it's affecting us? Honestly, I'm not sure I know enough about volcanoes to have this conversation."
"Okay, maybe we don't have to have a complete plan for what we'll do if it happens. Hey, did you know they have tsunami sirens in Honolulu? So we'll definitely be in better shape if one hits down there."
Eddie shakes his head, but he says, "Earthquakes are pretty common too, I think," and they spend the rest of the night, aside from dinner, coming with an exhaustive list of things that could go wrong.
Eddie doesn't even complain that much.
*
For Buck, the flying is the most stressful part of their travel plans, mostly because he's never actually flown with Eddie and Christopher before, and he doesn't really know how they'll be to travel with. And obviously the whole thing is going to be traveling with them, but being in a hotel and sightseeing feels more related to the stuff they usually do than flying.
Plus, about halfway through their disaster list, Eddie had reminded him that something could go wrong before they even got to Honolulu, so they'd spent half an hour brainstorming all the problems a plane could have, and now all of those are in Buck's brain too.
"We didn't talk about stuff that could go wrong in the airport," he hisses at Eddie, as they go through security.
"Keep an eye out for unattended baggage so we can call the bomb squad," Eddie shoots back, completely unconcerned.
And of course, it's actually pretty much fine. Eddie goes to the gate as soon as it's open to introduce himself and ask about priority boarding for Chris, and then they find something for breakfast. Chris has a guidebook that he's been studying intently, coming up with places he wants to go with them versus places he wants to go with Carla once she arrives, and Eddie is almost shockingly calm, as if nothing could ever go wrong here, in the airport, one of the most stressful places there is.
Apparently, Buck is the worst of the three of them at this stage of travel, which he maybe should have seen coming. He's the one who drags them back to the gate--earlier than necessary, according to Eddie--and makes sure everyone goes to the bathroom in shifts so someone always is watching their stuff, and who checks that everyone has bought all the drinks and snacks they need to survive the flight.
"It's going to be fine, Buck," Chris assures him, patting his leg. "It's just a plane."
Buck smiles. "Yeah, you're right."
And, of course, it is fine. They get to board early, although Buck feels a little like he doesn't deserve to, but since he has the window seat, it would just be more of a pain for everyone if he didn't. Chris graciously agreed to take the middle seat, so Buck actually has some room for his elbows, which he doesn't even need because he's coming off a decently busy twenty-four hour shift, so he just passes out and only wakes up when Chris nudges him for food and snack services. The plane does not crash, and Chris apparently spends the whole time playing on his Switch, so probably he can handle longer flights about as well as anyone can.
And then there's the usual crush to get off the plane, and the walk to the baggage claim, and then finally they've got their stuff, picked up their rental car, and Buck is driving them through a perfect tropical afternoon, all cloudless sky and sea breeze.
They're too early to check into their hotel, but they can at least park and leave their bags there while they venture out to find food. The time difference means it's a late lunch and not an early dinner, like Buck's body thinks it is, but they find a nice restaurant with outdoor seating and a view of the ocean where they can eat, and then Chris insists that they check out the beach.
"I think Hawaii's a hit," Eddie murmurs, leaning in close as Chris leads the way. His breath ghosts across Buck's skin, making him shiver. There's something about being here with Eddie that puts him on high alert, something about intentionality. It's one thing to live near someone, to work with them, to hang out with them after. Eddie got in a plane with his son and Buck and flew to a remote island so they could spend more time together.
Even knowing it was a lot, Buck hadn't quite realized how big it was going to feel. Like there isn't enough room for it in his chest.
"Looks like," he agrees, and judging from Eddie's expression, it's not his best smile.
"Can we go back to the hotel and get changed?" Chris asks, once he's surveyed the beach but not actually gone down the stairs into the sand. "We can check in now, right?"
Eddie verifies the time. "Yeah, we should be able to. Are you sure? You want to swim?"
"I want to wade," Chris corrects. "And get sandy. But not in these clothes."
"Fair enough. Buck?"
Buck's already got his phone out. "Hotel is five minutes away. Keep going down this street and then we're taking a left."
Eddie gets them checked in, verifying three times that the room has a cot, and, to the hotel's credit, it does. It's just that, well...
Buck has slept in a lot of places. It's not like the bunk room at the station is luxury accommodations. But those bunks are at least intended for adults, and this cot just…isn't. It could maybe support his weight--not that he's itching to test that, given how bad it would be if it didn't--but even if it could, he's not sure it can support his dimensions. Physically, he thinks at least three of his four limbs would have to be dangling off the edge at all times.
Chris would fit, but Chris is already ignoring the cot to go to the bed closest to the window. "This one's mine," he declares, in a tone that does not invite argument.
"Do you think I should…?" Buck asks Eddie, nodding to the cot, and Eddie shakes his head.
"No way. I don't want to have to pay extra if you break it."
In theory, Eddie and Chris could share. It's a queen-sized bed, which is bigger than what Chris has at home, and Eddie, like Buck, can sleep pretty much anywhere. But this is Chris's trip, and part of the point of Buck bunking with them was that he'd have the worst bedding. He doesn't want to force that on Chris. Or Eddie, but he'd feel way less bad about doing it to Eddie.
"They might not be sold out," Buck offers. "I could just get a room."
Eddie rolls his eyes. "You want the left side or the right side?"
Buck blinks. "Uh."
"I prefer right, but I'm fine either way."
"Eddie--"
"I'm going to get changed," Chris announces, having gotten his bag open and thrown half of his stuff over his bed already, like he's marking his territory extra hard.
Eddie crosses his arms. "No one's sleeping in that cot."
"I know. But I don't want to ruin your vacation."
"You won't. And it's your vacation too. And wherever you sleep, you're snoring the same amount, so just pick a side and stop worrying. We'll tell them they can have the cot back when we go down to the beach."
Buck opens his mouth to remind Eddie that he's bi, but, well, Eddie knows that. And maybe the last time they shared a bed, back in the pandemic, Buck didn't know that about himself, but it's not like he's a different person. And Eddie doesn't have to automatically feel weird about sharing a bed with Buck just because Buck likes guys now.
"Left works for me," he decides. "I'll put the cot in the hall so we don't trip over it."
Eddie watches him for a second, but apparently Buck is sufficiently convincing, because he goes to his own bag to start looking for a change of clothes. Only one of them can change in the bathroom at a time anyway, so Buck does grab the cot and take it out, and then he just rests his head against the wall for a second, breathing in and out, counting each repetition.
He's an adult. Eddie is an adult. This isn't weird, except it is, because this whole thing is still kind of weird, and he probably should have really dived into the weirdness with Maddie or Athena or someone, but he was too afraid he'd talk himself out of coming.
And even with the weirdness, there's nowhere else he'd rather be.
Eddie's in the bathroom when Buck gets back in, while Chris is applying sunscreen because even as a teenager, he's a good kid who was taught well. "You can share with me if you really have to," Chris tells him. "But you don't mind sharing with Dad, right?"
Buck shakes his head, feeling a little dazed. "I don't mind."
"The roll-in beds always suck. I hated them when I was little."
His mouth twitches in spite of himself. "Wow. Thanks for warning me."
"What were you going to do, not come?" Chris shoots back.
"I could have tried to convince your dad to pay twice as much for a suite," he says, like there's a universe where this argument would have worked.
"I tried that. I wanted my own room."
And just like that, Buck is against the suite again. "Come on, this is cool! Like a sleepover."
"Buck, I'm way too old for a sleepover with my dad."
That's the other thing that trips Buck up about his parental status. Chris never says Buck's his parent. And he doesn't need that from Chris, really, but he sort of wonders, sometimes what Chris thinks they are to each other. He just doesn't know how to ask.
"Too bad," says Eddie, coming out of the bathroom. "We're still having one."
Vacation Eddie, or at least beach Eddie, looks a lot like basketball Eddie, just a little classier. He's got light gray board shorts instead of basketball shorts, and he's wearing a black tanktop that makes his arms look amazing. And he looks lighter than he has in a while. Like maybe he's ready to stop asking Hen and Chim to tell him he's an asshole every single day.
"Your turn to get changed, Buck." He turns his attention to Chris. "Where's the sunscreen?"
Buck grabs his own board shorts--blue with silver palm trees, because he's on vacation--and a black t-shirt from Myrtle Beach and gets changed quickly. He thinks he looks pretty good, if he does say so himself, and, yeah, his arms look really good in black t-shirts that totally fit him. The sun will heat it up, but it's totally worth it.
Eddie eyes him up and down when he comes out, his eyes lingering on all the places Buck already thought he was looking his best, which is gratifying.
Then he tosses the sunscreen to Buck and it hits him in the chest because he's too busy being full of himself; sometimes karma really is instant.
Once they're all set, they head back to the beach. Buck knows that Eddie and Chris go to the beach plenty in LA, but, oddly enough, he doesn't usually go with them there. Maybe Eddie's still worried that Buck and Chris can't be trusted together too close to the ocean, or maybe it's just that they used to do that with Shannon, and it's still a little sacred.
Hawaii beaches seem fine, though. Even Buck isn't thinking of the tsunami that much as Chris makes his way down to the water. Instead, he's thinking about himself and Eddie, setting down towels, watching from a respectful distance so that Chris can be on his own, but they could both get to him in seconds if anything went wrong.
Maybe it's thinking of Eddie and Chris's beach trips with Shannon that makes him ask, "Are you still done with dating forever?"
Eddie leans forward, propping himself up on his knees to watch Chris. "Why?"
"Just curious, I guess."
