A Woman's Touch (Original Version) - 2Write_1More (2024)

Chapter 1: Beginnings

Chapter Text

Walking into the 118, Buck sighed contentedly. She always loved coming to work, she always felt at home and safe here, despite the dangers of her job. It is probably because she had never really had a home growing up, not a proper one at least.

Buck, born Evalyn Rose Buckley, was born to parents who never really wanted children, they only had them to boost their image. So, when they had Maddie her parents assumed that they were done, and when Buck turned up nine years later you could imagine her parent's shock. Due to their parent's complete disinterest in either of their children, Buck was pretty much raised by her sister, in fact, the only time that her parents paid her any attention was either when they wanted her to do something for them to impress their friends, or when her father was yelling and hitting her.

When Maddie left to go to college when Buck was nine, the abuse by her father got worse, and her mother stopped paying attention to her altogether. So, she worked hard to graduate high school a year early. And the day of her graduation, while her parents were on vacation, Buck, with Maddie's help, ran away from home.

The first thing that Buck did was join the military, and after much persuasion, joined the Navy SEALs. Buck surprised everyone, she sailed through BUDs with flying colours, and for three years served as an active member of the SEALs. But after a mission in Afghanistan went wrong, Buck decided that she no longer could be the emotionless robot that they wanted her to be and refused to reenlist for another tour. So, at twenty years old, Buck was alone and without a job.

So, Buck hit the road, travelling the length and breadth of the country, even spending some time in Peru. She ended up working odd jobs, tending bar, construction, ranch hand, even working as a pole dancer for a bit, and spending six months working on yachts in the Caribbean. Eventually, Buck found herself in Los Angeles and decided to try out to become a firefighter. Which is how she ended up here at the 118, with her pseudo-family.

Buck loved being a firefighter, the job gave her the same sense of family and camaraderie that being in the military gave her, but it was a less intense job. That is not to say that the job was not intense, for there were moments in the job when it feels like the world is ending, and no matter what they do they cannot seem to save anyone. On the flip side, there were moments that were really funny, like the woman who was trapped inside the goodwill donation bin or rescuing yet another child from an arcade claw machine.

Today though. Well, today Buck was having one of those bad days, the kind of day where everything was going wrong. Firstly, she was twenty minutes late for work due to a pileup on the freeway, and when she got there Bobby chewed her out without even letting her apologize or explain. Then they had a morning of back-to-back calls, not even having a chance to eat breakfast. There were stupid dumb calls, calls that frustrated them, and then there were the calls that you would remember, even if you didn't want to. Like the young boy who had slipped and fallen into his pool, whacking his head on the diving board on the way down, knocking him out. So, by the time that the 118 had got there, he was not breathing and didn't have a pulse. It took Buck, Hen, and Chim several tense minutes to bring him back, but there was still no knowing how long he had been without oxygen, and whether or not he had any brain damage, and by the time that they got him to the hospital it was still unsure if there was going to be any lasting damage.

Then there was the jumper. A woman who was high on drugs had climbed to the top of an industrial crane and was sat on the railing at the edge. Bobby had climbed up to see if he could talk her down, but there was no reasoning with her. As he got closer to her she jumped. So, by the time that they had all reconvened back at the station, everyone was tired and emotional.

So, the 118 did what they always do on days like this, anything that they could to take their minds off what had happened. When they got back everyone was either doing their chores, trying to get a nap in, working out in the gym, or playing cards. Bobby had disappeared off to his church for a little bit, before returning to make everyone lunch. Hen and Chim were sat in the lounge area, watching 'Die Hard', and Buck had somehow managed to curl up her six-foot frame into the armchair like a cat, and was busy messaging someone.

Hen and Chim were trying to watch but kept throwing glances at Buck every single time her phone chimed. "Who's got your attention, Buckaroo?" Hen asked after the fiftieth time her phone went off.

"Some guy I met on that dating site for firefighters and cops. You know,." Sighing loudly, Buck threw her phone on the table and unfurled herself. "This guy is an adrenalin junkie and an amateur MMA fighter. So, our version of foreplay is telling each other many tales of our adventures and crazy stunts. With a touch of embellishment on the side."

Hen and Chim gave each other a funny look which Buck noticed. "What? The uniform is a major turn-on."

"Just tell me you are being safe, Buckaroo." Asked Hen.

"I promise. Both in and out of the bedroom." Buck smirked and Chim and Hen both grimaced causing Buck to laugh. "You asked." She chortled as she headed over to the kitchen to help lay the table. But before she could even put one plate down the alarm started blaring and everyone dropped what they were doing and rushed off to the next rescue of the day.

On the way, dispatch filled them in on what they were expected to be walking in to, and when they heard that there was a report of a baby crying in the walls Buck's stomach dropped. She had responded to a few cases involving infants and young children, but they were mainly medicals with the occasional accident thrown in. But the thought of a baby being trapped inside the walls of a building made Buck feel sick. All Buck could think about was her stillborn son, Dylan, and how she was not prepared to see another dead baby again.

When they arrived at the building, Buck quickly quashed down that feeling and put her game face on. "Where are we headed?" Buck asked.

"Call came from an apartment on the fourth floor."

Buck almost sprinted up the stairs. "I'll race you."

"Ah, race yourself, Rambo. I'm fifty years old, I'm taking the elevator."

Pausing, Buck stared at Bobby as he entered the building. "Who's Rambo?" She asked loudly as she jogged to catch up with the others.

Up in the apartment Buck, Hen, and Chim were gathered in the lounge of the man who had called 911, while Bobby was in the bathroom trying to hear the baby cry. Hen and Chim were doing their best not to laugh at Buck, who was stood to the side looking uncomfortable under the gaze of the man who had called them. "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a super-hot, blonde, Wonder Woman?" He asked, practically drooling over her.

Hen and Chim snorted with laughter, as this was becoming a common occurrence to them, and Bobby re-entered the lounge. "I don't hear anything."

"Look, I'm telling you, I heard a baby crying. Someone flushed a baby down the toilet." Hen rolled her eyes so hard that you could almost hear it and picked up a bong that was on the shelf next to her and Spicoli quickly defended himself. "Oh, I'm not high." And everyone raised their eyebrows at him. "Okay, I-I'm pretty high, but it's a sativa. You know? It makes you happy, not hallucinate."

Even though there was no evidence of a baby in the plumbing, Buck still had a niggling feeling in her gut that this was exactly what they were being told it was. Even Chim mentioning the more likely option of it being a rat or a cat couldn't dampen her fears. So, when they all heard what sounded like a muffled cry of a baby coming from the bathroom, Buck's heart stopped, and she was filled with sadness, fear, and anger. And for a moment all she could think about was the baby that she so desperately wanted but could not have.

Joining the others in the bathroom, Buck watched as Bobby used a stethoscope to see if he could hear where the baby was, and after a moment or two, he drew a massive X on the wall and stood back. "Alright, we need to open up this wall."

Chim still was unable to get his head around the fact that there was a baby in the plumbing and was still trying to make excuses as to what it could be, even though that had all heard the baby cry. "No, no. We're being punked. It's a tape recorder, right Spicoli?"

"Mm-mm. Maybe Cap's right. Maybe a woman gives birth on the toilet and flushes it." Pointed out Hen.

"Okay, first of all, that's awful." Exclaimed Chim, with Buck standing there in the background looking a little pale at the thought, nodding in agreement over Chim's outburst. "And secondly. Do you not know how a toilet works? There's this piece of serpentine pipe that takes the waste from the toilet to...”

Bobby put his hand up and stopped Chim mid-rant. "If this is a premature baby, its bones could bend and compress like sponges. Okay? We need to go in there."

Not being able to stand there and leave a new-born in the pipe much longer, Buck grabbed the sledgehammer and raised it. "Stand back." She warned. "I got this!"

But before she could even approach the wall to swing the hammer the others all stopped her. "Hey, hey, hey! Did you even stop to consider that you might hit a baby?" Buck paused looking horrified with herself. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Go get the saw."

Dropping the sledgehammer Buck ran towards the door. "Okay. I'm, uh, I'm gonna..." She stammered out as she ran out of the room.

Chim who was annoyed by Buck's impulsiveness just yelled after her. "Try to find some common sense while you're down there."

Buck returned quickly with the saw, and Bobby made quick work with cutting the wall open, while Hen ran off to stop the other residents from flushing their toilets and drowning the baby. Once Buck had ripped open the last of the wall with her bare hands, they cut the pipe off and when they peered in they saw the baby. Buck wanted to cry or punch the wall. Some woman flushed her baby down the toilet like it was nothing, Buck wanted nothing more than to get her hands on the person who did this and make them pay.

"Get the head out, Bobby. Get the head out." Ordered Chim, as he peered at the baby.

Bobby tried to push the baby out, but it wasn't moving. "Buck, get the defibrillator."

"What?"

"Not the whole thing, Buck. Just the lube."

"Oh." Scrabbling around, Buck grabbed the lube and chucked it over to Bobby, who squeezed some into the bottom, around the feet and body, before passing it to Chim who squirted it around the head.

Gently, Bobby pushed on the baby's feet, and slowly, inch by inch, the baby was eased out of the pipe. At the same time, Hen reappeared and when she saw the baby sliding out of the pipe. "Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow."

"This is going to be a scoop and run Hen. Get the ambulance ready." Commanded Bobby, and Hen ran off, to get ready to go the moment the baby was ready to transport.

Eventually, the baby was out of the pipe, and she was not breathing. Bobby and Chim started CPR, while Buck stood there, her heart shattering to pieces at the sight of another dead baby. And as she looked at the tiny, premature baby all Buck could see was her son.

"Buck, get the pump." Yelled Bobby, and she ran to grab it from the kit. "Come on, Buck. Come on."

"I'm coming." She called out, tripping over one of the bags in her rush to get back to the baby.

Carefully Buck put the tip of the pump into her tiny mouth and tried to suction whatever was inside, but it wasn't working. Buck started panicking internally but Bobby took over and carefully slipped his finger inside the little girl's mouth and scooped out any gunk that was inside. "There you go. There you go." He muttered.

After another minute, the baby let out a tiny whimper and everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief. "There we go. There we go." Cooed Chim as he carefully wrapped the baby up. "Hey, you alright? Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are."

Bobby carefully took the baby from Chim and he, along with Buck headed for the elevator. But when they got there it was no longer waiting for them. Buck started to panic again; she knew that the baby could stop breathing at any moment. She knew that she would be the best choice to save the baby. "Cap, give her to me. Come on I can get down the stairs twice as fast as any of you." Bobby looked unsure about leaving a premature baby in the hands of his youngest recruit, but Buck could see his resolve waning. "Cap. Trust me. Please."

Bobby placed the baby in Buck's arms. "Alright, you go. Quickly." And she did, as fast as she could, dodging through the people who were coming out of their apartments to see what all of the commotion was.

Running out of the building, Buck ran into the waiting ambulance, where Hen already had the engine running. Diving in, Buck was about to close the doors and yell at Hen to go when Athena's voice came yelling through the crowd. "Hold on, wait a minute." Looking up Buck saw Athena running towards the ambulance, with a man carrying a teenager, whom Buck assumed was his daughter. "Hold up. Hold up. I've got another one coming in."

Buck instantly knew that this was the baby's mother, and white-hot anger surged through Buck. And for one fleeting moment, Buck considered closing the door and telling Hen to drive, making her wait for another ambulance. But then she remembered that she vowed never to kill anyone again, unless it was her sister's husband, after she left the SEALs. And by getting Hen to leave now she would probably be sentencing this girl to death. Despite all of that, when Athena called for Buck to help, she made no move to help them out.

As Bobby ran out of the building he saw the girl's father struggling to get her into the ambulance and helped her in and climbed in after them. Setting off, Buck barely glanced at the girl on the gurney, instead devoting her full attention to the baby in her arms. In the back of her mind, Buck vowed to make the girl pay if this baby died. Suddenly the monitors that had been attached to the baby started blaring. "O2's down to fifty-nine. She's got no pulse." Called out Buck as she started compressions on the baby.

The girl on the gurney paled when she heard that and looked at Bobby in a complete panic. "I'm so sorry. Is she going to die?" She sobbed.

"Come here, give me your hand," Bobby said gently as he carefully took her hand and brought it to her daughters. As he did anger flared up inside Buck again, and she wanted to snatch away the baby from her hand. But she knew that Bobby would completely lay into her if she did.

Buck had managed to bring the baby back by the time that they got to the hospital and when the two of them were wheeled inside Buck remained outside with Hen. "What's wrong? You were suspiciously quiet that entire ride."

"I was just focused on the baby."

"Really? And what about that mom?"

"What about her?"

Hen didn't get a chance to answer as Bobby returned from helping to get the mom and her baby into the hospital. "Well, we have done all that we can do. Good job today, so far everyone."

"Cap, what will happen to that baby. Are they going to be sending her back to her mom?" Buck asked concerned.

"I don't know, Buck. That is between DCFS and the mom, but probably. Yeah."

"Perfect." She spat out as she turned on her heels. "Just perfect."

As Buck started to walk away, Athena pulled into the ambulance bay, right next to the ambulance. Jumping out of her car, she slammed the door and stormed over to Buck. "Hey!" She yelled, causing Buck to stop in her tracks. "You do not get to choose who lives and who dies."

Screwing up her face in anger, Buck turned to face Athena, who was looking just as angry as Buck felt. "Really? 'Cause, that's kind of funny, that was once my exact job."

"That mother was no less of a child than her baby! You're gonna get someone killed."

"Well, maybe once I would have, but not anymore." Buck bit back before storming off to the truck, slamming the door behind her, leaving Athena, Hen and Bobby all staring at her slack jawed.

When they had gotten back to the station Buck's shift was over. She knew that Bobby would want to talk about what had just transpired, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Quickly getting changed, Buck practically sprinted to her jeep, anger still coursing through her veins, and she messages the guy from the dating site, asking him to meet her at a 24-hour MMA gym with the promise that if he is willing to spar with her she would have sex with him later, and he quickly agreed. And after many rounds, both in the ring and in the bedroom, Buck went to sleep a little happier and more relaxed than she was when she had left work, but still thinking about that baby and what would happen to her now.

The next morning, when Buck arrived at work, she was given a warning by Bobby for her actions that day before, with the threat that if she ever did something like that again then she would be fired, not that she expected anything less, and then was cornered by Hen in the locker room who wanted to know if Buck was okay after the previous day, as well as where the bruises on her side came from. Buck skirted around the topic of her emotions of the previous day, not willing to open that can of worms again, and instead reassured Hen that her bruises were from an evening sparring at the gym.

Things seemed to be going back to normal when they were called out to reports of a woman who was being strangled by a snake. When they reached the house and they saw the place filled with snakes. There was a collective, "Wow," and "Oh, my God." From everyone. Well, all apart from Chim who was terrified. Buck was amused to find out that he was scared of snakes because of some 80's move that he had watched when he was a kid. But the main focus was on a red-headed woman who was being strangled by her ten-foot albino python.

No matter what Bobby tried he could not break the hold that this snake had on its owner. Hen had suggested sedating it, but they quickly shut that down as it would take too long. Bobby was now suggesting that they kill the snake, and Hen was still trying to talk him out of it. Eventually, seeing the woman really start to struggle for breath, Buck just took control of the situation and picked up the chisel/pickaxe tool that she often carried and swung it, slicing off the snakes head in one fell swoop.

The moment the snakes head detached from its body, Hen yelled at Buck, Chim almost threw up and Bobby was just relieved that it was over. When Chim had finally stopped gagging and surveyed the scene he smiled at what he saw. "Guys, I am totally gonna take credit for this with Tatiana. It's gonna get me laid for a week. Thank you." And after a bit of flirting between Buck and the snake lady, as Buck removed the dead snake from around her neck, it was time to go.

Once they were back at the station Buck was roped into helping Hen restock the ambulance, and Buck had the sinking feeling that it was by design. The two of them worked in silence, but it wasn't the usual comfortable silence of two friends, but rather an awkward silence caused by Hen wanting to say something but not knowing what, and Buck waiting for Hen to say something. Eventually, Buck got sick of the quiet and decided to make the first move.

"Hen, I know that you want to say something, so just say it. I won't be offended."

"Buck... I..." Hen spluttered out, still not really knowing how to broach the subject, but knowing that she needed to find out why her friend was still hurting after yesterday's call. "Buck, I know that something is wrong after yesterday. I just want to help you, and I promise that anything that you tell me will stay between the two of us. But why were you so angry yesterday?"

Buck's eyes flicked up towards Hen's and narrowed. Sighing loudly, she put the box that she was holding down and clenched her fists, digging her nails into her hand. "Why were none of you angry over the fact that that girl flushed her baby down the toilet. That baby almost died, could still die."

"I know, and personally I hope that that baby is given to a family who wants, and will love her, but that is no reason to almost kill that mother."

"I would never have killed her." Buck looked down at her hands, tears starting to well up in her eyes. She desperately tried to blink them back, but they started to fall. "Look, I have some issues with parents who hurt and abandon their children. Some stemming from my own childhood, and others stemming from the baby that I lost when I was twenty-four."

"You had a baby?" Hen was shocked to hear this. She never expected Buck to be someone who would want a baby at 24. "What-What happened?"

"The pregnancy wasn't planned, but from the moment that I worked out that I was pregnant, I knew that I was going to keep the baby. I was living in Oregon at the time and things were going well. I had gotten myself a fairly decent job and a decent place to live."

"And the baby's father?"

"Not sure who he was. He was one of my many one night stands that week. But when I was twenty-nine weeks pregnant something was wrong. The baby wasn't moving as much as he normally was. I tried all of the tricks to get him to move, a glass of icy cold water, wiggle the bump around, that kind of stuff. Anyway, by the time that I got seen by my OB, the baby had stopped moving completely, and when she did an ultrasound she could no longer find a heartbeat." Buck completely broke down and started sobbing hysterically.

Hen sat there; her mouth wide open not knowing how to comfort her friend. But she now understood why Buck was angry yesterday. "I think that I understand now. You were angry that she had flushed her baby away. Not even giving the baby a chance, or even considering giving her to another family who would love and adore her." Hen reached over and pulled Buck into a huge hug, engulfing her friend in all the warmth and love that she could muster. "I cannot imagine what you went through. I cannot imagine what mine and Karen’s lives would be like without Denny. If you ever want to talk about it I am here for you, we are all here for you. You just have to let us in."

Sniffling Buck nodded. Not trusting herself to speak without breaking down again. She and Hen sat there for a few minutes in silence before Buck got the courage to speak again. "This is the first time that I have told anyone about my son. I just buried all of that pain and hurt deep down inside of me and just never spoke about it. I know that what I did yesterday was wrong, and I just hope that I can make up for it."

"Listen, it is understandable. You don't go through what you went through and not be affected by it." Hen and Buck sat there in silence again. Except this time, it was more of a comfortable silence. "Buck."

"Yeah?"

"What was your son's name?"

"Dylan. I called him Dylan."

Buck and Hen hugged again, and a fresh wave of tears appeared when the alarm started blaring. Hopping out of the back of the ambulance, Buck jogged over to grab her turnout gear when Bobby stopped her. "Buck, I can see that you are upset. Why don't you stay here for this call? Be the man behind."

"Okay." She nodded, watching forlornly as the ladder truck and the ambulance disappeared.

Over an hour had passed, and Buck knew that it would be a while before the team would be back as they were attending a pileup, so Buck was mopping the floor and checking over the equipment in the fire truck that had not been needed at the scene, when her radio crackled to life. "Buckley. Firefighter Buckley, come in."

"Hey Cap. What's up?"

"Buck, we need you to attend a scene. You need to take the fire truck and head to the address that Hen is texting you."

"Umm, okay? Why?"

"Just go. All will be explained when you get there."

Hopping into the cab, Buck headed for the rendezvous point. When she got there she saw Athena waiting for her, and when Athena saw her she rolled her eyes in frustration. "They sent you, huh?"

"Yeah. I was the man behind."

Athena rolled her eyes and started explaining what the plan was that she and Abby had come up with. Buck thought that it was crazy, but then again she always did like a little bit of crazy. When she was done she looked at Buck with a serious look in her eye. "Alright. No heroics. Don't go chasing waterfalls."

Buck looked at her confused. "I have no idea what that means."

Athena smiled at herself as she realised that compared to the others, Buck really was just a child. "Nobody thought you would." And with that, Buck headed off to help locate the house that Lily was calling from.

Driving carefully down the street, Buck turned on the lights and sirens and drove slowly as to not miss the house when Athena's voice crackled over the radio. "That's it. You just passed her, Supergirl."

Pulling up Buck looked in her mirrors to see what she could see when she glanced at the bike. "Oh, yeah, I see the pink bike." Keeping an eagle eye on the front of the house, making sure that the bad guys weren't coming out of the front, Buck was shocked to see a car pull up in the driveway. Swearing under her breath, she leapt out of the truck and jogged over to where a woman was getting out of the car. "Hey, Emma. Emma, Emma Coughlin?"

"Yeah?"

"You, uh, you can't go in there right now," Buck said frantically, grabbing her arm and dragging her away from the house.

"Um, why? Is there a fire?" Came Emma's panicked voice, clearly worried about her daughter.

"No, no. No, ma'am, no fire. Just come."

"Well, what...?"

"Just get behind the truck, okay? Come on." Urged Buck as she led her away to safety.

Once Emma was safely away from the danger inside of the house, Buck explained what the situation was, why she was here and how they planned to save her daughter. Climbing back into the fire truck, Buck and Emma listened over the phone and the radio to what was going on inside the house.

They listened as Abby talked to Petey and persuaded him to let the girl go and walk out of the back of the house. They listened as they realised that it was a trap, and they could hear Lily's screams as she was grabbed by Petey.

Abby, back at dispatch, was only getting half of the picture. She could hear everything that was going on, with being connected to Lily and the attackers, Athena, and Buck, but she couldn't physically see what was going on. When everything went quiet apart from lily's screams she was frantically trying to find out what was going on. "Firefighter Buckley, what's going on there?"

"I don't know," answered Buck, right before she saw Petey leave through the front with Lily.

"Stop it! Please!" Begged Lily. "Help!"

The moment that Emma saw Lily she screamed for her. "Lily!"

"Oh, crap." Muttered Buck down the phone. Leaving Abby wondering what in the hell was going on.

"Help me!" Screamed Lily, right before she bit Petey, causing him to let her go and yell out in pain, and drop her before running off.

Emma ran over to Lily. Who in turn ran over to her mom. When they reached each other Emma engulfed her daughter into the biggest hug that Buck had ever seen. "Mom!" Cried out Lily in absolute glee.

"Lily!"

"Mom!"

The two of them were so busy they didn't notice Petey leaving on a motorcycle, but Buck did. "Oh, my God." She gasped and she ran back to the fire truck, with a plan formulating in her head.

"Firefighter Buckley, what's happening? Are the suspects in custody?" Came Abby's voice from the phone, but Buck was no longer paying attention to her, instead, she was focusing on the suspect who was trying to flee the scene.

Athena also ran out of the house, hollering into her radio for backup. "Attention, all units. Suspect on a motorcycle, heading east on Lambert. East on Lambert."

As the first unit arrived on the scene Petey spun the bike around and made for where he had just come from. Barrelling down the road, Buck turned on the water cannon and hoped that what she was about to do wouldn't be classed as too heroic. While Athena raised her gun ready to fire at Petey if necessary. When she saw Emma and Lily still standing in the middle of the road, hugging each other, she shooed them behind the fire truck.

"Move! Move! Cover, cover, cover."

Petey opened fire as he approached. Just missing Athena and hitting the side of the truck. But, as he drew level with the fire truck, Buck opened fire and squirted the water cannon at him. Blasting him off his bike and into a crumpled heap on the floor. Athena lowered her gun and looked up at Buck in disbelief, but when she saw Buck standing on top of the truck, with a wry grin on her face, Athena couldn't help but smile. The moment that she did, Buck's face burst into a huge, face splitting grin, and then Athena realised that all Buck ever wanted was approval, for people to tell her that she did a good job, and so help her she was going to make sure that her captain knew that Buck had saved all of their lives today.

Abby's voice crackled over the phone, breaking Buck out of her reverie. "Firefighter Buckley?" Pulling her phone out of her pocket she paused for a moment to watch as Athena arrested the perp. "Firefighter Buckley, what's happening there? Firefighter Buckley, what's happening there?!" Abby yelled, getting more urgent for information.

Athena slapped the cuffs on Petey ad he was complaining that he was in pain. Which Buck did sympathise with a little, as she remembered just how painful it was to get hit with the water cannon when she was in training. "Ow, I'm hurt!" He grumbled. But Athena had no sympathy.

"No, you just think you are."

Putting the phone to her ear, Buck let Abby know that it was all over. But Abby was still anxious. "I heard a gunshot. Is-is Lily okay? Where is she?"

"The little girl? No, she's good. She's back with her mom, and you should be here."

"Oh, my God." Came Abby's exhausted voice, making Buck chuckle slightly. "I feel like I am. Wow. Um... Okay, well, I can't thank you enough. I-I... I'm so grateful. You saved that little girl, and..."

"No," interrupted Buck, "you did. You kept her in the game long enough for us to find her. You're the real hero here."

"Well, I appreciate you saying that. Thank you." Buck smiled, and she knew that those thanks were genuine.

After making sure that Abby didn't need anything else from Buck for the report, Buck hung up and made her way over to where Lily and her mom were. "Hey, you. Is everything alright." Lily nodded, clearly terrified after the incident, but Buck knelt opposite her and smiled. "Hey, you were amazing. You were so brave."

"I was?"

"Yeah. You were. Now, do you mind if I quickly check you over and make sure that you aren't hurt anywhere?" Lily nodded and Buck checked her over, and after ascertaining that she had suffered nothing worse than a few bumps and bruises, Buck then went to check that Athena was alright.

After ensuring that no one was injured, and after filling out a report detailing her involvement in the incident, Buck was cleared to head back to the 118. Before she left she decided to apologise to Athena for what happened yesterday.

"Sergeant Grant, I want to apologise for my actions yesterday. I know what I did was stupid, but when I saw that baby I was angry at the person who did that to her. It didn't occur to me that she could be in need of help and assistance too. So, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"I realised something today too, Buckley."

"What?"

"That compared to the rest of your team you are practically a child yourself. And that you are going to make mistakes. The only thing is that you learn from them."

Buck held out her hand and Athena shook it. "Just call me Buck, Sergeant Grant. Everyone does."

"Athena. Call me Athena."

Buck walked back over to the truck and was about to climb inside when Athena called out to her again. "Buck. Yesterday you said that you 'once would have killed that girl, but not anymore,' what did you mean by that?"

"One day I will tell you. When I am far less sober and far less tired. But it is not a story for now." And with one final nod in Athena's direction, Buck climbed into the cab of the truck and started the drive back to the station. Wondering how she was going to explain the new holes in the side of the truck.

When she had pulled into the station it was getting dark outside, Buck's shift had finished hours ago and she was so exhausted that all she wanted to do was go home, have a shower, order some Chinese and collapse into bed. But as she was backing the truck up into its spot she saw Bobby and Hen waiting for her, and neither of them looked happy.

Bracing herself for the lecture that was coming. Buck hopped out of the truck and when she spun around she was face to face with Bobby, causing her to jump and squeak, which made Hen snort with laughter. "Sorry Cap. You scared the crap out of me."

"Yes. Well, Athena Grant called. Told me everything that happened. She said that you are quite the asset to the team and that I would be making a mistake if I ever let you go." Bobby glanced over at Hen who was doing her best to not laugh. "I told her that she was only half right."

"So, what happens now?"

"Now? Well, I believe that your shift is over. So go home and be here tomorrow, bright, and early. Because you need to repair that door."

Buck's face split into a wide grin. "No problem Cap. See you tomorrow morning." And she practically skipped to the locker room, leaving Bobby and Hen standing there.

"She is going to be a pain in my backside, isn't she?"

"We are never going to be bored with her around, that I am sure of."

As they moved back to the loft Bobby smiled to himself. "I should have got the Dalmatian." And the two of them laughed, leaving Buck standing there confused, wondering what was going on.

Chapter 2: Let Go

Chapter Text

It had been a week since the home invasion and things were back to normal at work. Buck had started knuckling down and applying herself more at work. She felt happier when she discovered that the baby girl that they had rescued from the pipe had been taken in by a loving and caring family, after her birth mother decided that it would be better for her to be raised by people who could love and care for her.

Now she was well over halfway through a twenty-four-hour shift, and night had fallen, and they were being called out to a major rescue at the state fair. One of the rollercoasters had gotten stuck upside down on the loop-de-loop, someone had already fallen out and was badly hurt, possibly dead, another man was dangling from the carriage, holding onto the safety bar for dear life while another four people were still in their seats, praying that their safety bars don't fail either.

Arriving at the scene, Buck harnessed herself up, and stepped onto the ladder ready to be raised to the tracks where she could climb up, when Bobby grabbed her attention. "Buck, we came in at the wrong angle. You're gonna have you climb up there, harness him in, and hang tight while we move the truck. You think you can handle that?"

"Hell yeah." Grinned Buck. "This daredevil hero stuff is what I signed up for, Bobby."

"Good."

Climbing to the top of the ladder, Buck attached her harness and held on as Charlie slowly raised the ladder up. The closer Buck got to the tracks, the more clearly, she could hear the screams for help. "Help us! Please!" Came the screams form multiple voices.

"Everybody, try to stay calm. We'll get you down, I promise, all right?" Reassured Buck, knowing that she was going to get a telling off from Bobby for promising something that she couldn't guarantee. "I need you to relax, I need you to breathe, and I need you to keep as still as possible." Buck stepped off the ladder and after clipping herself onto the tracks, started making her climb to the top. "You move less, you stay safe. We get everyone off this ride safe."

Seeing the man that had fallen out of his seat and was clutching onto the safety rail for dear life she called out to him in the hopes of calming him down. "Hey, what's your name, man?"

"Devon."

"Devon. All right, Devon. Well, hang on, brother."

"Where's Chad?" He called out, panic lacing his voice. "What happened to Chad?"

Buck radioed down to the rest of the team below in the hopes of getting some good news, even though she had a bad feeling about what had happened to him. "Hey, Bobby, he's asking about his friend."

Looking down at Chim and Hen below, Bobby radioed them too to see what was going on. "Chimney, it's Captain, you copy?"

"Copy, Captain. What do you need?"

"How's the kid on the ground?"

"He's gone. We lost him."

Sensing the panic from the people up above, Bobby knew that he had to manage the situation on the ground to help reassure everyone. "All right, I don't need the people up there seeing that. So, do me a favour... He survived, right? Get him on a gurney. You know the drill."

"Copy that."

Buck kept climbing and had almost made it to the others. "Hang in there, guys." She kept reassuring. "We're coming. I'm almost there."

"What happened to Chad?" Pleaded Devon, practically screaming at Buck now. "He's dead, isn't he?"

Buck finally made it to where the coaster had stopped and was still trying to reassure Devon that all would be alright. "Hey, Devon, look at me. Chad..." She knew that he was gone but looking down she saw Hen and Chim moving him away. "He's getting help. You, see? He's gonna be fine. And I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, all right?"

She tacked onto the end. Moving over she gave everyone a cursory look, making sure that there was no one else in imminent danger. "Is everyone okay?" She asked, wincing at the stupidness of the question.

"No, we're not okay!" Screeched one of the girls. "Why is the fire truck going away?"

"It's just getting into a better position, that's all. Devon, how we doing?"

Devon was starting to hyper ventilate, and Buck was sure that it was going to be hard to get him to listen to her. "It's gonna be everywhere." He wailed. "It's gonna be all over the place."

For a moment Buck wondered what he was going on about, but when she looked down, she could see dozens of people standing around the outside of the ride, filming everything that was going on. Then it dawned on her that he was terrified that this was going to go viral and that he was going to be a laughingstock. "Hey." Buck called out, getting his attention. "Forget about them, okay? You don't look down. You look up at me."

Grabbing the sling she lowered it down to within reach of where Devon could grab it. "You see this strap here?" She grunted, trying to get it closer to him. "All you got to do is reach up your arm, slide it through the loop."

But Devon was completely focused on what was happening below. "I can't!" He sobbed.

"Yes, you..." Buck tried to plead but Devon was having none of it.

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can, buddy. You can do it." Buck reached her hand down, praying that he listened to her and grabbed hold of it.

"Can you tell them to stop recording, please?" Devon sobbed, pleading. "I don't want everyone to see me like this."

"Listen, Devon, I need you to concentrate."

"Please!"

Buck was now practically hanging off the ride herself in the hopes of being able to grab him before he fell. "Slide your arm through the loop... and then we can deal with everything else." Buck could see the fight start to leave his eyes, and she knew that he was close to giving up. "All right. Hey." She tried one last time. "Reach up your hand. Come on. It's, like, three inches. You can do this. I got you."

Devon looked down below and Buck was now terrified that he was going to let go. "Devon. Devon, I need you to trust me." She pleaded, praying that she could get through to him. "Give me your hand. I will not let you go."

"I can't." He whispered. And Buck's heart sunk. She could hear in his voice that he believed that it was over. She could hear in his voice that he had completely given up.

"Devon, please." She almost whispered. Stretching as far as she could.

Devon looked up at her and smiled slightly. "You know. If you weren't a firefighter, I would swear that you were an angel." He said before letting go. Everyone screamed as Devon fell to his death. Buck watched right up until the point that he bounced off the tracks below with a sickening clang, before landing on the grassy ground below. Buck didn't even have time to grieve for Devon's death. There was still four more people that needed saving, and Buck had to make sure that they were safe and secure and weren't going to fall to their deaths.

It took another three hours to get everyone else off the ride safely. And even though Buck managed to save four people, all she could think about was the one person that she was unable to save. And when she got back down Buck became noticeably quiet. The entire ride back to the station Buck never said a word to anyone, and when they did get back Buck grabbed a quick shower and then settled down in the bunk room for a nap but sleep never came.

By the time morning had arrived Buck was exhausted. All she wanted to do was curl up in her own bed and forget about everything that had happened. Yet every time she closed her eyes all she could see was Devon's face, and the look of terror that was upon it. All she could her was the thunk, as Devon's body slammed into the ground, and the screams of the bystanders who were watching the whole thing unfold.

Buck remembered when she was a Navy SEAL, she remembered when she was such an emotionless monster that she could kill anybody and not feel anything when she did. Now she wished that she could still turn her emotions off like that again. Because what she was feeling at the moment was so painful she almost wanted to shut the world out and never let it in again.