"Chris told me he doesn't want me to stop," he admits. "After everything happened, I told him I was done, and he said I shouldn't be."
"We should really come up with a codename for that. Instead of just calling it, like, everything or the incident."
"You call it the incident?" Eddie asks. "That already sounds like a codename."
"Okay, then I'll keep calling it that. Anyway, Chris said you should date?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
He shrugs. "You're supposed to be honest with the people you date, right?"
"It's generally recommended. Especially for you."
"Yeah, that's the thing. I would need to tell them everything. But no one would go out with a guy who did what I did, right?"
Buck wants to argue the point, he really does. But he's thinking about it now. Eddie definitely couldn't keep it secret, but he doesn't think anyone would react well to being told that on the first date. And if someone did react well, it would actually be a huge red flag, come to think of it. How many dates could you wait for the I cheated on my girlfriend with a woman who looked like my dead wife and it ended with a literal car crash conversation before it counted as keeping it a secret?
"Yeah," says Eddie, his voice dry, because Buck has been quiet for way too long. "That's what I thought."
"I don't think it's impossible," Buck hedges.
"No?"
"Look, I'm not saying that's an easy or a fun conversation. But you're a great guy, Eddie. You're an amazing dad, and I really have no idea why you're so bad at dating, but…yeah. I think the right person would be able to look at all of you and decide you're worth the risk."
He's expecting a self-deprecating comment, some sarcasm maybe, but Eddie is looking out at the ocean, a wistful expression on his face. "You think?"
"I really do."
"I want that," Eddie admits. "I've been thinking about it a lot. I don't know if I can have it, but I want it."
"Yeah? Good."
"And, uh." He lets out a breath. "I think part of the problem might have been that I don't really…like women."
Buck frowns. "Like you're sexist?" He hasn't had the best track record with his girlfriends, but he's great with Hen and Athena and basically all women he's not dating.
Eddie snorts. "No, Buck, like I think I'm gay."
The roaring in Buck's ears is probably about half the actual sound of the ocean and half his own brain. It feels impossible. Eddie is straight. Buck knows Eddie is straight. Eddie is definitely straight.
But he also looks nervous, and a little embarrassed, and he was so great when Buck needed to have this conversation. Buck cannot f*ck this up.
"Yeah?" he manages.
"I think so, yeah."
"I guess you did some soul-searching after the incident, huh?"
"Yeah. A lot."
"Do you want to talk about it? I can kind of relate."
Eddie bites the corner of his mouth, and Buck finds himself holding his breath. Now that the shock has worn off, he's desperate to know more. How did Eddie figure it out? Why is he going with gay and not bi? Did he check out any other labels? How long has he known? Has he gone out with any guys? Has he actually tried kissing any?
Not that it's a requirement or anything, Buck just can't help wondering.
"I was thinking about something May told me. During, uh, the incident, when Chris was living with you. I told her I would have tried to be happy with Kim, and she said it shouldn't take effort to be happy in a relationship."
Buck thinks it over. "I guess not."
"You want to argue with May on that one?"
"Relationships take work. Everyone knows that. I think you have to put the effort in to make it a good relationship. But if it's good, the happiness should just kind of…happen. You know? That's not the part that takes work."
"Nevermind, I think you two are on the same page." He looks out over the water. "I knew what I was supposed to like about being with women. How it was supposed to be. But I don't think I ever felt it, except with Shannon. And even that, it was mostly…" He lets out a frustrated noise. "Shannon was all potential. I loved her for what I thought we could have had. That's why I couldn't stop with Kim. I was so sure it could still give me the life I thought I wanted."
"But she couldn't?"
"For a lot of reasons. I thought about it a lot, and I think I was maybe looking for the wrong thing."
"Thanks for telling me," says Buck. "Does Chris know?"
"Yeah, I told him a while back." The hurt must show on Buck's face, because Eddie winces. "I know, I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. It's a big thing."
"Yeah, and I'm supposed to tell you big things."
"Okay, so why didn't you?" he asks, keeping any accusation out of his voice. He really is curious, though.
"I didn't need you to talk me out of any bad decisions, for one thing. And honestly? I wasn't sure it mattered. Gay, straight, bi…I'm still not sure I'm ready to date again. So I figured I had some time to process on my own."
And now Buck feels like a dick again. "Yeah, of course. Sorry, I'm doing really badly with this, huh?"
Eddie laughs. "You're doing great, Buck."
"Hey, well, this is probably good for dating, right?"
"Smaller dating pool, people are less picky?"
Buck shoves him gently. "No. People are really forgiving about doing stupid stuff when you're figuring out your sexuality. I was, like, insane for a straight week and lied to you about being on a date with Tommy and he still went out with me for months."
"Because you're hot."
"So are you! That's my point."
"Maybe."
Buck nudges him. "I bet there are queer bars here. We could check one out one of the nights Carla has Chris."
"I might not be ready for that yet."
"Okay, well, you can think about it."
"What about you?" Eddie asks. "You haven't really dated since Tommy."
"Yeah, I don't know. I've been feeling kind of tired of dating, I guess. With Tommy, it was new, it was fun. I was figuring myself out. But now I know I'm bi and first dates feel…" He sighs. "I'm getting tired of meeting people, I guess. It's hard to get excited about having the same conversation about where I'm from and what I do and where they're from and what they do again. I'm not giving up," he adds. "I'm just waiting for someone I can't stop thinking about. I want that again."
"Not Tommy?"
"We broke up."
"People break up and get back together, Buck."
"Yeah. But I don't really think about him much anymore. Not like that."
Eddie looks like he wants to say something else, but Chris is coming back their way and Eddie rises to greet him instead. "Hey, are you done?"
"No, but the water is really nice. You two should come swim."
"If it's really nice," Eddie says, tugging off his tanktop and letting it drop onto the towel. Buck watches the broad stretch of his back and the play of muscle under his skin for a second before reminding himself--
Okay, well, he's not straight, but he's Eddie. He's still not for checking out.
"Come on, Buck!" Chris says, and Buck gets all of their stuff in a safe pile that won't blow away before he adds his shirt on top and follows Chris and Eddie into the water.
"What are we supposed to be doing tomorrow?" Chris asks.
"We aren't supposed to do anything," Buck says. "It's just a suggestion." The spreadsheet is less a schedule than just ideas organized by day, honestly. In case they can't come up with activities, he figured out two a day. As backup.
"Okay, what did you suggest for tomorrow?" Eddie asks. He's floating on his back a little farther out than Buck and Chris, and he looks totally at peace. Buck wishes he could take a picture.
"Tomorrow is Waikiki day," Buck says. "That's the neighborhood we're in. I thought we could explore in the morning and then go to the aquarium after lunch."
"We kind of explored today," says Chris. "I think I want to go surfing in the morning."
"Yeah?"
He nods. "I haven't done it in a while. It sounds really fun."
Buck glances at Eddie, but he's still just floating. Maybe it's Buck's imagination, or he's projecting, but he thinks that coming out probably helped. Eddie plays things closer to the chest than Buck does, doesn't feel the need to come barrelling out with his every thought all the time, and that can make things easier, but harder too.
And if Buck hadn't seen Eddie on that date with Tommy, and he hadn't had Tommy to kiss at his sister's wedding, he doesn't actually know what his coming out would have looked like. It probably is easier, when you have someone to come out about.
"Still aquarium in the afternoon?"
"Unless we're having a really good time surfing. Is that okay?"
The water is warm and perfect, the sun is shining, and Eddie looks like he's lost about twenty pounds of stress. Buck grins. "That sounds perfect, yeah."
*
They spend the rest of the afternoon swimming and lazing on the beach, which, no matter what Athena says, is definitely different from being at the beach in LA. Even if this is all Chris wants to do for the next ten days, it will be worth the price of the trip.
They grab dinner at a place on the water where everyone seems to also be dressed in swimsuits and partially covered in sand. Chris spends the meal on his phone, researching where he might want to surf the next day, but he gives running commentary on it, so Eddie doesn't seem inclined to enforce no-screens-at-meals rules. Maybe that's a non-vacation policy, or maybe he's enjoying Chris's enthusiasm as much as Buck is.
After dinner, they head back to the hotel. Chris claims first bathroom privileges, leaving Buck and Eddie to hover awkwardly in the room, trying not to touch too much so they won't get sand on anything. Buck is even more aware of the bed than he was this afternoon. On the one hand, Eddie is no longer a straight guy sharing a bed with his queer best friend; on the other, Buck's not actually sure that Eddie being gay makes the whole situation less awkward. Now it's just awkward in a totally new way.
"You can go next," he tells Eddie, when Chris gets out of the bathroom.
"Cool, thanks."
Chris flops down on his bed with his Switch. "Are you having a good vacation so far, Buck?"
"Yeah. I'm having a great time."
"You seem kind of weird."
He laughs. "Yeah, but I'm still having a great time. Part of having a great time for me is trying to make sure everything goes perfectly, so I have to be a little bit stressed too. Otherwise I won't have fun."
Chris pauses to digest this, but apparently gives up. "Okay, well. As long as you're having fun."
Eddie emerges from the bathroom looking soft around the edges in a way Buck rarely witnesses, all worn sweats and damp hair. Suddenly, the idea of crawling into bed with him is a little too appealing, and Buck grabs his stuff and heads into the bathroom half out of necessity and half as a defense mechanism.
He washes off the sand and salt in the shower and reminds himself that he likes sharing a bed and cuddling, and that it's not surprising he's kind of looking forward to it. Not that he'll cuddle with Eddie on purpose, but it happened roughly every other night when they were sharing during quarantine, and that was when they were in a king-sized bed. Buck is going to feel the heat of another human being in his sleep and drape himself over Eddie like a weighted blanket, and Eddie has to know that.
He brushes his teeth and tells himself it's fine.
When he leaves the bathroom, Eddie is by Chris's bed, carefully taking the Switch out of his hands and removing his glasses. It takes Buck a second to connect the dots, but apparently the combination of a very long, busy day and jet lag has Chris completely passed out already, with his video game still running.
"If you pick him up, I'll pull the covers back," Buck murmurs, and Eddie nods. They do it with the quick efficiency of getting a patient onto the board, Chris still asleep and none the wiser.
"Gotta be careful tomorrow," Eddie says, as soft as Buck. "Don't want him to overdo it."
"Maybe a little," says Buck. "Aren't you supposed to overdo it on vacation?"
"I thought you were supposed to relax."
"You're supposed to relax really, really hard."
Eddie laughs, then leans down to press a kiss to Chris's head. Buck could do it too, he realizes. Eddie wouldn't think it was weird. Chris wouldn't either, no more than he thinks Eddie's weird for still doing that even though he's officially a middle-school graduate now, which is practically grown up.
Eddie straightens and nods to the other bed--their bed--while Buck is still thinking about it. "I've got the right side?"
"Yeah," says Buck. "I was going to, uh. Read for a while?"
Eddie gives him a look like he's grown another head. "Yeah, me too."
"Okay, yeah. Cool."
He grabs his book and sits deliberately in one of the chairs that the hotel has provided, reminding himself that this is in no way suspicious. They have chairs to sit in them. That's why there are chairs.
"You aren't going to sleep there too, are you?" Eddie asks. He sounds unimpressed on a level Buck didn't know he could sound unimpressed.
"No."
Eddie sits down on the end of their bed, close enough to Buck's chair that their knees almost brush. "I'm sorry you're uncomfortable. I figured it was possible the cot wouldn't work for you, but I didn't think it would be a big deal either way. We've done this before."
It's really irrational, Buck realizes, to not just talk to Eddie about this stuff, because Eddie notices anyway, so all he's accomplishing is making Eddie ask him, instead of being an adult and just saying what he's feeling.
If Eddie's supposed to do that, Buck probably is too.
"It's different now, right?" he asks. "Things have changed."
Eddie considers him for a long moment. "I know you're going to be all over me. I don't care."
The words send a line of heat racing up Buck's spine. "You don't?"
"You're not the only person in the world who likes to cuddle."
Buck smiles. "Yeah, but…"
"I'll sleep on the floor if you want."
"No! If anyone's sleeping on the floor, I am."
"Or we can just share the bed." He does bump Buck's knee with his now. "If you're feeling weird, I get it, and I'm sorry. But if you're just worried about me, stop. I'm good."
It's the right thing to say, in that Buck was telling himself this was about Eddie, and now he has to actually think about himself.
"Okay, yeah," he says. "I'm overthinking this."
"Wow, really? I couldn't tell."
Somehow, that's what he needs. Buck gets out of the chair and into the bed instead, and opens his book in the most pointed way he can.
Eddie laughs and slides in next to him. It's not cramped or anything, not like there isn't plenty of room for both of them, but Buck does know that Eddie is there, unavoidably. "What are you reading?"
Buck shows him the cover. "Hawaiian history."
"Can you share fun facts now or do you need to save them?"
"You're going to hear them again when I tell Chris."
Eddie stretches, and Buck can feel exactly how he's moving, every inch. "I don't mind."
"Okay, well, this one is about Hawaii's last Queen."
*
Buck wakes up to Eddie trying to get out from under him. He's hard in the absent, undemanding way he usually is in the morning, where his dick will be happy to either get harder or stop, depending on what happens next.
He rolls off Eddie, because the moving is making his body think that harder is the right choice here and it definitely isn't.
"I don't know why I was trying not to wake you up, you need to wake up," Eddie remarks. "Chris is ready for breakfast and surfing. Sleep okay?"
"Yeah," says Buck. It's kind of an understatement; he slept like a rock. "You?"
"Great, yeah."
So it's fine. They go to breakfast, spend the morning with Chris surfing and Buck and Eddie sometimes surfing and sometimes supervising. They grab lunch and Chris decides that a morning of surfing is sufficient and they can go to the aquarium in the afternoon as planned.
"And then we can keep doing that!" says Chris.
"Doing what?" Eddie asks. "Going to the aquarium?"
"Beach in the morning, going somewhere in the afternoon. One of Buck's places."
"Hey, they're not just my places," Buck protests. "We all put stuff on the list."
"Dad didn't," Chris points out.
"That is true."
Eddie raises his beer in a semi-toast, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses. "I'm having a great time."
"We'll make your dad decide which of the places we actually go," says Buck. "If we're surfing every morning, we can't hit all of them."
"That's okay, right?" Chris asks. "You can go to some of them without me when Carla's here if you want."
"Before we even left, I told Athena I'd be happy if we just sat on the beach for ten days," says Buck. "As long as we relax in the sun, I'm good."
Chris nods. "And tomorrow, you two get to decide what we do."
Buck and Eddie exchange a look; Eddie asks, "We do, huh?"
"Yeah. It's Father's Day, so we'll do whatever sounds fun for you."
Buck is generally vaguely aware of Father's Day. He never really calls his dad for that, but he has plenty of awesome dads in his life, so he usually texts Chim and Bobby, and if he's not already hanging out with Eddie and Chris, he'll text him too. But with all the vacation stuff, he'd honestly forgotten it was coming up.
But Chris is clearly and unambiguously including him as an honoree here. Tomorrow is about Eddie and Buck.
"Uh, I was planning on the zoo tomorrow," he says, feeling like his mouth is made of cotton.
Eddie nods. "That sounds good to me. Whole day?"
"Maybe. I didn't want to schedule anything else, just to be safe."
"And Dad already got us reservations for dinner," says Chris.
Buck side-eyes Eddie. There are four dinner reservations on the calendar that Eddie had set up: one for tonight, one with Carla and her husband, and two for just him and Eddie, the nights Carla has Chris. Buck hadn't thought anything of it, but apparently Eddie was more than aware Chris wanted to do something for them and just hadn't mentioned it.
Except for all the times he's affirmed that Buck is a parent. But that's different.
"So, your idea or his?" Buck asks in low tones, as they leave the restaurant.
"His," says Eddie. "You think I remember when Father's Day is?"
"Yes? You're a father."
"I usually find out from you or Chris. Sometimes Carla. But Chris knew it was going to happen while we were on this trip, so he thought we should do something special. He's the one who found the restaurant, I just made the reservation."
It doesn't exactly bother Buck at the aquarium. But it sort of nags at him. Because the thing is, he and Eddie can be weird. It doesn't bother him, as a rule. And people assuming things about him and Eddie that aren't true hasn't bothered him either, because it was never offensive, that someone would think he and Eddie were together, that Chris was their son. He'd always told himself it was an easy assumption for strangers to make.
But the assumption keeps getting more and more accurate. Chris wants to celebrate both of them on Father's Day. After the indicident, Chris came to Buck until he was ready to go back to Eddie. Buck is bi and Eddie is gay and Buck woke up this morning curled around him and he kind of wanted to kiss his neck and he's pretty sure he keeps catching Eddie checking out his arms in this shirt.
And, well, if he wants someone he can't stop thinking about, Eddie is kind of it, right? He's been obsessing over Eddie for years. Pretty much everyone he knows has called him out on it at least once.
Is he just dating Eddie already? Has he been in a relationship for like five years and just didn't notice? Obviously, it doesn't actually work like that, but the only real reason he can come up with that he and Eddie aren't together is that they're…not. And they still kind of are.
Of course, Eddie notices that Buck is going through a silent crisis. At least, Buck assumes that's what's happening when he keeps shooting Buck concerned looks. What would it be like to have a poker face? Someday, he'd love to know.
"You can say no, if you want," Eddie says softly, while Chris is engrossed watching the seals.
"No?"
"To the whole Father's Day thing. I thought…" He sighs. "Honestly, I thought you'd be happy about it."
"I am!" Buck protests, too loud. Chris turns around, and Buck waves. "I am, really. But…"
"But?"
He cannot have this conversation at the aquarium. And he doesn't even know what the conversation is, not really. Are we dating and no one told me isn't really the right question.
"He's not going to start calling me dad, right?"
"I don't think so."
"Okay, cool. If he wanted to, he could, but I kind of like being his Buck. Is that weird?"
"No weirder than usual," Eddie teases, but his eyes are soft. "I think it makes sense. But there isn't a Buck day, so we're sharing Father's Day anyway."
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"If it was going to, it would have been when he said he wanted to live with you."
"That did bother you," Buck points out.
"What bothered me was that he didn't want to live with me. But if he'd said he wanted to go to my parents, or even to Pepa? I would have lost my mind. The only reason I got through that was that he was with you, and I knew you'd take care of him. I thought I was the only person he could count on like that, but I never wanted that for him. I'm not jealous that he loves you, I'm grateful."
Buck's throat goes tight. "Me too."
"Are you sure you're okay?" Eddie asks, shifting closer, letting their shoulders brush. Buck's skin prickles with awareness, pinpricks of heat all up and down his arm.
"Yeah. But…"
"But?"
He exhales. "We need to talk about this, right?"
"Probably, yeah."
The relief is instantaneous. He was so ready for Eddie to say there wasn't anything to talk about, that they'd said everything they needed to say.