When her shift ended, she crawled into her jeep and drove back home. When she arrived the house was silent, as her roommates were all sleeping off the aftereffects of whatever party they had thrown that night. Dumping all of her stuff in her room, Buck hopped in the shower and crawled into bed. It took a while but eventually sleep came, but it was not peaceful. After several hours of waking up from nightmares, Buck eventually gave up trying to sleep and figured that she would go and do something to keep her mind off events that had transpired.

Buck did all her laundry, cleaned the entire house from top to bottom, went for a run, and even got a yoga routine in. She was tempted to go surfing, but when she looked at the surf report she saw that the waves were not worth the drive. After driving around town for a bit Buck decided to go and help out at the hospital, where she had been volunteering as a baby cuddler since the incident with the baby in the wall the previous week.

When she got there, she was greeted by one of the nurses, and after putting on some protective gear, and scrubbing her hands, Buck was led into the neonatal ward. There she was brought over to one of the rocking chairs, and when she was sat comfortably, she was handed a tiny baby boy, who barely weighed anything, and who was covered in tubes and wires, and she held him close to her chest and started talking to him. Instantly Buck felt more relaxed and was soon settled into a rhythm with him. She rocked him back and forth, talking and singing to him, she even got to do a little bit of skin to skin. By the time that she had left Buck was feeling thoroughly relaxed, and sleepy. So, after driving home she collapsed back into bed and closed her eyes.

The peace of the night did not last long though. As Buck was soon dreaming of old faces and forgotten places. She dreamt of one of the members of her old SEAL team, Tex, and how he had jumped in front of a grenade for her. She dreamt that he blamed her for his death. She then dreamt of the members of her team who were killed when their Humvee was hit by an IED. She saw them appear in front of her, demanding to know why she had survived when they had died. She dreamed of Hondo, and how even though he was safe and living his best life as a member of the S.W.A.T Team, he kept telling her that she was a disappointment. Then she dreamed of Devon, and his broken and bloody body. She dreamt that he was standing there asking her why she didn't save him, telling her that she could have, should have saved him.

Buck woke up screaming. And once she had calmed down, she realised that she was not going to be getting any more sleep that night. So, she waited it out until she had to leave for work.

When Buck got to work, she knew that she looked tired, and she knew that everyone would be worried about her, so she did her best to avoid them all. But she was unable avoid them forever. Sitting down for lunch, Buck was away with the fairies, when Chim placed a plate of food in front of her, making her jump. "I'm not hungry." She said emotionlessly.

Chim snorted. "This is America, Buckaroo. Eating has nothing to do with being hungry."

Bobby who was stood in the kitchen plating up the food looked up at Buck with worry in his eyes. "Buck, you okay? You look tired."

"Glad to know I look as tired as I feel." She retorted sarcastically. Before looking up and seeing the concern on everyone's faces. "Sorry, that was bitchy of me. I just haven't managed to sleep that well since the call. And I think that the lack of sleep is getting to me."

Bobby put the knife down and looked at Buck concerned about this development. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Nightmares. You know."

"What are the nightmares of?" Chim asked, even though he knew what the answer was going to be.

"Devon." She mumbled. Not willing to divulge the other parts of the nightmares.

"What about Devon?"

"I see him standing there, all bloody and broken. Looking at me with dead eyes, and all he does is ask me why I didn't save him. And I have no answer for that." Buck couldn't look up at the rest of them, she was ashamed to see what they would think about her being so weak. "Man, I was right there. You know, all he had to do was reach up and grab my hand."

Chim sat next to Buck and put his hand on her shoulder. "People do funny things at times like that. Sometimes they just freeze up."

"I've never…" Buck began, before remembering that none of the team knew about her past as a SEAL, so she changed her tac. "Does it get any easier?"

"No." Chim said honestly, his heart breaking a little at the broken look on Buck's face. "Look, people die, and that's part of the gig, right? See, your problem is, you're looking at every job like it's a long-term relationship. They're one-night stands, man. In that moment, they mean everything to you, but once the morning comes... it's on to the next one."

Buck never thought of it like that, she always assumed that the emotions of it all was a good thing, but maybe she was getting too invested in the outcomes of the job. She wanted to thank Chim for the advice when Hen turned up, and she had brought Athena with her. "Hey. You guys don't mind, I brought some company to family dinner. Athena's going through some, uh, some stuff at home, so she could use some TLC."

Chim walked over and gave Athena a hug, and Bobby smiled and gave her a brief hug too. "Well, we don't usually allow cops at secret firehouse meetings, but, uh, I'll make an exception."

"All right. Appreciate that." Everyone laughed apart from Buck, who was still a little wary about Athena. Even though they had buried the hatchet after the home invasion, Buck still had the feeling that Athena wanted to shoot her. Seeing Buck's face, Athena walked over and stared her down. "Oh. Well. You know, I ain't sold on you yet, but..." she paused looking around at the others, "I think keeping me from getting shot deserves a second chance." And the two of them shook hands. "Hey, there won't be a third, though."

Everyone laughed at that, even Buck. But her laugh wasn't as loud and her smile not as wide as it usually was. Athena noticed and glanced over at Bobby who was also looking at Buck with concern.

"Buck here is having a little trouble moving on from a call that didn't go her way." He explained when he noticed Athena's expression.

"Oh." Athena turned back to Buck who was looking like she just wanted to melt into the furniture and disappear. "You know why they make us wear these uniforms, right? Cops, firefighters, paramedics?"

"Uh... sex appeal?" Scoffed Buck, but upon seeing Athena's disapproving glance she quickly retracted. "Sorry, I need to stop being so sarcastic. I have been told that it is my default mode of defence. That and yelling at people."

"Mm-hmm." Athena muttered, with raised eyebrows.

"So, people can easily identify us." Buck then added, knowing that was the answer that she was actually looking for.

"Both true, but it's also for our own good." Buck looked puzzled, not really knowing where the conversation was going. "Because when we take the uniform off at the end of the day, it symbolizes letting go of all of the sad, crazy, inhumane things we've seen that day."

"Leave it all at the door, right." Buck muttered, and everyone nodded in agreement. "I guess all I have to do now is stop seeing his face every time I close my eyes." Bobby patted Buck's shoulder and she could see the pity in his eyes. "That happen to you guys?" She asked. There was a few nod around the table and the reassurance from Bobby that it'll pass soon. But in Buck's mind, soon couldn't come soon enough.

Buck's day just kept getting worse. After returning from a call, Buck was ordered to Bobby's office and when she got there, Bobby told her the unfortunate news that she was going to have to be interviewed for some of the local news channels. Chiefs' orders.

Reporters from three news stations turned up not even an hour later, as well as a hair and makeup artist. Bobby, Hen, and Chim all watched as they got Buck ready to go in front of the camera, laughing as she tried to fight the make-up artist over her birthmark. "I don't care if you think that my birthmark looks ugly on camera, I love it. And if you are just going to cover it up then you will not put any make-up on me."

"But you will look better with it not showing."

"Read my lips, you crazy lady. Leave. My. Birth. Mark. Alone." Buck and the make-up lady had a staring match, which Buck eventually won.

Right before she went to stand outside the station so she could be interviewed, Buck went to Bobby to plead her case to not do this, one more time. "Cap, please. I really don't want to do this; I do not know the right thing to say."

"Buck, as much as I sympathise with you, you have to do this. If it was up to me I would have you doing your job and not talking to the press, but this order comes from so far above my head there is nothing that I can do. Besides, it is just one interview."

"Yeah, one interview that is going to be broadcast across every major news network across the state. And possibly the country. My parents could potentially see this. You have no idea how bad that is."

"Buck. Just do it."

"Fine. But this is the only one that I am doing."

"I will relay that to Chief Alonso. Now go and do the interview."

Sighing very loudly, and rolling her eyes, Buck stomped over to the front of the garage, were the reporters and cameras were waiting for her.

At Abby's home, Abby was sat on the couch, wine glass in hand, watching the news, while Carla finished putting Abby's mom Patricia down for a nap. Walking carefully out of the room, as to not wake Patricia, Carla grabbed the glass of wine that Abby had left out for her and joined Abby on the sofa. "She's down. She should be out for a few hours."

"Oh. Thank the Lord." Praised Abby, before catching herself and chastising herself for thinking such things. "I'm a terrible person for saying that."

Carla laughed. "You're a good daughter because you choose to take care of her, not because of how you feel about it sometimes."

"Do you want to stay a little bit longer?" Abby asked.

Carla nodded. "My husband and I are in a fight, so I can't go home until he moves from the "I never want to see her again" feeling to the "Oh, no, did I go too far, is she ever coming back? I've got to treat her right when she comes home" feeling."

The two of them laughed and clinked their wine glasses together. "I like your style."

"Thank you." Carla said, taking a generous sip of her wine. "So, why are you not out with Tommy tonight?"

Abby's face fell a little. "Oh."

"Your mom keeps telling me about him."

Abby grimaced thinking about her ex, and how they left things. "Oh. Because the universe thinks it's hilarious that I get to keep reliving the worst breakup of my life because my mother keeps forgetting that it happened."

"What was so bad about it?"

"He broke up with me. And he did not have my permission." Abby dead panned. Carla wasn't having it, and just raised her eyebrow at her until she relented. "But I'll tell you the truth. Really, once my mom moved in here... I really didn't have anything else to give. And what guy's gonna want to be here with me with my mom snoring in the other room? I mean, it's not sexy."

Their conversation was interrupted by the news report on the rescue at the fair the other night. "We are here with firefighter Evalyn "Buck" Buckley, who people are calling the "County Fair Spider-Woman" for her daring rescue."

"Holy crap," muttered Abby, "she's gone national."

Carla looked between the tv and Abby, with a look of surprise on her face. "You know that glamazon?"

"Mm-hmm." She nodded. They watched as Buck stumbled her way through the interview, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but there.

"I was just doing my job." She said, as she answered a question that Abby and Carla hadn't heard. "I'm happy we were able to help the people we helped and I'm-I'm really sorry about those we-we couldn't save."

The reporter looked on her tablet and smiled. "Oh, we're getting a lot of Twitter questions from our audience. Most just want to know if you're single."

Buck flushed dark red and looked down at her feet, mumbling something unintelligently.

"What was that Buck?"

"Oh, uh, sorry." She stumbled. "That's, uh, that's very sweet of them, but, um, I'm not really looking for anyone right now. You know. I am just focusing on myself; you know. Volunteering, taking up new hobbies, that kind of thing."

Abby felt pity for Buck for being put on the spot like that, and as a woman she knew the kinds of things that were probably being asked about her online. The reporter clearly seeing that Buck was getting uncomfortable with the interview decided to end it early. "Well, thanks, Buck, and thanks for all you..."

Abby turned the TV off and was sat there feeling concerned for this woman that she had never met, but only spoken to on the phone. "Hmm. She seems sad."

"Really?" Grinned Carla, waggling her eyebrows. "You noticed that from a short tv interview."

"Uh, no, it is not like that." She laughed, blushing slightly. "Look, you know what, I save people's lives every day, and she is the first person in years that actually has said, "Thank you, Abby, great job. You're a hero, too." And... she needs help, you know?" Abby looked over at the tv where they had just seen Buck. "I mean, she's got so much pain in her face. Everybody's treating her like a hero. She doesn't feel like a hero. As far as she's concerned, the guy that she was trying to save fell."

"All right, well, go on ahead." Carla said suggestively. "I'm not leaving until I hear how this turns out."

"Oh, I don't know."

"Call her. You know you want to."

Picking her phone up from the side table, Abby laughed at Carla. "You just don't want to go home to your husband."

"Not until he fixes his attitude." Chortled Carla as Abby got up and walked towards her bedroom.

"Closing this door." She stated, causing Carla to pout. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Abby dialled the number that she had got from the 911 report after the home invasion. Buck, who was finishing up dealing with a marsh fire, picked up after just a couple of rings.

"Yeah?"

"Um, hi. It's-it's Abby Clark." Abby was surprised with how nervous she was feeling calling Buck. "We-we talked the other day after the home invasion. I was the 911 operator."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, you were badass. Uh, how'd you get this number?"Buck sounded cautious, and Abby suspected she had had a bad experience in the past with strangers knowing her number.

"Oh, well, it was in the report. Um, but, anyway, I just, I don't know, I wanted to check on you. I've been seeing you all over the news, and it seemed like maybe you were having a hard time."

Buck was touched by Abby's concern. "Yeah, um, how'd you know?"Abby could hear that Buck was getting emotional and she knew that she had made the right choice by calling.

"Uh, in my job you kind of learn how to read people just based on the sound of their voice."

"Thank you for noticing. Um, everywhere I go now people are patting me on the back, and I just want to scream back at them, 'You know, people died. I had to watch them die.'"

"I know." Abby said quietly, as she remembered all of the bad calls that she had. The ones where people didn't make it. "I've had to listen to people die before. The silence after they stop talking is like no other kind of quiet."

"The guy who fell... all he had to do was grab my hand, and I couldn't get him to."

"You know, believe it or not, there are some people who actually take those moments as opportunities to make that decision. I mean, there are some people who just don't want to be saved."

Buck cleared her throat and Abby knew that she was trying not to cry. "Um, thank you for calling me. Maybe I can call you again sometime?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. You have my number now or you can just dial 911." Abby cringed, that was probably the corniest thing ever. And she was even more embarrassed when Buck barked out a laugh.

"All right, uh, well, thanks and let's talk soon."

"Okay. Bye." Hanging up the phone, Abby groaned and flopped back on her bed. Mouthing 911 to herself in embarrassment.

It had been another couple of days since the rollercoaster incident and Buck was still struggling to come to terms with what had happened. The nightmares were still coming thick and fast, and she could see that Bobby was becoming concerned for her wellbeing.

The attention surrounding her was also growing in intensity. Buck had ended up being interviewed for Good Morning America, Fox News and The Talk. She had been set up with an official Instagram page, that the LAFD was taking care of for her, and they were thinking about giving her a medal for her heroics that day. Buck was doing her best to avoid all of the extra attention that she was getting. And it was really getting on her nerves that whenever she went anywhere people were trying to score with the hot firefighter from the news.

Buck had taken the day off work to attend Devon's funeral. She had managed to secrete herself into one of the pews in the back of the room, avoiding everyone. She stared straight ahead and watched as Devon's sister delivered the eulogy, and it was nice. Then a few other people came up and said nice things about Devon. When the funeral was over Buck stood up and made to leave, when Devon's sister spotted her. She made her way over to Buck, and Buck looked around, trying to find a way out of the room, but Devon's sister stood in front of her.

"Hi. I'm, uh, I'm Buck, uh, Evalyn." She stumbled over her words, trying not to look Devon's sister in the eyes. "Look, I-I just wanted to say how sorry I am. It's only my fourth month on the job. I've never lost anyone before this."

Devon's sister stared at Buck, and Buck could see the tears swimming in her eyes. "What really happened up there?" She asked, almost as if she was dreading the answer.

"It was like he just... he gave up." Buck winced at her poor choice of words, knowing that is not what the family wanted to hear.

"Are you saying it's my brother's fault he's dead?" She snapped, causing Buck to flinch, and tears to fill her eyes.

"No, th-that's not what I mean." Stammered Buck, her vision blurring through the fog of tears.

"My brother was very h-happy to be alive." Devon's sister sobbed. "He was loved, and he knew it. He wanted to live, and you failed him." Turning she ran from Buck, sobbing hard. Leaving Buck standing there alone, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill over.

Returning home, Buck shut herself in her room and started sobbing. She refused to speak to anyone, even when her roommates started knocking on her door to check and see if she was alright. Grabbing her phone, Buck flung a message over to Steve and Danny asking if they could call her if they were free, the then did the same thing to Hondo and waited.

Hondo was the first to call, and he reassured Buck that what she was feeling would pass soon. And that this had been the first time that she had lost someone since leaving the environment of war. And losing someone in the fog of war was very much different to losing someone as a civilian. He also reminded her that if she needed to, she should talk to someone.

When Steve and Danny called they just listened to her sob for a bit, before saying that they were proud of how she handled herself during the rollercoaster rescue. They then asked if Buck wanted them to come over to LA, which she refused. They then asked if she would like to come and join them in Hawaii, even if it was just for a week. She refused that too. But promised to call them every day and check in with them.

Before hanging up, Steve reminded Buck that she had a family in LA, her team, and that she should talk to them and open up to them about her past. He reminded her that it might explain a lot about her.

Buck decided to make one more phone call, but she knew that it would be a futile one. Dialling, Buck waited for an answer that would never come, and when she was sent to the answerphone after just a couple of rings, Buck broke down and left a message for her. "Maddie, it's Evy. Please call me back, I know that it has been three years since you have spoken to me, but I really need to speak to you. I need my big sister." Pausing, she sniffed waiting for an answer that was never going to come. "I love you Mads. I miss you."

Hanging up, Buck cried herself to sleep.

The next day Buck was determined to open up a bit more about herself to the team. The only problem she had no idea where to start. The people that she was closest to on the team was Bobby, Hen and Chim. But Reece was always good to talk to, as was Martinez.

Buck still hadn't managed to work up the courage to talk to anyone when they got a call out. When they arrived, they could see a window washer dangling by his ankle, a hundred feet up in the air on his collapsed rig. Bobby wanted Buck to go up and be the person to rescue the man, but when she started freaking out internally she managed to persuade him to let her be the one to run the winch from up above.

On the way back to the station Buck was quiet, too quiet for everyone's liking. Bobby was really concerned for Buck, in the four months that she had been there she had never turned down the chance to get harnessed up and climb something. She had even said before she climbed the rollercoaster that it was the daredevil hero stuff that she had signed up for. When they had got back to the station everyone split up to do their chores, and Bobby watched as Buck slunk away to the locker room.

Bobby followed her inside, and Buck didn't even need to look up to know exactly who had entered. "Don't. All right? I-I know I let you down." She said sullenly, not willing to bring herself to look Bobby in the eyes, for not wanting to see the disappointment that would be in them. But Bobby didn't say anything, he just stood there, leaning against the shelves, waiting for Buck to make the first move.

He knew Buck, for all of her talk was a very closed off individual, and he could sense that she was close to opening up to him. Sighing Buck turned around and flopped against the lockers with a thunk and just started talking. "When I was seventeen I ran away from home, and I joined the Navy SEALs."

Bobby was surprised by this revelation. Buck had never mentioned serving in the military. In fact, as far as Bobby knew it wasn't even in her resume when she applied. Puzzled, he watched as Buck moved over to the bench and collapsed down onto it. "I didn't know you were in the Navy." He said quietly.

"It wasn't the best of experiences. There was a lot that I wish I could forget."

Bobby carefully sat down next to Buck, not wanting to startle her, now she was finally opening up. "What happened?"

Sighing, Buck looked down at her hands, not wanting to see Bobby's reaction. "My Father was abusive, he beat and raped me regularly. I figured out that if I worked hard and took as many extra credit subjects as I could fit into my schedule I could graduate early. The day of my graduation my parents were thankfully away. My sister who did turn up knew what my plan was, and she gave me the keys to her jeep and some money to get me started. And she told me to run.

"I ended up applying for the SEALs, and they said no at first. I told them to give me chance, I said that the SEALs couldn't be worse than my home life. I was sponsored into the SEALs, and when they saw that I didn't have any trouble with the physical part they fast-tracked me through, and I ended up serving three years. Specialising in EOD and underwater demolition, even though most of my work was spent clearing out compounds. I was pretty handy with a knife and a rifle too."

"Why didn't you stay?"

"They wanted machines. People who could, uh... flip a switch in their head and... turn off every natural, human instinctive emotion in their body. It turned out that I was a little bit too good at that. I discovered the hard way that every time I shut off my emotions I became someone that I hate. It all came to a head after a particularly bad mission. I was captured and I ended up spending five months in captivity, where I was tortured frequently. Eventually, I was rescued by the rest of my team, but things just weren’t the same. I spent another month in the hospital, and a further two months recuperating. During my recovery, I decided that I was done with the hurting and the killing."

Buck was sat there, just looking at Bobby when she unexpectedly started sobbing and years of pent-up anger, pain, and grief just came flooding out in one hit. Bobby moved over and pulled Buck into a hug, and just let her sit there and sob into his shoulder. He didn't say a word, partially not knowing what to say, and partially because he knew that right now words were not needed, and instead just sat there rubbing her back and letting her know that he was there for her, without words.

It took a good few minutes for Buck to stop crying, when she did she moved out of Bobby's embrace with a small hiccup, and with a little embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Buck."

Sniffling Buck looked at Bobby, and he gestured for her to continue. "I love this job because I get to be the tough guy, but I also get to help people. I don't get to be the emotionless robot anymore, but what if I can't cope when emotions are thrown into the mix." Buck sat there and wondered if it was rude to ask if Bobby remembered his first loss, and then decided to ask anyway. "Do you remember the first person you lost?"

Bobby sighed and looked straight ahead, with a faraway look in his eyes. "Katherine Vance... 32 years old, blonde hair, green eyes. She was wearing a blue University of Michigan T-shirt, white shorts, and she had on black Converse High Tops. She had painted smiley faces on the toes. Last thing she said to me was, "Please," and then she was gone. Hit by a drunk driver... I couldn't extract her in time." Bobby looked over at Buck and he smiled at her. "I'm glad you can't flip that switch anymore. I don't want you to. It may have made you a better soldier, a better SEAL, but it's not gonna make you a better firefighter. And anybody who tells you that losing someone doesn't affect them is lying." Reaching into his top pocket, Bobby pulled out a business card and passed it to Buck. "The name and number of a trauma counsellor. We have people in the department who help us deal with this kind of stuff. You don't have to talk to me, but you do have to talk to someone."

"Thanks Bobby." Buck muttered, placing the card in her pocket, already planning on calling the number at the first available opportunity.

Before Bobby could leave the locker room, Buck grabbed his attention one last time. "Hey Cap?"

"Yeah."

"Before you go, can you keep to yourself what I have told you? I don't want everybody knowing about my issues with my parents, and all about my military service. Chief Alonso knows, you know, and that is good enough for me."

Bobby patted Buck on the shoulder and smiled at her. "Buck, I would never tell anyone anything that you don't want me to. I am just proud that you trust me enough to tell me these things." Smiling at each other Bobby left to get on with work and Buck pulled out the therapist's number and dialled.

The next day, Buck was sat in Frank's office, and was soon spilling all of her secrets to him. She was surprised that she found the whole experience cathartic. Frank was teaching her ways to control her emotions when something like this happens on the job, and he said the best way to move past what had happened was to perform another rescue. He also advised her to make friends outside of her job, and to do something just for her, not because it was what someone else wanted her to do, or because she knew that it would annoy her parents, but just for her.

By the end of the week, Buck had managed to sign herself up to take part in a circus skills course, something that she had always wanted to do, and joined a local bouldering club.

She had been to a rescue and managed to pull off "The Manoeuvre" with made her feel better and more confident in her job. And it also made Bobby praise her. When they had gotten back to the station, Buck and Chim were in a heated discussion as to whether or not the jumper was going to get laid that night, Chim's money was on yes, guilt sex, and Buck and Hen were both saying no.

Right then Devon's sister turned up, looking like she wanted to be anywhere else but where she was. Buck invited her in, and they took a seat upstairs. After rejecting the offer for any food or drink she apologised to Buck.

"I need to apologize to you. I was completely out of line at the memorial. You didn't deserve that."

Buck just shrugged off her apology, she knew that the anger was coming from a place of hurt. "You lost your brother. I get it. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to my sister."

Devon's sister paused and began to explain what had been happening. "Seven years ago, Devon tried to kill himself. We sent him to therapy, and he got better. Then, two months ago, he started isolating himself again. Wouldn't leave the house. I got scared and called his friend, Chad. Begged him to get Devon out of the house. Chad said he'd ask Devon to go to the state fair. When Devon said yes to the fair, I took it as a sign that he was getting better. So, you see, it's not your fault he's dead. It's mine."

Reaching over the table, Buck gently took her hand and squeezed it. "Look, there was nothing either one of us could've done for Devon. Some people just don't want to be saved. A friend said that to me recently. And, um... it helped."

The two of them spoke about Devon a bit more, and when she eventually left they were both feeling a bit lighter.

When Bobby saw Buck standing at the door, watching Devon's sister leave, he approached her concerned for her wellbeing.

"Buck." He said softly, making her jump slightly. "Is everything okay?"

"It will be." She admitted with a shrug. "It will be."

Later that day Buck decided that it was finally time to do the last thing on Frank's list. So, she called Abby. Abby found it amusing that Buck was calling her when she was just about to call Buck. Apparently, the two of them had the same idea and they wanted to go out on a girl's night, drink co*cktails, maybe a little bit of dancing and putting the world to rights. Once they had agreed on a night when neither of them was working, when Carla could look after Patricia and when it wasn't going to be too packed. They hung up, both smiling at the new friendship that they had both formed.

Chapter 3: Next of Kin

Chapter Text

Buck hated bouncy houses. When she was a child she hated them because it was what all of the cool kids had at their birthday parties, which she was either never invited to or never allowed to go to. Then when she started working on yachts, she hated them because they reminded her of the stupid inflatable slide that they used to have to put up, which was a pain in every deckhand's life. And now, as a firefighter, well let's just say bounce houses cause more injuries than anyone ever expects. And today's is no different.

Just looking at the footage that one of the parents showed Buck, she had to wince at the situation. The bouncy house, with one of the dads and three kids inside, blew off the cliff and flew over a hundred feet in the air. The dad got thrown, and nobody knew if he was still alive, and the three kids were now trapped inside, with the bounce house dangling by one of its straps from the cliff face.

Suiting up, Buck, Hen, and Bobby were the trio on the cliff. Chim and Issacs were up top, handling the winch, which Chim was annoyed about doing again, and everyone else was on the access road at the bottom waiting to receive their patients so that they could whisk them to hospital.

Buck loved a good rope rescue; they were the most exhilarating of them all. And this one was no exception. Scaling down the cliff, Buck and Hen clipped the bounce house in place, and then looked inside. There were two kids huddled together in one corner, and another lying prone on the ground, unconscious.

Hen, took the kid who was unconscious down in the basket, leaving Buck with the other two children, who she took down with her in one hit. After everyone was safely back on solid ground, they cut the bounce house loose and packed everything up, before heading home for the day.

Buck had wanted to go out with the team this evening, but everyone was busy, so she called Abby for a girl's night, and she was regaling her with the tale about how they had rescued the kids in the bounce house when a couple of girls barely approached her.

"Oh my god. Are you the LAFD Fire Maiden?" The taller of the two squealed excitedly.

Buck rolled her eyes and groaned. This had been happening more and more since the rollercoaster, and it was starting to get on her nerves. "Unfortunately, I am." She grumbled, clearly not enjoying being spotted while out having drinks with her friend.

"Why unfortunately? You are amazing." The other one started babbling. "You are trending on social media after your rescue today. I mean rescuing those kids from the bouncy house. Can we get a picture with you?"

Buck groaned again, making a mental reminder that she needed to speak with someone about the Instagram account that they had set her up with. Looking over at Abby for confirmation that it was alright, Buck shrugged in agreement.

"Fine just one." She snapped. "I was hoping to have a nice quiet drink out with my friend."

"Of course." The tall one squealed, making Buck wince from the pitch.

Leaning in the girls took a picture each, and Buck forced herself to smile. Before they could walk off and post them for the whole world to see Buck stopped them. "I can't stop you from posting these, but I can ask you to not disclose my location."

They waved Buck off with a "sure, sure" and wandered off to find their friends, far too engrossed in their phones to listen to what Buck was saying to them.

Groaning again, Buck turned to Abby with a deeply apologetic look on her face. "I am so sorry Ab's. This whole 'Fire Maiden' thing is really starting to get on my nerves."

"Buck, they only set up the account a week ago. How bad can it be?" Laughed Abby.

"I already have over two hundred thousand followers. Two hundred thousand. What is so fascinating about me that two hundred thousand people want to know to it?"

Leaning over, Abby placed her hand on Buck's and squeezed. "Buck… Evy. You are one of the most amazing and interesting people that I know. Maybe the reason that you are fighting this social media thing is because you are not in control of it. Take control of your own image online."

"Maybe. But what would I post?"

"Post about your job, the rescues that you attend, your fitness and wellness regime. Post about things that make you happy."

Smiling, Buck reached over and gave Abby a massive hug. "I don't know what I would do without you. You are such a good friend to me."

"And you to me." Finishing her G&T, Abby grabbed her purse and gestured for Buck to follow. "Come on, let's go before we are mobbed by your adoring fans."

"Amen to that."

The next day Buck had completely forgot about talking to Bobby about Instagram, and instead spent her shift attending various rescues, and doing chores around the station, at one point even having a dance-off with Martinez while cleaning the truck. Now she was playing Watch Dogs with Hen, and Buck was trying to drive the fire truck. While Martinez and Issacs watched, wetting themselves laughing.

"Right here, right here, right here." Yelled Hen as Buck tried to control the engine. "Turn left."

"I'm trying." She hollered back, unfortunately slamming into someone as she did.

"Oh, oh, so you're fleeing the scene? You do realize that you lose points for murdering people on the way to a fire."

Buck shrugged. "It should be fine. It's a flesh wound. Obamacare."

Huffing, Hen reached over and plucked the controller out of Buck's grasp. "What?" Yelled Buck, spinning around trying to wrestle the controller back, But Hen just held it out of her reach. "Hen! Please... Someone call HR! No... Hen!" Squealed Buck, trying futilely to grab the controller, as Martinez was doubled over in his chair, tears streaming down his face he was laughing so hard.

"Bobby… Help… Cap… Please." She squeaked out.

Bobby laughed, shaking his head at the pair. "You're on your own here Buck."

Eventually, Hen managed to get free of Buck's grasp, and she rolled away with a triumphant "Ah-ha!"

"Ridic..." Hen began to mutter to herself before she spotted Chimney walking into the loft. "Chimney! Here. You're up." She crowed, trying to pass the remote to him, but he ignored her and walked straight over to the fridge.

Buck and Hen looked at each other with a concerned look on their faces. Clearly, something had happened to put Chim in bad mood and they were going to find out what it was.

Chucking the controller towards Martinez and Issacs they got up and walked over to the kitchen area, where Chim was standing, or more like brooding.

"Hey. What's... what's wrong?" Hen asked cautiously. "You okay?"

Chim sort of shrugged the two of them off, but Buck and Hen were nothing but persistent.

"Look, Chim, if there's something you want to talk about..." Buck asked casually, as she took the plates that Bobby handed to her.

Whatever Buck expected him to say, it was not, "I'm a good-looking guy, right? I mean, like, you can do a lot worse than me? Yeah?"

Buck looked over at Chimney concerned by where this line of questioning might be heading. But she reassured him anyway. "Chimney, I've done a whole lot worse than you."

"You guys think I'd be a good father?"

"Of course, Chim." Reassured Hen. "What is this about?"

"I asked Tatiana to marry me."

Buck almost dropped the plates that she was setting out, and even Bobby looked up from the meal that he was cooking with a look of surprise on his face.

The chants of, "What?" and "Are you serious?" Rang out amongst the group.

Buck, Hen, and Bobby all looked at each other before turning back to Chim.

"Um... well, what happened?" Hen asked, but deep down she already knew the answer.

Chim shrugged, fiddling with the bottle of water that he had grabbed from the fridge. "First, she said she cheated on a fiancé that I didn't even know about, and that now we need to break up, then she said she didn't know."

"I... Did you offer her the option of an open marriage? It's super modern."

"Buck." Chastised Hen.

Buck immediately looked apologetic over her words. "Chim... I'm sorry. That may not have been the response you that you hoped for, but it's not no." Which was true, she hadn't actually said no to him.

"It might as well be." He said forlornly.

"Probably for the best." Mumbled Bobby as he dished up the food.

Chim's eyes snapped towards Bobby, narrowing slightly. "What was that?" He hissed. Causing Buck and Hen to retreat to the table and finish setting it up. Not wanting to get in the way of the storm that was brewing.

"Nothing." Retracted Bobby. "I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean anything by that. You doing okay?" He tacked on at the end.

Chim wasn't having any of it though. "Of course, you meant something by it. 'Probably for the best'? There's a lot of meaning behind that."

Chim looked at Bobby who was trying to avoid making eye contact with him. "What, you don't... you don't like her?"

"I never said I don't like her. I don't like her for you."

"And what does that even mean?" Asked Chim, and Bobby shrugged in a noncommittal kind of way just returned to the food.

"No." Snapped Chim. "Come on. Come on with it, wise man, uh... just say what you want to say, 'cause I'm getting really tired of you standing there, just silently judging me with that..." Bobby gave a wry smirk and Chim saw red. "Yeah, right there, with that smirk on your face." Chim rounded on Bobby and Buck started debating whether or not it was worth getting in between them.

"You know, you're always so quick..."

Chim began, but Hen interrupted with a sharp. "Chim." Which he completely ignored before continuing.

"… To comment on everybody's life, but you completely shut down whenever we ask you about yours. Why is that? Huh? I mean, how long have we worked together, Bobby? I know nothing about you. I've never even met your wife and your kids. You know why? 'Cause all you do is you sit there, brooding, staring in that little book of yours."

At the mention of Bobby's wife and kids, a look of pain and anguish crossed his face, making Buck wonder what had happened.

Bobby though was trying to defuse the situation, which was gaining something of an audience. "You know what? You're upset, let's drop it."

"Oh, my God, Bobby." Glowered Chim. "Come on, just say it! What is it? Say it!"

Bobby finally snapped. "All right, you're living a lie, man! You let her manipulate you." The entire station had fallen silent now, nobody dared to even breathe in case the anger was turned on them. "You pretend to be somebody you're not when you're around her. Making up stories to satisfy some hero fetish of hers?"

Chim mumbled something under his breath and Bobby snapped at him. "What is that?"

"You know what? Maybe I wouldn't have to make up stories if every once in a while, you let me take point on something. I have to operate the winch, right? And The Manoeuvre? I can do The Manoeuvre."

Bobby sighed and his expression softened. "I know you can. That's not the point here. Chimney, this relationship that you're in is fuelled by lies." Bobby could see that Chim still wasn't seeing what he was getting at. "Come on. Y-You asked me to make you two dinner so you could pass it off as your own. She's not in love with you. She's in love with this fantasy version of you."

Chim snorted, shaking his head. "You know what? I feel really bad for your wife. I really do. Must be tough living with someone who thinks he's right all the time." Chim slammed the bottle that he had been holding onto the counter and stormed off.