"Not at the aquarium," Eddie adds, and Buck's laugh clears the last of his anxiety.
This is Eddie. They've gotten through worse conversations. They'll be fine.
"Yeah. But sometime soon."
"Yeah."
It's a pretty small aquarium and Buck definitely missed most of it because he was too deep in his own thoughts, but having conversations, as always, really does help. There's a cool native plant exhibit that he can appreciate a lot better now, and he and Chris find a present for Jee and try on a bunch of funny hats in the gift shop while Eddie refuses to participate and tells them they're going to get lice.
After dinner, they watch a movie in their room. Chris falls asleep halfway through again, but Buck and Eddie finish it off anyway, and it doesn't even feel that weird when he slides under the covers next to Eddie.
They'll figure it out.
*
Buck wakes up with Eddie spooning him, which is actually a first. Buck's always been the one who gets too close in the night, but this time, Eddie beat him to it. It's not his first time being in this position generally--Tommy liked being the big spoon--but it feels brand new anyway. Eddie's hand, draped over his stomach. Eddie's breath on his neck. And yeah, the unmistakable press of Eddie's dick against his lower back. It's just biology, nothing personal, but Buck has to remind himself that Chris is somewhere close and they have absolutely no privacy, because all he wants to do for a hot, stupid second is grind back against Eddie until he wakes up and ideally starts responding.
Okay, so. Best friend, check. Co-parent, check. Buck really wants to f*ck him, check. He never came up with a list of reasons he wasn't dating Eddie, but if he had, it would be rapidly running out of entries.
With supreme effort--seriously, he deserves a medal--Buck rolls out of bed. Eddie doesn't wake up, but rolls over into the warm spot Buck left, burying his face in Buck's pillow and--f*ck.
Buck has been in love. He knows he has. But it always happened in the right order. First with Abby, then Taylor, and he'd been on his way with Tommy. He'd met them, gone out on dates with them, gotten to know them as partners, and fallen in love. That's how it's supposed to go.
He's not supposed to blink down at the best friend he's ever had, whose mouth is open as he drools a little on Buck's pillow, and realize that he loves him. That he's in love with him, because of course he already knew he loved Eddie. That part isn't new.
But he wants him. Even knowing the stupid things he's done, all the baggage he's carrying, all the parts of him that might not ever fully heal.
Buck can be the guy who thinks he's worth the risk. Worth every risk.
The bathroom door opens, and Chris comes out, fully dressed and ready for the day. "Hey, Buck! I was fixing your card."
"In the bathroom?" Buck asks, tearing his attention away from Eddie without much difficulty. It's Chris, after all.
"I didn't want you to see."
He hands Buck a piece of paper, folded twice. He's come a long way with his artistic skills since the first card he made Buck, back when he was cleared for duty again after his leg got crushed, and his design sense has gotten more sophisticated too. Chris has carefully written you're super! on the front of the card, using different superhero logos or fonts to make each letter, and on the inside, he's added and my hero! Happy father's Buck's day, Buck!
Buck does not cry. Really. "This is really amazing."
"Dad said you like me calling you Buck. Not Dad or something."
"Yeah, I do."
"I like it too."
Eddie is still drooling and they have another hour to get down to the hotel's breakfast buffet, so Buck goes to sit on Chris's bed and gestures for Chris to join him. Once they're both seated, he says, "Do you need to talk about this?"
"About what? The card?"
Buck smiles, smoothing the paper on his thighs, unable to stop looking at it. He'd send a picture to Maddie, but she'd definitely have a lot of follow-up questions he's not ready to answer at this time.
He can show her later.
"Not the card. Just…your dad has been telling me I'm a part of the family for a while, but I had trouble believing it. So I never asked how you felt about it, or what you wanted from me."
"Felt about…you?" Chris asks, sounding confused. "I love you, you're Buck. I don't want anything from you. I want Dad to get a bigger house so you can move in."
Buck chuckles softly. "I don't know about that."
"You don't want to?"
"I think your dad and I have some stuff to talk about. Maybe me living with you is one of those things."
"Really?" he asks. He doesn't sound excited, though, more dubious.
"Maybe."
The thing that Buck had always had, at the back of his mind, was the certainty that Chris would get a real stepparent. Someone like Ana or Marisol, one of those nice women Eddie had no trouble finding a lot of trouble wanting to keep. And Buck had always been expecting to be pushed out when that happened. If he was honest, he'd been expecting it before. There was always a part of him waiting for the other shoe to drop with him and Eddie, for one of Eddie's girlfriends or his own partners to ask why they were so close.
But maybe even if Eddie doesn't feel the same way Buck does, they can keep being the way they are now. They can keep being a family, and anyone else Eddie dates can accept it as more baggage or not. But Buck's not planning on leaving without a unanimous vote from both Diazes. Eddie's hypothetical boyfriend can deal with it.
"Okay, should we wake up your dad?" he asks Chris.
"Yeah. I've got a card for him too. But you're not getting them next year."
"No?"
"I'm getting too old to draw cards, Buck," he says, like this is an obvious and objective fact. "But I thought you two needed them this year."
Buck has to laugh. "You know, I think we probably did. Thank you."
"It was a bad year," Chris says. "I think next year will be better."
"I hope so, yeah." He kisses the top of Chris's head, the way Eddie sometimes does. "I'm going to get changed. Wake your dad up, I want to go to the zoo."
In the bathroom, Buck washs his face and stares at himself in the mirror for a second. Carla is coming in a couple days. She'll take Chris, and Buck can have a private conversation with Eddie about how he's recently come to realize that he wants to stick his tongue down Eddie's throat.
Okay, maybe a slightly more romantic version of that conversation. But he's still hoping it'll end with his tongue down Eddie's throat.
Buck pulls on his shorts and a t-shirt he bought in Montana, brushes his teeth just to make sure that Chris and Eddie have enough time to themselves.
Still, though, when he opens the door, he's immediately confronted with the sight of Eddie with his arm around Christopher and his own card in his lap, and it's a good reminder that, yeah, he's in love. And it's really not as new a feeling as it should be.
"Can I see your card?" he asks, and Eddie hands it over. It has a drawing of Darth Vader saying I am not your father on the front and, on the inside, says, I'm so glad you're my dad, not him. Happy father's day, Dad!!
They have a really great kid.
Buck and Chris get the cards tucked away in one of Buck's books for safekeeping while Eddie gets changed, and then they're off for the day. Buck really is excited for the zoo, which at least makes for a good distraction from all his nervous energy, but he's maybe a little more manic than he'd really like.
"They also can't fully retract their claws like other cats can," he tells Eddie and Chris, as they watch the cheetahs. "That's part of why they're such good runners. Like how soccer players wear cleats. It helps with grip."
"You're on your fifth cheetah fun fact," Eddie points out. "Is something up or are you just in a real big cat mood?"
Ideally, Buck would stop with the cheetah trivia at this point, but unfortunately… "Cheetahs aren't actually big cats."
Eddie frowns, but it's Chris who says, "I can see it, it's a big cat."
"Okay, yeah. They are big and they're cats. But they can't roar. There are five big cats in the genus Panthera, and those are true big cats. Cheetahs are kind of honorary members because, like you said, we can see what they look like. But they're different from lions and tigers."
"None of this is really helping your case, Buck," says Eddie.
"They're really interesting! They have really low--"
Eddie puts his hand over Buck's mouth. "Chris, maybe we go onto the next animal?"
"I wanted to see them run!"
Eddie eyes Buck, who has very clearly demonstrated that he is the cheetah expert here, and then carefully removes his hand.
"Generic diversity," Buck finishes. "I don't think they're going to run here, Chris. They really just do it when they're chasing something. But hey, I think they have a special program at the zoo in San Diego where you can see that. Maybe we could do that sometime."
Chris takes one more look at the cheetahs, just to make sure there will be no running, and then starts toward the next enclosure. Eddie lets him get a head start, holding onto Buck's arm so he won't follow. Buck definitely doesn't think about kissing him.
"Was the card okay?" Eddie asks, his voice low.
"Yeah, yeah. It was amazing. I teared up. It's probably going on my fridge."
"Okay, good. No issues with Father's Day?"
"Nope."
"Okay, cool."
And then he just stops talking. No follow-up questions, no more concern, like he turned off a switch in his brain.
"That's it?" Buck asks.
"Yeah."
"You're just letting this go?"
"We're at the zoo, Buck. With Chris. Whatever it is, I figure you'll tell me when you're ready and we're somewhere we can talk about it, right?"
"Yeah," says Buck, still waiting for a trap.
"And you're okay, right?"
"Definitely."
"Okay, so go tell Chris about reptiles."
The zoo is definitely incredibly cool, but it's not that big, and even moving at Chris's speed and taking time for all the fun facts Buck can dish out, they're done with everything they want to see by early afternoon. Buck buys a stuffed cheetah for Jee, since Eddie points it out, and a t-shirt for himself, since he hasn't gotten one yet, and then Chris wants one, and then it only seems right that Eddie gets one too, whether he wants one or not. He's looking at souvenir mugs by that point anyway, so Buck figures it can be a surprise. He'll probably just sneak it into Eddie's suitcase and let him find it later.
"Okay, Dad gets to pick what we do until dinner," Chris declares as they head back to the rental car.
"Yeah?" Eddie asks. "Why's that?"
"Because still you haven't picked anything."
"He's right," says Buck. "You're leaving all the hard work up to us."
"And don't just try to pick where we want to go. What do you want to do?"
Eddie leans back in the passenger seat, closing his eyes. Buck genuinely believes that his favorite thing is just seeing Chris and Buck enjoy themselves, but Chris is right too. Eddie should get to pick somewhere.
"Pearl Harbor and Ford Island," Eddie finally says. "It's got all the memorial stuff and some battleships you can tour."
The way he says it, he's clearly expecting this to not be a popular choice. Which doesn't make sense, because Buck isn't a particular World War II buff, but he likes history, generally. And Chris…
"Can I go on the battleship?" Chris asks.
Even if Eddie mentioned this desire to go to Pearl Harbor to no one, he clearly did his research. "They have elevators to get down. I think if we tell the staff what we need when we get there, it should be okay."
"Okay," says Buck, getting the car started and putting the address into the GPS. "Pearl Harbor, here we come."
*
Once they're there, Buck does kind of get why Eddie was hesitant. It's not that it's a bad place to visit, but it's a little out-of-step with the vacation they've had up until this point. It's interesting, really interesting, and Chris is really into visiting the battleship especially, but it's not exactly tropical vacation stuff.
"Anything else you're holding back on because you think we won't like it?" Buck asks, bumping his shoulder against Eddie's as they get off the boat.
"I didn't know if we'd have time."
"We would have made time, if you wanted to come."
"To be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to. Not that this is much like Afghanistan, but it's complicated."
Buck doesn't exactly get it, but he can try. If there was a museum dedicated to kids who died from childhood illnesses, he'd probably sort of want to go, but he'd struggle to say he wanted to go. To put it on a list of fun vacation activities.
"But you're glad we're here?"
"Yeah, I'm glad."
"Cool. You didn't give me a chance to look up anything about Pearl Harbor. Want to hear more about cheetahs?"
For a second, as Eddie looks at him, Buck swears he's thinking about kissing him too. Like Eddie might actually not be able to resist planting one on him next to a battleship museum.
But then he laughs. "You know what, yeah. Hit me."
*
Maddie calls the next morning when they're getting packed up to go surfing. Buck assumes she's on her lunch break, given the time difference, and he picks up with a smile. "Hey, Mads."
"Hi! Sorry, I was hoping to catch you before you went out to do cool Hawaii stuff."
"You did. What's up? Everything okay?"
"Yeah! I just wanted to see how your trip was going."
Eddie mouths, "Good?" and Buck nods.
"Uh, yeah, one sec." He covers the speaker on his phone. "She's just checking in. Go ahead, I'll catch up."
"You sure?"
"Yeah! I know where you're going. Have fun, see you soon."
Chris gives him a fist bump and Eddie just waves, and then the door closes and Buck collapses onto the bed. It's not that he needs to be alone so much as he needs to not be worried about what Eddie is seeing when he looks at him for a second.
"Okay, yeah, hi. I'm having fun!"
"Oh good. Honestly, I was expecting a lot more pictures. Like, constant pictures."
"'Maybe I'm having too much fun to take pictures."
"Hmm, maybe. How many pictures have you taken?"
"I'm not counting."
He has sent some pictures, obviously. It's just that most of his pictures are of Chris or Eddie or Chris and Eddie, and even before he noticed he was in love with Eddie, they all seemed too intimate. He couldn't just have just sent them to Maddie without getting follow-up questions. Chris had gotten some passersby to take pictures of all three of them at the zoo yesterday, and Buck already has one set as his phone background but also knows that if anyone else sees it, they will immediately see right through him.
"But they're just for you."
He lets out a long breath. "Pretend to be surprised. I'm in love with Eddie."
"Wow, I never wondered about that for a single second. Totally left field."
Buck laughs. "You starred in The Sound of Music senior year of high school. I know you're better at acting than that."
"I got to rehearse in high school. Although, honestly, I probably should have been rehearsing this too."
"Anyway, I don't think you want all the thirsty pictures I took of Eddie on the beach."
"Not all of them, but I wouldn't mind a couple."
"Too bad, they're mine."
She laughs, and it's really nice, talking to her. To someone. "Okay, so, what are you going to do? Have you talked to him?"
"Carla is coming the day after tomorrow. So, probably the day after that. She's going to hang out with Chris."
Another laugh, this one a little incredulous. "Wow."
"What?"
"He's straight, right? I mean, he thinks he's straight."
"What do you mean he thinks?" Buck asks, because he's not going to out Eddie to his sister.
"I mean that you thought you were straight until pretty recently. He's allowed to change his mind. Or…figure out something new about himself," she corrects. "If there's something to figure out."
Buck wishes they were having this conversation in person so he could hug her, but it's probably good she didn't actually get to see the face journey he went on when she said Eddie was straight. But she'd done some reading when he first came out, trying to figure out how best to support him, and he loves that she remembers.
"Yeah," he says, as a filler. "It doesn't really matter. I can't not tell him."
"No?"
"No way. How long do you think I could keep a secret like that? I'm way better off telling him before one of us nearly dies at work and I do something stupid and kiss him."
"Wow, you had that scenario all ready, huh?"
"I'm not perfect, but I try to be self-aware."
"Okay, Mr. Self-Awareness. What about Christopher?"
"What about him?"
"You know how important you are to him. You don't think it might be hard on him if something happened with you and Eddie?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I know. But I figure…we've made it through some really bad stuff. Me screwing up, Eddie screwing up, even Chris screwing up. On a much smaller scale than me and Eddie, obviously."
"Obviously."
"Eddie and I have both nearly died. And it hasn't always been easy. But you know, even when he was…" He bites his lip. "The stuff he said to me after what happened with Kim sucked. I can't remember the last time anyone hurt me like that. Even Mom and Dad can't hurt me like that. Maybe you could."
"I wouldn't," she says, her voice soft, and he doesn't think she would on purpose, probably doesn't think she could. But he knows better than most people how f*cked up things can get in extreme circ*mstances.
He lies anyway. "I know." He clears his throat. "But even then, when I was so mad and so hurt, I never thought we were done, you know? I never thought we couldn't fix it. And Chris didn't either. And I just think…if we can make it through all that and still be a family, we can make it through Eddie not feeling the same way about me. Or us trying and breaking up."
Maddie snorts. "Please, Evan. If he likes you back, you are going to marry that boy."
His neck flushes with heat as he laughs. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here, okay? No one's getting married."
"I know. So, you're having a good time but also having a crisis about being in love with Eddie, and that's why I'm not getting thirsty pictures."
"Yes," says Buck. "Yeah, that's pretty much exactly it."
"And you don't want to wait until you're not sharing a hotel room with him to tell him how you feel? Just in case."
It's kind of tempting to tell her that they're actually sharing a bed, but he doesn't really want to talk about that part. If he has to find another room, he will. He can sleep in the car if he has to.
"I really can't wait."
"No, you probably can't." She sighs. "Okay, I should actually eat my lunch on my lunch break. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
"I'm great. Thanks for calling. I will send you one thirsty picture of Eddie."
"Thank you. And let me know how it goes. Even if it's just, like, a thumbs up or thumbs down text."
"I will. Have a good day at work while I go relax on the beach."
"I will. Love you."
"Love you too."
He sends her the promised thirsty picture--Eddie, propped up on his elbows on a towel, half-turned to smirk at Buck as he asks how many pictures Buck needs of this--and then one of Chris at the aquarium and one of the three of them from the zoo.
Maddie: You guys look really happy
Me: Yeah, we are
*
All the activity catches up with Chris after lunch. The kid has been pushing himself, and even with evening downtime, Buck can't say he's surprised that Chris is tired and short-tempered and frustrated with his inability to just keep doing whatever he wants.
"You know me and Buck have been doing way less than you, right?" Eddie points out, his tone less gentle than Buck was expecting. He raises an eyebrow and Eddie shrugs one shoulder, looking at Chris's scowl.
Right, he doesn't want to be coddled. He wants to be treated like everyone else.
"Yeah, we've been sitting on the beach every morning," Buck adds, keeping his voice normal and even. "You're surfing and then doing stuff all afternoon."
"I want to surf and do stuff all afternoon."
"Okay, well, you did one of those," Eddie says. "And now you're not sure about doing the second one. We could get you a wheelchair from the hotel if you want, or we can skip the palace today and hang out by the pool and work on our tans. I'm fine either way. Buck?"
"We haven't even been in the pool yet."
"Yeah, because we have the ocean," says Chris.
"Hey, they're both good."
Chris pokes his straw into his drink somewhat viciously. "What if I stayed in the room and you two went to the palace? I can be alone in a hotel room."
Buck and Eddie exchange another look, and Buck takes it. "You probably could, but why would we want to go without you? You're the one who wants to ditch us to hang out with Carla. I would love to spend this whole trip with you."
"And you know I'm just going to the palace because Buck wants to," Eddie says.
Buck fake-glares at him. "You said it sounded cool!"
"It did. But if you didn't want to go, I would absolutely be poolside with a drink. Maybe even two drinks. With umbrellas."
"Ooh yeah, I have not had a single drink with an umbrella yet!" says Buck. "It's been days. It's like we're not even on vacation."
"We're not going to get to do everything," Chris mutters.
"Chris, we haven't done everything in LA," says Eddie. "We were never going to do everything. But we'll get to do a lot more if we take it easy when we need to so we won't burn out. This is supposed to be relaxing! That's the whole point of vacation."
Chris mulls this over. "Can I play my Switch by the pool?"
"Sure," says Eddie.
"Hey, I'll bring mine down too. We can do multiplayer if you want. Save the world while your dad double-fists pink drinks with co*cktail umbrellas."
"God," says Eddie, with real feeling. "That sounds amazing. Let's do that."