"Chim." Called Buck and Hen, trying to get him to stop.

"I'm getting some air." He yelled over his shoulder as he exited the station.

Buck and Hen gave each other a look as if to say "what the hell just happened" before looking at the Captain, who was staring at where Chimney had just been standing, with a look of hurt and anger in his eyes.

"Cap, you okay?" Buck asked cautiously, not wanting to get her head bitten off.

"Fine Buck," Bobby said, a little sharper than he intended. But when he saw Buck flinch at his tone he apologised. "Sorry, Buck. I will be fine, let's just eat and then we can check all of the equipment."

Night had fallen and Chim hadn't returned. Bobby had told Hen to message him and let him know to take the rest of the shift off and return when he had calmed down. And Buck was up in the kitchen with Hen cleaning up, neither of them knew what to say about what had just occurred.

The two of them were working in silence when they heard Bobby yell from the engine bay below.

"All right, everybody, let's gear up! Let's go, let's go!"

Buck peered over the railings confused, as was everybody else. No alarm had gone off and they were wondering why Cap was summoning them. "For what? I didn't hear a bell."

"It's Chimney."

As soon as those words came out of the captain's mouth everybody kicked into high gear. Sprinting down the stairs, they all rushed to pull on their turnout gear.

"Come on. Hustle up. Hustle up, everybody, let's go!" Urged Bobby.

Suddenly the alarm went off and they knew that it was for Chimney. So, in double time they suited up and raced off to the scene of the accident.

When they arrived at the scene Captain Serrano of the 122 was already on the scene. The moment that he saw the 118 arrive he went over to greet them. "Captain Nash?"

"Yeah. Thanks for calling."

Serrano started to lead Bobby to where Chimney was. "Your guy's this way. He wouldn't let anyone else touch him." Pausing for a moment, Serrano held out his hand to stop Bobby in his tracks. "You, uh... you might want to prepare yourself, sir." He warned.

Bobby turned back to face the others, who were all waiting to find out what had happened to their stricken teammate. "Hang back, guys."

Bobby walked off with Serrano, leaving the 118 standing there, terrified about what would be waiting for them.

Bobby wasn't gone long, but when he got back Buck could see that he was visibly shaken by what he had seen. "Cap, what's happened? How bad is it?"

"It's bad Buck." He said before turning to the entire team. "Alright, everyone. It is bad, he has a piece of rebar through his skull. From the back to the front."

There was a collective gasp from the team, and Buck felt like she was going to throw up. "Now, Buck and Hen, I want you two working with me on Chimney. Martinez and Reece, I want you two to help secure Chim's car, make sure that there is nothing else that can hurt him. The rest of you I want you helping the 122 out where you can, I will keep you up to date on Chim, and I will radio if we need any more help with him. Now grab your stuff and let's move."

Grabbing her kit, she joined Bobby and Hen before they made their way over to Chimney's car. Bobby was filling them in on a few more details on the way.

"He's alert and talking, doesn't appear to be in any pain."

"Got a piece of rebar through his skull. How is that even possible?" Wondered Buck, worried that if he was not in any pain it could mean that it was worse than it looks.

"Oh, it's possible." Answered Hen. "Brain tissue has no nociceptors. It can't feel pain."

"Okay, what about the rest of his head?"

Bobby shrugged, not really knowing how to explain it himself. "Well, he's in shock. Now, listen guys, this hasn't registered yet. He knows he's pinned, but that's it, so we got to be cool."

As they were about to approach the car Buck thought of something. "So, if this thing's right between his eyes, can he see it?"

"I don't know what he can see," Bobby said concerned.

When they arrived at the car, Buck almost gasped. Chim was sat in the driver's seat, his hands still on the steering wheel, with a piece of rebar sticking out almost directly between his eyes. Buck and hen glanced at each other, but neither of them said anything, for not wanting to alarm Chim.

Bobby knelt down next to the driver's side of the door, while Hen crawled through the passenger's side, and took her place next to Chim. Buck was leaning against the bonnet of the car, waiting for her instructions.

Hen inserted an IV before pulling out her stethoscope and checking his breathing and heart rate. "Airways sound good." She said, impressed that he was not in a worse state. "What's your pain level?"

"Not much pain." He said, and Buck breathed a sigh of relief. "Uh... I don't think there's any spinal damage. I can feel my legs, but when I try and move my head..."

"Don't." Yelled Buck and Hen simultaneously. Their reactions would have almost been comical if their friend wasn't in such a life-threatening situation.

Bobby on the other hand was still trying to remain calm, to keep Chim calm. "Be still."

Chimney now looked concerned, he knew that his friends were not telling him something and he wanted to know. "What's going on? Wh-Wh-Why aren't you guys, like, cutting me out of here?"

"It's complicated." Explained Bobby.

"Why?"

"You've been injured, Chim."

"How bad is it?"

"It's not good." Winced Buck, earning a glare from Hen and Bobby.

"Well, I want to see it."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, I do. Bobby, show me." Chim urged.

Sighing, Bobby pulled out his phone and recorded a quick video so Chim could see his injuries. "All right. Are you ready?" He asked cautiously. Not really wanting to show the video.

"Show it to me."

"All right."

Turning the phone around and pressing play, Buck and Hen watched with bated breath as Chim finally saw the extent of his injuries.

"Holy crap." He whispered before panic started setting in. "How come I'm not dead?"

Not having an answer for that, other than luck, that is what Bobby answered. "Because you are the luckiest and the unluckiest son of a bitch on the face of the earth all at the same time."

"Hey, uh, you guys, I can't even feel this."

"I know."

"All right, well, please get me out of here before I start to..." Panicked Chim.

"All right, we're working on it. Normally, I'd be consulting with my smartest EMT, but right now he's got a rebar stuck in his head." Bobby said, and Buck could tell that he was hoping that Chim would come up with an answer for him, but he had nothing.

Buck stood there for a moment thinking to herself. "If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, Mohammed will go to the mountain." Muttered Buck, causing everyone to look at her like she had grown a second head.

"Buck, what are you on about?" Bobby asked.

"If it is too dangerous to take Chim out of the car to transport him to the hospital, why don't we just transport the whole car?"

"Are you crazy, Buck?" Bobby and Hen said at the same time, as they wondered about Buck's sanity. But Chim looked thoughtful.

"Wait, Cap." Interrupted Chim. "Buck may be crazy, but I think that she is onto something."

"Thank you, Chim."

Buck started explaining her plan, and Chim helped by adding in a few extra details, and they soon had the car ready to be loaded onto a flatbed, to be driven to the hospital.

Bobby and Buck were strapping Chim into the car, making sure that he was tied tight enough that he couldn't move even a millimetre, but not so tight that it would hurt him. Between the neck brace, the straps, and the bandages that buck had utilised, he was not going anywhere.

Tying the last knot, Buck checked that he was secure, and when she was sure she slid out of the car, leaving Bobby sat in the passenger's seat next to him.

Buck, Hen, and the rest of the 118 watched as their teammate's car was winched onto the truck. She was still astounded that he was alive, let alone talking to them coherently.

Seemingly sensing the tension surrounding his team Chim tried to make a joke for everyone.

"Hey, Buck. How's the car, man? Is it a total loss?"

Buck looked between Bobby, Chim, and Hen with wide eyes. "Nah, man, you... probably buff most of that out." She winced.

"Good. Good." Muttered Chim. As Buck breathed a sigh of relief, Chim spoke up again. "Buck, do me favour."

"Sure Chim, anything."

"Never play poker. You are a terrible liar." And they all snorted with laughter.

As the car was secure on the flatbed, the 118 returned to their vehicles. And then, they set off in convoy, making sure that their teammate was able to get the help that he needed.

As Chim was wheeled into the ER, everyone was stood around, not knowing what to say, no one had any idea whether or not that this would be the last time that they would see their friend alive.

The drive back to the station was silent, nobody dared to say anything. And when they got back, Bobby assured them that he would keep everyone appraised on Chim's condition and then told everyone to get some sleep.

Bick tossed and turned in bed, trying and failing to get some sleep. Eventually, she gave up and made her way upstairs where Bobby was sat at the table nursing a cup of coffee. "Cap?" She said, causing Bobby to jump. "Sorry, I- I was just…"

"You couldn't sleep either?"

Buck shook her head and sat down next to Bobby. "I just keep seeing his face."

"Me too." Sighing Bobby rubbed his hand across his face. "I keep reliving that conversation that we had, and the things that we said to each other."

"Cap, you can't beat yourself up over that. Chim was in a bad mood, he was going to be looking for anything to take his anger out on. Besides you were there for him when he needed you the most. You were there after he crashed his car, and that is the most important thing."

"Still, I should have made him stay, not let him leave."

"Buck's right Cap." Came Hen's soft voice from behind them, making the two of them turn around. "You are not to blame. It was an accident, and if it wasn't Chim then it would be somebody else."

Buck nodded in agreement as she made her way over to the kitchen to make a coffee for herself and Hen. And when she returned Hen and bobby had moved over to the lounge and were sitting in silence.

The three of them sat there for a bit, not saying anything, just thinking and praying for their teammate, when Bobby spoke up. "Do you think that I could open up to you all more?"

"We all have our secrets, Cap." Reassured Hen. "All of us."

"I can't talk. I have many secrets that I am not willing to share with everyone yet." Muttered Buck.

"See. Everyone is hiding something. Yeah, you do pry into our personal lives without offering anything of yourself up for grabs. But I figured that you would tell us when you were ready. And if you are not ready now then don't force yourself."

"Thanks. Both of you. I think that I am going to try and get some more sleep. I will contact you if there is any info on Chim."

"Night Cap."

"Night, Buck. Hen." Nodded Bobby as he disappeared into his office, leaving Buck and Hen sitting there, sipping on their coffee's, trying to think about anything but Chim.

By the time morning had rolled around, there was a strange atmosphere in the firehouse. Everyone was trying to keep their minds off the fact that Chim had been in surgery for over thirteen hours now. And the silence was starting to get unbearable.

Much to everyone's annoyance, Buck had taken to pacing the loft, muttering to herself. "It's been, like, thirteen hours. How long's it take to pull a rod out of a guy's skull, anyway?"

Sighing and rolling her eyes in frustration, Hen put down her pen and looked over at Buck. "You ever heard of that saying, "It ain't brain surgery"? Well, this is. Now would you please sit down, you are driving all of us up the wall with your pacing."

"Sorry." Mumbled Buck, as she collapsed into the seat next to Hen.

"Apology accepted. Now, what's 3 across for when doubled in...?"

But Bobby interrupted her when he walked into the loft, causing everyone to stare at him expectantly. "Just got off the phone with the surgeon."

"He alive?" Buck asked, praying for some good news.

"He's alive."

"He still have both his eyes?" Hen asked, knowing that the pressure inside of his head could cause him to lose his eyes.

"Yeah."

Buck then asked the question that everyone really wanted to know the answer to. "Any... a-any brain damage?"

Bobby's expression turned solemn, and Buck held her breath, bracing herself for the worst.

"There were some complications when they took the rebar out. He started haemorrhaging. They got the bleeding under control but had to put him in a medically induced coma. They'll let us know if his condition changes."

"You mean if he wakes up." Buck finished with hope.

"Or if he doesn't," Hen added.

"Yeah."

They didn't have time to worry about Chim for long, because the alarm went off not soon after. And despite how everyone was feeling, the entire team knew that had to put all of that to one side and do the job that they had sworn to do.

They had arrived at a storage warehouse parking lot, where someone had heard screams coming from inside a truck.

"Buck, get the tools." Ordered Bobby.

As buck started pulling the equipment out of the truck she felt guilty for being glad that there was an emergency to go to and decided to see whether or not she was wrong to feel that way.

"Yo, Hen. Is it wrong I was stoked there was an emergency? I was climbing the walls back at the house."

"We all were, and, yeah, it's wrong. We're not here to blow off steam. We're here to help."

"And we can't do both?" But Hen didn't answer she just shook her head and walked away from Buck's stupidity.

When Buck made it over to Bobby he and one of the cops who were on the scene had just finished examining the truck. "Truck is registered out of Texas. We're still looking for the driver." The cop said.

"It's got to be over 100 degrees in there." Worried Bobby. "Buck." Gestured Bobby towards the locks and Buck flipped her visor down and started up the saw.

The locks were good quality, and it took Buck a few minutes to break each of them, but when she did they quickly wrenched the doors open, and they saw about two dozen people, all families of varying ages, and all looking worse for wear.

"All right, get these people some water." Ordered Bobby as he climbed inside of the truck, followed by the rest of the 118.

One of the men was holding his child in his arms, and the boy had gone all floppy and unresponsive. Carefully plucking him from his father's grasp, Buck carried him outside.

"I got him, I got him, I got him." Reassured Buck to his worried family.

Bobby was barking orders at the team and at the various cops that were arriving on the scene to get water for everyone. While calling dispatch for more backup, ambulances, even a helicopter to get the sickest to the nearest hospital.

Buck placed the little boy on the blanket that Hen had laid down for him and when she checked his pulse she couldn't find one. "Come on. Breathe." She urged. "Starting compressions."

"Go ahead." Confirmed Hen, and Buck started administering compressions.

"All right, come on." Buck muttered to the boy, praying that this was going to work. "I know you can hear me. I need you to breathe for me, okay?"

The boy's parents raced over and knelt by their son, as Buck and Hen did their best to save the little boy's life. "Por favor, mijo." They prayed.

Buck paused the compressions, while Hen administered the rescue breaths. "Come on, come on, come on, come on." She muttered almost willing life into the child.

Suddenly the little boy gasped, and his parents lurched forwards, pulling him into a huge hug. "Javi. Respirar." (Breathe.) They urged, praying that their son would be all right.

Buck was over the moon that the child was okay. "Ah! Javi, Javi, good job, good job." She praised as he took big, lung full of air. "Uh, uh... to-to-todo bien, todo bien. All right?" (Everything's fine.) She moved to the side so Javi's parents could see to their son, before returning to help out the others.

Buck was helping carry more people out of the truck, to the various triage areas, when she saw hen bolt towards the crowd, yelling as she went. "Hey! Dick! Where the hell do you think you're going? Sick son of a bitch."

Suddenly Hen talked a man to the ground, and Buck realised that he must have been the trucker. Handing off the person in her arms to one of the paramedics, she jogged over to see if she could be of any assistance. But it was becoming clear that she was not needed.

"Whole families could have died in there." Spat Hen. "Someone with a badge and a gun want to put this trash in custody?" She yelled at one of the nearby cops.

After he was cuffed Hen walked back over to Buck, who was standing there looking very impressed with her. "Oh, I am impressed. That was badass, but I thought we weren't here to blow off steam."

"You know what you can blow." Hen snapped, before storming off.

"Hen," Buck called after her, but she just ignored her.

Buck was about to follow when her phone rang, and when she looked at the caller ID she saw that it was Abby and she smiled. She knew that today was going to be stressful for her, it was her mom's birthday and with her Alzheimer's it was going to be a tough day. "Hey, uh, everything okay?"

"You answered." She said sweetly, almost as if she was still surprised that Buck would answer. "You always answer. You're so sweet. Oh, no, everything's fine. Um, is this a bad time?"

Buck looked over at everyone, working and felt guilty that she was on the phone, but figured a quick conversation couldn't hurt.

"Uh, no. I'm-I'm at a call, but I-I wanted to answer and, you know, make sure... you're not out on the ledge or something."

Abby laughed. "Thank you. I can't believe you're at a call. Um, I'm not on a ledge." She reassured. "But I'm in a windowsill. You're on a call. I'm letting you go. Go back to work. We can talk later." Buck could hear the guilt in Abby's voice, but she wasn't having any of it.

"Nah, come on, tell me."

Abby paused, and then sighed, realising that resistance, when it came to Buck, was futile, even if she couldn't see the puppy dog eyes, she knew that they were there. "No, it's just my mom. My mom has Alzheimer's, did I tell you that? I can't remember if I told you that or not."

"You've mentioned it. And as I said before I am sorry that you are all going through that."

"Um, thanks. And she's just... slipping, you know? She's getting worse, and I... I'm starting to feel like she might need more... than just me. More help. Professional help."

Buck was confused. Abby had never once mentioned needing more help than what Carla was providing. "Y-You mean like a home?" She asked.

"Yeah." Came Abby's dejected voice. "Although even as you say it out loud, I'm paralyzed with guilt at the thought of it. I mean, she's my mom. Right?"

"Yeah, that's rough. Look, I don't... I don't know a lot. But if there's one thing I learned over the last 24 hours, the only thing that matters is family. Right."

Abby gasped and when she spoke again she sounded brighter and happier than she ever had before. "Yes. You're so right. Thank you."

"Yeah, you got it. Um... Look, I'll talk to you soon. Okay?"

"Bye Buck. And thank you for listening."

"Anytime Ab's, anytime."

Hanging up, Buck returned to her job, a small smile on her face.

It had been hours since their shift had ended. Buck, Bobby, and Hen had all come to the hospital to see Chimney. Bobby had tried to persuade Tatiana to come, but she had refused, instead breaking up with Chim via Bobby.

The three of them were being shown to Chim's room in the ICU, by one of the nurses.

"He's a tough nut." She said quietly. "He's gonna be in this room for a few days. Intubation tube is out, obviously, but the catheter's still in."

"Can he hear us?" Asked Bobby.

"I always treat them like they can." Quietly she slid the door open to allow the three of them in. "All right, two minutes, and then I'm kicking you out."

Buck and Bobby took a seat on either side of Chim, while Hen perched herself on the edge of the bed. Her eyes swimming with tears for her best friend.

Being careful of all of the tubes and wires, coming out and off him, Bobby took one of his hands, giving it a gently squeeze. "Hey, Chim. We're all here for you, buddy." He muttered, as Hen reached out and grabbed his other hand.

Buck looked at Chim, not really knowing what to say. "H-Hey." She eventually stammered out. "I-I was thinking maybe when you come back to work, um, you know, you should do The Manoeuvre instead of me."

Bobby and Hen looked at Buck like she was crazy. Everyone knew that The Manoeuvre was her move, and no one else had ever been able to pull it off as seamlessly as she did. But Buck just shrugged. "To motivate him to get better. You know."

"He can't do The Manoeuvre." Whispered Bobby.

"Yeah, he can. Hey, Chim, you can do The Manoeuvre. Right?" Buck asked and everyone chuckled.

Clearing his throat, Bobby knew that what he has going to say next was going to be hard to hear. "Chim. I, um... I tried to get a hold of your dad."

Buck looked at Chim with a knowing sadness in her eyes. His dad wasn't going to come, just like her parents wouldn't if she was ever in this situation, but she still felt the need to explain it to Bobby, just in case.

"There's a 16-hour time difference with Seoul, you know, so maybe... maybe that has something to do with it."

"Yeah, that's right." He agreed, even though he knew that she was just trying to make him feel better.

Hen scoffed and just squeezed his hand harder. "It doesn't matter. His family's right here."

"Agreed." Nodded Buck.

They were sat there for a moment longer before Bobby interrupted the silence. "Please don't ever let him do The Manoeuvre." He said, causing the others to laugh.

Even though they were not sure what the future held for Chim, they knew that he wouldn't be alone during it. Because they were a family at the 118, and family looked out for one another.

Chapter 4: Worst Day Ever

Chapter Text

It had been a couple of weeks since Chimney's crash, and the station was not the same without him. Everyone missed him, and his insane ability to know all of the gossip that is going on in the station. He was worse than an old woman in church for that.

Buck missed him teasing her for her lack of knowledge when it came to popular culture. She also missed how comically afraid of animals that he was. The family style meals that the team usually had, with the random topic of conversation of the day, were almost non-existent.

The biggest thing was Bobby. Buck and Hen had noticed that he had become withdrawn and sullen since the crash, and he had become even more obsessed with his little black book.

Buck was stood in the kitchen with Hen as she was cooking, quietly observing Bobby as he thumbed through the book again.

Buck had brought up Bobby and his little black book to Hondo, when he invited her out to dinner to meet his team. Hondo also became concerned, as neither he nor Buck have had a good experience with people who had little black books. In Buck's experience a little black book means that there is either going to be a lot of dead bodies, or just one. But either way it never ends well.

Hondo was so concerned when Buck told him about the little black book, he even offered to run a search on him. Which she declined, not wanting Bobby to think that she didn't trust him. But she knew that the offer was there if she wanted it.

Buck decided to ask Hen if she knew the reasoning behind his little black book.

"Hey, Hen. What's the deal with the book? I mean you must have the inside scoop?"

Hen glanced over at Bobby. "All I am going to say is stay away from that book. I made that mistake three months in." She warned, grabbing her food, and heading over to the table.

Buck was left leaning against the kitchen counter, shooting worried glances at Bobby. And she decided that she would talk to him, subtly.

Later in the shift, Buck spotted Bobby alone in the locker room, and decided that it would be a good time to corner him.

"Hey, Cap. Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything, Buck. You know that."

"It's a sensitive subject. It's about a friend of mine. Umm, he might be in trouble and I don't know how to tell him that he can ask for help."

"What sort of trouble? Or is that too personal for me to ask?"

Buck looked at Bobby and steeled herself for getting yelled at when he figured out that she was talking about him.

"My friend has a little black book." She flinched when Bobby's gaze, devoid of all emotion, flicked up to hers. But she carried on. "I don't know why he has it, but in my experience people with little black books end up dead, and not always if they mean to be."

Buck could almost see Bobby's brain working over drive trying to process what Buck was talking about, and she hoped that she hadn't stepped over the line.

"And what sort of trouble do you think that your friend is in to make him have a black book?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. In the past I have discovered that there are three types of little black books, ones for sexual conquests, ones for people who want vengeance, and one for people who want to atone. My friend does not strike me as the vengeful type, or someone has a list of his sexcapades, so I am assuming that he is trying to atone for something."

"And what if your friend truly believes that he has to atone for something? What if your friend has done something so bad he has to make it right?"

Buck sighed. "There is nothing that he has done that was so bad he would still not be loved by those around him. I guarantee that I have done worse, and I still have people around me that care for me."

"Then you are lucky."

Buck could sense that Bobby was wanting this conversation to end, so Buck walked to the door, when Bobby called out. "Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't look in my book did you?"

"No Bobby. I would never, black books are personal. But I am worried about you. You have no idea how many people here care for you, and how missed you would be if anything happened to you." She pointed out, before walking out.

Neither Buck, nor Bobby had much time to process what she had said because the alarm started blaring.

The mood very quickly sobered up when they realised that they would be heading towards a plane crash. The reports that they were getting through was saying that it had bailed over the sea, and the coastguard was already on scene.

Pulling up, Buck was horrified. There was a plane that was slowly sinking into the water, with flaming jet fuel all around. Stepping out of the truck, Buck stood there for a moment, stunned. She had seen the aftereffects of bombs and IED's while serving in the SEALs. Heck, she had even blown up the occasional compound herself, but only after it had already been cleared. This was something completely new.

Walking towards where the coastguard was unloading one of their Inflatable Rescue Boats (IRB's), she asked Bobby what the plan was, because she had no idea what to do in this situation.

"Cap, what do you need me to do. I am certified in underwater rescue, and with my extra training I can be useful."

"We are going to go to the plane, we need to search for survivors. Then once we have got everyone off, we can help in body retrieval."

Bobby straightened his back and turned back to face his team, all of whom were looking horrified by the sight in front of them.

"Look everyone, I know that for most of you this is your first plane crash, and for some of you this might even be your first major incident. We take this one person at a time. Help the ones who you can save, we have people who will deal with body retrieval for the rest.

"Buck, Hen, Issacs. You three are with me on this boat. Martinez, Reece, and Gibbons. You three take the next boat. John, I want you to be in charge of triage here on the beach. The rest of you help out where you are needed. Alright everyone, let's move."

Buck was impressed with how quickly everyone sprang to action. Hen grabbed a medi bag, and brought it to the boat, and Buck followed quickly. She knew that it wouldn't be long before the plane went under completely. Time was of the essence.

As they carried the IRB into the water, Buck could see that there were already bodies washing up on shore. Some of them were intact, and they could be identified. Others of them were so hideously mangled that you could barely even tell that they were humans.

Hopping into the boat, they made their way towards the wreckage, and Buck was astounded by the heat coming off the flames from the burning jet fuel, and the acrid smell of smoke and burning flesh everywhere. And she was instantly brought back to when she was trapped inside the Humvee after the IED blast.

Realising that she wasn't going to get through this by normal means, she started to shut her emotions off, focusing only on the job at hand. Right now, in Buck's eyes, this was just another rescue mission. And she had a job to do.

As they got closer to the wreckage, Buck and Hen started checking in the bodies that they were passing on their way to the main carcass of the plane. But every person they had gotten to so far was dead. Buck felt bile rise into her throat and she swallowed it down, she hadn't seen this much death and destruction in years, and the last time that she did she was in the middle of a war zone.

The screams were becoming more prominent too, as they got nearer. Through the flames and search lights she could see dozens of people flailing around in the water, and about thirty more standing on the plane's wing. And as for as she could tell the life rafts had not managed to inflate.

Pulling up to the half of the plane that was still above water, Buck, Hen, and Bobby were all helped on board by the cabin crew that had stayed to help out wherever they could.

Buck looked around and started helping people to the boat that they had just vacated. Before joining Bobby in his search for survivors.

"We have to be quick; this plane will be going down in minutes." He urged as they made their way through the wreckage.

Hen immediately went to the emergency exit and pulled the emergency release for the life raft, causing it to finally inflate. "Everybody swim to the raft." She hollered. And Buck watched as they did as they were told with a small sense of relief. At least some people were going to survive this incident, even though many wouldn't.

As Buck walked further into the wreckage, she knew that they were running out of time to find more survivors. They reached an area where part of the ceiling had collapsed, and they could hear someone calling out underneath it.

"Help. Help me, please." The man cried out.

Buck and Bobby launched forward, carefully lifting the ceiling off the man. Buck could see that his seatbelt had cut into his stomach, when he was thrown forward in the force of the crash, and was now lodged in his belly, keeping him pinned in his seat.

Hen knelt down next to Buck to check him out and grimaced slightly when she saw his stomach.

"We need to cut him free." She ordered.

Nodding, Buck pulled out her old knife from when she was a SEAL and sliced the belt away from the seat, freeing the man, but leaving the belt in him. Bobby had always wondered why she carried such a big knife with her, she could now see that he was glad that she did.

Hen helped the man up, and he screamed in pain as he was finally freed of his constraints, and she led him to where another boat had arrived to take survivors to the shore.

Walking further through the plane, they all had to hold on when the next swell shifted the plane, causing the fuselage to crack and split even more.

"Come on." Urged Bobby. "We're running out of time."

Buck and Bobby scrambled to where they could see a woman and her kid huddled together in their seats. When they reached them, they could see that the boy had a rather nasty cut to his head, but other than that he was relatively unharmed, his mom on the other hand had several nasty lacerations on her face and arms, and Buck could tell that she had gotten hurt protecting her son.

Buck could hear the boy call out to his mom when he saw Buck and Bobby approaching. "Mommy, come on, we have to go."

Bobby leaned over and checked over the two of them. "Are you all right?"

The woman shook her head. "No, my..." She gasped out, gesturing to her legs.

"Are you trapped?" Bobby asked, his eyes flicking over to Buck, who was eyeing the rapidly rising water line with some trepidation.

She nodded and Bobby looked at Buck, concerned. "Let's go, let's go. All right. Pull that chair, Buck."

Leaning over, Buck grasped the chair that was pinning the woman, who Buck discovered was called Tammy, and started to pull. The chair creaked and Tammy screamed.

"Stop!" Yelled Bobby. "Stop, Buck! Her legs are pinned."

Tammy looked over at her son, who was looking absolutely terrified at the thought of his mom hurting. The sight of it was breaking Buck's heart.

"Please save him." Tammy pleaded, and buck reached down for the boy, who immediately kicked away from Buck, screaming.

"No, no! I'm not leaving without you!" He pleaded, clinging onto his mom for dear life.

But Tammy just cupped his face and spoke to him ever so sweetly. "Okay, baby, listen. Look, look. The firemen are here, okay? I need you to get on their boat so they can do their job. If everyone is worried about you and your pretty face, how are they gonna do what they need to do to save me?"

Buck could see that the boy was wavering but still clinging on. So, Tammy tried one more time.

"Have I ever lied to you?" He shook his head. "Then you have to believe me. I will be with you again so soon. Mommy loves you so much. Do this for me. Okay." "Okay?" He whispered cautiously.

"Okay, baby."

Buck scooped the kid up into her arms and carried him towards the next boat that had arrived. "All right, time to go."

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Okay, okay. Go, baby."

"I got you. It's gonna be okay. We'll take good care of you, I promise." Buck murmured into his ear, as she walked through the wreckage. "Hey what's your name?"

"Jake."

"Well, hi Jake. I'm Buck."

"That's a funny name."

"Well, my surname is Buckley, so it is shortened from that."

Reaching the boat, Buck passed Jake off to Hen, who handed him off to one of the coastguard, before stepping back on the wreckage.

As the plane rumbles and sinks even further into the water with the next swell, Jake started screaming for his Mom, as he was being taken away from the wreck. "Mom! Mom! Mom!" He yelled until they could hear him no more.

As Bobby kept trying to free Tammy, he yelled more instructions at Buck. "Buck, Buck. Go check the back of the plane. We're running low on time."

Nodding, she waded through the water that was now well above her knees and rising. Not spotting anyone, Hen and Buck were just checking the last of the plane when they heard a noise coming from the bathroom.

"Please." Came a man's voice. "Get us out of here! It's filling up with water!"

Rushing through the water as fast as they could, Buck and Hen yelled out back to them. "We're coming. We're coming."

"Please!" Begged a woman, causing Buck to raise her eyebrows a bit.

"Hang on, hang on." Buck Reassured as she and Hen approached the door.

When they got there, they could see that the door to the bathroom was blocked by an overturned cart. Buck and Hen grabbed it and pulled with all of their might, but neither of them could get the cart to budge.

"They're trapped in there." Grunted Hen as she tried to heave the cart out of the way.

"Hurry," came the panicked voices form inside, "it's filling up fast. Please hurry! We don't want to drown!"

Realising that what they were trying was futile, Buck looked around for something that she could use for leverage when she heard the boat start up and another one of her crazy ideas popped into her head.

"Wait, hold the boat!" She hollered into the radio, causing Hen to look at her like she had grown a second head.

Ignoring the screams coming from the bathroom, Buck grabbed the bag where the rope was kept and handed one end to Hen. "Here, tie the rope to the cart."

"What?" Yelled Hen.

"Give me the other end, come on."

Hen handed the bag containing the rest of the rope to Buck. "Here, take the bag."

Buck took the bag, and as fast as she could she made her way back up the aisle and towards where the boat was waiting.

She passed Bobby who was still trying to free Tammy and was still failing. As she made her way, she could hear the screams and panic from the two locked in the bathroom getting worse.

Reaching the boat, Buck handed the bag to Martinez, who was still on there helping ferry the survivors to shore. "Here, take this. Tie it on the end!" She yelled, passing the bag with the rope in, to him.

Once it was tied onto the boat Buck gave them the signal to go. "Good to go! Now, go, go, go! "Everyone, stay clear!" Buck hollered as Hen dived to one side.

There was a sudden lurch, and the cart came flying, narrowly missing Bobby, who was trying to shield Tammy with his body, and Buck just managed to fling her body to the ground before the cart came sailing over her head.

Looking up, Buck saw Hen help the couple out of the bathroom, and she smiled. "I got you, I got you." She heard Hen comforting them as they quickly managed to make their way to the front, where the boat had come back for them. "Come on. Watch your step. Y'all walk ahead. Get on the boat."

As they approached Buck, the whole plane shifted again, throwing Buck to the ground again.

Standing up, Buck was already waist deep in water, the plane was going down fast, and they needed to get everyone off the plane.

Buck helped Hen get the couple that they rescued from the bathroom onto the boat, and the Buck helped Hen on board before turning back to Bobby.

"Come on, Buck, let's go now, now, now!" Urged Hen.

Buck shook her head, grabbed one end of the rope again and started heading back towards Bobby and Tammy. "I am not leaving without Bobby, Hen. Don't worry about me. I am a certified diver, and I can hold my breath for a really long time. Just get yourselves safe."

Hen didn't even have a chance to react, she just had to watch as Buck disappeared off into the water.

When Buck got to Bobby she could see him holding Tammy's head up above the water line, and Buck knew that they were out of time. "Bobby, it's time to go." She insisted.

Buck Bobby wasn't giving up. "Get out of there Buck." He yelled before turning back to Tammy. "You're okay. Come on."

Martinez's voice crackled over their radio's and he sounded desperate. "Evacuate all rescue personnel. Everyone off the plane now. That means you too, Cap." He added, knowing that Bobby was going to fight him on this.

"I need a minute."

"A minute? In a minute, you'll die."

Tammy was fighting back the tears, and Buck could see that she was terrified. "Do you have kids?" She asked Bobby.

"Yes." He muttered and Buck was shocked, she didn't remember him ever mentioning kids.

"I died giving birth to my son. I had a seizure. And eclampsia, then my heart stopped. I remember feeling the life leaving my body, but I said no. And I fought and I fought to come back because a son needs his mother." Tammy said determinedly.

"You're not gonna die here." Promised Bobby. "'Cause I'm gonna get you out of here. I swear on my life. If you go down, I am gonna go down. Okay? Just keep fighting."

"Hey, Bobby!" Buck yelled, struggling to hear over the water that was now rushing in.

"Keep fighting." Bobby told Tammy before turning to Buck. "I told you to leave, Buck, now!"

"Yeah!" She shrugged, passing him the rope. "You know I'm a terrible listener! Besides you my need my underwater skills. Here, take this rope! Tie it to the seat. It works, trust me."

Bobby nodded and tied the rope to the seat in front as tight as he could.

"Ready?" Buck asked.

Bobby nodded, but before Buck could even press the button on her radio she was swept under the water.

The moment that her head was submerged Buck's SEAL training kicked in and she focused on the job at hand.

Turning around, she started swimming towards the last place where Bobby and Tammy were. She was getting all turned around, and she hadn't managed to prepare her body properly for being submerged, so her lungs were already starting to get sore from the strain of not taking in air.

When she reached the carcass of the plane she saw that Tammy's seat was empty, and she could also see no sign of Bobby, so she hoped for the best and headed back up.

Then Buck kicked her way to the surface. The moment that she broke through the surface of the water she took a deep, nourishing, breath of air. She could feel her lungs thanking her for the relief of being able to breathe again.

Her ears were ringing, and she wasn't really able to fucus on anything at that moment but getting the air that she needed into her lungs. But a bright light was soon blinding her, and when she looked over she could see the boat heading towards her, with Hen and Martinez leaning over the side, arms held out to grab Buck, their mouths moving but with no sound coming out.

Grabbing their hands when they reached her, they hauled her into the boat and Hen immediately wrapped her up in a foil blanket to counteract the cold that was already seeping into her bones.

It took a moment for the ringing in her ears to stop enough to her what was being said to her.

"Buck. Buck, did you hear me?" Yelled Hen.

"Huh?" She said stupidly.

"I said did you swallow any water?"

"No." She shook her head dazed. "No, I didn't."

"Well, you are going to check a once over when we get to dry land." Ordered Hen, but Buck had stopped listening again.

"Bobby." She mumbled.

"What?" Martinez asked.

"Bobby? Did Bobby and Tammy get out?"

"Yeah." They both nodded. "They got out several minutes before you surfaced."

"Oh, thank god." Murmured buck, as she flopped back against the side of the boat exhausted.

Hen wrapped her arm around Buck's shoulder and held her tight. "How did you survive?" She asked tears in her eyes. "You were under water for four minutes, we all thought that you were dead."

Buck snorted. "Please, Hen. With preparation I can hold my breath for over seven."

"Well, thank god for that. But you are still getting the once over when we get to dry land."

True to her word, Hen gave Buck the once over when they got back to the beach. And after giving Buck a telling off for making her worry so much, and a promise to come over for dinner one night in the week, so Karen and Denny could see that Buck was alright for themselves, she sent Buck off to get back to work.

Buck and Hen watched as Bobby approached on a Buggy, with Tammy in his arms, wrapped up in multiple blankets.

Buck and Hen then watched as she was then handed off to one of the other crews, who loaded her on a stretcher and prepped her to be taken to hospital. They then watched with a smile as Jake ran over to his mom and was placed on the stretcher along side her and the two of them were wheeled away.

Hen and Buck then approached Bobby, who was looking a little shell shocked. "Captain, Orange County crew arrived." Informed Hen. "They're gonna take point on mop up."

The three of them watched as Tammy and Jake were loaded in an ambulance and were taken to hospital. "There's at least one family that's got a lot to be grateful for. That's got to make you feel pretty good, right?" Hen queried.

Bobby just stoically nodded. "Yeah."

Buck and Hen watched with a worried look in their eyes as they watched Bobby turn and walk away. Buck knew that this was hard, but Bobby seemed to be taking it harder than most.

Hen led Buck away before she could try and follow Bobby, sensing that Bobby needed some alone time. Hen then set Buck to work fetching supplies for the medics and doctors, in the makeshift field hospital that they had set up on the beach.

"Sorry." Apologised Buck as she wormed her way through the crowd. "Excuse me."

"Excuse us." Pardoned a couple that was sat on one of the beds, as Buck squeezed past them to reach the shelves.

The man looked at Buck and his eyes widened in recognition. "Hey. Thank you. We owe you everything."

"Umm, you're welcome. I was just doing my job."

"No. You saved our lives."

"Oh, it's-it's a team effort, you know?"

The couple looked at each other, with a look of love and longing in their eyes. "We're getting married." The girl said. "He asked me as soon as we made it to dry land."

"That's, uh, that's great. Congratulations. You seem like a very nice couple."

"Thank you." They looked at each other and then smiled. "We just have one quick question to ask you. Are you the LAFD Fire Maiden?"

"Yes I am." Grumbled Buck.

"Thank you." Crowed the girl, flinging her arms around Buck's neck. "I have to say that your picture does not do you justice. You are way more beautiful in real life. And if we ever have children, and we have a daughter. Well, I hope that she is as bad ass as you."

Buck chuckled and patted her on the back. "Thank you. That is very sweet. You take care of him, okay? Excuse me."

And picking up the box she came for, Buck left the two love birds to enjoy their future together.

Walking away her phone started ringing, and when she looked at the caller ID she saw that it was Abby.

"Abby."

"Hey. I'm so sorry. Hi. Um... It's awful." Abby sounded upset over the phone, and Buck realised that she was probably working when the calls about the incident came in.

"Yeah. It's grim."

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm-I'm okay."

"Okay, well, I just... I wanted to, um... I don't know, this may be way out of line, but I am... I'm looking for a survivor."

Buck blanched, and she hoped that her friend didn't lose someone close to her because of what had happened here. "You knew someone on this flight?" She asked cautiously.

"No." Came Abby's voice and Buck breathed a sigh of relief. "But a call came through a few hours ago from the plane as it was going down."

"What? Damn." She muttered. Wondering how bad that call must have been to hear.

"I just, I don't know, I want to see if the guy... I hope, I hope the guy made it."

Buck felt guilty. She knew the chances of him surviving were slim, and she didn't want to get Abby's hopes up. "Yeah, a lot of folks didn't."

"I know. His name is Dale Marks, and he's got a pregnant wife waiting for him, and... Anyway..."

Buck sighed. Abby knew that Buck would search until she had an answer, even if it took all night, and that's why she called. But even though she had more important things to be doing than looking for one specific person she agreed.

"Let me, uh... see what I can find out. Okay, bye." And hanging up Buck looked to the stars and prayed that this night would get easier.

Buck started searching around for Dale Marks. She wanted to be able to tell Abby something, good or bad, but she kept getting side-tracked. There always seemed to be someone who needed Buck's help, and she even ended up joining the underwater rescue team, who were on body recovery.

At about two thirty in the morning Buck finally managed to get hold of the officer in charge of the survivors list. And prayed that the person that she was looking for was on there.

"Sorry." She sighed. "Uh, 52 survivors. That's pretty good, right? This is my-my first plane crash." She looked around at the carnage and wondered how 52 survivors would be classed as good.

"Mine, too." The young officer in charge of the survivor list agreed solemnly. "Yeah. Usually if there is one fatality, it's-it's, like, a four percent survival rate."

Buck looked around at the remaining survivors that had yet to be taken to hospital, and the bodies that were being brough to the beach. "I wasn't expecting so many of the bodies to be... you know, in-in one piece. Uh, guess it makes identifying the casualties a lot easier..." Realising what she said she quickly back tracked. "Not that it's easy."

Looking around, Buck was worried what she was going to find. "Uh, can I, can I check your list? Uh, see-see a name, um... Dale Marks?"

If the officer was surprised by the request, she didn't show it. "Oh, no, I think I remember that name." Buck's heart swelled, and there was a flicker hope in her heart.

The hope disappeared quickly when the officers face fell. "Oh. I think that name is on the other list."

"Ah." Buck felt gutted. She did not want to have to make this call. "All right. Um, thank you."

She walked off and went in search for the officer that was in charge of the list of the dead. When she found him she approached, her face grim.

"Excuse me. I am looking for someone that was on the plane, and I was told that they were likely on your list."

He nodded and picked up his clipboard. "Of course, what name are you looking for?"

"Dale Marks."

He looked for a second before looking up grimly. "Yeah he is here. Follow me."

He lead Buck over to the tent where the deceased was being held. About halfway down the tent they stopped, and he unzipped the bag. "This is Dale Marks."

Buck closed her eyes and wished that she didn't have to make this call. Pulling the phone out of her pocket she dialled. Abby picked up on the first ring, and when she answered she sounded nervous about what she was going to hear. "Hi, Abs."

"Buck. Did you find him."

"Yeah Abby, I found him."

"And?"

Buck looked into Dale's eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed. "He's dead Abby. I am looking at him right now." Buck could hear Abby sigh over the phone, not knowing what to say. So, Buck did the only thing she knew how to do. She apologised. "I'm sorry, Abby. I know it's not what you wanted to hear." She hung up the phone and watched them zip up Dale's body bag. Silently saying her goodbyes to him.

Dawn was peeking over the horizon by the time that the 118 were finally able to leave. The entre team was exhausted, and Bobby was already on the phone arranging cover for the team.

Buck was so tired she had fallen asleep on the way back, and she didn't wake up until Hen shook her awake. "Buck, come hon. It's time to get up."

Groaning, Buck slowly opened her eyes, blinking the sleep away. "Sorry Hen." She slurred her voice thick with tiredness. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay, Buck. No one is upset. We are all exhausted, and no one else on our team had to go and work underwater recovery like you did."

"Mmm." Nodded Buck as she dragged her body out of the truck and towards the showers. "Let me just shower, grab a nap and I will be good to go."

"Buck." Hen called out, grabbing buck by her shoulders to stop her. "Stop. We are off duty for the next two days. Go and grab a shower and then I will take you home."

"Thanks, Hen." And Buck sluggishly made her way to the showers.

After a brief shower, Buck got dressed, and grabbed her keys. Walking out of the locker room, she said goodbye to the last couple of the team who were just leaving and made her way up to Bobby's office.

"Hey Cap?" She called out, knocking on his door. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay before I go home."

Bobby was sat at his desk, his eyes staring straight ahead, and not focusing on anything.

"I'm okay, Buck." He said monotonously. "You get some sleep. You did a good job today."

"Thanks Cap. And you did good too. Tammy would be dead if it wasn't for you."

"Thanks, Buck. Now go home, get some sleep. I will see you in two days."

"Yeah see you Cap."

Buck walked downstairs and hoped into Hen's truck. The ride to Buck's place was quiet, but when they got there Hen was appalled. "Wait. This is where you live?"

"Yeah, rent was cheap. And I need to save up money to get somewhere good."

"Oh, no, no, no." She muttered to herself, eyes closed, and silently praying for the strength not to slap Buck silly. "Buck you cannot stay here after the shift that you have had. You are coming home with me, go and grab a bag, and be back in this car in five minutes. I will call Karen and warn her that we are having a guest for a couple of nights.

Smiling, Buck hopped out of the truck. A warm fuzzy feeling inside. She felt good that Hen cared enough about her to be worried about her wellbeing, recovering from a traumatic day like the one that they had, in a place like where she was living.

By the time that A-shift was back at work. Buck was feeling better. She was eternally grateful for Hen and Karen's hospitality. They had treated her like family, and Denny was happy to have his favourite "Buck" come and stay for a couple of nights.

Buck was grateful to have a homecooked meal each night, and was grateful to have someone to talk to, that wasn't just her therapist.

As a thank you for Hen and Karen's hospitality, Buck promised to take Denny to the zoo at the weekend, giving the women a day to themselves.

They both kept saying that she didn't have to, but she insisted. That and Denny was excited to go to the zoo for the day.

When they got back to work, Buck was discussing the plans for the weekend trip to the zoo, while getting dressed, when Martinez approached with a worried look on his face.

"Hen, Buck. Have either of you seen Bobby?"

The two women looked at each other, shaking their heads. "No. Is he not here yet?"

"No. And we have tried calling him the last couple of days, you know, to check up. He never answered. Not once."

Buck and Hen now looked worried. Bobby never not answered his phone, and he never went MIA before.

"Look. Let's give it a couple of hours. There could be bad traffic, or there could be something else. If he is not here by lunch, Buck and I will go to his place and check up on him."

Lunch came and went and there was still no sign of Bobby. So, Hen and Buck, true to their word made their way over to Bobby's apartment to check up on him.

When they got there, they could see Bobby's truck was still parked in his parking space, so he hadn't driven anywhere. Hen led the way up to his place. And when they got there, Bick pounded on the door.

"Bobby? Bobby, open up!" Yelled Hen. Pulling out his phone to call him.

"He ever gone MIA like this before?" Buck asked concerned. Praying that this was just a one off.

Hen shook her head as she dialled. "No. Honestly, I don't, I don't know much about his story before he took over the house. Just that he, uh... he's in recovery."

"Crap." Buck muttered under her breath. And she worried that Bobby had possibly fallen off the wagon and no one knew about it.

As Buck kept knocking on the door, she hears a sound from inside the room. Straining she could hear the faint sound of a phone ringing. "You hear it? You hear that?"

Hen nodded and Buck stepped back. Bracing herself to kick the door in. "I'm gonna kick it down." She announced, but Hen stopped her.

"No. No, you're not." Reaching into her pocket, Hen pulled out her keys. "Bobby and I gave each other spare keys just in case one of us couldn't make it home one day."

Opening the door, they walked in and Buck was shocked. Apart from the basic furniture needed, it was like no one lived there. There was no personal items, not pictures, no artwork, no nothing.

Hen and Buck looked at each other and Buck knew the same thought was running through their heads. "Who was the man they called 'Captain'?"

"Bobby?" Hen called out as they cautiously walked through the place.

Walking into the main room, they spotted four plated laid out on the table, almost as if Bobby was expecting guests. But there was no sign of anyone in the house.

When they entered the bedroom, they saw Bobby passed out on the bed, face down. Empty bottles of scotch all over the place. Buck and Hen looked at each other. This was not what they expected to see. Their normally strong, stoic, leader. Fallen off the wagon.

"Bobby?" Buck called out as she tried to rouse him. "Bob? Bob? Hey." She shook him gently. But he didn't even stir.

"Come on, let's get him up." Ordered Hen.

Kneeling down, Buck manoeuvred Bobby into a sitting position. Taking one side, and Hen taking the other, they man handled him into the bathroom and into the bathtub.

Before they turned the shower on, Hen grabbed his robe and hung it on the back pf the door, and Buck checked all of the bathroom cabinets for any sign of drugs or alcohol.

When it was clear, they turned the water on.

It took a few moments for Bobby to open his eyes. It took even longer for him to realise that Buck and Hen were in his bathroom, watching him. Looks of pity on their faces.

"Get showered, we've left your robe hanging on the door, and be in the lounge in twenty minutes. Or I am coming back in here after you." Buck told him, before leaving Bobby to shower in peace.

"Hen can you make Bobby some coffee and call the others. Let them know what's going on. I will make sure that there is no more alcohol in the house."

"Agreed."

It wasn't long before all three of them were in the lounge/kitchen area. Bobby on the couch, Buck in the chair and Hen in the kitchen making Bobby a coffee. Bobby had his hands clasped together in front of himself and was staring at them, not willing to look his colleagues in the eye.

"How long has it been?" Buck asked. Being the first to break the silence.

"546 days. 45 and a half if we're being picky." Sighing, Bobby shook his head, as though he had no idea what he was doing. "Days. 18 months."

"That crash was hard-core." Buck observed.

"Yup." Hen had reappeared and placed a mug of coffee in front of him. "Thanks." He mumbled, a small smile on his face.

"We all have our breaking point." Assured Hen. Knowing that this was probably his.

"Mm-hmm."

"Who were you cooking dinner for? There are four plates set." Hen gestured to the empty room apart from the four plates at the table.

"I don't know. I was drunk." Looking over at Buck and Hen, Bobby tried to reassure them. "I am gonna be fine. This is a one-time thing, I promise, okay? I'm good. I'm sorry I put you guys through this." But Bobby knew that he wasn't fooling anybody.

"You know why redwoods can grow so high?" Asked Hen, and Bobby shook his head. "They move and bend with the wind. If you stay rigid, eventually you'll break."

Bobby barked out a laugh. "You calling me uptight?" Then he turned to Buck, trying to make light of the situation. "She's calling me uptight, isn't she?"

Buck shook her head. "Maybe ask for help once in a while?"

Bobby looked between then and he realised that they meant it. He needed help and they were here to help him. "Help." He sobbed and Buck and Hen moved and pulled Bobby into a hug. Muttering calming, soothing words to him. "Oh." He sniffed. "I'm sorry, you guys. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Buck murmured. "Don't be."

Buck and Hen stayed with Bobby until his sponsor arrived to take over. And Bobby promised that he would be back at work tomorrow, clean, and sober. He also promised that he would not miss another meeting and to talk to someone if he needed to, whether he was on a job or not.

When his sponsor reassured them that he would be fine with him. Buck and Hen made their way back to work. Worried for their Captain.

After reassuring the team that Bobby was fine, and that he would be back tomorrow they continued with their work. But Buck had this niggling feeling in the back of her mind that something else was going on with Bobby. Something that he wasn't telling them. But for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what that was.

Chapter 5: Point Of Origin

Chapter Text

As promised, Bobby returned to work the next day. And he pulled Hen and Buck to one side to thank them for everything that they did for him, and also asked them for discretion about what had happened, which both had agreed to.

They thought that Bobby was alright, but they realised that something was wrong when he almost hit someone while on a call where the owner of an establishment illegally put in a new floor in his building and a bunch of people died. Hen called him out for it in front of everyone, and Buck was so concerned that Bobby was hiding something she decided to call Steve and see what he could dig up about him, in secret.

But when she got home, she changed her mind. Everyone has secrets. God knows that Buck has her fair share of them. So, she didn't think that it was fair that she be allowed to keep hers, and pry into his.

When Buck entered her house, she was appalled to see the remnants of another party, strewn across the place. There were empty pizza boxes and red solo cups everywhere. Sighing loudly, she picked her way through the empty beer bottles and cans that lay across the floor, to Dale who was passed out on the couch.

"Hey." She snapped, kicking the couch, waking him up. "Get your lazy ass up, get the others up, and clean this place up."

"Piss off, Buck." He groaned, rolling over.

"No. I said get up and clean this place up. I am sick of coming off a night shift and finding this place looking so disgusting that it's a biohazard. I live here too."

"God." Buck hissed as she stormed towards her room, slamming the door behind her.

Buck had barely chucked her bag on the floor when her phone beeped. Looking at it she saw that it was a message from Abby and when she opened the message she was shocked.

It was a missing person's poster and Buck was surprised to see that it was her mom that had gone missing. Without even thinking, Buck called Abby.

Abby picked up on the third ring and when she answered she sounded tired and upset. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Buck. I got your text."

Abby sniffed and Buck felt her heart break at the sound. "Oh, hey. Um, yeah, I know, I just... I sent a blast out to all my contacts."

"Are you, are you okay?"

"Um, no. I'm not." Abby started sobbing and Buck just wanted to pull her into a hug and make sure that she was looked after. "I'm kind of having a nervous breakdown."

"Um... h-how long's she been gone?"

"I don't know. Maybe, like, nine hours or something. She was gone when I woke up. So, I called, you know, I've called the police, I've called the hospitals, the shelters... My brothers in Vegas. He's gonna try to get a flight back."

Grabbing her bag, Buck prepared to leave, knowing that her friend needed her there with her. "Look, I'm-I'm gonna come over. We'll, uh, we'll find your mom and then we can go back to just being occasional drinking buddies, okay?"

"Thanks."

Buck quickly changed into a t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans, then grabbed her keys and ran out of the door. Not even stopping to say bye to her housemates. Who were still passed out on the couch.

It took Buck almost an hour to drive to Abby's building in LA traffic. And when she got there she was surprised to see a black woman open the door.

"Umm, hi. Does Abby Clark live here?"

The woman who had opened the door looked at buck, giving her a funny look. Buck felt like she was trying to size her up, but when Abby appeared behind her all three women smiled.

"Abby." Breathed Buck.

"Hey, Buck. Thanks for coming."

Smiling, Buck realised how much she had missed seeing her friend over the last week. "So, what do we know so far?"

"Come in. Come... Yeah, come in." Gestured Abby as she led Buck inside.

"Thanks."

As Buck walked inside the woman who opened the door called out over her shoulder at Buck. "I'm Carla, by the way."

Buck laughed and walked over shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you Carla. Abby said that you were like an angel sent from heaven."

Shaking her head, Carla pulled buck into a hug. "Don't be silly, we hug here. And I would say looking at you, you're the angel. Damn the camera really doesn't do you justice."

"Thanks Carla." Blushed Buck. "Come on, let's find Patricia."

Buck saw that Abby had created a kind of makeshift command centre in her dining room. She had her laptop out, and several street maps of the city. Buck was impressed, she had been parachuted behind enemy lines with less to go on than this.

"Wow, Abs. You've been busy."

"Yeah." She nodded, still looking worried. "So, we're here. I made assumptions based on her being on foot, because if she's on a bus, or in a taxi, then... she could have gotten much further."

"No, this is good. This is really impressive." Looking at the maps Buck noticed that they were covering certain areas. "What do you figure, like, two miles an hour walking pace?" She asked, wondering how she chose this search area.

"Three." Abby corrected.

Carla nodded in agreement. "Patricia's an annoyingly fast walker."

"Yeah, but even if she's been gone for nine hours, she couldn't have been walking the entire time." Buck added. Knowing that even she couldn't walk for nine hours straight.

"I know. That's what I was thinking, so I figure, maybe a 15-to-20-mile range, but then that seems too far, so I brought it down to 12. But in any direction, so we would have just under 527 square miles to check. But, I mean, literally, she could be anywhere. I..." Abby closed her eyes and choked back a sob. Buck pulled her into a brief hug. "I don't know what to do. I'm so much better when it's somebody else's emergency."

"Hey, hey, hey." Soothed Buck. "No one is good when it's personal. But we got this, okay. We're gonna find your mom. Promise."

Abby sniffed and dried her eyes. "Okay. How are we gonna do it?"

"One mile at a time." Picking up her keys Buck walked towards Abby's door. "Let's go find her. Okay. Come on."

"All right. Carla can you stay here in case she comes back, or if there is any news?"

"Like you even need to ask." She assured. "Now you two go. I will call everyone that I know and keep a lookout."

Buck and Abby ran out of the apartment and Buck paused when they got to the lobby.

"Buck. Is something wrong?" Abby asked worriedly.

"Does your building have CCTV?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I have an idea. Where's your landlord or building manager?"

"Over here."

Abby knocked on a door that was hidden to one side, and an overweight, sweaty man opened the door, and the moment that he saw Buck, his eyes practically popped out of his head.

"Well, hello. And what can I do for you today?" He leered, moving towards Buck. Buck gagged a little as he did, not wanting this sweaty man to put his piggy little fingers on her.

"I need to see all the external CCTV from all of the exits from last night." She said in her most commanding and military voice.

"I can't do that." He sneered. "It's a violation of the tenants' rights."

Rolling her eyes, Buck stepped towards him, glowering. "Look. Abby's mom has gone missing, and I need to see which way she went when she left this place, to help me streamline down the search. If you don't show me that footage, I will introduce you to my ex-Navy SEAL brother. And he is very over-protective."

He swallowed thickly, nodding. Walking over to a small monitor he pressed a few buttons, he brought up an image of the front of the building. "When did she disappear?"

Abby stepped forward. "Sometime between ten last night, when I got home, and one thirty this morning when I woke up."

Buck put her arm around Abby's shoulder, and rubbed her arm. They watched as the manager fast-forwarded through the footage when Abby spotted her.

"Stop." She hollered. "There she is."

"Okay, can you follow her, using the cameras, as far as you can?"

Nodding the building manager pressed play and they watched as Abby's mom left the building and headed west, before turning south.

"Okay. Thank you, that's all we needed."

Leaving his office, Buck and Abby made their way to Buck's jeep. Hopping in Buck turned on the scanner that she had and started driving. Looking over at Abby she could see that she was upset. Reaching over, she grabbed Abby's hand and squeezed it.

"Hey, it'll be okay. We'll find her."

Abby gave Buck a watery smile, and her breath hitched in her throat. "How can you be so sure? We don't even know where she could have gone."

"Not right now, no. But we know more now than what we did ten minutes ago. We know that she was heading south, and that is a start. Let me call a couple of cop friends of mine, get them on the lookout too."

Dialling Hondo first, she explained what was going on and he promised that both he and his team would keep an eye out for her. Then she called Athena who, despite riding the desk, promised that she would keep her ear to the ground and listen out for them.

Abby looked out of the window, staring at the streets that were passing by, and sighed loudly. Buck looked at her concerned. "What's wrong, Abs?"

"I- I was just thinking how you have a day off, and you could be doing anything else, you could be hanging out with friends, or going on a date, but here you are, helping me out yet again." Ranted Abby, clearly not understanding that wanted to be here.

"Abby listen to me," Buck said softly. "There is nowhere else in the world that I would rather be right now than here with you. You are my friend, and I look after my friends."

Grinning Buck looked over at Abby, knowing just how to pull her out of her funk. "Besides, how come you would rather hang out with me on your night off than go on a date yourself?"

Abby laughed and looked over at Buck, her eyes shining brighter than they had all day. "We're really doing this now?"

"Yes. Because I know that I am great company, but even a crappy date must beat hanging out with me."

They both burst out laughing, and Abby found herself relaxing a little. She was grateful to Buck for doing everything that she could to make her feel a little less bad for being such a bad daughter.

"No way. Besides no crappy date is good."

"True. I remember one guy that I dated wanted to lick my feet and then he kept telling me that he wanted me to give him a footjob. He just wouldn't shut up about my feet. Eventually I had to tell him that I was not into feet and I left." Buck shuddered just thinking about it.

"Damn," muttered Abby. "And I thought that I had some bad dates."

"Like what?" Abby squirmed under Buck's gaze. "Come on Ab's. I told you mine, so you tell me yours."

"Well," she began, not really knowing how to say that she was in a bit of a dry spell. "I mean, to be honest, it's a little fuzzy."

Buck raised her eyebrows, trying to concentrate on the road, but listen in at the same time.

"What do you mean fuzzy? It wasn't the date rape kind of bad was it? Because if it is then I am sorry that I ever brough it up."

"No. No." She reassured, and Buck breathed a sigh of relief. That was something that she never wanted to happen to her friend.

"It's been a while since I've been out on a date." Explained Abby.

"How long? A few weeks?"

Abby blushed with embarrassment. "Try more like almost a year."

"What?" Buck yelled, almost swerving the car. "I mean, that's not possible. Who do you have sex with?"

When she glanced over at Abby's face, her expression told her everything that she needed to know. "You've not had sex in almost a year?"

"No, I haven't had sex in-in-in a year..." Confirmed Abby.

Buck was flabbergasted. It had been a month she had last had sex, and she was getting dangerously close to her record of six weeks. But a year. Well damn. Buck had to admit she was a little impressed with the woman's self-control. After a year she would be gagging for it.

Intrigued as to whether or not that meant all forms of intimacy, Buck decided to ask a more personal question, and hope that it wasn't too impertinent. "Not even with yourself?"

She watched in fascination as Abby blushed almost as red as her hair.

"Oh, my God. I didn't say that." She groaned, before promptly conceding the point. "Although, I am more a, you know, human contact, you know, touch of skin kind of person."

"Mm-hmm." Buck noted, raising her eyebrow.

Abby barked out a laugh and Buck smirked. "It's just really hard to feel sexy with your mom dying in the dining room."

Buck wanted to respond, but the scanner crackled to life, immediately drawing both of their attention from their conversation to the radio.

"Respond to 800 Comstock Ave. TA into power pole. High-voltage wires down in swimming pool. Three-year-old child trapped."

Buck grimaced, a three-year-old trapped in a pool, with live electric cables in the water. This was going to end badly.

Abby seemed to have the same thought as Buck. "That's, like, two blocks from here."

"Truck's been dispatched." Buck noted, but secretly she hoped that Abby would want to put a pin in finding her mom for a moment and help out that kid. "They got it."

"Yeah, but it'll take 'em eight to 12 minutes to get there." Buck knew that Abby was considering this. "I mean, this I know, 'cause I do it every day. We should go. Can't just pass it by."

Buck grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Come on." And she made a left turn and headed for the scene of the accident.

When they arrived, they saw a motorcycle on the ground, and the woman who was riding it, as well as a couple of bystanders, help it back onto its wheels.

There was also a white van that had crashed into the power pylon. Buck carefully helped the driver out, while Abby checked over the biker.

"You guys okay?" Buck called out to everyone. "You okay?" She asked the driver of the van."

He slowly got out of the truck, and he looked like he had hit his head, and there was some bruising from the seatbelt, but he seemed mostly okay. If just a little unsteady on his feet.

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy." Reassured Buck, as she checked him over. "Is anything hurt?"

He shook his head looking a little dazed. "Just came out of nowhere." His eyes were unfocused, but he was speaking coherently.

Buck sat him down and promised to come back and check on him if the ambulance hadn't already gotten there by the time that that had saved the child.

"All right," she called out to Abby, as she had finished checking over the others. "We should go. We should go."

As they ran towards the house, they could hear a woman screaming and pleading with her child to stay put.

There was one of the large power cables hanging in the street and Abby grabbed Buck and pulled her out of the way before she could run into it.

"Watch out for that." She pointed out.

As they made it into the back garden, Buck was surprised by the sight that greeted them.

The pylon had crashed through the fence into the garden, and one of the live cables was submerged in the water. In the centre of the pool there was a child, no older than three years old, sat in the middle of a pizza shaped floaty. There was also a man floating face up in the water, clearly dead.

When the woman who was screaming for help spotted Buck and Abby she called them over.

"Can you please help me?" She begged, sobbing. "Please help. There's a power line that fell into the water, and Alex jumped in to try to save the baby."

"Alex, he's your husband?" Buck asked.

But the woman just shook her head. "He's the manny."

"Manny." Confirmed Buck, as she looked around trying to figure something out.

The little girl sensing the distress of her mother started crying and trying to move to her mom. "Mama?" She cried out as Abby and her mom tried to get her to stay where she was.

As Buck was trying to figure out a plan of action she saw who she assumed was the little girl's father come sprinting out of the house. "Oh, my..." She gasped.

"Lyla!" He yelled.

Buck sprinted over to him and tackled him to the ground before he could do something stupid like jump into the water himself.

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa." She yelled, putting all of her weight into him to keep him on the ground. "Wait. Stay back. Stay back. Stay…" But he was still thrashing around and one of his arms connected to the side of Buck's face.

"Ow. f*ck." Hissed Buck as she grabbed his arms and made sure that he couldn't do that again.

"What are you doing?" He yelled, clearly distressed. "Get off of me!"

"No." Yelled Buck, finally getting the man to start calming down. "Hey, hey, I'm a firefighter, okay? You can't see it, but those power lines are sending 5,000 volts through that water. Anyone touches it and they are dead."

Once he was calm, Buck climbed off him and helped him to his feet. "Okay, listen, listen, I understand. It's okay. I'm gonna help. I'm gonna help her, okay?"

"Mama!" The little girl cried out as Buck and the father approached.

"You and your wife do everything you can to make sure she stays on that float, okay?" Ordered Buck as she looked around for anything that could possibly be used to save the baby.

"Baby, listen, Mommy and Daddy are right here. We're gonna come get you. Right now, okay, you have to stay right where you are. Can you do that for me?" The mom asked.

The little girl nodded and that was one less worry.

"Can we turn the power off ourselves?" Abby asked, not really knowing what to do herself.

"No. Um..." Buck looked around, walking towards the other end of the pool.

As she passed the fallen pylon she could hear the electricity humming, as the current passed through the water.

Buck spotted the other floaty and made that plan B, just in case she either couldn't think of a plan A, or it didn't work.

Looking around, Buck smiled when she saw the hosepipe coiled up in its stand.

Pulling out her knife, she grabbed the end of the hose and cut the metal bit off. "Yeah, okay, okay." She muttered to herself as a plan came together in her head.

Abby looked at Buck confused, wondering what she was getting at when she grabbed the hose. "What are you...?" She wondered out loud, but Buck answered her question before she could even answer it.

"Here. Take this." She said, passing the end of the hose that she had just cut to Abby. "Okay, it's rubber, so it won't conduct electricity."

"Okay, great. That's good. That's genius." Cheered Abby, finally realising what Buck was getting at.

Buck started unrolling the hose and made her way to the other side from Abby. "Okay. Pull it across." She ordered.

Buck squatted low to the ground, and slowly started shuffling her way across the edge, taking extra care to avoid the power lines that were there.

"Be careful." Worried Abby. "Just go slow."

When Buck and Abby got level with the toddler, her mom started talking to her again.

"Okay, baby? Baby. Do you see this? Can you grab this for Mommy? Can you grab that?" The girl reached out and carefully gripped it with one hand.

"Oh, you're such a good girl." Praised her mom. "Don't let go, okay?!"

"Good job." Reassured Buck, as everyone else started doing the same.

The pylon suddenly sparked next to Buck's head, causing her to make a sound somewhere between a gasp and a squeak. If this had been any other time Abby would have found it hysterical, but instead she gasped in fear for her friend who could get fried at any moment.

"Oh, my God!" Cried Abby.

"It's okay." Buck assured.

"It's okay, it's okay. We're good. We're good." Abby started chanting. Buck wasn't sure if she was reassuring herself, the parents, the girl, Buck, or any combination of the above.

"Hold on. Hold on, sweetie. Hold on tight. There you go. Hold tight." The parents kept reassuring.

"Be careful, Buck. Here we go." They made it to the other end of the pool, and Abby handed the end of the hose over to the dad. While Buck kept it taught at her end, so it didn't end up in the water.

"You're doing such a good job. Hold on. Okay, keep holding. All the way over." Reaching over Abby plucked the little girl off the floaty, and almost cried in relief.

"Oh, my God." The mum cried as she rushed over and scooped her daughter out of Abby's arms.

"Okay." Nodded Buck as the dad shook her hand. "Don't go in the water." She advised.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you." The man was shaking her hand so vigorously that Buck was sure that her arm was going to fall off. "And I'm sorry. For hitting you in the face. That was stupid of me."

"Hey no problem. I get it, you were worried about your daughter. I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes."

There was a clunk and the whine of electricity died down. Three firefighters form the 111 walked in. "DWP cut the power." The captain announced.

"Thank you so much." The mom said, as Buck and Abby began to leave.

"We're all clear." The captain said, and his two colleagues ran over to the pool to recover Adam's body.

"Great. Thank you." Buck thanked as she shook the captain's hand. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, aren't you that firefighter from the 118? You know the one who climbed the rollercoaster?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Man. It is a good job that you were in the area. Thank you."

"No problem, Captain…?"

"Oliver. Captain Oliver." As they shook hands again, Captain Oliver saw the bruise that was starting to form on Buck's face. "Do you want one of my men to look over that for you?" He asked pointing to her face.

"Nah. I get worse in sparring class when we go full contact. But thank you for the offer though."

Buck and Abby shook everyone's hands one more time and made their way to the jeep, wanting to get out of the way of the people with the tools to do the job properly.

As they made their way back to the jeep, they high fived and when they did Buck grasped Abby's hand and lifted it up, marvelling at how steady it was. For someone who had only dealt with emergencies through a telephone, when face with the real thing, she didn't flinch and was as steady as a rock.

"What?" She asked, wondering what Buck was looking at.

"Nothing." Muttered Buck, shaking her head.

"That was so exhilarating." Gushed Abby. "I mean, I'm usually miles away on the other end of a phone. You get to do that every day. Such a high."