Chris thinks it over. "Do you think they'll put an umbrella in my drink too?"
"Absolutely," says Buck. "As many as you want."
*
The afternoon by the pool is so nice that they do another the next day, and then they're back to surfing in the morning and excursion in the afternoon. Carla texts when she and Howard board the plane and when they land, then again when they get to the hotel. Eddie already made reservations for all five of them for dinner, and Chris insists on going home early so they can dress up for it.
"Yeah, so that's your fanciest t-shirt that doesn't fit," Eddie tells Buck, and Buck throws a sock at him.
"I brought four button-downs, thanks. I wore one for Father's Day."
"Four?"
"You made four dinner reservations."
Eddie looks down at his hands, smiling. "I guess I did."
Buck hasn't really interacted with Howard much, doesn't consider him a friend like Carla, but he's a nice guy and he seems to make her happy. Chris knows him a little better, thanks to occasional visits to Carla's house, and he takes over the conversation, filling Carla and Howard in on everything he's done and letting Carla know what he has planned for the two of them the next day.
"Are you tagging along for that?" Buck asks Howard. "Or do you have other plans?"
"There is a golf course calling my name," Howard says. "I can't wait. How about the two of you? I know you'll be lonely without Christopher."
"Uh, haven't actually figured that out yet," says Buck, which is mostly true. He and Eddie have no concrete plans apart from their dinner reservations, and Eddie is still working under the assumption that they'll see what they're in the mood for.
Buck is planning to confess early so they can have some space away from each other if they need to. And if they don't, well, they'll have plenty of options for what to do with the day.
"Maybe the art museum," Eddie puts in. "Buck likes them, Chris doesn't."
"Or we just sit by the pool all day. Eddie likes co*cktails with umbrellas and sleeping."
"Hard to go wrong with that," says Howard, laughing. "Might have to have a day by the pool myself while we're here."
"Highly recommended," says Eddie.
"Oh, and Buck loved the card!" Chris tells Carla, tugging Buck's attention back to the other side of the table.
"I did," says Buck, grinning at her. "You help out with that?"
"I had to look up so many superhero fonts, you would not believe."
"Well, your efforts are appreciated. I'm just deciding if I'm putting it on the fridge or getting it framed," he says, and Chris glows with pride.
After dinner, she takes his arm as they're leaving, lagging behind everyone else. "You seem happy."
"You seem surprised," he teases. "I am happy."
"Sometimes we don't notice. Just in case you haven't, I thought maybe you should think about what's making you happy."
He watches Eddie, laughing at something Chris said, ahead of them. "I know what's making me happy, don't worry."
"Good. Because some people," she nods at Eddie, "can be a little slower on the uptake."
"Yeah, I'm working on it. Thanks for taking Chris tomorrow, by the way."
"Happy to help. And you can just let me know if dinner goes late."
Somehow, he thinks he doesn't blush. "Yeah, we'll keep you posted."
*
Buck wakes up alone for the first time since they go to Hawaii, which he tries not to think of as any kind of portent or anything. He yawns and stretches, looking around to see Chris's bed empty and no sign of either him or Eddie. Buck doesn't really think they got raptured or something, but it's still a little alarming.
Then the door opens and Eddie comes in with two coffees and a paper bag held under his chin.
"Oh, hey, you're up," he says. "I brought breakfast."
"Why?"
"Because Chris was really excited he was going to spend today with Carla and woke me up early. And he said he wanted a break from hotel breakfast, so we found a coffee shop. I figured at least one of us could sleep in."
"What time is it?"
"Seven-forty-eight. You can sleep more if you want."
"No, I'm good. You already dropped Chris off with Carla?"
"Yeah, she was up so we brought her breakfast and he stayed to eat with her. We are officially on our own for the next fourteen hours. Give or take."
Buck accepts the coffee and takes a sip, trying to get his heart rate under control. He'd thought he'd have a little more time to prepare himself, some amount of waking up and getting dressed and breakfast before he and Eddie were alone.
"You have any ideas for what to do today?" Eddie asks. He's taken a seat on Chris's bed and he's getting stuff out of the bag. He offers Buck a foil-wrapped bundle and Buck accepts and opens it to find a breakfast sandwich: egg, bacon, and cheese on croissant. His favorite.
He clears his throat. "Uh, yeah, a couple. You?"
"Some, yeah. I figured you'd be disappointed if I said I just wanted to do what you want."
"That works a lot better with Christopher."
Eddie looks up, deliberately catching Buck's eye. "What, I'm not allowed to just want to make you happy too?"
Buck's entire chest lurches. It's not like Eddie's never said anything like that before; it's practically his specialty. But he was straight before, and Buck was straight before, and they had girlfriends or denial or whatever else. But today, Buck woke up and instinctively rolled over looking for the heat of Eddie's body next to his, and he doesn't know how to not know what that's like. He doesn't know how to stop wanting it.
"We need to talk," he says.
Eddie sips his coffee. "Now?"
"Yeah, now. Eddie, I--"
"Tonight was supposed to be a date," Eddie says, like he can't stand the idea that Buck might beat him to the confession. "My whole plan for today was to get up the nerve to tell you that, but I figured if I didn't then you'd figure it out once we got to the restaurant. It's really not a casual friends kind of place."
Buck knows he must look ridiculous as his mouth keeps moving, trying to get words out. Eddie is still smiling at him, his eyes still soft, and he doesn't seem worried.
Which he shouldn't be, obviously. Buck's going to say yes.
"You made those reservations like a month and a half ago," he finally manages.
"Yeah."
"You've been sitting on this for a month and a half?"
"I've been sitting on it since the incident, Buck."
"How do you do that?" he asks. "It's been like four days for me and I barely made it this long."
Eddie laughs. "Yeah, that must have been really hard for you. Four whole days, huh?"
Buck puts his coffee on the bedside table, stands, takes Eddie's coffee and puts it aside too, and then hauls Eddie up to kiss him.
He's still laughing a little as their mouths meet, but it doesn't last long. Once he catches up with what's happening, the laughter dies in this throat. His hands come to Buck's sides, curling in the fabric of his t-shirt, and his mouth opens under Buck's, so eager for it, so ready.
He's been waiting for months.
Buck is pushing him back without thinking about it, not even fully aware until Eddie turns them around, starts pulling them the other direction. Buck pulls away to frown, and Eddie flashes him a smile.
"I don't mind if you want to get me on a bed, but it's not going to be Chris's bed."
Buck laughs and kisses him again, quick. "Okay, yeah. Do we need to have more of a conversation about this?"
"Uh, eventually? Yes. Right now? Absolutely not."
He finishes backing himself to the bed and sits down, pulling a very willing Buck after him. They're kissing again now, more urgent, and Eddie's hands have slid under his shirt, setting his bare skin on fire with every touch.
"Yeah, okay," says Buck, pushing him flat and crowding on top of him. "Later."
"A lot later," Eddie agrees, and the fire alarm goes off.
*
"Did we really not write down fire?" Buck asks. "Like, I put down asteroid strike, but not fire?" It's at least not a bad fire, pretty contained on another floor with nothing they can do to help, but still.
Eddie pats his shoulder. "You can take this as evidence your list worked, if you want."
"But you won't."
"Yeah, I'm sure if you hadn't written it down, an asteroid would have hit us."
Buck bumps his hip against Eddie's and Eddie bumps him back, and Buck's pretty sure he's still grinning.
"So, since the incident?" he asks, since they have some time. "That long?"
"Yeah. Honestly not the best time to realize something like that. A few months earlier and I could have saved everyone a lot of trouble."
"Yeah, uh, I think if we were dating and you cheated on me with a Shannon clone, we probably couldn't come back from that. So I'm kind of glad you waited."
Eddie shakes his head. "It wouldn't have happened like that with you."
"No?"
"Uh, don't get me wrong, it would have f*cked me up. But…I think I could have talked to you. I would have told you before I did anything that stupid. I'm like ninety-percent sure."
"Okay, well, I like those odds, so if you ever figure out time travel, you can try that out."
Eddie laughs. "So, four days?"
"That one's kind of your fault. All you had to do was come out. If you'd done it earlier, I would have admitted I was in love with you earlier. You're the one who had this whole…scheme."
"Chris told me I had to tell you by the end of the trip," Eddie says.
Buck's mouth goes dry. "Chris knows?"
"Yeah. After the whole, uh, incident, I told him I'd talk to him before I went out with anyone else. So a few months ago, I told him I was gay and I was interested in someone."
"Me."
"I didn't actually tell him that. I told him I liked guys and he said, oh, so you want to date Buck."
"Smart kid. And he's…okay with it?"
"Well, he got mad because he gave me the vacation deadline and I decided I wasn't going to tell you until we were on vacation. I think he was hoping I'd do it sooner."
"But you didn't."
Eddie shifts a little. "Don't get me wrong, I wanted to. But…I f*cked up pretty bad, Buck. And I wanted to tell myself it would be different with you, but I didn't actually know. I wanted to be sure."
"And now you're about ninety percent sure?"
"If I'd waited for a hundred, it was never going to happen."
"And you weren't worried I was going to say no?"
"Oh, yeah, terrified. But I figured you'd let me down easy, and you wouldn't be hom*ophobic about it. And you were kind of checking me out the last couple days. That helped too."
Buck still winces. "I'm sorry I wasn't better when you came out. I hadn't realized that you being straight was a load-bearing belief for me."
"Load bearing?"