Buck chuckled remembering the feeling if her first rescue well. "Well, you were really good."

"Thanks." She chuckled before looking out of the window with a sigh.

"I know." Reassured Buck. "Let's go find her. Yeah."

For the rest of the day, Buck and Abby drove through the streets of LA, searching everywhere for Patricia. Only stopping to eat and use the bathroom. Buck and Abby had constantly been on the phone to all of their contacts, and they asked them all to keep an eye out for her.

Night had fallen and there was still no sign of Patricia and Abby was starting to lose hope that they would ever find her. Buck sensing this tried to take Abby's mind off what was happening.

"So, um, you asked what I was looking at before, right? When we, when we high-fived?" Abby nodded. "It was your hands. See, in an emergency situation, the body produces adrenaline. Uh, keeps your mind focused, dulls any pain, makes you super strong. It's a normal human response. My first few calls, I was shaking like crazy for an hour after. Your hands, they never shook. I mean, you were like a full-on Jedi."

"Well, I do have some experience with stress."

"Sure."

"But also, I feel calm around you."

The two women smiled at each other and Buck felt her heart swell. Buck knew at that moment she was falling for Abby she knew that this was a situation that she had to tread lightly. She had no idea if Abby even liked women, and if she didn't that was fine she would find others.

Buck was sat there, driving through the streets of LA her thoughts were interrupted by Buck's phone ringing. And when Buck looked at the caller ID she saw that it was Athena.

"Uh, hey. Sergeant. Uh, did-did you find her?"

"A woman fitting her description was brought into County General about 20 minutes ago."

Spinning her car around, Buck floored it and prayed that she didn't get ticketed for speeding as she raced through the streets of LA to get Abby to the hospital.

On the way Buck's phone rang and it was Hondo, when Buck answered she explained that Athena had already called and that she was waiting for them at the hospital. And promised to buy him a drink next time that they went out as a thank you.

"Hey, Abby." Buck called out, as Abby raced through the front doors. "Athena. Hey, is she, uh... is she okay?" Buck asked, giving Athena a quick hug.

"Doctor's looking at her now. You the daughter?"

"Yeah. I'm Abby Clark."

"You guys have actually met." Buck said. "Abby was the 911 dispatcher on that home invasion in Winnetka."

Athena looked impressed. "Oh, no fooling. Okay. Well, um, I'm still trying to get the story on what happened to her, but, um, seems like your mother made it all the way to South Los Angeles." Abby ad Buck looked shocked. That was miles away from her house, and Buck wondered how she made it that far alone. "These fellas brought her in."

Athena gestured to three Hispanic men, all of whom were heavily tattooed, and who all looked like they were in a gang. But she was grateful. These men, despite appearances had the decency to make sure that Patricia was safely delivered to somewhere where she would be looked after. And she would never forget that.

"Um, thank you guys so much." Abby said sincerely, her eyes filling with tears.

"What happened?" Asked Buck. "Was she hurt?"

The middle one of the three spoke up. "Nah. She was confused and agitated. She didn't belong there. You could tell. So, we brought her here. I've seen it before with my abuelita. And I'm sorry to say, but it doesn't get no better."

The look of devastation that crossed Abby's face was enough to break Buck's heart. But she composed herself and shook their hands. "Thank you so much."

"No problem. No problem whatsoever."

"Abby." Came the voice of a frail woman from the room that they were standing outside. And when Abby turned around and saw her mom she almost burst into tears due to the sheer relief.

"Mom."

"Abby."

"Mom."

Abby pulled her mom into a massive hug and held her tightly.

"Oh." Groaned Patricia, under the force of the hug. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, Mom. It's okay."

It was another hour and a half before Patricia was deemed well enough to be discharged. Buck took the two of them home, and helped Abby get her mom settled. Patricia was out like a light; her adventure had clearly worn her out.

Buck was also starting to feel the lack of sleep after the day that she had had. So, her goodbye to Abby was a brief one, with a promise to call her and arrange a day to go out for drinks with her soon.

When Buck got home, the place had been tidied up, and her room mates had clearly gone out to a party, which she was eternally grateful for. Setting her alarm for the morning, Buck collapsed on the bed, fully clothed, and fell asleep.

That night Buck dreamt of Abby, she dreamt that Abby had turned up at her doorstep dressed in a green dress, that accentuated that alabaster skin of hers, and brought out the colour of her hair.

She dreamt that Abby pulled her into a kiss that made time stop, she dreamt that she whispered in her ear that she loved her too and that the only person that Buck was the only person that she had ever wanted.

The next morning Buck was in an amazing mood. Abby's mom was home safe and sound, there was tons of hot water in the shower, her favourite songs were playing on the radio on the drive in, there was no line at the coffee shop, and traffic was so good she was twenty minutes early for work.

Practically jogging up the stairs, Buck whistled a jolly tune. "Good morning, Martinez. And it is a glorious morning." She trilled in a singsong voice.

"Henrietta, my love." She sang, grabbing Hen by the hands, twirling her around.

Hen, Bobby, and a few of the others were all throwing Buck funny looks, but she didn't care.

"Call me Henrietta again and you will be going over that balcony." Hen warned, but Buck could tell that she was joking.

Buck then danced her way over to the kitchen island. "Oh Captain, my handsome Captain. What culinary delights are you treating us to today?"

"Are you high?" Bobby demanded, not knowing where Buck's sudden and jovial mood had come from.

"Nope. I have just had a wonderful morning, and I wish to share my joy with everyone."

Bobby looked up to the ceiling and prayed for the strength to get through the shift. Everyone knew that Buck was full of energy at work, but this was another level. Hen was even tempted to keep her away from caffeinated products in case this was some kind of caffeine high.

"Oh, Cap. I was wondering if you could find out who is in charge of my LAFD Instagram account. I was thinking of running it myself. If I am going to have an Instagram account I want to be the one in charge of it." Pausing for a moment she then added. "Ask them if they would be annoyed if I changed the name. LAFD Fire Maiden sounds too…"

"Virginal?" Hen helpfully supplied when Buck couldn't really think of the correct words.

"Yeah. Which I think we all know; I am most definitely not."

Everyone snorted with laughter and Bobby shook his head affectionately. "I will do. Any ideas for names?"

"Nope. I was thinking that maybe it could be today's topic of conversation for breakfast."

"Good idea, Buck." Grinned Hen. But her smiles soon turned to groans as the alarm went off. "Well back to the grind."

The team went to a car wash, where a man had somehow gotten himself caught up in one of the brushes. Buck found the whole thing comical, but when she saw the video of how it had happened she laughed.

This wasn't a little laugh though, it was a full on, barely breathing, doubled over, leg crossing so you don't wet yourself, laugh.

Buck was laughing so hard that Bobby and Hen came to investigate. And when they did, no matter how hard they tried they were in hysterics too. Hen was laughing so hard she was holding on to Bobby, just to hold herself up. And Bobby wasn't fairing much better, he was bent over, trying not to fall over himself.

When they had stopped laughing enough to pack everything up they did. As they did Hen pointed something out.

"I have never seen you laugh like that." She noted, and Buck had to admit, it was very unlike their straight-laced Captain to laugh at someone else's misfortune.

"Well, I wasn't always like this. So shut down."

"What happened, Captain?" Buck asked. Leaning against the truck.

"I made some mistakes, and I... lost everything I cared about. And I moved forward by never letting anybody get so important to me that I had to go through that kind of loss again. But apparently I'm not very good at it, because you two and Chimney have become that important to me."

"Just let us in, Bobby. We are here for you; the whole team is. The 118, we are family."

"I'll tell you what. Let's get back to the house. I'll cook you a delicious meal, and I'll introduce you all to someone."

"Who?"

"Me."

When they had eventually sat down to a meal, with everyone agreeing to come up with a new name for Buck's Instagram page by the next shift. Then, once all of the plates had been cleared away, Bobby gathered everyone around.

"I wanted to talk to you all. Firstly, I have been keeping things from you all, and I want to apologise for that. You have all given me your absolute trust and loyalty, and I have shown you none in return."

The entire station went to reassure him that he has shown them trust, but Bobby put his hand up to silence them.

"I know what you are going to say, but it really is not true. So, I want you all to get to know me, and know why I am like the way that I am."

They all listened as Bobby told them about his wife and kids, about his accident that caused him to break his back. He spoke about his addiction to painkillers and alcohol. And how he hid it form everyone that he loved.

He spoke about how he was so far into his addiction he didn't notice that the building that he was in wasn't up to code.

He then spoke about how he used an empty apartment to feed his addiction, and how he was so drunk he left a space heater on, which in turn caused a fire. He spoke of his horror when he found out that that fire had killed a hundred and forty-eight people, including his own wife and children.

Bobby broke down in huge sobs, unable to finish his story and the entire team moved over and pulled Bobby into a comforting embrace. They all reassured him that he wasn't at fault, and that accidents happen. Which just made Bobby cry harder.

Buck's heart broke as Bobby told this story, she could never imagine loving anything as much as Bobby loved his wife and kids, and she couldn't or didn't want to imagine the pain that he had been through. But that was in the past, and they would help him through this.

Then Buck remembered the book. That little black book that she hadn't thought about in days. She now knew that the book had something to do with what had happened.

"Bobby, we all have secrets. Every one of us. The trick is not to burden yourself with those secrets alone."

As a sign of the complete and utter trust that the team still had in Bobby, even after his admission, they all started revealing things about themselves that they had been keeping secret from the team.

Ryan revealed that he had a juvenile record, that was sealed the moment that he had turned eighteen. He had always wanted to tell someone, but he had gotten his life turned around. And didn't want to dredge up the past.

Martinez mentioned that his family were heavy into gangs and drugs, but he didn't want to end up dead like his brother so he got out as soon as he could.

Even Addison surprised everyone when she had told them that she had an affair with a married man, before she met her husband. And how she tried to get him to leave his wife for her.

Eventually, Buck was the only one who hadn't said anything. And they were all staring at her, waiting for her to say something. Still not willing to reveal her past as a Navy SEAL to the group, Buck told everyone that she was once a pole dancer and a burlesque dancer. She told them that it was how she earnt money in her early twenties. Her days was spent working on building sites, but her nights were spent dancing for men, and earning more money in tips in one night than she could earn as a firefighter in a week.

The team was looking at Buck with a mixture of shock and amazement on their faces.

"f*ck." Addison cursed loudly, causing everyone else to start laughing. "Damn it. Buck why did you have to tell us that?"

"Huh? I thought that we were all revealing things about ourselves that we would rather keep in the past."

"No. Why did you have to be an exotic dancer? You just cost me a hundred bucks."

"What?" Buck yelled in confusion as money was being passed around between the team. "What the hell is going on?"

"We were taking bets on whether or not you once worked in the adult entertainment industry." Explained Hen as she started passing out the money.

"Rude," grumbled Buck as she watched the cash exchange hands. "But thank you Addison for believing in me." She added to the smiles of Addison.

Looking over at Bobby she could see that he looked lighter for unburdening himself of the secret that had been weighing him down. But there was still a last little bit of tension there.

"Hey Cap?"

"Yeah Buck."

"That little black book, it's atonement, isn't it?"

Bobby looked at Buck and she could see the sadness returning. "Yeah. I need to make good what I did."

"Bobby, listen to me. You have nothing to atone for, this could have happened at any time, this could have happened while you were out at work, you never know."

Buck could see that the others were listening in to what the two of them were saying, but she didn't care she needed to get it out, she needed him to listen.

"Look, I know that I may not show it, but all of you in here are the closest thing that I think that I have ever had to a family. And I cannot lose you to that stupid book. I know that you feel like this is how you make up for what happened that night, but it isn't."

Bobby looked at Buck and she could see that he was trying to believe her, but he couldn't.

"Bobby." Buck held his hands, squeezing them tightly. "I am the queen of a f*cked-up life. My parents wish that I am dead, my sister hasn't spoken to me in almost three years, my baby died before he was even born, I have killed more people than you ever could, and I use to take my clothes off for money. But none of that changes the fact that maybe I was put here for a reason. Maybe you were too.

"I promise you Bobby you need to find that reason. But there is one thing that I do know, you will not find it in the pages of that book. No one ever does."

The alarm went off and they all left to go to the next call of the day. Buck's words about her baby, and killing people still ringing their ears.

Buck knew that she had opened a can of worms, and the team would not rest until they found out the truth. No matter how bad it was.

Chapter 6: Heartbreakers

Chapter Text

Buck never realised just how exhausting it was to be running around after two children, hopped up on sugar, at the zoo.

At first it was just meant to be her and Denny, but when Athena's son Harry found out that Denny was getting to go to the zoo, he was desperate to go too. So, after a lecture from Athena about keeping her baby safe and being given a list of rules and emergency numbers as long as her arm, she sent them off.

Of course, nothing was going to happen to either of the boys, and the fact that they were spending the day with a former Navy SEAL, meant that there were probably no safer kids in all of Los Angeles right now.

Not that that news did anything to stop Athena demanding a photo update every thirty minutes to check that everything was going okay. Hen and Karen weren't as nervous, they only asked for a couple of pictures throughout the day. And Buck sent about a hundred.

They had a truly fantastic day. They saw all of their favourite animals, and Buck regaled them with many random facts about the animals that they saw. The boys got to hold a snake, and they were amazed when Buck held a tarantula, but too scared to hold it themselves.

Buck brought a picnic with her for them all, and then brought everyone ice cream, which was the cause of their massive sugar rush they had in the afternoon.

But now they were on their way home, and she had two very exhausted boys, fast asleep with their heads on each other's shoulders. It was such an adorable sight that Buck had to take one last picture to send it to their mom's. When she reached Athena's house, Michael was there to grab Harry, he invited Buck in for a coffee, but she declined, still having Denny in the car.

Karen and Hen gave Buck a massive hug when she dropped Denny off. And made her promise that she would join them for the next family outing to the aquarium. Which made Buck smile at the word "Family".

The next day at work was funny. Buck was watching Bobby cook breakfast for them all when Hen walked over with a funny look on her face.

"What the hell do you do to my kid yesterday, Buck. He has not stopped talking about you since he woke up this morning."

Buck chuckled to herself. "We just had a good time at the zoo. He couldn't stop talking about the monkeys all day yesterday either."

"No. It is not the animals that he is talking about. It's you. He told us, very proudly at breakfast this morning that, 'Buck is the coolest person ever. I want to be just like Buck when I grow up.' So, I am going to repeat. What the hell did you do to my kid yesterday?"

Buck looked puzzled. "We had a fun day at the zoo. That's all, I swear."

"Hmm." Hen raised her eyebrow staring Buck down.

Buck didn't get a chance to defend herself because Athena marched up the stairs, with an incredulous look on her face too.

"Buckley. What the hell did you do to my baby?"

Buck's eyes flicked between Hen and Athena in alarm. She may be a big bad Navy SEAL, but these two, powerful women together frightened her more than any enemy or insurgent did.

"Nothing. I- I swear." She said, stumbling over her words. "Hen has already asked me the same thing, and I don't know what to say. We just had a really good time yesterday. I taught them random facts about animals, gave them ice cream, they held a snake. What else do you want me to say?"

The two of them started laughing and Buck breathed a sigh of relief when she realised that they were teasing her. "Holy crap, you guys." She panted, clutching her chest in an exaggerated manner. "I thought that I was in trouble for something."

"No, we just wanted to tease you a little." Chortled Hen.

Athena pulled Buck into a hug, and with wide, bright eyes she too laughed. "I actually just came to say thank you for yesterday. Harry said he never had such fun at the zoo before."

"You're welcome. I am happy to take them both again anytime."

After Athena went, Buck and Hen spoke about the trip to the zoo, and the possibility of Buck babysitting for Hen and Karen sometimes.

Bobby joined the conversation, and it wasn't long before the conversation turned to Valentine's Day, in a few short days' time.

"So, are we all ready for the 118's annual Valentine's Day Bingo?" Crowed Hen, with absolute Glee.

"Valentine's Day Bingo?"

Bobby chuckled in amusem*nt at Buck's puzzled expression. "We have a bingo night on Valentine's Day and Halloween." He explained.

"Yeah," Hen continued. "You pay twenty dollars into the kitty, and you are given a bingo square, you fill it in with whatever strange and random emergencies that you think that we might receive."

"We all meet up after Valentine's day, and whoever gets a full house…"

"Or the closest."

"Or the closest. Thank you Hen. Yes, whoever gets a full house, or the closest will win the entire kitty."

Buck laughed as she took the omelette that Bobby was offering her. "Wow, you all really do bet on anything."

"Nah, this is just another standard firefighter bet." Smiled Hen, as she started eating her omelette. But neither she nor Buck could finish their food because the alarm was soon blaring.

The week leading up to Valentine's Day was full of strange incidences. There were couples that had gotten in fights and had gotten hurt. There were couples that had decided that they had wanted to try out bondage for the first time for Valentine's day, which had led to some uncomfortable sexual injuries, and Buck giving them a lecture on starting slow when it came to bondage, ties, handcuffs, and blindfolds to start.

There was the man who had gotten hit by a car while trying to propose to his girlfriend, and another who had decided that it was a good idea to fake an air emergency to propose to his, causing her to almost have a heart attack. She thankfully said yes, and then slapped him after, much to the amusem*nt of the team.

Two days before Valentine's Day, Buck was in a very bad mood. She was so surrounded by romance and lovey-dovey stuff, that she wanted to lock herself in her room and not come out until it was all over.

Much to Buck's surprise, Bobby was relishing the fact that it was nearing Valentine's day. She found this out as she and Bobby was attending an overturned flower truck, that had taken out a fire hydrant. They got talking as they were turning off the water.

"You know I have never got the point of Valentine's Day. Why do people need one day to show someone how much you love them? I mean I know I am not the best person to talk about relationships, because I have never been in one for that long, but isn't the point to show your partner that you love them every day?"

"Well yes. But Buck, Valentine's Day is extra special."

Looking around at the flowers that were strewn all over the ground, Buck couldn't help but wonder if Valentine's Day had lost its meaning somewhere along the line.

"I get that, but now it is all about giving someone roses that are marked up almost two hundred percent, and chocolates that anyone can buy. It's an excuse for restaurants to force a set menu on its customers and charge them double for eating it."

Bobby watched in amusem*nt as Buck's rant about Valentine's Day was starting to pick up steam.

"Besides, St. Valentine is the Patron Saint of epileptics and beekeeping. I mean how romantic is that?"

Bobby laughed at the incredulous look on Buck's face. "Buck, it is all about showing someone that you care. Besides, after I met my wife, I'll tell you what… you have someone to share it with, it can be pretty great."

Buck saw the sadness in Bobby's eyes as he spoke about Marcy, and she immediately felt guilty for him having to bring her up.

"I'm sorry." She muttered. "You must miss her a lot on Valentine's Day."

"Miss her every day, Buck. Miss her every day."

Buck gave Bobby's arm a gentle squeeze and the two of them walked back towards the truck. Bobby was quieter than usual, and Buck cursed herself internally for bringing the subject up. Bobby looked over and seemed to notice that Buck was getting upset with herself, so he decided to change the subject.

"Tell me, Buck. What's going on between you and Abby? Are we ever going to meet her?"

Buck's step faltered for a moment. She wasn't sure how she should answer that. Abby was a really good friend to her, but she was pretty sure that she was getting feelings for her. She had had a few more dreams about her since that night where she helped her find her mom, and those dreams were getting steadily more intense.

Looking over she could see that Bobby was looking at her expecting answer, so she decided to say the first thing that came to her head.

"She's just a friend."

"I know. But we would like to meet her, why don't you invite her to Chim's party tomorrow. Then we can all meet her at once, and there will be other people there and it would take the pressure off the two of you."

Buck smiled at Bobby's thoughtfulness. "Thank you, Cap." She said sincerely. "That would be really great. She has mentioned meeting the people that I can't shut up about."

Buck did exactly that, she called Abby up and asked her if she would like to attend a party at the station, which she gladly accepted, along with the promise of bringing cookies.

The next day when Chim had arrived back at the station to a hero's welcome, and what was frankly the most disturbing, and yet simultaneously the coolest cake that she had ever seen. It was a replica of Chimney's head, with a liquorish rebar through the head. Chim seemed to love it though, and that was all that mattered.

"Speech, Chim. Speech." The many members of the team cried out as the cake was placed in front of him.

"Aww, you guys." Cooed Chim, with a mock sweetness.

"How does it feel to be back, Chim?" Buck asked, giving the man that she considered a brother a quick hug.

"Uh, beats the alternative." He joked, causing everyone to laugh. Then he became more serious and gave everyone a proper thanks. "Seriously, though, everybody, uh, one thing I realized while I was gone is that, uh, I really need you people like I need a hole in the head!"

Buck snorted with laughter, as everyone else groaned with the words "too soon" ringing out.

Bobby stood next to Buck and smiled, happy that the firefam were all back together. "Place hasn't been the same without you, Chim. You're the heart of this firehouse. I'm glad to have you back."

"Thanks, Bobby."

Athena raised a glass to Chim too. "Hey, you had a lot of people praying for you, not just this department, either." She gestured to the various cops that had stopped by to welcome Chimney back.

"Well, I think somebody was listening. Even the doctors kept using the word "miracle." I guess if you're gonna have a piece of rebar that's sticking through your skull, that's the way to do it."

"So not even a headache?" Buck asked, still amazed that all he had to show for it was a small scar on his forehead.

"Just you, Buck." He chortled, clapping her on the back.

"Oh. Shade, shade, shade, shade, shade." Cackled Hen as the entire station laughed.

"Oh, that's not funny." Buck deadpanned.

"All right." Bobby said, getting everyone to calm down. "Let's light you up so you can make a wish."

Bobby patted his pockets and looked around the room with a sheepish look on his face. Everyone started chuckling again when they realised that Bobby had nothing on him to lite the candles.

"All right. All right, who's got a match?" Looking around the room with his eyebrow raised, Bobby shook his head in disbelief. "Really? Firehouse and nobody's got a match?" They all laughed again. "Okay, hold on." And he disappeared off downstairs to the lockers.

Nobody wanted to wait for Bobby to grab a lighter, knowing their luck by the time that they finally got to eat the cake the alarm would go off and they wouldn't be able to eat it anyway. So, they decided to just cut the cake anyway.

As Buck was diving into her slice of cake, the sound of Bobby talking to someone downstairs made her peer over the balcony, and when she saw Abby stood there with a tray of heart shaped cookies she squealed and ran down the stairs.

"You came, you came, you came." She cheered as she engulfed Abby in a hug. "And you brought cookies, you are officially going to be everyone's favourite person."

Looking over at Bobby she saw that he was looking between them with a small smile on his face. "Are introductions needed?"

"We just exchanged pleasantries." Abby confirmed.

"Good. Come on then," Buck grabbed Abby's hand and started dragging her upstairs, much to the amusem*nt of Bobby. "Let me introduce you to everyone."

When they reached the loft, Buck called out to grab everyone's attention. "Everyone. This is Abby, yes that Abby. LA's fiercest 911 operator." The various firefighters and cops waved at her. "And she brought cookies." She added, to a cheer from the gathered group.

"First responders and their sweet treats." Laughed Abby, as Chim joined them.

"Abby, this is uh, this is Chimney. He was the guy who…"

"Oh my god." Gasped Abby. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, you know. I can barely feel it now."

"Good. I know that Buck was worried for you when you had your accident." She said making Buck blush. "I can see how much she cares for everyone on this team."

"Really," sang Chim, "I didn't know you cared so much."

"Oh, hush you." Grumbled Buck as she linked arms with Abby. "You are ruining my tough guy image."

Abby and Chim burst out laughing. "Buck, you don't have a tough side to you. You are like a Golden Retriever; you know the living embodiment of human sunshine."

Buck joined in with the laughter, before leading Abby away from them to the table for food and cake.

"You can put those down there." She pointed to an empty spot on the table. "And come and see this cake. It is epic."

"I have rumours of these legendary first responder cakes. They are apparently a sight to behold."

"Well, this one's that."

When Abby saw the cake she too had no idea whether she should be disgusted or impressed. "Well, it is something. I'll give it that."

The two were laughing about the cake when Athena came over and greeted Abby and exchanged pleasantries. As they were talking Hen sauntered over, a mischievous look on her face.

"Hi, I'm Hen." She said with a knowing smirk on her face as she shook Abby's hand.

"Hi, Hen, I'm Abby." Abby was sweet to Hen. But Buck looked between Hen and Athena, both of whom were sharing a funny look with each other.

"I work with your girl here." Hen added, throwing an arm around Buck's shoulders, making Buck squirm under the intensity of her gaze. "Glad to know you really exist."

Buck shook her head at Hen and Athena, both of whom were clearly planning something, something that Buck had a feeling she wasn't going to like.

Abby though was completely oblivious as she chatted to the women. "Thanks.

"She talks about you all the time." Hen added, grinning when she saw Buck flush.

Abby though, seemed surprised by that revelation, and blushed a little herself as she glanced over at Buck's sheepish expression. "Really?"

"Little. Little bit." Buck mumbled, holding her thumb and forefinger really close together.

"So, where's she taking you? Valentine's Day tomorrow." Hen interrupted bluntly, her eyebrows waggling suggestively.

At this, both Abby and buck flushed bright red, and Hen and Athena shared another knowing look. She knew that Hen might have figured out her feelings for Abby, and now Athena might know how she feels. As far as Abby went, Buck was sure that she was embarrassed about the insinuation. Because as far as Buck knew, Abby was straight.

"Oh, we, uh..."

"We hadn't really, uh..." They both stammered out, glancing at each other, neither knowing what to say. Buck even saw Bobby watching the exchange out of the corner of his eye, a small smile on his face too.

"We don't have a plan." Buck finally managed to get out. "Yeah, I mean, you know, we're just friends."

"Yeah, Just friends." Confirmed Abby.

"I-I have to work, and..."

Hen rolled her eyes. "Your shift ends at 5:00. So does mine. I'm going home to my wife."

"Uh, well, we're just friends. It's no big deal." Abby added, but Buck could swear that she looked a little hurt.

"Yeah. It's just... It's just a day." Confirmed Buck.

"Yeah, the only day that someone is obligated to show you a good time." Scoffed Athena, clearly something was going on there.

Abby tried to change the subject, get the attention off her and Buck. "So, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?" She asked Athena.

"Me?" Athena scoffed. "Hell, I put in for an extra shift. I'm doing whatever I can to get my mind off romance for the night."

Abby and Buck looked between each other, and smirked. Hen though was still trying to push the two of them to go out.

"Come on, you two. If you don't spend V Day together, what would you be doing?"

Abby shrugged. "My mom, her carer, and I, were planning on doing a girls night in. Mani, pedis, and cheesy romcoms."

"Buck?"

"Oh Hondo, my friend from SWAT, has invited me to a gathering with the other 'single pringles' from SWAT. We were going to the rifle range to drink beer and shoot tommy guns in honour of the St Valentine's Day massacre." She shrugged, chugging a bottle of water.

Abby, Hen, and Athena all looked at Buck with a funny look on their faces. Hen shook her head as if she didn't know what to do with Buck.

"No, Buck." Protested Hen. "You cannot spend Valentine's Day shooting guns at the rifle range. That is too sad. You need to go out and do something." Looking between Buck and Abby, Hen gestured to the two of them. "You are both gorgeous, and single, why don't you go out and show everyone what they are missing out on."

"Well…" Abby hummed, looking at Buck thoughtfully, causing Buck's heart rate to jump in anticipation. "It would be nice to go out, even as friends."

"Yeah, of course. Friends."

Buck blushed lightly, and she felt her heart flutter. A small smile played on her lips, and she missed the look of accomplishment that Hen and Athena gave each other.

"So," teased Athena. "Where are you going to take her? And don't say a salad bar, Buck."

"No." Quipped Buck. "It'll be somewhere nice."

"Oh, really. It's getting kinda late to make a rezzie." Hen reminded, and Buck thought for a moment.

"Well, I know people."

Hen and Athena laughed with their eyebrows raised. "Oh, you know people." Teased Hen. "She knows people." She added to the others, her eyebrows raised.

Then the alarm went off and before Buck ran off she turned to Abby. "So, tomorrow, at seven?"

"Yeah. That sounds good, I'll see you then."

With a wave, Buck ran off, leaving Athena and Abby standing there, chucking at her excitement.

On the way to the call, Buck rode with Hen and alternated between glaring at her and wanting to hug her. "Seriously Hen. I do not know whether or not to thank you and Athena, or to yell at you both."

"Thank us Buck. I know how you feel about her, and I am fairly sure that the feelings that you are developing are reciprocated. I can see how she looks at you."

"Hen. I love you and all, but I think that your gaydar is out of whack. Abby is straight."

Hen snorted. "Please, Buck. Has she actually told you that, or have you ever asked her? This dinner would be a good time to get your feelings out in the open. The worst that would happen, you might lose a friend, but I don't think that Abby would do that to you."

"But Hen…"

"No buts, Buck. Just talk to her."

"Fine. But if this goes badly, and I end up losing a friend, I will absolutely blame you."

Hen cackled. "Blame all you want, Buck. But I am right."

The next morning Buck turned up at work, carrying a pair of heels, a garment bag, and a small makeup bag. Buck was looking nervous, and everyone thought that it was sweet and endearing. When she made it upstairs she handed her bingo card to Hen, who laughed at her choices.

"Come on Buck. Six bondage incidents in one night, you must be overestimating people's kinkiness."

"No. I asked Abby the number of sex-related calls on Valentine's Day, in our area, over the last five years, and this is the average. I also have two stuck engagement rings, one choking on an engagement ring, a Casanova fracture, two fainting's, a sex toy stuck in someone's anus, a stabbing, and a choking."

Chim laughed. "Come on Buck. There is no way that you are going to win with that."

"Well, you can text me the tally as the night goes on."

The day shift went as expected. There were more than a few Valentine's day incidences, including a woman who got her new engagement ring stuck on her finger. And another who had a massive allergic reaction to the flowers that her boyfriend had gotten her."

As the day progressed, Buck was getting more and more nervous. And by the time that her shift had ended at six, she was positively terrified.

After grabbing a quick shower, Buck undid her hair from its braid and fluffed it up, letting her curls cascade down her back. Slipping into her dress, a navy-blue co*cktail dress, with a thigh-high split, Buck stepped into her heels and put light makeup on her face. Walking upstairs to where B-shift and the remnants of A-shift were.

Giving a little twirl as she reached the top of the stairs, Buck was greeted by a symphony of wolf-whistles.

"Damn, Buckaroo. You scrub up well." Chim whistled appreciatively.

"Thanks, Chim. You err… you don't think that this is too much or think that I am trying too hard? I mean I like Abby, but I don't want her to think that all this dinner is, is an opportunity to get in her pants. Even though I would love nothing more than that. I mean this is the longest that I have gone without sex since I was twenty…"

"Buck!" Yelled Bobby, cutting her off mid rant. "Calm yourself. You are going to work yourself op before you even make it to the dinner."

Buck took a few deep breaths and steadied her heart rate. "I'm calm, Cap. I just don't want to screw this up."

He smiled as he walked over and put a hand on her shoulder, looking every inch the proud dad. "You look beautiful, Buck. Abby will think so too."

"Are you sure? I can change into something more casual."

"No." Everyone yelled.

"Buck, I promise you, you look perfect." Reassured Bobby.

"Yeah, Buckaroo. Honestly… I mean… Wow." Chim said, causing Buck to blush.

"Thanks guys. But I have one more thing to ask, do I cover up my birthmark, or not?"

"Not, Buck. Your birthmark is what makes you, you. Now go, before you end up going on a call. And remember, be honest with her, tell her how you feel."

"Hen told you to tell me that, didn't she, Cap?"

Bobby laughed. "I plead the fifth, Buck."

Buck went to leave when Chim stopped her. "Wait, I promised Hen a picture of you. She wanted to see you in a dress."

"Fine." She huffed, posing for a picture.

"Good, now enjoy your date."

Buck ran off to her jeep. Arriving at the restaurant, Buck beamed when she saw Abby waiting outside, and immediately pulled her into a hug.

"Wow, Abs. You look stunning."

And Buck meant every word. Abby's hair was down, and she wasn't wearing her glasses, and she was dressed in a midi, black, off the shoulder, ruffled, dress. The dress accentuated her figure and showed off her alabaster skin. Skin that looks so soft and flawless that Buck immediately wanted to touch it.

Abby blushed and looked at Buck with an appreciative gaze.

"Thanks Buck. I mean, wow. Now I know why you are known as a glamazon. I mean, how long are your legs?"

"Long enough." She chuckled. "Come on, our table should be ready for us by now."

The two were seated at a small table, out of the way of the main hustle and bustle of the restaurant, but they were still able to people watch if they so pleased.

They ordered their food, and a bottle of wine to share between the two of them. As they waited for their meal to arrive the two of them got talking.

"So, this place is really nice, how did you manage to get a table?"

Buck smiled as she remembered the story. "I saved the owners life a month ago. He and I cycle the same trails on our days off. He had an accident on his bike, and I saved his life. He told me if I ever needed a table then I should call him."

"Wow. Well, I for one am glad that you were there that day, then maybe we wouldn't have managed to get such a nice table at such short notice."

"Indeed."

Buck looked around nervously, and she was a trying not to freak out about what she had to say to Abby. Because she knew that no matter how much she didn't want to do it, Hen was right. Buck had to tell Abby the truth, because the truth, even though it might hurt, would only make Buck feel better.

Abby though had clearly noticed Buck's nervousness and reached over the table and gently squeezed her hand.

"Buck, what's wrong? You seem very nervous about something."

Buck swallowed, and she could feel her mouth start to go dry and her heart race. Looking over at Abby, all Buck could think about was how beautiful Abby was, and how much she didn't want to tell her how she was actually feeling.

"Umm… I- I… I, err…"

"Buck, whatever you want to say, just say it. It can't be that bad."

Buck looked up at Abby, tears swimming in her eyes. "I don't want to say it, because I am terrified that you won't want to be my friend anymore. And losing you as a friend would be the worst thing."

"Buck." She muttered softly, in disbelief that anything could make her hate the first person who has cared about what she wanted, and not what they needed. "Nothing can ever make me hate you. And clearly whatever you wanted to say is eating away at you, so tell me."

The waiter placed the food in front of them and walked off. When he did Buck took a breath and spoke.

"Abby, I need you to know. I really like you, and not just as a friend, but I like you as a person and maybe as a potential partner. And I understand that you most likely only see me as a friend, and that's alright. I respect that, and I hope that once all is said and done that we can still be friends. And I…"

"Buck stop." Interrupted Abby, and Buck sat there open mouthed, terrified about what Abby was going to say.

"First of all, calm down. You look like you are about to combust. Have some wine, eat some food. It will all be okay."

Buck took a few deep breaths, and she calmed down a little now that Abby had not immediately reacted badly. In fact, she looked calm, if not, just a little bit amused.

Having a few bites of her salad starter, once Buck was calm again, Abby started to speak.

"Buck, I know that you have feelings for me beyond friendship…" Abby began, but Buck wasn't really listening, her lips were feeling tingly and there was a tickle in her throat. And even though she could see Abby's mouth move, she couldn't hear any sound out of it. And it was barely a second later before she realised that she couldn't breathe properly. Standing up she saw spots appearing in her eyes, and she didn't even have a chance to call "get help" before the world went black, and the ground rose to meet her.

"Buck!" Abby yelled as she watched Buck stood up, clutching her throat, coughing, and gasping for breath. "Oh my god. Buck. Help."

Abby grabbed Buck and laid her down on the ground and a couple of the waiters ran over as the people in the room all started staring at her.

Looking at Buck, Abby very quickly realised that she was having an allergic reaction, grabbing her purse, Abby started looking through it praying that there was an epi-pen in there. Looking down she saw that Buck had stopped breathing, pressing her head to her chest, Abby panicked when she couldn't hear a heartbeat.

Immediately starting CPR, Abby tried rescue breaths and realising that she couldn't get any air in, she panicked a little bit more. "Has anyone got an epi-pen?" She yelled out, to everyone shaking their heads. "Someone call 911." She yelled.

"We already did." One of the waiters answered.

"Call 'em again. Put 'em on speaker." She ordered.

"911. What's your emergency?"

Abby panted, still doing chest compressions. "It's emergency dispatcher Abby Clark, Parker Centre. I'm not on site. I need to speak to Stephanie Gaskins in Emergency Medical Dispatch."

"This is EMD Gaskins."

"Steph, it's Abby."

"Abby?" Came Steph's surprised voice.

"I've got an adult female, allergic reaction that has caused a fully obstructed air pipe." Abby's voice started breaking as Buck's lips began to turn blue.

"Compressions?"

"Yes, but she's unconscious. No one here has an epi-pen. She stopped breathing two minutes ago. Another three minutes, and she's gonna have brain damage. I need you to walk me through an emergency tracheotomy."

Everyone was watching and listening with bated breath as Abby kept up with the compressions and rescue breaths.

"Abby, have you lost your mind?" Yelled Steph.

"Come on. You know the paramedics are gonna be at least seven minutes." Abby pleaded. "I can't let this happen. I've got to do something."

Steph sighed. "You got a knife? Something sharp? And you're going to need something to keep the airway open, like a pen or a straw."

"A knife a-and a pen or a straw, something." Abby yelled over her shoulder and one of the waiters ran off to get what she needed.

It was just a few seconds before the waiter returned with a small sharp knife and a pen, that had been opened up to just the tube. "Here."

"Thanks."

"Find the indentation just above her cricoid cartilage."

One of the waiters took over the compressions as she moved up to Buck's neck. "Okay." She worried as she felt her neck. "Yup. Okay, I think I found it."

"Okay, you're going to make a horizontal incision, a half-inch wide and about half-inch deep."

"Oh, my God." Abby cringed, gagging slightly as she pressed the knife into Buck's neck, blood oozing from where she made the incision. "Oh, God. Oh, God." She breathed deeply as to not throw up.

"There shouldn't be a lot of blood but try to keep it from leaking into her windpipe."

"Okay, I did it."

"Okay, stick your finger in, open it up."

Abby paled, and gagged as she stuck her finger in "Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay, okay, okay."

"Get the pen in there." Abby stuck the pen into the hole that she had just made with her finger. "Two quick breaths." The waiter stopped the compressions so Abby could breathe for Buck. "Five seconds. Four... Three... Two. Another quick breath."

Abby gave another breath into the pen and started compressions again. Then after a moment Buck took a breath in herself. Abby breathed a sigh of relief and grasped Buck's hand as she opened her eyes, as the entire restaurant burst into applause.

Buck's eyes fluttered closed again but Abby kept holding her hand, whispering in her ear, and brushing her hair out of her face. All the while keeping an eye on her breathing.

A couple of minutes later Abby could hear sirens, and she almost collapsed in relief when she saw the ambulance.

"Excuse me, excuse me. Gurney coming through." The paramedic called out, parting the crowd as he walked through the incident.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay." Abby murmured to Buck, as the paramedics reached the two of them.

Abby explained to the paramedics what had happened and what she had done, then grabbed her and Buck's things and followed Buck to the waiting ambulance. "Can I ride with her?"

"And you are?" The paramedic from the 111 asked.

"I'm her girlfriend and the one who saved her life. Please I just want to come with her."

"Hop in."

The ride to the hospital was silent, and Abby kept replaying everything that had happened in her mind. She wondered if there was anything else that she could have done to prevent what had happened. Buck had never mentioned being allergic to anything, so maybe she didn't know that she was allergic.

When they got to the hospital, Abby was made to wait in the family room while Buck was rushed into one of the rooms, to be treated.

An hour later Abby was called in and Buck was asleep. The doctor congratulated Abby on a job well done with the tracheostomy, and then left her sitting there holding Buck's hand. Trying not to cry.

An hour or so after Buck had been admitted, Abby was still sat there, by Buck's side, holding her hand.

"You know, I was really glad that your friends meddled to get us out together tonight. Even if it ended up with you in the ER." Abby said gently, as she stroked her friend's hair.

"Because I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you that I had feelings for you too, even though I have never had feelings for a woman before. I am scared about that, but with you I feel less scared, with you I feel safe, with you I feel like I can conquer anything. I don't know if I can say that I love you, but I don't want to lose you."

Abby watched Buck as she breathed, which had soon become her favourite thing to see, after thinking that it would be something that she might never see again. She watched Buck's chest rise and fall and let a tear escape.

"Please wake up, Buck. So, I can tell you to your face just how much you mean to me."

Abby's ramblings were interrupted by a knock on the door. When she turned around she saw Bobby standing in the doorway, apologetic, and still in uniform, telling her that he was still on shift when he heard about Buck.

"Hi." She whispered, wondering what he was doing here.

"Hi. Sorry to interrupt. How's she doing?" He asked as he took a seat next to Abby.

"Mm. Still out of it. How much of that did you hear?" Abby asked.

"Enough to know that you love her. Even if it is just a little bit."

"Yeah." Agreed Abby. "Yeah I do, a little."

"I would also like to thank you."

"What for?"

Bobby smiled. "Well, from what I understand, Buck would be completely out of it, if it hadn't been for you."

Abby smiled grimly, not wanting to think about what she had to do to the woman that was more than a friend to her. "Ah. Well..." She still felt bad about having to cut a hole in her throat.

Bobby shook his head with a wry smile on his face. "You saved her life. The surgeon told me you did a pretty impressive job, too."

"I'm just mostly trying not to think about it, really." Abby and Bobby sat there in silence. But Abby was still wondering what he was doing here. "Captain Nash, I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here? Most people's bosses wouldn't care if their employee was in the hospital."

"Buck has no family. I am fairly sure that I am the closest thing that Buck has to a father. So, when it came for her to put an emergency contact down, Buck put me down. I guess that I am just honoured that she trusts me enough."

Abby chuckled quietly to herself. "I can promise you, the way that she talks about you all. I am fairly sure that Buck hero worships you. All of you."

They both laughed. "You know Chimney always said that Buck had imprinted on us like a baby duck." Bobby chuckled, causing Abby to laugh again. When Abby yawned Bobby looked over at her, concerned. "Listen, you've had a pretty traumatic night. If you don't want to sit here with her, you don't have to. I can do that."

"No, no, no. I-I do, I want to." She smiled at Buck's sleeping form. "I-I'd love the company, though, if you want to..."

"Well, some Valentine's Day, huh?"

"Super romantic." Agreed Abby.

"Well, it's one she'll never forget."

"No. It was all going so great, until I had to cut a hole in her throat."

They laughed again. "Valentine's Day rarely works out the way you expect it to. You know, that's life. You got to roll with what comes. Don't know what's around the corner."

Abby snorted. "Spoken like a true first responder."

"No, it's straight out of the handbook." Agreed Bobby. "First page I believe."

"Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I remember."

Abby yawned again and Bobby stood up. "Seems like you could use a cup of coffee."

"That's okay, right? I mean, it can't kill you, can it?" Abby joked.

"Well, clearly you've never had the coffee from here before." Deadpanned Bobby.

They laughed again and Abby stood to join him. "I'll risk it."

"All right."

A couple of hours later Bobby and Abby were still sat by Buck, and he was regaling her with the story of one of Buck's early rescues.

"… So, there she was, drug dealer with a knife to her neck, and she slams her elbow back, slamming it into the guy's nose and…"

"I knocked him out cold." Came a hoarse whisper from the bed, causing both of them to look up.

"Buck." Abby whispered with glee. "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Like someone cut a hole in my throat." Buck winced and moved her hand up to touch her throat. But Abby pushed it away and held out a spoon with a couple of ice chips in, which Buck gratefully sucked on.

"Try not to talk to much. Your throat will be irritated after the tracheostomy."

Buck nodded and she too looked surprised that Bobby was sat there. Bobby chuckled at the deer in headlights look that she had going on and patted her on the knee. "It's okay, Buck. You had a massive allergic reaction to something. The doctors will have to run some tests to find out what, but you will be fine. You just need to take a couple of weeks off work."

Buck's face fell. She hated the fact that' she would be leaving the team short again right after Chimney got back. Bobby though reassured her.

"Buck, it'll be fine. I promise. We will talk more about this tomorrow. Now, I must go and find a nurse or doctor."

Bobby disappeared and a few minutes later returned with a nurse. "Ah, good evening Miss Buckley. I am nurse King, and I must say, it is good to see you awake. That was a hell of an allergic reaction that you had." She checked Bucks dressing and checked her vitals. "Any soreness or discomfort?"

"A little."

"That is to be expected, I will get you something for the pain. I must say, you are incredibly lucky that your girlfriend here did what she did. Or I am fairly sure that we would have been having a different conversation." Then Nurse King said her goodbyes to everyone and left the room leaving the trio together.

Bobby, sensing that Buck and Abby wanted to talk alone got up and said his goodbyes.

"Now that you are awake I will go and let the others know that you are okay. Abby, please call me if you have to leave her, I will come. I don't want Buck to be left alone."

"I will. I promise. And thank you for staying with me."

"My pleasure. Now look after our girl." Bobby added, and with a small wave he left the room.

When Buck and Abby were left alone, Buck started panicking that Abby shouldn't be here, and that she needed to be there for her mom. "Abs, you should go. Your mom needs you."

"Buck, sush." Chastised Abby, as she smoothed Buck's hair. "You worry too much. Look Carla saw the video of me saving your life and told me not to come home until I was sure that you were alright."

"There's a video?"

"Yes. I will show it to you in the morning."

There was an awkward silence between the two. The last thing that Buck had said to Abby, before the whole anaphylactic shock debacle, was that she loved her. Now she didn't know what to think. Clearly she was still wanted to be friends with her as she was still here, but was that all she wanted, Buck wasn't sure.

"So." Buck huffed out.

"So." Repeated Abby.

"The nurse called me your girlfriend." Buck said, knowing that it probably meant something.

"Yeah. They weren't going to let me stay with you unless I was family."

"Well thank you for staying. It means a lot to me."

There was another pause and Abby knew that it was now or never for telling Buck how she felt.

"Buck, what I wanted to say to you, at the restaurant, before…"

"Before I almost died?" Buck quipped.

"Yes, before that. I wanted to say that I am feeling some very strong feelings towards you too. Feelings that I have never felt about a woman before. And for me, that is very confusing." Buck opened her mouth to say something, and Abby quickly shut her up. "Buck, please. Let me finish."

"Sorry." She mumbled, feeling thoroughly chastised, as she gestured for Abby to continue.

"As I was saying. I would like to spend more time with you, to hopefully explore those feelings. I don't want to put labels on this, yet, but I would like us both to agree that we are more than friends. Whatever that means."

Buck nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "That would be great. But can I ask maybe one thing? And you can say no if you want to. But can I kiss you?"

Abby nodded and leant in carefully, her lips gently pressing against Buck's. Buck marvelled at how soft and smooth her lips were, and how warm that Abby was. It was the kind of kiss that made Buck's skin tingle and made her body tremble with excitement.

Buck had kissed a lot of people, but none of them had ever made her feel like this. None of them had made her feel happy, safe, and contented.

At that moment, Buck had realised one thing. She was falling completely head over heels in love with Abby.

Chapter 7: Full Moon (Creepy AF)

Chapter Text

The next morning, Buck's throat ached and was as dry as a desert. Slowly sitting up, blinking, she looked around and smiled when she saw Abby still sat there, dozing in the chair, head in her arms, next to her. Reaching out, Buck gently brushed a lock of her strawberry-blonde hair out of her face. And admired how peaceful she looked, sleeping.

As Buck sat herself up Abby stirred. Blinking slowly, she saw Buck wince as she reached for the water. "You should have woken me up. I would have got the water for you." She chastised as she held the glass for Buck who leant back against the bed to take a sip.

"You needed the rest. Besides, you looked far too peaceful to wake up."

Abby stretched her back out and glanced over at Buck, who was admiring the view appreciatively. "What time is it?" Abby asked and Buck shrugged.

"I'm not sure," she said looking around for a clock. "But I think that it is early."

Abby shuffled her chair closer and slipped her hand into Buck's. "I am glad to see that you are better, are you in any pain?"

"Some, but nothing that I haven't had before."

Abby grinned. "Oh, so you have had a date cut a hole in your neck, and stick a pen in your throat before, have you?"

Buck laughed, which soon turned to a cough, and Abby pressed the button for the nurse. "Ah, Evalyn, good morning."

"Buck." Corrected Buck automatically. "I prefer to be called Buck."

"Buck, of course. Are you in any pain or discomfort?"

"A little when I talk or cough."

"Well, that is to be expected." She said as she filled in some information on her chart. "I have to say that you two have become quite famous. You are trending all over the internet, Girl on Fire."

Buck looked up at her with a puzzled look. "You follow me?"

"Yeah, of course I do. You are probably the closest that we will ever get to a real-life Wonder Woman. And I have to admit your new Instagram handle suits you far better. Makes you sound like more of a badass."

"Umm. Thanks." Blushed Buck.

"I will go and get you something for your pain, maybe something to eat, jello, or pudding possibly. The allergist will be in to see you at some point."

Abby and Buck thanked the nurse as she left to get Buck what she needed.

When Buck and Abby were alone again, Buck caught Abby glancing at her phone, and Buck felt guilty for keeping her away from her mother.

"Abby."

"Yeah?"

"Go home. You are exhausted and clearly worried about your mom." Abby looked hurt that Buck seemed to be dismissing her, when she really wanted to make sure that her friend was okay. "I mean, I am not going to be going anywhere for a while and I am going to be spending most of that time either having various tests ran on me or sleeping. I would much rather you go home, get some sleep, and come and see me later when you are refreshed."

Abby looked at Buck and she sighed. "You're right. I am tired, and I need to shower and get some sleep. But I am worried about you being here all alone."

"You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine. I guarantee that the guys from the 118 will be around at some point. Besides all I am doing is waiting for the allergist and I will talk to you once I have seen them."

"If you are sure…"

Grasping Abby's hand, Buck looked at her in the eyes. "Abby, it has been a crazy night for the both of us. We both need to rest and process everything. I promise I will keep you updated with everything. You can even come and visit me later."

Smiling, Abby lent over Buck and gave her a quick kiss, making Abby chuckle when she heard the heartrate monitor jump.

"Oh, hush you." Mumbled Buck before kissing her again. "Now go. And let me know when you get home safely."

"I will. Be safe Buck."

"You too."

Abby gathered up her belongings and left leaving Buck alone. Picking up her phone, Buck saw that she was almost out of battery. Sighing she flung a text to Bobby letting him know that she had sent Abby home, and if he was coming to visit her later could he bring her charger with him.

After being given some soft food and pain meds, and having another nap, Buck woke up to Hen, Chimney, and Bobby sat around her bed. After seeing the doctor and the allergist Buck was surprised to find out that she was allergic to beetroot, which was apparently a very uncommon allergy and was told that she would have to carry am epi-pen with her for the rest of her life.

She was also annoyed to find out that she would have to stay in hospital for another couple of days, to make sure that her throat was healing properly, and then would have to take a further two weeks off work. Buck hated not working. Her work made her feel like she had a purpose, even just two weeks off made her feel worthless.

Bobby promised that everything was going to be fine at work without her, and that he would make sure that there would not be any beetroot anywhere in the station, and that all of the engines and trucks would be stocked with extra epi-pens, just on case. He also promised to bring her food into the hospital, so she wouldn't have to "eat that garbage that they serve," which made Buck laugh.

Hen handed Buck a bag with some clothes and her charger and told her just how much she hated her roommates, who were still partying from Valentine's Day when she arrived.

Bobby, when he heard about that immediately wanted Buck to come and stay in his spare room while she was recovering. Buck tried to argue the point that she was going to be absolutely fine at her home, by herself, but Bobby was having none of it.

"Come on, Buck. You can't tell me that you think that a frat house is a suitable place to recover from a major incident like an emergency tracheostomy?" He said annoyed.

"But Bobby, I don't want to be a bother. Enough people have already fussed over me unnecessarily, I don't want any more fuss." Whined Buck.

"Buck you are not being a bother. I would not have offered for you to stay with me if I didn't want you there." Assured Bobby, but Buck still looked unconvinced.

Bobby grabbed Buck's hand and looked at her seriously. "Buck. I know that you were not shown a lot of, if any, love when you were younger. But when people love and care for you they want to help and look after you. So let us do that."

Buck sighed, but she could see that there was no point arguing. Bobby had clearly made his mind up, and he was right, the place where she was saying was not suitable for someone who was convalescing.

"Fine. But tell me if I am being a bother and I can stay in an Air B&B until I recover."

"Not happening, Buck. You need to get use to people wanting to help you out."

Buck laughed. After a little bit, Hen, Chim, and Bobby said that they had to go. Bobby took Buck's keys and promised to take her Jeep back to his, and Hen promised to go back to hers and grab the rest of the things that she would need to stay at Bobby's for a couple of weeks.

Chim had said that he was under strict instructions to inform the rest of the team about what was happening, and he promised to visit her at Bobby's as often as he could.

When they left, Buck checked her phone once it was charged and messaged Abby to inform her of what the doctors had said. She then messaged Hondo, Danny and Steve to inform them of what had happened too. Knowing that they would be more pissed if they heard about this second or third hand.

The next day Buck was given the all clear to go home. Abby hadn't been back to see her, but she had messaged her endlessly. The two of them even made tentative plans to meet up for lunch one day during the week to talk about things, and so Abby could see that Buck was doing well.

Buck had been visited by Hondo, who invited Buck to come and stay with him for the duration of her recovery, while Steve and Danny had threatened to come out to LA to see that Buck was okay for themselves. Instead, the two of them settled for a video chat, in the presence of Hondo so he could confirm if she was lying to keep them happy or not, and the promise that she would send them over her recipe raspberry and dark chocolate brownies.

Hondo was still there when Bobby turned up after his shift to pick Buck up. He was mildly surprised to see Buck laughing and joking with a member of the LAPD SWAT, before he remembered Buck mentioning that she had served with one of them, in a passing comment she had made just last week.

Bobby coughed to alert the two of them to his arrival and when Hondo saw Bobby, he stood up and went to shake his hand. "You must be Captain Nash."

"I am. I am going to guess that you are Sargent Harrelson from SWAT?" Bobby asked.

"I am. But call me Hondo. Everyone does.

"Bobby."

Buck looked on, happy to see that two of her favourite people were getting along.

Hondo let go of Bobby's hand and gestured to the empty seat in the room. "Buckley here has told me a lot about you. Thank you for looking after her. Kid here is like family to me." He said with pride in his voice.

"You're welcome. I wish that I could say that I know more about you, but Buck has only mentioned you once to me, and that was in passing."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." Admitted Hondo. "We lost contact for a few years after she left the service. I am not ashamed to admit that I was pissed that she had left, because she was one of the best, and it felt like I was losing one of my family. But we reconnected when she returned to LA."

"Well, it is nice to meet you anyway, Hondo. And if we are ever working and are in the vicinity of the 118 then you will have to come and join us for dinner. Any friend of Buck, is a friend of ours."

Buck was almost bursting with pride at two of the most important people in her live getting along. "You will have to, Hondo. Cap is like Guy Fieri in the kitchen. I swear if he didn't cook then I would starve."

Bobby laughed. "Come on, Buck. It can't be that bad. Surely."

"Cap I can't cook to save my life. If you want a cake, I am your lady. I am a baking savant according to Steve."

"Our former CO." Mouthed Hondo.

"But cooking. Well let's just say when I am not working I live off takeaway and microwave meals."

Bobby looked horrified that Buck had no idea how to even cook a basic meal, and he decided that while she was staying at his house he would do what he could to rectify that fact. There was no way that Buck was going to spend her off time surviving off takeaway and microwave meals. He would rather send her home with a Tupperware of food each day.

He wanted to say something, but the nurse had arrived with her discharge papers.

"Thank god." Crowed Buck, moving to grab her bag, but was stopped by Bobby.

"What do you think that you are doing?" He scalded, grabbing the bag off the end of the bed himself. "You are not to do anything strenuous for the next two weeks. And that includes carrying your bag to the car."

Buck looked at Hondo in the hopes that he would help her fight her corner. But instead, she found him laughing at the scene unfolding in front of him.

"Good luck getting her to take things easy, Bobby. I am fairly sure that Buckley here does not understand the concept of rest and relaxation." He chortled.

"You are such a dick." Grumbled Buck as she followed the two men out of the hospital, who were still chuckling at her.

Getting to Bobby's place she noticed that it looked a bit different from the last time that she was there. The first time the place looked barren and empty, almost as though it was a place for clandestine meetings. Now though it looked much more inviting. There were new curtains up, and there was even a few pictures and paintings on the wall.

Bobby carried Buck's bag in the spare room and put it on the bed. "Bathroom is just next door. I there are spare towels in the laundry. Get yourself settled, get washed up, take any meds that you need to take, and come and join me in the kitchen. I think that it is time that you learn how to cook."

At the mention of Buck's meds, she instantly became concerned about having the painkillers in the house of someone with a history of addiction. "Hey Bobby, are you going to be okay with having my pain meds in the house. I can get rid of them if it is too hard for you. I don't want to put you out with me being here."

Bobby was touched by Buck's concern for his wellbeing. "Buck, I promise you that I will be fine. The only thing that I am concerned with at the moment is your health and wellbeing. Apart from that one blip with alcohol the other week, I have not touched substances in years."

Buck was reassured by Bobby words, and after he had left her she unpacked her bag, grabbed a shower to get the smell of hospital off her, and made her way into the kitchen, where Bobby had food ready to be cooked on the counter.

"Feel better?" He asked as she walked over to him.

"I do thanks. I hate the feeling of hospitals. They make me so unclean."

Bobby chuckled. "They do, don't they."

"So," Buck asked as she walked over to where Bobby was standing, "what are we going to be making?"

"I figure that we would start with something light and easy to eat as your throat is sore. A recipe that everyone should have up their sleeves, chicken soup."

Hearing those words gave Buck a lump in her throat. When she fell pregnant the only thing that she was able to keep down during the first trimester was chicken Soup. And the place where she got it from often wondered why she did not know how to make something so simple. A recipe that was often passed down from mother to child. It was then that she realised that she had nothing of any sentimental value to pass down to any child of hers. So, the idea that Bobby wanted to teach her how to make chicken soup made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Bobby noticed the expression on her face, and he worried that he may have taken this a step to far. "We can make something else if you wish. You know if your mother has already passed down her own chicken soup recipe to you."

Buck gave a hollow laugh. "The only thing my mother gave me was severe emotional scaring. I wish that I had the kind of mother who cared enough about me that when I was sick she did things like, make me chicken soup."

Bobby grew even more concerned by this. He knew that Buck's father was abusive, and had frequently beat and raped her, she told him herself. But he assumed that her mother hadn't stopped him out of fear for her own safety. By what Buck was saying, that might not have been the case.

"Who looked after you whenever you were sick or injured, Buck?" Bobby asked as he handed Buck the carrots and the peeler.

Taking the carrots and peeler, Buck started peeling, not looking up, for not wanting to see the look on his face when she told him the truth.

"My sister Maddie did, until I was nine. Then when she left, no one. I took care of everything, every injury, every illness, everything." Her voice broke at the end, and she slammed the peeler onto the counter, her hand shaking.

Bobby looked at Buck and he could feel his heart breaking when he saw the tears pouring down her face. Wrapping his arms around her, Bobby pulled her close and held her as she sobbed. Bobby could tell that her parents had never held her or shown her any love before. And as a father, that was the most heart-breaking thing.

"Buck," Bobby soothed, "whatever happened with your parents is in the past. I promise you that whenever you need us we will be there. We love you Buck you are family to all of us. You may not be our blood, but you are the family that we chose."

"But I don't deserve it, I am not a person that is easy to love."

Bobby looked shocked. "Buck, you listen to me. You are such an easy person to love, yeah you were rash and impulsive when you first arrived, but you were still so loveable. You wormed her way into all of our hearts and none of us ever want to let you go."

Buck still didn't look convinced, but she had managed to stop crying and returned to peeling the carrots.

"I know that you mean what you said." She said after a while. "But it is still hard for me to believe that. I guess that I have been on my own too long."

"Maybe. But I promise you, you will never have to be alone again." Assured Bobby. "Besides a wise woman once told me that it is okay to ask for help sometimes."

"She must be a very smart lady." Teased Buck.

"Sometimes." Bobby teased back. "Sometimes she can be an absolute fool."

They both laughed and soon returned to cooking the chicken soup. And for the first time in a long time, Buck felt loved and cared for.

Over the next two weeks, Buck felt well and truly cared for. She had gone to the station for lunch, more than once. Hen and Karen had her over for dinner, as did Martinez, and his wife and Issacs and his girlfriend.

Both she and Abby went out for lunch a couple of times and their relationship was becoming more serious, which made Buck incredibly happy.

Buck was also invited to a cookout with Hondo and his team, she and Street spent time comparing their sh*tty upbringings and Buck laughed as they all practiced their sparring, and Buck made a mental not to go back and show them how it was really done once she was fighting fit again.

Despite everything, Buck was still desperate to get back to work, and after two weeks, the doctor cleared Buck to return to work, and she practically jumped for joy. The only downside to her return was that her first shift was a night shift on a full moon.

Buck had only worked one full moon, so far in her career, but she had heard horror stories from the others about full moon's being the shift from hell. Bobby, predicting that this was going to be a busy shift, had split the station up into small teams, in the hope of getting ahead of the craziness that was coming.

Buck was excited and had been regaling the team with random facts about the full moon. "Did you know that there are certain species of sea turtles that will lay their eggs during a full moon? It's because the moon causes the tides to rise higher, bringing them further up the beach."

Bobby sighed exasperatedly. "No, Buck. I did not know that. Nor did I know the other seven full moon facts that you have told us in the last twenty minutes alone."

Buck blushed and chuckled with embarrassment. "Sorry, I was bored last night, and I went on a fact-finding spree. I will shut up now."

Hen chuckled. "Buck, it's not that bad. But I thought that you would have spent the night with Abby. And not sat home, alone, with Wikipedia and Netflix."

Buck closed her eyes and groaned loudly as she put her head on the table. "I want to spend the night at hers, trust me. But we are not at that point in out relationship, yet. And I am not going to push her. Even if this is the longest that I have gone without sex since I turned twenty."

"Come on Buck," chuckled Hen, "it can't be that bad."

"Hen. I haven't had sex in eight weeks. The longest that I have gone before that was six weeks." Whined Buck.

Hen patted her on the shoulder sympathetically. But the non-emergency alarm went off, and they were called out to the arcade near the pier, for a child that had gotten stuck inside one of the soft toy machines.

Buck turned her pleading puppy dog eyes onto Bobby, and he agreed that she could be the one to go and rescue her. Grabbing the tool kit, and the keys for the captain's truck, Buck made her way over to the arcade.

Walking into the building, she could see a crowd of people all gathered around the claw machines and that was where Buck knew that she had to go. "All right, folks, coming through. Excuse me, please." She called out as she parted the crowds.

When Buck reached the machine she saw a little girl, no older than three sat quite happily inside playing with the toys.

"Hi. Hi." She waved with a fake gasp of horror. "What you doing there?"

The little girl laughed and waves when she saw Buck's huge smile. "I'm gonna have to take you out if that's okay with you." And the little girl nodded. "All right. You'll be fine."

Buck pulled the drill out of the tool kit and started taking out the screws on the hinges. As she did, Buck kept pulling funny faces to keep the little girl occupied, and it wasn't long before she was laughing and giggling away.

As soon as Buck got the door off, she was standing there, huge goofy grin on her face and arms out. "Hi. Are you ready? Yeah?" Scooping the toddler into her arms, Buck swung her out of the machine. "Watch your head. Oh, I got you. I got you."

Buc handed her over to her mother, who looked more traumatised by the incident then her daughter.

"Thank you." She sobbed gratefully. "I can't believe they didn't have a key for this."

"Don't worry." Reassured Buck, with a small wave. "It's, uh, it's one of those nights. And here." She added, reaching back into the machine, and grabbing one of the toy cows, before she closed it up again. "Congratulations on your moo-moo."

After buck closed the machine back up, she decided that it would be a good idea to check in on Abby, while she was making her way back to the truck. "911, what's your emergency?" Abby answered in her best and most seductive voice.

Buck started howling like a wolf at the moon and Abby burst out laughing. "You're such a dork. A cute dork, but you're a dork."

Buck bursts out laughing as a feeling of warmth spreads across her chest. "A cute dork. Okay." She shrugged. "I'll take that."

"How are you?" Abby asked. "How you feeling? How's your first day back?"

"I feel great." She shrugged. "Uh, no pain, got minor discomfort, so don't you worry."

"I'm so relieved." There was a beat of silence and Abby asked the question that she had been dying to know. "So, when are we gonna do this again? I mean dinner, not the tracheotomy."

"I don't know." Buck answered, thinking about her schedule that she hadn't even had a chance to look at properly yet. "Um, I have a run of shifts, but I will check the schedule. Are you buckling in?" She asked, changing the subject.

Abby was confused. "Uh, am I buckling in?"

"Oh, full moon. It's gonna get bumpy."

Buck smirked when she heard Abby sigh over the phone, and she could almost hear her eyes roll. "Uh, no. I do not buy into all that full moon BS."

"Whoa," Buck halted, surprised by Abby's disbelieving in the powers of the full moon. "'buy into'? No, no, no. It-it is science. You know? Every full moon, the freaks come out. Crime increases, emergency rooms are packed, animals and kids go nuts."

"No, in my experience, anyone who's gonna be an idiot on the full moon is gonna be an idiot on the half-moon or the quarter moon or the no moon. There is no statistical evidence that any crime or accidents... or general freakiness increase during the full moon."

Buck rolled her eyes. "Abby, I can show you a dozen peer reviewed journals that say otherwise. And I mean, come on. I just pulled a kid out of one of those stuffed animal arcade games."

"I know, but that would've happened whether it was a full moon or not. And I really want to see some of those peer reviewed journals that you have found."

"Mm, you don't know that."

"I do know that. How many full moons have you worked?" She asked.

"Um, one." Admitted Buck.

"Right. Bye, Buck." Abby said.

"No, wait, hold on. Hold on." Interrupted Buck. "Look, I'm telling you. All right? Freaks come out. Now you call me when the night's over, okay?" And she started howling down the phone again, making Abby laugh.

"Bye, Buck. Bye."

Buck made it back to the station and the ladder truck and one of the ambulances had already been called out. And Bobby was upstairs waiting for Buck. "All done?" He asked.

"Yeah. I love kids in arcade machines, they always make my day."

"Good. Mow you just have to be ready for…" Bobby began but the bell rang, and they left to a call out to a woman who had been hurt at a yoga studio.

As they arrived, Buck was telling Bobby all about the change in the gravitational forces on earth during a supermoon. But everything changed when they walked inside and discovered that it was a yoga class that catered to women who were twenty-six weeks pregnant and above.

Walking in, they saw a woman who was stuck in the lotus pose, which Bobby was surprised that Buck knew what it was. At least until she told him that not only had she dated many yoga instructors, but she herself was also a fully certified yogini.

They discovered that the woman stuck in the lotus pose has skipped a disc, but as they got her in a comfortable position, one of the women who was full term went into labour. And was contracting so hard and fast that Bobby knew that they were never going to be able to get her to hospital in time.

As Bobby was dealing with the woman who was in labour, and Buck was dealing with a slipped disc, another woman, who was also full term, waters broke. Buck looked over and swore under her breath. "Oh crap," she hissed as she radioed dispatch for extra assistance, before going over to the other woman who was in the process of pulling off her leggings and underwear.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." She muttered under her breath. And as she looked at Bobby there was panic in her eyes.

Bobby saw her deer in headlights look and wanted to laugh, but he kept it together. "Buck. You ever delivered a baby before?"

"I've had a baby myself, and I've delivered horses. How hard can it be, right?" She quipped, causing all of the women, and Bobby, in the room to look at her. "Right, bad time for jokes." She muttered as the three women in the room all yelled in pain at the same time.

Bobby called Buck over to help him, as the woman that he was looking after was crowning, and by the time that Buck had gotten over there with the towels she had given birth to a baby girl. Buck clamped and cut the cord, and bobby handed the baby over to her mom. Buck felt herself getting a little teary with the emotion of the whole event. But she was quickly brought back to earth by the cries of pain from the other woman who was about to give birth.

Bobby and Buck made their way over to her, but as they did another one of the women cried out in pain. Buck and Bobby gave each other a 'come on' look, and Bobby made his way over to the new woman who was in labour, whilst calling for even more help. Buck just turned to Bobby and said sarcastically. "When this is all over, I am going to say, 'I told you so' about births and full moons."

Buck made her way over to the woman that she was originally helping. She could see that the baby was almost out, and Buck turned back to Bobby, panicking about what was happening. Bobby though was ever the consummate professional, reassured Buck that she would be alright and that he would talk her through what was happening.