"I never realized how often I thought stuff we did was normal because we were straight. Or, uh, didn't mean anything, I guess? I sort of no-hom*o'd our entire relationship, and even after I figured out I was bi, I was like, okay well I like guys, but Eddie still doesn't."
"So, that's why it would always take twenty-four hours after I came out to you before you wanted to jump me?"
"Not just jump you," Buck corrects.
Before Eddie can reply, Buck hears Howard calling, "Buck! Eddie!" and then, "I found them!"
They spot him, and then Carla and Chris behind him. Everyone but Buck is dressed for the day in actual clothes, but at least he hadn't let Eddie get his shirt off yet. They don't actually look like they were about to hook up, even if they were.
"I thought you two might be trying to volunteer to help out," Carla says.
"Thought about it," says Buck. "But it looked like they had it under control. The fire wasn't anywhere near us, how about you?"
Chris shakes his head. "Two floors down. Did you like breakfast, Buck?"
"Yeah, thanks for getting it for me."
"He's fishing," Eddie says. "I talked to him. We're going to try dating."
"Really?" He grins at Buck. "I wasn't sure you'd take him."
"Thanks again for the vote of confidence, bud," says Eddie dryly.
Buck pats his arm absently, his focus still on Chris. "So I guess that means you're okay with this."
"Yeah. Dad and I already talked about it."
"Yeah, but I didn't talk to you about it. I probably should have checked in to make sure you were cool with me dating your dad too."
"I am if you are," says Chris.
"Cool. So, what are you and Carla doing today?"
"Probably not having as much fun as the two of you," says Carla, and Eddie ducks his head, laughing. Carla probably knew, Buck realizes; there's no way Chris actually kept this completely to himself for months. They've probably been gossiping about him.
But they're also really happy for him. Hard to be upset about that.
The local firefighters finish up and Buck resists the urge to go and ask them for more information about what happened and how much damage there was. Obviously he wants to talk shop, but they've probably got other things to do.
And Buck also has things to do.
They take the elevator up with Chris, Carla, and Howard, who get off first. Carla says she'll bring Chris back at 9:30 unless she hears otherwise, and Buck and Eddie assure her that 9:30 should be good.
"Oh, that reminds me," he says, after the doors have closed. "I gotta text Maddie."
"Yeah?"
Buck just texts the thumbs up, as they agreed. Maddie hearts it almost immediately. "I told her I was going to talk to you. I didn't tell her you were gay, though, so I think she was worried about that."
"Okay, well, you can tell her that I'm gay if you want. She's not going to tell Chim, is she?"
"Uh, probably not? I'll tell her not to. But we should probably figure that out too."
Eddie gets the door open and Buck grabs the do-not-disturb sign and hangs it on the knob. It feels a little optimistic, mostly because the mood kind of got broken between the fire alarm and the waiting outside in his pajamas, and he actually is hungry now, too. But the mood could still come back.
"Is it okay if I actually eat that sandwich?" he asks Eddie, gesturing to his nightstand.
"Yeah."
He sits back down on the bed and Eddie sits on Chris's again, and they drink coffee and eat their sandwiches in one of the more awkward silences of their friendship. Buck doesn't actually think their romance is over after less than an hour of existing, but the interruption sort of reminded him that Eddie is his best friend, and this is new. And maybe Eddie doesn't actually want to spend the whole day making out and fooling around. Maybe he came up with some stuff he wants to do outside of the hotel room.
"So, uh," he finally says, once he thinks he can actually feel the silence. "Dinner at seven, right?"
"Yeah."
"What do you want to do until then?"
"You," says Eddie, with absolutely no hesitation.
Buck grins, the relief spreading through every inch of his body. "Yeah, that works."
*
They don't actually spend the entire day in the hotel room. For one thing, even though Chris isn't actually there, it's still a little bit weird hooking up in a room they're sharing with their kid. Buck's first solution is to hook up in the shower for easy cleanup, which works in the sense that they manage to jerk each other off and make out a lot, but there's not really enough room for both of them and the angle is off and Eddie is apparently paranoid about shower sex, so it's not really ideal.
"If we get condoms the cleanup is easy," Eddie points out. "And then we throw them away outside of the room and there's no evidence. Right?"
Buck frowns. "Are we bringing used condoms downstairs in our pockets? Like, I love you, I want to have sex with you, but I don't know if I love you that much."
"We could put them in a bag first," Eddie says. "It doesn't have to be in our pockets."
"So, we go buy condoms, the condoms come in a bag, and then we put the used condoms back in the bag so we can throw them away somewhere not in this room."
"Exactly." He glances at Buck. "I love you too."
Buck blinks. "What?"
"You said you loved me, but I didn't say it back. So, just so we're clear, I love you too."
"Oh," says Buck, and then they're kissing again, and Buck makes the executive decision that he's really good at swallowing and they definitely won't make a mess, which Eddie goes along with presumably because he really wants Buck to suck his dick.
Then they go get condoms, and get off a few more times, but by around one they're actually pretty f*cked out, and Eddie says, "You want to get something to eat and go hiking?" and Buck says, "Yeah, that sounds good."
They do check the room very carefully for any trace of bodily fluids, and bring the condoms down to throw away in a trash can outside of the hotel, and Buck sort of can't stop touching Eddie the whole time, but Eddie doesn't seem to mind.
"He's going to want you to move in," Eddie says over lunch. "Chris."
"Him or you?"
"I know you hate my bed."
"I think I'll like it better with you in it. But yeah, I think if we're moving in together, we might think about a new mattress. Maybe even a new place. Not that yours isn't nice, but two incomes. We could get somewhere bigger. Maybe even have a guest room."
"So, now that you don't need to stay in the guest room anymore, you want me to have one."
"Maybe we'll have visitors someday."
Eddie regards him. "You really aren't worried."
"About what?"
"My sister Sophia said I had, and I quote, the worst romantic history she had ever heard of, including that king who beheaded all those women."
"That seems a little harsh."
"Yeah, she actually looked him up and decided I could be second worst."
Buck taps his glass of seltzer. "I guess I figure there are two things I can look at. First is your dating history, which, yeah. There are some red flags."
Eddie snorts, and Buck waves his hand.
"But you've been my best friend for like seven years, Eddie. I know how you treat me."
"Better than my ex-girlfriends. Which is also a red flag."
"I think that's a green flag for me. Or maybe yellow. Treating the exes badly, red flag. Treating me well, green flag!"
"If you mix red and green you get brown, so brown flag."
"Exactly," says Buck, although he's basically lost his point.
"I guess that's better than red flag."
"Are you worried?" Buck asks. "Do you think you're going to mess up?"
"No. Which has me worried I should be worried."
"And that never ends."
"If I was moving too fast with Marisol, then what am I doing already thinking about when you move in?"
"Eddie, I don't think anyone could ever tell us we're moving too fast. It's been six years. I've already lived in your house twice. And you've lived in mine twice. Not always together."
"Hadn't thought of it like that," he admits. "I guess there's still a part of me that thinks Marisol or Kim is going to pop out of nowhere and remind you I'm an asshole and no one should date me."
"Usually when I have stress dreams about Taylor, she wrote another book about me." He reaches across the table to squeeze Eddie's hand. "You f*cked up. I know you f*cked up. It doesn't have to define the rest of your life."
"Okay. I'll try to wait to freak out about it again for at least another week."
Buck grins. "That's all I ask."
*
Buck is honest enough with himself to admit that if Eddie hadn't come out to him first, he probably would not have realized their dinner was supposed to be a date, even though it's so clearly at a date restaurant. Eddie's heterosexuality really did so much heavy lifting in his brain.
But they're already together, so it's a different kind of weird. The sex was great, if a little complicated, and the hiking was fun, but Buck always sucks on first dates, and the date being with Eddie doesn't actually help that much. Eating alone with Eddie in a fancy restaurant makes him feel like he's stepped into an alternate universe because he and Eddie don't do this. The closest they've ever come to getting dressed up and going out was the poker game, and then there was a purpose and other people and it wasn't a date.
Well, okay, in retrospect, it might have kind of been a date. But neither of them knew, so it doesn't count.
"I feel like I should be asking you what you do for a living and where you're from," he admits, after they've put in their order.
"I'm a firefighter from El Paso," Eddie says, with a wink. But then he sobers. "This isn't us, right?"
"It's not! Don't get me wrong, it's really romantic and I like the gesture? It definitely gets the point across. But this feels, like--"
"Too much."
"Maybe for an anniversary or something."
"I know you like romance," Eddie says. "You plan stuff like this. I wanted to do it right."
"Like I said, I like the gesture. And I get it. But maybe we just go out to a bar or something next time. Maybe us dating is a lot like us being friends, just with…"
"Sex?"
"I think I like small romance," Buck says, playing with the stem of his wine glass. "Like you knowing my breakfast order. Waking up with you. Making dinner and doing dishes and…"
"Yeah, I get it," Eddie says. "That's the stuff I miss too."
Buck's mouth twists. "Right, you've had that." He had it a little with Abby, on scattered days with Ali and Tommy, and he'd wanted it with Taylor, but Taylor wasn't that kind of person.
Eddie looks down. "I didn't, not really. Probably not any more than you had it. Shannon and I had some really good days, and the longer she was gone, the more those were all I remembered. Which doesn't even make sense," he adds, with a self-deprecating snort that twists Buck's heart. "I had myself convinced we'd be together and happy if she was alive, like one of the last things she did wasn't tell me she wanted a divorce."
"Okay, great. That was really awkward. Way more how I expect a first date to go," Buck teases, and he gets the laugh he wanted.