But the woman that Buck was looking after, saw the fear in her eyes and immediately dismissed her, saying that she would deliver her baby herself. Buck tried to advise her that she would be better off with her help, but the woman told Buck that she was a doula. When Buck heard that, she knew that this woman knew more about delivering babies than she ever did, so she went over to help Bobby, leaving her and her friend some towels.

More paramedics turned up right as the woman managed to give birth to her new son. After Buck and Bobby packaged up the four women, three in various stages of labour and delivery, and the one with the slipped disc that they were called for. As they moved the woman who Buck had been helping to the ambulance, along with her baby boy, Buck congratulated her and suggested the name Evan for her little boy, which she shot down immediately.

The moment that they had delivered the woman to the hospital, Buck and Bobby were off again to another incident.

The two of them got a call out to attend an incident where someone had been stabbed. Buck and Bobby arrived quickly but PD had to yet declare the scene safe for others to attend so they were asked to wait in their truck a little ways away until they received the all clear.

As they were sitting there, Buck and Bobby started talking about Buck's past as a ranch hand in Montana and Texas.

"So, when did you work on a ranch?"

"A little after I stopped stripping. I wanted to leave Florida, so I went on a road trip out west. I eventually made my way to Montana, and I loved the view so much I joined a dude ranch. I mean I made a few stops along the way, but Montana was one of the places where I spent the longest."

"Why all of the travelling, though? Because from what you have said, you have been to almost half of the states."

Buck shrugged. "I guess, before I came here I never really felt like anywhere was home. You know how sh*t my childhood was, and when I left the SEALs I felt the same sense of loneliness that I had felt before joining."

"I'm sorry that you went through life thinking that you never had a home, Buck. But I can promise you that you will always have a home with us right here."

"Thanks cap."

Buck and Bobby watched outside of the window, as a man wielding a knife and covered in blood came running down the street, upon seeing the ambulance, and Buck behind the wheel he ran up, wrenched the driver's door open and dragged Buck out of the cab.

Buck struggled against his grip, and she watched as Bobby radioed dispatch for assistance, practically yelling for someone to get there and help.

Buck could feel the knife digging into her neck, and she could feel the blade scrape against her skin, causing a small cut. She could even feel a small amount of blood trickle down her neck. To say that she was pissed was an understatement.

The cops who had been looking for the knifeman came running over and raised their guns. Much to Buck's horror she could see that one of them was a rookie, and rookie cops, guns and a hostage situation was not going to end well.

Buck knew that she had a knife at her side, but she also could feel how tense the crazy guy with the knife was. He was so jumpy that Buck suspected that he was high on something, and that made him even more unpredictable and dangerous than before.

She saw the cops yelling at him to put the gun down, but she didn't hear a thing.

Narrowing her eyes, she gripped his wrist and wrenched it in the opposite direction to her body. There was a sickening crack, as she snapped his wrist, and then grabbing the knife at her waist she thrust it behind her into his leg.

As he started falling to the floor, Buck braced herself against him and there was another sickening crack, and a pop too this time, as Buck broke his arm again and dislocated his shoulder. Before throwing the man to the floor.

Buck stood there for a moment admiring her handiwork, she had broken his wrist, stabbed him in the leg, and looking at the angle she was sure that she had missed everything major, and she had dislocated his shoulder.

Once he was fully incapacitated, Buck turned around to check that Bobby was all right and she could see him standing there with a look of absolute horror on his face. And as Buck stepped forward to check on him and reassure him that everything was going to be alright, he took a step back.

"Bobby?" She whispered. Terrified herself that she had scared Bobby so badly that he might never want to work with or even see her again. "Bobby, it's fine. He is going to be fine."

The cops cautiously stepped over towards where Buck was standing, holstering their guns. They called another ambulance to take the injured man away, while one of the officers took a look at Buck's neck. She knew that it wasn't that deep, and that nothing major had been cut, or she would be dead by now.

Buck then had to explain what the hell she had just dome. She explained to the officers that she was a former Navy SEAL, and that if they didn't believe her then they could contact Sargent Harrelson in SWAT, who could vouch to her credentials, and that she was worried that she might have gotten hurt if they started shooting so she thought that it would be better to get herself out of that situation.

Lots of phone calls were made, while another ambulance crew arrived to take care of the man that Buck had hurt. Detective Marks, Hondo and Chief Alonso had also been called out, all of whom spoke to Buck and Bobby, trying to get to the truth about what had happened, while Hondo also vouched for Buck and her history as a SEAL.

Throughout all of that, Bobby never said a word to Buck. He was no longer looking at her like he thought that she might kill him, but he was still looking at her with distrust in his eyes, and that hurt Buck. She knew that this could screw everything up.

It was an hour later before they were told that no charges were being brought to Buck, because it was all self-defence, but she was warned against bringing her knives with her to work anymore. Hondo gave Buck a lecture on playing the hero. Before hugging her and telling her that he was proud of her. Before warning her that he would be telling Steve about her newest escapade. Which made Buck pale.

It was another hour before Buck and Bobby were allowed to go to their next call.

Climbing into the ambulance, Bobby kept shooting glances at Buck, and she was worried about what he was going to say to her. And eventually he seemed to find the right words.

"I don't know whether or not to hug you, yell at you, or discipline you." He said, shaking his head.

Buck looked over at him terrified. She knew that even though she was cleared of any wrongdoing, Bobby could still have her transferred out of his station. "Bobby, I had to do it."

"I know. But that does not mean that I was any less scared for you." Pausing he closed his eyes and took a big breath. "I was also scared of you." He admitted.

Buck looked at him, saddened that she had scared someone that she cared about, Bobby could see the internal struggle that she was having with herself and placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"Buck, what I mean is. When you looked at me, after taking that man down, your eyes were empty, they were completely devoid of all emotion. I know that you said once that you was a good Navy SEAL because you could do that, but I thought that I would never see it.

"I was also scared because I didn't know if you would forget who you are and where you were. I was scared that we were going to lose you."

A tear trickled down Buck's face. "Bobby," she choked out, "I would never hurt you. I promise. I would leave before I would ever do that."

Bobby patted her on the arm and gave her a watery smile. "We love you. And please don't think that you have to out yourself in harms way for us. It would hurt too much if we were to lose you."

"I promise to do my best, Bobby."

"Good." He nodded, and they returned to the drive to their next patient.

"Bobby?"

"Hmm, Buck."

"Can you not tell anybody about this unless it is necessary. Please. I don't want everyone on the team to be afraid of me."

"I will keep it quiet, Buck. But at some point you are going to have to tell them. They deserve to know the truth about you."

Buck nodded but didn't say anything. If Bobby was scared of what Buck could do to him, what would the others think when she tells them the truth. Maybe them nit knowing would be better.

The silence between them was interrupted by dispatch informing them that there had been a call about a man that swore that there was something moving inside of him.

Buck's first thought when she heard this, was that the man was on something. Although it was a full moon, and Buck knew that she could be facing anything when they got there.

When they reached the house, they found a man standing outside the door to an en-suite bathroom, trying to persuade the man inside to let him in.

"Go away." Came the strained voice from behind the door.

"You're scaring me."

"Oh, you're scared? I'm John Hurt in Alien right now."

The man outside the bathroom turned and saw Buck and Bobby standing there. "Oh. Thank God." He praised, as a groan came from inside the room. "Connor?" He called out to his partner. "911's here. Open the door now."

Bobby brushed him to one side and stepped up to the door. "All right, step aside, sir. Connor? Los Angeles Fire Department. We can't help you if you don't open the door."

There was a loud whimper from the other side of the door and Buck and Bobby glanced at each other. "Connor, I don't want to have to break this door down," Bobby said.

Bobby looked over at Buck and gave her the nod to smash the door in. Stepping up, she raised the battering ram and swung it back, but before she could swing it in the door, the lock clicked and the three of them all walked into the room.

The two of them immediately went over to Conner, who was doubled over in pain by the jet tub. Buck started checking his heartrate, while Bobby was palpating his stomach.

"Can you tell me what you're feeling?" Asked Bobby.

Conner looked terrified, and in considerable pain. "Something's happening. It's, like, the... like, the worst cramping pressure feeling that I've ever experienced..." He grunted out as he winced in pain. "It's like I'm gonna give birth or something."

His partner, Paul, was clearly not believing what he was saying, and rolled his eyes and scoffed at his reaction. "Oh, stop it. We had sushi tonight. He always orders the omakase, but he can't handle anyone telling him what to do, so he orders more..." He said to the others, as he chastised Conner. "You just have an upset stomach." He patronised.

Groaning in pain again, Conner gave Paul a death glare. "If you tell me I just have a stomach-ache one more time, I'm gonna stab you with your toothbrush. I swear, I felt it moving, okay?" He told Bobby, who was flicking worried glances at Buck. "I felt something moving."

"How long have you been having the cramps?" Bobby asked.

"Uh, about a week. Yeah, I made a doctor's appointment for Friday."

"Any other symptoms?"

"No." Conner shook his head sheepishly.

Paul glared at Conner. Angry that he was lying to them. "Oh, he's been having a lot of gas."

Conner looked embarrassed. "Shut up!" He hissed, causing buck to choke back a laugh.

"You have. I mean, i-it kind of builds like an overture, and then there's a nice little tuba solo." Buck was impressed by his very detailed knowledge of his partners bodily functions. "It's a tremendous amount of horrible flatulence."

"Paul." Hissed Conner, embarrassed.

Bobby just calmed Conner down, and refocused his attention on him. "Okay, just lean back, let me have a look. Okay."

Buck though had been listening intently and was thinking about things that could be causing his symptoms. "Do you guys eat a lot of sushi?" She asked, looking between them.

"He does... about four or five times a week." Admitted Paul.

"I try to go carb- and fat-free as often as possible." Connor said.

Buck understood what Paul was saying, she tried to live as healthy as life as possible. "Ah, same here. You guys ever try the brown rice pasta? You know, it's not that bad."

"You know, it's a little gummy for my taste."

"I see that."

"Yeah."

"Hey, what's your body fat percentage?" Buck asked, looking impressed by his body.

"I swing between, like, 50..."

"Okay," interrupted Bobby, "can we finish the most interesting conversation of all time later?"

Buck looked a little sheepish at being told off by Bobby. But Bobby just returned to palpating Conner's stomach. "Does this hurt? Does that feel tender?"

"No."

"What about your bowel movements? Any diarrhoea?"

"No."

"Yes." Snapped Paul. "Why would you lie to him about that? He's trying to help you."

"Okay. Sorry. Yes."

"He has poop shame." Paul whispered to Buck and Bobby.

"Okay. Just take a deep breath, okay?" Bobby asked. "Relax."

The moment that Connor took a deep breath, he doubled over in pain, clutching his stomach, and yelled loudly. "Oh, my God! No, no, no! I'm gonna burst! I'm gonna explode!"

Bobby and Buck shot a glance at each other and knew that he needed more help than they could give him. "Let's get him in the ambulance right now."

Buck and Bobby loaded Paul onto the gurney and wheeled him out to the ambulance. As they made their way to the hospital, Buck set up an IV line and did her best to make Conner comfortable, but he was still yelling and in immense pain.

"God, just make it stop!" He yelled, as he crushed his partner's hand. "Drive faster. I feel like I'm gonna explode all over the place."

"All right, Connor, you're doing great," reassured Bobby. "We're almost to the hospital. They're gonna do a scan, figure out exactly what's going on."

Conner moved and looked down terrified. "Th-There's something under my leg."

"It's just the IV tube, all right?" Assured Buck. "It's underneath you."

But Conner was having none of it. "No, no, no, it's moving. There's something moving under my leg." He screamed, flinching.

Bobby and Buck both looked at each other, concerned by what was happening. "All right, let's turn him and check it out." Ordered Bobby.

The two of them carefully rolled Conner over, and when they saw what it was, everyone bar Buck looked freaked out.

"Oh! What? What the hell is that? What?" Freaked Conner.

Buck sat there, with a massive smile on her face. "That's a tapeworm." She said impressed.

The news that it was a tapeworm caused Conner to start completely freaking out and Bobby and Paul both gagged, with Paul even looking a bit green.

"Tapeworm? I have a tapeworm?!" Yelled Conner.

Paul looked horrified. "Wait, it's coming out of his..." He began. "Oh, I'm gonna be sick."

"Oh, get it out. Get it out! Oh, I can see the mouth."

Buck looked over at Bobby, she knew what to do in this situation, this was not new to her. "I mean, we can pull it out."

Bobby was starting to look a bit green himself, and Buck really wanted to laugh at the expression on his face. In fact, she wanted to laugh at all the expressions on all of their faces. "No. No, no, absolutely not. We're almost to the hospital. They're gonna remove that with the proper instruments, put him on some albendazole, and then we call it a night."

Connor was rolling around on the bed shaking his head. "No, please, no. I can't take those drugs. They're toxic. They put me on Flagyl for diverticulitis once, and it gave me severe heartburn and turned my pee burnt sienna." Buck and Bobby looked at him all confused. Burnt sienna was not something that they were used to pee being called.

"I'm sorry, burnt sienna?" Asked Buck.

"It was brown! Okay? It was dark brown. Now, just please, I am begging you, get it out!" He whined.

Bobby looked at Buck and smiled, gesturing to Connor and the tapeworm that was wriggling around. "It's all you, Buck."

Buck carefully took the head of the tape worm and looked at Bobby with an eyebrow raised. "Really? So, you have no problem delivering a baby, but this creeps you out?"

"Seniority has its advantages."

"Just get it out..." Cried Connor.

"Okay." Buck said in a warning voice, knowing that this thing could be a monster inside of him.

Slowly but surely, inch by inch, Buck eased the tapeworm out of Connor's rectum. Bobby watched in some kind of weird fascination, while Paul couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to watch. He kept looking then turning away, gagging. Connor was doing everything that he could to not look at the giant greyish coloured worm being pulled out of his ass.

Bobby was starting to grow impatient with how long Bick was taking to get the tapeworm out. "What are you waiting for? Get it out." He ordered, still cringing.

"I have to be careful, all right? If it breaks, it'll crawl back inside and regenerate." And Bobby, Paul, and Connor all looked away gagging at those words.

Buck choked back a laugh as Connor started to go a bit grey. "Oh... I'm definitely gonna puke." He mumbled under his breath.

Paul in the other hand was looking annoyed with Conner and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "I knew you didn't go from a 34 to a 31 waist with sit-ups." He chastised, before explaining to Buck and Bobby. "Tapeworms are an old fashion model's trick for losing weight."

Buck shook her head as she continued pulling the tapeworm out. "You know, these things can live inside of you for, like, 20 years?"

"Ugh!" Bobby grunted in disgust.

Paul still couldn't believe that Buck was still pulling the tapeworm out. "This is insane... it's like a magician's handkerchief."

Buck just shrugged. "Actually, it kind of makes perfect sense. All the sushi you guys eat. It's like playing Russian roulette with parasites. And with the moon... Parasitic breeding cycles rise and fall with the full moon."

Bobby rolled his eyes at Buck mentioning the moon again. "Will you shut up about the moon?" He watched as Buck was still staring at the tapeworm with some kind of morbid fascination. "I honestly don't know how you're so calm about this."

Buck shrugged. "It's nature, you know? Circle of life."

Paul scoffed. "Yeah, I don't think that's what Elton John had in mind when he wrote that."

Buck was looking surprised by the length of the tapeworm that she was pulling out of him. "Man, this has to be, like... six or seven feet." She said impressed.

"Oh, God." Everyone else groaned loudly.

"Have you been worn down lately?" She asked Connor. "This thing has been stealing all your nutrients."

Bobby looked surprised that she knew so much about tapeworms. He knew that Buck often went on these Wikipedia binges and knew a bunch of random facts but knowing so much about a parasite seemed a bit much, even for Buck.

"How do you know so much about tapeworms?" He asked.

Buck shrugged, not really focusing on anything but what she was doing. "I tended bar one summer at a surf beach in South America. These things are as common... as..." She gave the tapeworm one last tug and she had removed it completely. "Housecats," she finished, holding the tapeworm up in pride.

"Oh, God." Bobby said in disgust as Buck put it in the bag that he was holding out for her.

"Congratulations, Connor. It's a boy." Beamed Buck as she handed the tapeworm to him.

Minutes later they arrived at the hospital and handed off Conner to the waiting team. On their way back to the station, Buck and Bobby had a good laugh about the absurdity of delivering three babies in one go and pulling a tapeworm out of someone's ass.

"Got to love full moon's," chuckled Buck as Bobby shook his head laughing.

An hour later their shift was finally over, and Buck was driving home when she got a text from Abby to come and meet her at her place. Turning her jeep around, Buck made a beeline for Abby's place, only briefly stopping off to get a bottle of wine.

When she arrived, Abby was waiting for her, and she could see that Abby's mom was completely out for the count in the dining room.

Pouring each of them a glass of wine, Abby began telling Buck all about her day, and the woman who was murdered while on the phone to 911. She then told Buck how she saved another woman's life by figuring out that the person who killed that woman and the man who broke into an older lady's house was one and the same person.

Buck toasted to Abby's success and to her potential future as a detective, which made Abby laugh. But Abby soon looked at Buck with a serious expression on her face.

"Buck. I… I…" she began, before moving forward and pulling Buck into a passionate kiss.

Buck was momentarily surprised by Abby's boldness but was soon kissing her back, and it wasn't long before the wine sat there forgotten.

Buck had moved forward, pressing Abby into the cupboard door, her leg pushed between her thighs.

They broke apart from the kiss, panting slightly, and Abby had a mischievous look in her eyes, that made Buck smile. And Grabbing Buck's hand, Abby led them into her room.

Closing the door behind them, Buck pulled Abby into another kiss. Feeling Abby try and remover her shirt, Buck stepped back and pulled it off over her head and dropped it on the floor. But before resuming what they were doing, Buck paused.

"Abs. Are you sure that you want to do this?"

"Yes." She whispered as she pulled Buck in for another kiss, peppering her jawline with small kisses.

Buck moaned and kissed Abby again even deeper, while moving her hand up and underneath her night dress.

Abby's breath hitched as Buck ran her fingers across her stomach and up higher. And Buck, noticing the reaction smiled.

"If you want to stop at any point. If this gets too much for you. Just tell me to stop, and I will." She murmured into Abby's ear as she walked her back to the bed and pushed her gently down, before straddling her waist.

"I don't want you to stop." Abby whispered and Buck kissed her again, knowing that what was happening was either going to make or break their relationship.

Chapter 8: Karma's a Bitch

Chapter Text

It was later than expected, by the time that Abby had woken up. She was tired, and still a little sore from what had turned out to be one of the best nights of sex that she had had in a long while. She was excited to see Buck, and to see her reaction to the previous night, but when she rolled over she was shocked to see that she wasn’t there. Sitting up, Abby looked around the room hurt that Buck had clearly done a runner, her clothes were gone and there was no sign that she had even been in the room, but a noise from the living room made her get up.

Pulling her robe around her, Abby made her way into the lounge, and much to her delight she saw Buck and her mother laughing together as Buck was massaging her mother’s hands. Abby stood there for a moment, her heart swelling with joy at the sight of Buck and her mom getting along so well, before entering the room.

“Hey Abs,” called out Buck as she saw Abby come into the room. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you woke up.”

“Well, I am just glad that you stuck around. I was worried when I didn’t see you that you might have done a runner.”

Buck’s face fell when she saw that Abby truly believed that she would sleep with her and then just disappear without so much as a by your leave. “I’m sorry, I should have left you a note saying where I was. I had just come out to get my go bag from my car, and when I had gotten back, your mom was up, and I wanted to give you a chance to get some more sleep. I apologise that I made you believe that I wouldn’t stick around. I promise that I would never do that to you.”

Buck held out her hand and Abby walked over and grabbed it. “I know, Buck. But you are so young, and I am so…”

“Perfect.” Finished Buck with a smile. Abby smiled and joined Buck and her mother, as they watched TV and continued massaging her hands.”

The next few days were a whirlwind of emotions. Buck had been insanely happy that her relationship with Abby had moved to the next level, and the others on A-shift were too. That shift was also the start of a string of weird callouts that happened, all of which involved some kind of karmic retribution.

The first karma callout was to a remote home where the man called up 911 saying that he had been shot. When they arrived, Hen noted that they had been to the property before, and when Buck queried it she was told that it was long before she had arrived at the 118.

When they were packing up, after Hen had declared the man dead, Buck asked the others about the original callout that made Hen crow out about karmic retribution. When she heard what he had done to his wife, she felt a little bit of glee at finding out that the bullet that his wife had fired at him was the bullet that had killed him when he had blown up the tree. When she had made it to Abby’s, Buck told her about her day at work, and the call out with the man who had died, and she was surprised to find out that Abby was the 911 operator who had taken the call about his wife way back when.

The next day all thoughts about the day before were gone from Bucks head, as Chim was hosting a blood drive as a way to thank the people who had saved his life. Buck and Hen were some of the last people in the chair and as Buck was sat there next to Hen, squeezing her little squeezy ball, Chim was wandering through the engine bay, giving a little thank you speech to all of the volunteers. “So, I want to thank everybody for donating today. I don't know if you know this or not, but 90% of all the blood given to patients in the Los Angeles area comes from volunteers. I know that we all put our asses on the line in the field every day to save people, but today, you're saving people, and all it's taking is a tiny prick of a needle. So simple, even Miss Buckley can't mess that up.”

Buck sighed and internally rolled her eyes at yet again Chim’s dig at her intelligence, but externally she smirked at him.

Bobby arrived at work and approached Chim, smiling at the impressive turnout for this blood drive. “You still at it, huh? How'd you do?”

“Incredible. Everyone donated. Some people even came in on their day off.”

Bobby looked impressed and then when he looked around he started to look a little like he was hiding something. “That's great. All right, well, let's wrap it up. We got to start our shift.”

By this time Buck and Hen had finished donating their blood, and they had made their way over to Chim, who was giving Bobby a funny look. “Uh, hold up,” called out Chim, stopping Bobby from walking away. “Looks here like I am two pints shy of my goal for the day.”

“Well, that'll give you something to work towards next time.” Smiled Bobby.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're the captain of this house, and you're the only one who didn't participate.”

Bobby turned around and he was faced with Buck, Hen, and Chim all standing in a line, staring him down. He could see that none of them were going to let him get away with not giving blood without an explanation. “I don't like needles, end of story.” He bluntly put and began to walk away, but Chim grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to the three of them.

“Oh, come on,” pleaded Hen. “Captain, come on. You got to donate.”

Bobby was looking at the three of them like he wanted to throttle them. “I don't give blood. All right? I never give blood.” Bobby wanted to leave it at that, but he could tell by the looks on their faces that he was not getting away with it that easy.

Sighing he explained. “When I was a kid, they tried to take my blood, and I bit the doctor.” Hen and Chim looked at each other grinning, and Buck snorted before trying to disguise the laugh as a cough. “It's not funny,” snapped Bobby. “And the one time someone tried to take my blood as an adult…” Bobby paused as he remembered the fainting incident. “Didn't go well.”

Buck and Hen were finally unable to contain their laughter as Bobby slunk off towards the locker room. Chim chased after Bobby calling out his name, desperate to get his attention. “Bobby? Bobby, hold... Wait. Hold on. Hold on.” Bobby finally stopped walking away and turned to listen to what he had to say. “All right, listen, I get it. I really do, okay? But I really need you to do this for me, all right?” As Bobby’s resolve started to waver, Buck and Hen joined Chim. “Look... I'm alive because that rebar hit my head at just the right angle, and because I had the best damn fire and rescue team to get me to the hospital and the best surgeons in the world once I got there. But I got ten pints of blood, donated blood, given by the very generous people of this city. Now, I told you, I just... I wanted to do this blood drive 'cause I wanted to give a little something back of what I was given. And expressing my gratitude like this... It balances me out with the universe. Now, you and everybody else here asked me how they could help with my recovery. Well, this is how.”

Looking between all of them Bobby sighed. “I hate all of you.”

Chim beamed. “Thank you. Thank you.”

“You love us really.” Chortled Hen.

Buck chucked him the squeezy ball that she was still holding. “Here, you're gonna need this. Just squeeze it.”

Walking away, Chim yelled out to the entire room. “All right, let's stick him!” And Buck and Hen started cackling with laughter again.

Later that day, after everything had been cleaned up from the blood drive, they received a callout to a gym and tanning studio, where they received their second callout to some kind of cosmic, karmic, divine, retribution. The owner of the gym had become trapped in his sunbed and was unresponsive.

Upon arrival they were greeted by his extremely freaked out receptionist, who showed them to where the man was. “Okay, so I came in early to turn in my keys and-and pick up my paycheck. He actually fired me yesterday. It's a whole story.” She rambled, but a quick glance from Bobby made her get back on track. “Anyway, I, um... I smelled something burning.”

When they rounded the corner they were all horrified to see a horrifically burnt man, skin was bright red and covered in blisters. Hen and Chim rushed forward and started attaching leads to him and see whether or not he is still alive, while Bobby tried his hardest to get the tanning bed to turn off.

“We all kept trying to tell him to get it fixed.” The woman who greeted them wailed. Buck noticed that Bobby was unable to switch it off manually, so she lunged for the plug and pulled it out at the wall, switching the tanning bed off immediately. “Oh, my God. I didn't think to do that.” The girl muttered.

“How long has he been in there?” Bobby asked while Buck made her way back to the employee who looked like she was about to start hyperventilating.

“I don't know. He's the owner, so sometimes he comes in before we even open, so two hours; maybe three?”

Buck winced, that explained the smell and the fact that he looked like he was well done. The thought of it made her never want to sit in the sun again.

Chim was checking the man’s vitals, and Bobby was looking on. Buck was almost prying for the man to be dead, because she could not imagine the pain that he would be with those burns, so being dead might be the best thing. “What do you think, Chim? Is he dead?” Asked Bobby.

“Worse. I think he's alive.”

Chim and Hen scrambled to start treating him, and Buck didn’t understand why he just laid there and let this happen to him. “Why the hell didn't he just get out?”

“Might have had a stroke.” Chim said.

“He's 32.” The girl argued.

“What was he on?” Demanded Bobby. “We need to know.”

“I don't know.”

“32, may have had a stroke, drugs could be an underlying cause. What was he on?”

The girl looked like she wanted to throw up. “Everything, okay? He was stacking.”

“Steroids?” Asked Bobby, and she nodded guilty.

Chim attached the defibrillator to his chest and shocked him, trying to get his hear into some kind of rhythm, but he suddenly seized and the monitors started blaring. “He's in V-tach.”

“Starting compressions,” Hen yelled. As she pressed down oh his chest there was a squelching sound, and Buck could see Hen’s hand slipped on his chest. After a couple of compressions she stopped and lifted her hand and as she did the skin that was underneath her hands came off too. Buck gasped and the woman next to her gagged at the sight. Hen went to resume compressions but Chim stopped her.

“No. He's gone.”

“Oh, my God.” The woman gasped, wobbling a little bit like she was going to faint, but Buck grabbed her and steadied her.

“Whoa, whoa. Easy.”

“It's just too freaky,” she sobbed. “I mean, after what happened with Mindy. I told him. I said, ‘Barry, what goes around comes around.’”

Buck and Hen looked at each other, eyebrows raised. “Who's Mindy?” They chimed.

She then launched into the tale about his dog and how he had left her locked in his car the day before, on what had turned out to be hottest day of the year to date. And about how he had fired her when she had broken into his car to save his little dog.

Buck couldn’t believe that he was willing to kill his little dog just because he was afraid of what his landlord would say if he heard her barking. Buck looked at the man and even though she felt bad about how he died, she also couldn’t help think that karma was working in overdrive this week.

After his body had been carted away and the team had finished packing up they were about to head off to the station when Bobby received a phone call, but the look on his face when he was talking to whoever was on the phone instantly raised red flags amongst the group. “Cap, what’s wrong?” Asked Buck

Bobby put the phone down and when he looked up he saw three worried faces looking at him. “That was Cedars.”

“Is someone sick?” Asked Hen.

“The blood I donated... They sent it to a lab, for testing...”

Chim shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s your first time donating, so they have to do that before they release it to the blood supply .”

“Well, they found something in it.”

Buck blanched. Something in his blood, that something could be cancer. “Wha– what do you mean they ‘Found something?’”

“They wouldn’t tell me over the phone. They said that they wanted to see me in person.”

They rode back to the station in silence, nobody really knew what to say about Bobby’s revelation. And when they got back to the station Bobby disappeared into his office, while Buck, Hen, and Chim tried to process what they had heard so far.

When their shift was over, Bobby and Buck went to Cedars to meet with Bobby’s doctor. As they were waiting in the doctor’s office for him to arrive Bobby tried to get Buck to stop pacing and go home go home. “For the love of all that is holy Buck, will you stop acing and sit your ass down. You are making me dizzy.”

“Sorry Cap, but I am just nervous. What if this is something really bad. I just... I...”

“It’ll be okay Buck, we have to believe that. Anyway you don’t have to do this, Buck. You don’t have to be here with me.”

Buck snorted. “Bobby, come on. If I hadn’t volunteered to come with you it would have been Chim. And in case you haven’t forgotten that man is both tactless and unable to keep a secret.” Bobby chuckled, and Buck smiled when she heard that. That laughter gave her a little bit of hope that everything was going to be alright. “Besides Cap. It is our fault that you are sat here, we pressured you into donating that blood, so if you think that we are not going to be here for you then you’ve got another thing coming.”

At that moment the door burst open and the doctor walked into the room. “Sorry for keeping you waiting, Mr Nash. Thank you for coming in so quickly, there are some findings in your blood work that are time sensitive.” The doctor gave Buck a funny look and when bobby noticed he spoke up.

“She’s good, you can speak freely and clearly. No need to sugar-coat it. Please.”

The doctor nodded and started to explain. “Have you heard of Rhesus disease?”

Bobby shook his head, but Buck furrowed her brows in thought. “Isn’t that the illness that affects pregnant women and their babies?”

“Yes, and without treatment it is nearly always fatal.”

“Well, that’s great and all, but I am neither a baby nor a pregnant woman.”

Buck and the doctor both chuckled. “Indeed, you’re not, Mr Nash. But there are some 4,000 cases of rhesus in new-borns each year,” the doctor explained. “You are almost an identical match to a man in Australia named James Harrison. For decades, his donated blood saved the lives of more than two million children. They call him the man with the golden arm. Now, it seems you have one, too.” The doctor pulled out some papers from his desk and handed them over to Bobby. “If you would fill this out. We would love to get you into our rare donor's program as soon as possible. We could set up regular donations. There are babies at this very moment who need you.”

Bobby sat there stony faced and silent. Buck was worried about him, she had no idea what was going through. Looking over at the doctor, she could see that he was waiting for Bobby to say something, but there was nothing. “Thank you.” She muttered shaking the doctors hand.

“Congratulations,” called out the doctor s he made his way out the door.

“Yeah.” Bobby answered meekly as the door swung shut.

The moment the door closed Buck breathed a sigh of relief. Bobby wasn’t dying, there was no immediate threat to his life. Whatever was going through his head they could work through. Bobby was still sat there silently when Buck pulled him into a hug. “Thank god you’re not dying. But I guess you're gonna have to get over your fear of needles, huh?” She added chuckling. But even though she was laughing, deep down inside, something was niggling at her.

When Buck got back to Abby’s she told her all about Bobby’s trip to the doctor, and how worried that she was by his lack of reaction to finding out that he wasn’t dying. But Abby explained that he was probably just trying to process the information, and that he would most likely be in a better place tomorrow. But when tomorrow rolled around he wasn’t.

Bobby was quiet and withdrawn, and when Hen and Chim came up to Buck they were worried about Bobby too. Thankfully Bobby had given Buck permission to tell them some of what was said in the doctors office the previous day, and they were relieved to find out that he was going to be fine, and that it wasn’t anything life threatening. Buck was about to tell Hen and Chim about her concerns about Bobby when the alarm went off and they were called out to the zoo.

On the way to the callout about a man that had been attacked by a tiger that had escaped, Hen gleefully told Buck about another dose of Karma that they had been called out to the previous day, and Buck cackled when she heard about the porch pirate wit the suspected broken hip. But the laughter soon died down, when they arrived at the zoo and saw what they were facing.

They were greeted by one of the keepers who took them to another keeper who was holding a bloody bandage to his arm. When Bobby removed the bandage Buck gagged. The man’s arm looked like it had been de-gloved, and the sight made Buck’s stomach turn. Everyone looked at Buck surprised. “Seriously, this is your limit.” Snorted Chim.

“Yep,” grumbled Buck. “I... I just can’t.” She mumbled before turning back to look at the man. “Why didn’t he kill you?” She sked curiously.

“I’ve known Kobe since he was a cub. He didn’t want to hurt me, he was just confused.”

Buck patted the man sympathetically on the shoulder. Despite how much she hated to hurt animals like Kobe, she knew that this attack would probably be the last time that the keeper would ever see Kobe again.

Once they had gotten the skin on the arm back in place and wrapped up, ready to be taken to the hospital to be seen by the plastic surgeon, they were sent to another part of the park where the tiger had cornered a member of the public. But when Buck and Hen heard who the man was that the tiger had trapped, they almost wanted the tiger to win. It was a dentist called Sean Coopertino. And he had killed a protective Lion, under the guise of ‘hunting’. And Buck was sure when the public found out, public sentiment was going to be with Kobe.

As Buck, Hen, and Athena made their way back to where they were parked they got talking. And even Athena agreed that the public sentiment was most likely going to be with Kobe the tiger, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to be put down. “You know what karma is?” Asked Hen.

“A bitch?” Responded Athena causing buck to grin.

“No. She’s a wild animal and she will not be caged.”

“Amen to that.” Preached Buck. “Amen to that.”

Later on at the station, Buck decided that she should corner Bobby and find out why he was still acting all weird. He had been unusually quiet all day, and whenever anyone tried to talk to him about what had happened at the doctors he changed the subject before walking away. Buck had been trying to pin him down for hours, but every time that she had gotten close to him, Bobby had somehow managed to evade her. Honestly Buck was impressed, there were very few people that could avoid her for this long. Honestly, Bobby would have made a halfway decent SEAL with evading techniques like he had. But eventually she managed to corner him in the gym, while he was led on the bench lifting weights.

“Alright, it looks like I have finally got you alone. Now are we going to talk about it, or are you just going to keep ignoring the elephant in the room?”

Bobby sighed and put the bar back, before disappearing off into the locker room. Buck growled under her breath and stormed in after him. “Look. I will just keep on following you until you talk to me, I am stronger, faster, and for more stubborn than you. So you might as well just talk to me.”