"I just meant I get it," says Eddie. "And I shouldn't have said the sh*t I said before, when…during the incident. I didn't have what I wanted either. But I want that too. With you."
"Well, that's kind of most of what we do," Buck says, trying a smile. He's not hurt, exactly, just aware of where Eddie hit him before, aware of the things he's wanted that he's never had.
But Eddie's offering that. Has been giving him that for a while, really.
"Yeah. So, maybe no more fancy restaurants until we have something to celebrate? Not just for a normal date."
"Yeah!" Buck says, his heart soaring at the idea of a normal date. The kind of date he and Eddie are going to have all the time, because they're together now. The kind of date where one of them cooks and Chris is with them sometimes and other times not, and whoever didn't cook will do dishes, and then they can just watch a movie or play video games or read together on the couch, and Buck won't be worrying about being some slightly different version of himself that's the ideal boyfriend, because Eddie already knows him and he couldn't fool him anyway. Eddie would just roll his eyes and tell him to stop being weird, and Buck would really believe that was what he wanted.
It won't always be perfect. But it's always going to be worth working to keep.
Eddie is nodding, although he's probably not thinking what Buck is thinking. "Okay, so, we'll have dinner and go back to the hotel and then I won't take you out anywhere with mood lighting for at least six months."
"Yeah, that sounds awesome. But…honestly, I really can't wait to go home."
Eddie frowns. "We already ordered so we probably shouldn't leave, but we can eat fast and skip dessert."
"No, I mean I can't wait to get back to LA. Not that Hawaii isn't cool, but, I don't know. I'm excited to get back to my real life with you."
From the way Eddie ducks his head, Buck is pretty sure he knows exactly what Buck is saying. But what he says is, "Yeah, this is about when I thought you'd be starting to get withdrawal from work."
Buck kicks him lightly under the table. "We saw a fire today, Eddie! And all we could do was watch."
"Yeah, it's so hard to not run into a burning building."
"See, you say that like you're being sarcastic, but I know you wanted to."
"I did," Eddie admits. "And I'm looking forward to going home too. I'm running out of ways to lie on the beach and relax."
"Maybe we'll get better at this," Buck muses. "If Chris wants to keep taking trips. We'll figure it out eventually."
"That would be nice."
"Athena told me she was nervous about that. Being with Bobby when they didn't have jobs to do."
"I don't think that's going to be a problem for us."
Buck tilts his head, frowning. "Why not?"
"Because, unlike Bobby and Athena, we have the same schedule. I already spent half my free time with you. And we've been here for five days spending all our time together and I'm still in love with you. So, yeah. I think we'll be fine."
And, really, it's hard to argue with that.
*
Maddie calls again when they're on their way back from breakfast the next day.
"I thought I was going to get more than a thumbs up!"
"Well, that was what you asked for, so…"
She laughs. "I can't believe you."
"I got distracted. There was a fire." He does not mention that the fire was before he texted her. It's not that important.
"Wait, seriously?"
"Yeah. Not a bad one. And we didn't even try to help."
"Wow, love is already changing you."
"It was close. You haven't told anyone, right?"
"I told Jee, but I think she might have thought you were already married, so I'm not worried about that. Are you really not telling anyone else until you get back?"
"You think we should do it over text?"
"Well, I remember how you came out, so I thought telling them about Eddie over text would actually be an improvement."
"Hey, it got the point across!" says Buck.
"At my wedding."
"It was after the ceremony, that barely counts. I'll talk to Eddie about it. Hey, guys, say hi to Maddie," he adds, holding his phone out in Eddie and Chris's general direction.
"Hi, Maddie!" says Chris, with a lot more enthusiasm than Eddie's, "Hey, Maddie."
"Tell Eddie he needs to work on sucking up to me. I'm his future sister-in-law."
"I will definitely pass that along. Do you think I should just send a picture to the group chat? That's a good way to tell people, right? Or should I ask Bobby what we need to do for HR and let him do the rest?"
"I don't know what you should do, but definitely don't do that second one. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing, you know. You could just send a text like, hey, me and Eddie are dating."
"I don't know, that sounds really boring."
She huffs. "Fine. Just tell them okay? I want to talk to my husband about this. We have gossiping to do. Notes to compare."
"That's not really making me want to do it sooner, Mads. And I have surfing to do. But I'll think about it."
"Okay. Give my love to Chris."
"Not Eddie?"
"He's on notice."
Buck snorts. "Okay. Tell Jee I love her and she's getting way too many presents."
Eddie leans in. "He's going to have to buy another suitcase to bring them home. I tried to stop him."
"Bye!" says Buck, and hangs up before Maddie can reply. "She says you should suck up to her more."
"I'll think about it. What are you doing with the group chat?"
"Telling them about us. It might be less awkward than doing it in person."
"Maybe," Eddie grants. "But I bet someone's making money on this and I want to know who."
"It's gotta be Hen, right?"
"Maybe not just Hen."
They get their towels laid down so they can watch Chris surf. Buck takes a few pictures, and then a couple of Eddie, but even he can't bring himself to send Eddie beach pictures to his work group chat. Buck has crossed plenty of professional lines, but he has some discretion.
"Here, sit up," he says. Eddie blinks, but doesn't object, and Buck says, "Okay, take a few pictures," and kisses him on the cheek.
It's admittedly very staged. Buck isn't much of a natural cheek-kisser. But he doesn't think he should be sending pictures of him and Eddie making out, and this will probably be cute. It'll be a nice picture to have.
"Okay, I got like five," says Eddie, lowering his arm. "You want to send that to the team?"
Buck accepts the phone. "Just if there's a good one."
Of course, in his very impartial opinion, they're all really good. Yeah, Buck's face is more than a little ridiculous, but Eddie is half-laughing and the sun is shining and they both look like they're having an absolutely amazing vacation.
He finds the one with his least ridiculous face and shows it to Eddie. "What do you think?"
"What are you going to say about it?"
"You don't think it speaks for itself?"
Even behind his sunglasses, Eddie is clearly rolling his eyes. "Send it to me first, I'll do the announcement. I don't trust you."
"Oh, whoops, too late, I sent it to the group chat by accident!"
Eddie fumbles his own phone out, sees the message notification which is, of course, just to him. "Yeah, okay, you got me."
"I know." He stretches out on his back in the sand, soaking up the sun. "Have fun responding to everyone. That's your job now."
Eddie sends, Hen, how much are you making on this? along with the picture, and then he silences his phone.
"They'll figure it out, right?"
Buck sees one response--Hen, saying SO MUCH--and then turns off his own notifications.
"Yeah, they don't need us for this."
*
The rest of the vacation is nice. It really is. They go snorkeling and visit cool places and Chris finds some shirts with the bi flag on them that he's so excited to show to Buck that Buck nearly cries, and they swim and surf a lot and cancel their second fancy dinner reservation to go to a place with really cheap tacos and margaritas instead. It's fun, and it's really relaxing, and there are no more fires, and by the day they're leaving, Buck is so beyond ready to be home.
"I mean, that's good, right?" he asks Eddie as they pack. He's wearing the bi shirt, which Eddie convinced him to get a size larger than usual, mostly because they'd been making out while Chris was with Carla and Eddie fisted his hand in the back of one of Buck's old t-shirts and actually did rip it open at the seam. Which was hot once, but going forward, he's thinking he should maybe have a little more breathing room in any clothes Eddie is likely to grab onto.
So, like, all of them.
Eddie shoots him a look. "Is it?"
"We can't be on vacation forever. So it's good that I don't want to be and I'm ready to go home."
"Yeah, about that. Where am I taking you?"
Buck frowns. "To the airport?"
"When we get home. Are you going back to the loft, or am I bringing you to our place?"
There's no pressure in the question that Buck can sense, no big test or hidden agenda. Eddie looks kind of curious, but not overly concerned. At the same time, he's asking now, before they've even checked out of their hotel room, while Chris is in the shower, possibly so he won't hear the answer.
"Yours, obviously," he says.
Eddie's mouth twitches. "Obviously."
"I'll have to go back to the loft eventually. But I've got a suitcase with plenty of clothes--"
"You can't keep wearing tiny t-shirts, Buck. Your regular stuff is bad enough, I'm not going to survive much more of these."
"That's really not making me want to get other shirts."
Eddie throws one of the many stuffed animals they bought for Jee at him and Buck catches it one-handed and crams it into a free spot in his bag.
"Anyway, I don't need anything right now and we still have another day before we're on shift. Why wouldn't I come home with you?"
"So if we were working tomorrow…?
"I'd probably still go with you!" Buck says, laughing. "Stop fishing for compliments, Diaz. I like you enough that I'm planning to sleep in your uncomfortable bed every night, you owe me for that."
Eddie's hands still. "Every night?"
"Almost. I still don't have a great place for Chris at mine, so unless he's somewhere else, I think we're at your place. But when he has sleepovers, I'm definitely making you come to my bed."
"Yeah, that's probably fair." He zips up his suitcase and leans on it, watching Buck. "So, we're just done with not sharing a bed, huh?"
"Sorry, did you want me to go home?" Buck teases. "I can go home. Just say the word and--"
Eddie kisses him, and they're still kissing when Chris gets out of the bathroom and tells them, in a tone he definitely learned from Eddie, that they aren't allowed to kiss each other until they're done packing. Which Buck has to admit is a pretty good rule.
Chris waits until they're back in LA and navigating their way back to the parking lot before he asks, "You're coming home with us, right, Buck?"
And it's so obvious, when he puts it like that. There's only one answer.
"Yeah, bud. Always."