Bobby sighed and closed his locker shut. “You really aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope. So deal with it. Now what has got your goat?”

“Nothing,” Bobby grumbled.

“Bullsh*t.” Snapped Buck. “It is not ‘Nothing’ so stop lying to me. Now Chim thinks that it is because of your fear of needles, but I know that is not the reason. Now why are you so down about this super special blood that you have?”

Bobby huffed. “Maybe I just don’t want to be giving blood every eight weeks for the rest of my life. Did you ever think about that, Buck?”

Buck gave Bobby a look that made him slightly fear for his life, but he knew that his lack of answers was annoying her. “As I previously stated. Bullsh*t. You're a lifesaver, that's what you do. You save people, by any means necessary. I still remember the woman in the plane. The one that you almost died for so she could return to her son. And now somebody just told you that you have the opportunity to save thousands, maybe millions of kids…”

“They're the wrong kids!” Yelled Bobby, and Buck almost jumped because she was not expecting it. And then she felt great sadness. Of course, Bobby would be thinking about his kids when he was told that he had the chance to save millions of kids. Bobby though looked like he wanted to cry, and Buck’s heart broke for him. “I want my kids.” He sobbed, sinking down on to the bench on the locker room.

Buck sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and sat there for a moment, waiting for him to calm down. As they waited, all Buck could think about was her Dylan, her baby that never even saw a single day. She was devastated when she lost a very much wanted and loved baby who had yet to be born. So, she couldn’t imagine how it must feel to lose you children that you raised, and that you nurtured, and loved.

Bobby sniffed and Buck could see silent tears falling down his face. “Yeah, I'm some lifesaver, aren't I? That's what I was put on this Earth to do, but I couldn't save my family. Couldn't protect them from me.” Buck could almost hear the cogs in Bobby’s brain turning. And she knew that he was thinking about that day. The day that his whole world ended. “A hundred and forty-eight. That's the number of lives that I owe for the mistakes that I made. And once I pay that debt, I get to be with them again. And I was halfway there, Buck. I was halfway there.” Buck’s eyes widened and she was horrified by what she was hearing. Here is Bobby, devout Catholic, and probably the closest thing that Buck had to a father, and he was sat there talking like he wanted to kill himself, like it was nothing at all.

“I was going to see my kids again.” Sobbed Bobby. “That was the deal.”

“Deal with who, Bobby?”

“The deal I made with God.”

Buck snorted, shaking her head. “Bobby, I don't think it's God you made a deal with…”

Bobby ignored her and kept talking. “And I got that phone call about my blood test, and I thought, ‘Here we go. Here it is. Here's my punishment: cancer.’ And for all the prayers I sent up there, so I could live long enough...”

“Oh my god.” Gasped buck as she jumped out of her seat. “You are, aren’t you? You’re talking about killing yourself, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I want out.” Snapped Bobby. “I want to see my kids again. And I want this pain to end, but it's not gonna end. It's never gonna end. 'Cause God's not punishing me by killing me. He's punishing me by forcing me to stay alive.”

Bobby walked to the door, but Buck blocked him, arms folded across her chest. “No.” She snapped. “You don’t just get to drop something like that on me and then expect to just walk away. Now sit down and let me speak, or I swear I will have you put on a mandatory psych hold.”

Bobby opened his mouth wanting to argue back, but something in Buck’s face made him think better of it. Sinking back down onto the bench, Bobby placed his head in his hands. “Look, you think that you are the only person here that is grieving the loss of a child? No. Because I lost my son. But he is alive to me. He was alive and real to me as Brooke and Bobby Jr were to you. The only difference was that my son died before he was born. But that doesn’t mean that my grief is any more or any less than yours. It is just different.

And if you think that for even a moment, that I wouldn’t give everything that I have to have him back, then you are delusional.” Finished Buck, and Bobby could see the pain in her eyes, and he immediately regretted mentioning anything about killing himself.

Buck though was moving past the sadness and was moving straight to anger. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The only reason why Bobby was here was to save enough people so he could justify killing himself. Buck couldn’t believe that he would make her believe that he was such a good person, make her believe that the 118 was family, and then he was planning on taking all away from her.

“You bastard.” Buck snarled. “You absolute bastard. You don’t think about anyone else but yourself, do you? I remember in my early days you told me that this job was about trusting each other. You told me that the bond between firefighters was like the bonds between family. And you know better than most hoe it feel when members of your family die. So, you let us in, and them you plan on taking you away from us. You selfish bastard.”

With tears in her eyes, Buck stormed out of the locker room, leaving Bobby standing there dumbfounded at her reaction. Bobby still didn’t understand how Buck became so attached to a washed-up alcoholic like himself. How the thought of his death caused her so much pain. Now he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to return to his family. He wanted to re-join his children. But he didn’t know if he could leave knowing how much pain that he would cause when he did.

Buck avoided Bobby for the rest of the day, and everyone noticed when Buck didn’t take her usual seat next to Bobby at dinner. It made Hen and Chim worried that there was something more going on than what either Buck or Bobby were saying, but neither of them were saying anything. The two of them even tried to corner Buck and Bobby, separately. But they were experts at avoiding talking to people if they wanted to be. By the time that the shift was over the tension in the firehouse was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

When Buck left she spent a bit of time driving around, before going to visit Hondo. When she told Hondo everything that Bobby had told her he told her to remember what it was like for her after her baby had died, how she was so desperate for things to be different. But Buck was having none of it. “That is true, but I stopped at wanting to kill myself.” She snapped.

Hondo sighed, “That may be true. But you have contemplated killing yourself before. Don’t lie to me and say that you haven’t.”

“Yeah, when I was sixteen, and my father raping me. And the only reason why I tried it was because I genuinely believed that he was going to kill me, and I wanted to die on my own terms. He had taken so much from me; I wasn’t going to let him take my life too.”

“And I get that. I do. But if you had died then Maddie would have missed you, and I know that more than anything you hate hurting Maddie. So maybe this is like that, maybe Bobby sees no way out from the pain that he’s in. Maybe you need to show him the good that can come from this, and that there is more to life than this pain that he is carrying around with him.”

Buck had to admit that Hondo occasionally had good ideas. And she spent the whole night tossing and turning trying to figure out a way to show Bobby why he should stay. By the time that morning had rolled around Buck was no closer than she was when she went to bed at figuring out how to save her Captain from himself.

Thankfully for Buck she had the day off because she was so tired she was in no place to go to work. And when the calendar on her phone chirped she smiled to see that she was scheduled to do some baby cuddling that day. So, no matter how bad she was feeling at that moment, Buck knew that she would be feeling at least a little better by the end of the day.

Walking into the hospital she made her way through the corridors towards the NICU. As she approached the doors she was stopped by the doctor that had given Bobby the news about his special blood. “Ah, you were the young lady who was with Captain Nash the other day. Has he filled in those forms yet? We would really like to get him into our rare donors programme.”

“No. Sorry doc, but I am working on it.”

The two of them stood there awkwardly, and then the doctor smiled. “Come with me, maybe I can show you something that could help you to persuade him.”

When he took Buck over to the NICU and took her over to a brand new baby and explained all about the baby that he had brought her to, he introduced Buck to the baby’s father. Buck got an idea. She messaged Bobby to meet her at the hospital. And she waited.

Buck didn’t have to wait long before Bobby was rushing through the doors. “Hey, Buck? What's going on? You all right?” Bobby fussed and checked over for any injuries, but Buck shrugged him off.

“Yeah I’m fine. I promise. Just come with me.”

“What?”

“Come on. I want to show you something.” Buck started walking towards the ward and Bobby was stood there staring at her not moving. Turing around Buck could see Bobby not following her. “Come on.” She snapped. “They’re waiting.”

Bobby followed Buck and as they made their way through the corridors Bobby was questioning Buck, trying his best to get some kind of an answer from her, but she just walked in silence. Eventually Buck stopped in front of the window to the NICU and when they looked into the room they could see a tiny baby, barely a day old, laying in an incubator attached to wires and machines, with tubes coming out of her.

The two of them just stood there, staring at her for a moment, when a man in a yellow gown approached them.

“Her name's Asha. She's our first.”

Bobby looked between the man and Buck and Bick smiled. “Uh, this is Steven, Cap. I told him I was bringing you by, and he begged me to let him talk to you.”

The two men introduced themselves to each other before turning back to face the Baby in the incubator. “We never thought we would get to meet her. Instead, she's starting out life healthy and disease-free. That's because of you. That's your blood they rushed over here.” He turned to Bobby and with a watery smile thanked him before heading back to his wife and daughter.

Buck looked at Bobby and could see that the man was fighting back tears. And as she looked at him she knew that everything was going to be alright. “Look at that little girl in there Bobby and you tell me that's the wrong kid.” Bobby sniffed and shook his head. Even Buck was starting to well up over the emotions of the whole thing. “Look, you're gonna see your own kids again. I do believe that. But right now, Asha and a thousand others just like her... They're your kids, too.”

Bobby was now crying, and Buck handed him a tissue. “Your blood is running through that little girl’s veins. It will be your blood that will be running through all their veins. So, you look at her, you look at her and those young parents, and you tell me if that feels like a punishment.”

Bobby shook his head and wiped his eyes. “No, Buck. It's a blessing.”

Buck grinned. Bobby seemed like he was finally coming around. “Exactly. I think you better either throw that book of yours away or get yourself a bigger one, 'cause it seems to me like you're here to stay.”

“Looks that way.”

They stood there in silence for a moment before a huge grin spread across Buck’s face. “And just think, you'll only have to give blood once. Every eight weeks.” Buck started laughing. “For the rest of your life.”

Bobby snorted with laughter, and just like that any tension lingering between them from the previous day just disappeared.

“Oh, God.” Bobby groaned. “Could you explain to me again how God's not punishing me?”

“Oh, he's not punishing you. He’s just teasing you.”

“Yeah?” And Buck nodded. “Considering who I work with, he must figure I can take a joke.”

They both burst put laughing and it was several minutes before they stopped. When they eventually did Buck looked very serious and Bobby looked worried again. “Cap. I want to apologise for my words yesterday. I was angry at you, and I said some things that I am not proud of. I hope that you can forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive Buck. Because after all you were right. I was being selfish. And I was not thinking about anyone but myself.”

“But that was no excuse to call you a bastard.”

Bobby smiled at his youngest recruit. “I will forgive you if you forgive me.”

“I will.” Promised Buck. “Now, while I have you here, would you like to come and cuddle some babies with me. I find it incredibly therapeutic. And the new baby smell is just divine.” Buck laughed at Bobby’s puzzled expression. “Some parents can’t be here for their babies all the time, and some never at all. So, they have volunteers to come and cuddle the babies. You know help to develop bonds with them. Skin to skin is good for new-borns after all.”

“Okay.” Agreed Bobby, and the two of them made their way to the room where they could go and cuddle babies. Both feeling a lot better than they had done for a few days.

Chapter 9: Hostages

Chapter Text

Buck hated Monday’s at the best of times, but when she woke up with a sense of foreboding and dread she knew that it was going to be a bad day. The last time Buck had a feeling like this was when she was in Afghanistan, and the armoured vehicle that she was riding in hit an IED.

Rolling out of bed, Buck grabbed her phone and called Hondo.

“Hey Kid, what’s up?”

“Hondo. I’ve got a bad feeling. Like something really bad is going to happen today.”

Buck could hear Hondo groan down the line, and she almost see him rubbing his hand down his face. “Your famous ‘Buck gut’ again?” Asked Hondo and Buck gave a noncommittal hum down the line, causing Hondo to swear. “sh*t! How bad, Buck. Like there is going to be a five-alarm fire bad, or someone might die bad.”

“The second one.” She mumbled and Hondo cursed down the phone.

“sh*t, kid. Do you want me to send a SWAT officer down to the station to sit there, you know and make sure that you’re all going to be okay?”

Buck shook her head. “No. I’m probably just over thinking things. Besides, you have some pull in the division, but I doubt that even you could persuade your boss to let you leave a man and resources at a firehouse on a hunch. I will be fine; I am probably just being silly. But just in case. Watch your six.”

“Alright Kid, I will. And you take care too. You know, just in case.”

“Just in case.” He added.

Hanging up the phone Buck looked around her room nervously. She knew that it was probably nothing, but something really made her think that something bad was going to happen. And as she said to Hondo, the last time that she had this feeling she had ended up captured for five months.

It was the typical summer day in Afghanistan. The sun was blazing in the sky, and the air was as dry as a bone. Buck was at camp and was packing up her kit ready for leaving to go on patrol, and Hondo was hovering around making sure that she was going to be okay.

“Are you sure that you’ve got everything Kid?”

“Yeah. I wish that you were coming with me. It is just a shame that you are recovering from a sprained ankle.”

The two of them laughed. But Hondo sobered up quickly. “What’s wrong Pup? You seem like you’re in a daze.”

“I don’t know, Hondo. I just have a really bad feeling about today. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like something really bad is about to happen. I mean, it’s just a patrol. We have been on dozens of these. This one should be no different, so why does it feel like it is.”

“I have no idea. Tell Steve your worries and watch your six.” Hondo sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. “God. I wish I was coming with you right now. Please, please, please, be careful Kid. Please. I don’t want to find out that you’ve been killed.”

Buck sighed, before placing a beaming smile on her face. “I promise, I will do everything that I can to make sure that all of us come back alive and in one piece.”

“Alright, well take care and watch your six.”

Nodding, Buck grabbed her pack and her rifle, slung it over her shoulder, and walked out of the door. But the feeling of dread was still lingering. Making her way over to Steve, who was waiting for her at the Humvee, she wondered if she would ever see Hondo again, or even if she would ever make it back to camp.

“You alright Pup?” Asked Steve.

“No. My gut is churning. I have this feeling like something bad is going to happen. It’s the same feeling that I had the day of the sniper.”

Steve cursed, and Buck heard the others mumbling behind her. They all remembered the last time that Buck had a bad feeling. Three people died, and Buck was almost killed by the sniper. As they climbed into the Humvee Steve was still barking out orders for everyone to keep an eye out and to keep in constant contact with each other throughout the patrol. And as they left the compound Buck had the bad feeling that it was going to be the last time that she ever saw the place again.

The 118 was more worried about Buck than usual. She was quieter and seemed like she was always on high alert for something. When Bobby grabbed her to help him with the cooking, he tried to ask Buck what was wrong, but all he could get out of her was that she had a bad feeling about that day. Even Hen, who could almost always get Buck to open up, could not breech the walls that Buck had hastily put up around her.

Later on in the shift, Buck was trying to get some sleep in the bunk room, in the hopes that a couple more hours could make her feel better when she saw four men enter the station. One was striding ahead, and two of them were dragging a clearly injured fourth person between them.

Buck started to walk towards the door, to ask the men if she could help when she saw the leader pull out a gun, point it towards Bobby, who had come downstairs, maybe to greet them or maybe to check up on Buck, she wasn’t sure, and in a heavy Eastern European accent they ordered Bobby upstairs, and to call the rest of the team to join them.

Buck ducked back out of sight, hoping that Bobby would think that Buck was asleep and would hopefully not tell them about her presence.

Scrambling to her bunk, Buck grabbed her phone and her radio. She watched her radio off, so it wouldn’t go off and alert the bad guys to her location, and then she called Hondo.

Buck briefly debated whether or not to call 911 first, but then she decided that the quickest, and certainly the safest option, was to call Hondo direct. And she almost broke down, sobbing, when he picked up on the second ring.

“Hey Kid. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Hondo. I need you to listen to me.” Buck whispered urgently. “Four men, Eastern European, three of them armed with guns, and one of them injured just came into the station and took everyone hostage.”

Hondo cursed down the line and Buck could hear him yelling, mobilising the troops, and getting the attention of his higher ups.

“Okay Kid, we are on our way. Are you somewhere safe? Can they find you?”

Buck rolled her eyes and wondered just how much attention Hondo really paid whenever he came to visit at the station. “Hondo, half of our walls here are made of glass, so there is a finite amount of space to hide. I will do my best but I am not making any promises.”

“Alright Buck. Be safe, and do not engage unless you have no other option.”

“Hondo. I am not stupid. I know that my chances of surviving if I engage now is low. Just get here, and fast. I am afraid that they are going to do something stupid.”

And with that Buck hung up the phone, pulled her Karambit’s out from behind her back and gripped them in her hands tightly. Moving closer to the door she held her breath and peeked out. She could see one of the men pacing around up in the loft, one pacing around by the ambulance bay, and another searching the building, most likely looking for any stragglers. But she had no idea where the fourth man, the injured one, was.

As the one that was searching the firehouse drew closer Buck dived back behind the bunks. Gripping her knife tightly, she slowed down her breathing and prepared herself to defend her position.

As she waited for her moment to strike she started thinking about the ambush in Afghanistan that changed everything.

The Humvee was trundling down the desert road. There was some music playing from someone’s phone and Buck was still on high alert, the bad feeling was getting even worse. Steve, who was driving looked over and was still worried when he saw the anxious expression on Buck’s face.

“Pup, it will be okay. We are heading back to the compound now. The most dangerous part of our mission is over. So, stop bouncing your knee because you are turning me into Anxiety Annie.”

Buck nodded but didn’t stop. Instead, she added chewing her lip to her nervous tics. “Steve, I can’t explain it, but the danger is still there. In fact, I would say that the bad feeling that I am having is getting worse. And we still have a three-hour drive back to base, and that is three hours of roadside bombs, IED’s, snipers. I could keep listing the problems.”

Steve looked at Buck’s face and he sighed. “You’re right,” he admitted, before yelling at the others over his shoulder. “Alright you mooks. Pup’s gut is still churning, and I don’t want us to get caught out. Keep your eyes out for any potential trouble. We’re talking sniper’s, IED’s, roadside bombs. We did good today, and I want us to make it home in one piece.”

There was a murmur of agreement throughout the Humvee, but the newest member of the team spoke up. “Are we sure that she is even telling the truth about something bad happening? Because this day had gone perfectly, and I for one believe that she is just saying this for attention. Afterall, the SEALs are not the place for women.”

“Shut the hell up, Biscuit!” Yelled the others.

“You haven’t been here long enough to have an opinion on Pup, Biscuit. Now shut the hell up and keep a look out.”

Biscuit snorted. “How long has she been f*cking you for you to stand up for her like…”

He was cut off by an explosion from underneath the Humvee, that threw them up in the air. As the Humvee was thrown around, and as it was Buck’s head slammed into the door, stunning her. And when the Humvee landed it started rolling, and Buck was thrown. Knocking her out cold. The last thing that she remembered before she blacked out was the heat from fire on her skin.

It took several moments for her to come around after the explosion, and as she did her ears were ringing, and everything was blurry, and her leg felt like it was on fire. As she lay there in the dirt she could vaguely make out a large heave boot step in front of her face. She could hear muffled voices talking, but she was so confused she was unable to understand what they were saying.

Before she could react a black hood was thrown over her head, plunging her into darkness, and she was roughly grabbed and thrown into the back of a vehicle.

As Buck properly started coming too, she could sense that she was on the move, and that she was not alone in the back of the truck that she thought that she was in. Groaning her eyes fluttered open and through the hood, Buck could vaguely make out the shape of two men sat opposite her, and from what she could tell they had hoods over their heads too. One was slumped over, and through the hood Buck couldn’t tell if he was conscious or not, while the other was looking around.

“Hey,” whispered Buck, and the hooded figure opposite whipped his head around to look at her.

“Pup? Is that you?”

Buck breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar voice. “Steve, thank god. Who is sat next to you?”

“Don’t know. He isn’t responding.”

“And the others?”

“If I was to guess. Dead.”

Buck cursed under her breath. Whipping her head around she tried to see if she could see a way out, but her hands were bound tightly below her back and her legs were also bound tightly together. Not to mention that her left leg was in excruciating pain. She knew that their only chance of survival was to be rescued.

“How long do you think that it will be before someone realises that we are missing?”

Steve scoffed. “Honestly, I’m not sure. We were on special assignment, so they are not expecting us to check in as often. But we were due back before night fall, so when we don’t arrive by dark, hopefully someone will sound the alarm.”

Buck sat there, she knew that they had to try and figure out a way to get out of there, but he first priority was making sure that everyone was well enough to attempt an escape attempt. And if Buck was being honest with herself, she was not going to be able to escape easily. At the very least her leg was broken, possibly in multiple places, and there was probably shrapnel and other stuff in it. If she didn’t get her leg treated soon then it was going to be likely that she was going to suffer from some serious and lasting effects from the injury.

“Are you injured?” She asked Hondo, dreading the answer.

“Bruises and possibly a cracked rib or two from where I got thrown from the Humvee. You?”

“Something is seriously wrong with my leg. I think that it may be broken, I’m not sure.”

Suddenly the truck jerked to a stop, and they were thrown off the benches that they were sat on, and Buck yelled out in pain as her injured leg hit the floor. As they picked themselves up and off the floor Buck could hear yelling coming from outside. “They’re speaking Dari,” she whispered to Steve. “But I am unable to make out exactly what they are saying. Something about a transfer.”

Before Steve could even respond the doors were flung open and they were yanked out of the back of the truck. Buck screamed in pain as she tried to put weight on her injured leg, and then there was a whole lot more yelling, there was yelling from the men who had kidnapped them, there was yelling from Steve, and there was yelling from Buck. But Buck grew dizzy from the pain. And she promptly passed out again, before she could even warn anyone.

Buck was still daydreaming and subconsciously rubbing her leg when the man entered the room, and he began searching, but she was instantly ready to defend her position. As he approached Buck’s location, she tensed up, ready to strike. The moment that he was in striking distance, Buck lunged.

Striking quickly, Buck punched the man in the throat, crushing his windpipe, effectively silencing him, before dragging him to the floor and placing him in a chokehold. When he had passed out, Buck then elbowed him quickly in the head, doubly making sure that he wouldn’t be waking up any time soon, before tying him up and gagging him, and grabbing his gun.

Making her way to the door, Buck paused for a moment, listening. She debated making a break for the exit and waiting outside for SWAT, knowing that they would be there soon. But as she thought about it she realised that she needed to be here, she needed to be there to protect her team, and she knew that she couldn’t do that from outside.

Moving silently through the engine bay, Buck slowly made her way to the stairs, hoping to reach the loft, where she was sure that the others were being held. The sound of footsteps growing closer and yelling in Russian made Buck duck behind the ladder truck. And when they found the man that Buck had left bound, gagged, and unconscious in the bunk room.

Buck could hear the others approaching from all directions and she made a break for it. Buck bumped into one of them as they rounded the corner and she gave him a swift kick to the liver, making him collapse in pain, dropping his gun. But before she could reach and grab the gun a large pair of arms snaked their arms around her, dragging her away, holding her tight.

The man, who Buck assumed was the leader of the group, approached and he looked pissed. “What did you do to him?” He demanded in his thick Russian accent.

Buck smiled at him, and he took a small subconscious step back. “Ничего прочного. Он скоро проснется, но у него будет чудовищная головная боль.” (Nothing lasting. He will wake up soon, but he will have one monster of a headache.)

The men looked shocked with the fact that Buck spoke Russian, but they soon smiled again. The leader leaned forward and as he got closer to Buck, she gagged at the stench of fa*gs and booze on his breath. “Your Russian is good. But it’s not going to save you.” He hissed to Buck before turning to his friend. “Хватай Ивана и отведи его к медикам. И напомните им, что с ними будет, если кто-то из них умрет.” (Grab Ivan and take him to the medics. And remind them what is going to happen to them if either of them dies.)

Grabbing Buck by her hair, the man dragged Buck up the stairs and flung her down on the ground in front of the rest of the team, where they were all tied up, except for Hen and Chim, who Buck assumed they were using to patch up the injured ones.

As he paced around Buck, she pushed herself up off the ground ready to fight back, but he just pointed his gun at Bobby. “Sit down, or I’ll shoot your Captain.”

Buck raised her hands in a show of surrender, as she slowly lowered herself down to her knees. “What do you want?” She asked, praying that they were just planning to get patched up and go.

“My friend in there need medical aid, and then we are going to leave, with your ambulance, and one of your paramedics as leverage.”

“No!” Yelled Buck as she pushed herself off the ground and onto her feet, lunging at the man. But he kicked her square in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and back down to the ground.

“For that, I am going to take you with us too. Тогда я заставлю тебя смотреть, как я убиваю твоего друга.” (Then I’m going to make you watch as I kill your friends.) He sneered, and for a moment Buck’s face paled, before hardening.

Buck looked over at Bobby, who was terrified, but when he saw Buck’s face a flash of knowing crossed over his face, and that that moment Bobby knew that there was nothing that Buck wouldn’t do to protect them.

“Небольшой совет. Убей меня первым, потому что, когда все это закончится, я сам убью тебя.” (A little word of advice. Kill me first, because when this is all over, I am going to kill you myself.)

“Как? Ты совсем один. И у меня есть все ваше оружие.” (How? You are all alone. And I have all of your weapons.”

Buck smiled at him, and he took a small step back. “I always have a few tricks up my sleeve.” And with that Buck spun around sweeping the leg of the man sneaking up behind her, knocking him to the ground, before jumping on him and fighting for his gun.

The two of them were so busy wrestling that Buck didn’t notice the leader sneak up behind her, gun raised. By the time that she had realised that he was there he was already swinging the gun down, smashing the butt of the gun into her head. The last thing that she heard before blacking out was Bobby screaming her name.

When Buck came around again it was on the floor of a poorly lit room, with the only light source coming from a small, barred, window. Groaning she tried to sit up, but a large hand gently pushed her back down.

“Take it easy pup. Your leg is badly injured. It is definitely broken, and I am fairly sure that you are also developing compartment syndrome. Not to mention that you have a nasty head injury and possibly a concussion.”

Buck groaned. “Well, that explains why my leg is on fire and it feels like some beatnik is playing the bongo’s in my head.” She tried to look around the room as best as she could, and her eyes widened when she saw Fox laying there, unresponsive, with blood trickling out of his ear. “Fox. Wha–what happened to him?”

Steve looked over at him sadly. “He has suffered a serious head injury. I am doing everything that I can for him, I promise. And for you too, I have come to an arrangement with our captors.”

Buck looked at him confused. Not really knowing what to say in that situation. “What kind of arrangement?” She asked cautiously, but Hondo just ignored her and turned his attention to Fox.

Buck was angry and scared. She needed him to be alright, and if he has done something that could get him hurt or killed just to keep her alive, then she would kill him herself. “Steve. Whatever you think that you’re going to do. Don’t. I’m not worth it.”

“Buck. You are absolutely worth it.” There was a bang that made the two of them turn around, and the sounds of a meal latch sliding. “Look after Fox for me, and I will be back before you know it.”

The door was thrown open, and three men barged in, they shoved Buck to the side making her cry out in pain, and they grabbed Steve and hauled him to his feet, before dragging him off.

Buck tried to follow, but her leg hut too much to even attempt getting up. So she could only watch helplessly as Steve was taken from the room, wondering if she would ever see him again.

Buck waited for what seemed like hours until, eventually, Steve was brought back. He was battered bloody and bruised, and Buck wondered if he had been tortured or if he had been in a fight. She couldn’t tell. Making his way over to where Buck and Fox were he collapsed onto the ground next to them and smiled. I have got you the treatment that you need, one of these guys is a doctor.”

“Steve. Yo-you can’t do this. I will be fine.”

Buck just stared at Steve dumbfounded. “Steve I would have been fine. We could have treated this ourselves. What if they do something to me while they are operating. And I have the feeling that the conditions are not entirely sanitary.”

“It is better than the alternative, which is you losing your leg or dying. I know that it doesn’t seem that way, but it is. Besides, I have managed to persuade them that keeping you alive is in their best interests, as a female soldier would hold more leverage for them.”

Buck prayed to all of the gods and deities that she could think of in the hopes that they get out of the situation alive. All three of them.

Buck’s eyes fluttered open, and as the light hit her eyes pain flashed through her head, followed by a wave of nausea. Quickly, Buck rolled over and vomited. And as she did someone walked into the room where she was being held.

“Good. You’re awake. I was worried that we were going to have to leave before you woke up and we could have our fun with you.”

Buck looked over her shoulder and she could see the leader’s face sneering at her. As she tried to move away from him, she realized that her hands and feet were bound. “I took a little extra precaution. I wanted to make sure that you couldn’t attack any of us again. Although I will have to say that I am impressed. You are remarkably well trained, for a firefighter. But it won’t save you now. Now I am going to kill your entire team, and then I am going to kill you. Maybe I will be kind and let you live, knowing that their deaths are on your hands.”

Buck growled before trying to get up and lunge at him, but he just shoved her back to the ground. “Ah, ah, ah. You are not going anywhere until I say so.” He looked her up and down before leaning closer, closing his eyes and in hailing deeply. “I look forward to having my fun with you.”

He leaned in even closer but a shout from downstairs drew his attention. “Дмитрий. Тащи свою задницу сюда. У нас есть компания.” (Dimitri! Get your ass down here. We have company.) Growling, Dimitri stormed out of Bobby’s office, leaving Buck alone.

Buck took a moment to regain stock of where she was and what was happening, before pushing herself up into a sitting position. Looking around the office Buck could tell that they had placed her in the far corner, far away from everything that was happening outside the room. She could also tell that her wrists were bound behind her back by zip ties, and when she looked down, she could see that it was the same for her feet.

Remembering her training, Buck knew that the first thing that she had to do was free her hands and feet. So, after a small bit of manoeuvring, she had managed to bring her hands to her front. Then she raised her arms, before drawing them back towards her chest at speed, while parting them from the wrists. The zip ties broke on the first try, and Buck thanked SEER training for knowing how to escape captivity.

She then used her freed hands to force her ankles apart, freeing her legs, and once she was free, she started searching around the office for a weapon that she could use, to protect herself, but she was extremely disappointed by the lack of sharp implements. Bobby didn’t even have a letter opener, or even a fountain pen. She couldn’t even use an old fire axe, because they were found in the loft, in the wall, in the dining area.

What Buck did find though was the station’s landline phone, and she quickly grabbed that and dialled 911. And when the voice came through she was secretly glad that it wasn’t Abby.

“911. What’s your…”

“This is firefighter Buckley, 118. I need you to put me through to Sargent Harrelson, SWAT. I know that he is in charge of the hostage scenario at my station.” Buck whispered, not waiting for the woman on the other end of the phone to finish talking.

“Look, Ma’am. I don’t know what you are playing at but…”

Buck rolled her eyes, exasperated by where this conversation was going already. “Look, I am one of the firefighters being held hostage inside of the building. I have managed to get away from them and in a reasonably safe place. I have some information that could help SWAT going forward, but I need to speak to Sargent Harrelson, and I need to do it now. He knows me. Just tell him that it’s Buck. He will answer I promise.”

There was a pause before she huffed. “Alright. I will contact him and see if he is willing to talk to you.” There was a pause before she spoke again. “I am putting you through now.”

There was a click and Hondo’s voice came through the phone. “Kid. What’s going on in there? Are you safe?”

Buck silently made her way over to the window and looked out over the station, praying that no one would be coming over any time soon. “For sure there are four people here, one is seriously injured, from what I could tell from when they entered it looked like he had either been shot or stabbed.”

“I would go with shot. There was a bank robbery a couple of blocks away from your location just before you said they arrived. From what I could tell the guard got a shot off and they did a runner. They must have headed to your station for first aid.”

“Makes sense. Well one I knocked out, but there is a very real chance that he is back on his feet now. The leader is called Dimitri. Definitely Russian. Definitely armed. And definitely going to kill someone. His original plan was to take the ambulance, with a hostage, and then when they got away they were going to kill the hostage to prevent them from talking.”

Hondo cursed under his breath, and Buck waited. “I need you to be honest with me here Buck. Would they go for one of the hostages if we breech the building?”

“Yeah. They would.”

“Right. Here’s what I am thinki…” Hondo began, but Buck just shushed him when she heard yelling coming from downstairs.

“Hondo wait. Something is happening.”

“Эта сука! Иван, хватай эту суку и тащи сюда. Она заплатит за вызов копов.” (That bitch! Ivan, grab that bitch and bring her down here. She is going to pay for calling the cops.)

Buck cursed. “sh*t. Hondo wait a minute; I might be in trouble here.”

Placing the phone down on the desk, Buck ducked behind the door. Taking one more quick glance around the room to see if she could find some kind of weapon, but she was still drawing a blank, so she was going to have to do this the old fashioned way.

Crouching, ready to pounce, Buck knew that she was going to have only one chance to end this. And she knew that she was going to have to be fast, because if she failed in her mission then she was certainly going to die.

The moment that Ivan stepped through the door, Buck pounced. Just like the last time she slammed her fist into the man’s throat. But unlike last time, instead of putting him in a chokehold she grabbed him, and with the clean, precise, efficiency that made her such a good SEAL, she snapped his neck. And her dropped to the ground. Dead.

Buck stood there for a moment, panting with the sudden rush of adrenaline through her system. Patting him down she found one of her knives on him as well as a gun. Grabbing the gun she gave it a cursory check, and once she was satisfied that it worked, she grabbed the phone again.

Pressing the phone to her ear, she could hear Hondo yelling her name, and she quickly grabbed his attention before he could do something as stupid as storm the building and get everyone killed.

“Hondo, I’m here. Sorry, when they discovered that you were all outside they were going to kill me, I delt with it.”

“When you say ‘Delt with it’ you mean…?”

“The way we were trained to in the SEALs.” There was silence at the other end of the phone. Buck could hear noise and movement from downstairs and Buck realized that she was out of time. “Hondo. I’m out of time here. I need a green light to finish this. And finish this fast because they are about to come and kill me.”

Buck could imagine the conversation between Hondo and his commander, and she prayed that they would give her permission to do what she needed to do.

“Alright, Petty Officer Buckley, you have the green light. Make it clean.”

“Hoo-yah.”

Buck raised the gun and silently crept out of the room. Ducking behind a nearby pillar. She looked over her shoulder and she saw Bobby and the others, who were still tied up, and they were all looking at her terrified. They had all seen Ivan enter Bobby’s office, and not seen him leave. And now here was their teammate carrying a gun, and with a look on her face that said do not mess with her.

Buck slid silently down the pillar, until she was crouching. She waited for Alexi to find his comrade, and when he yelled out finding his dead body, she pounced. Rounding the pillar, she raised the gun that she was holding, as did Alexi. And the two of them fired simultaneously.

Buck’s bullet was true, tearing through his heart killing him instantly. While Alexi’s aim was off. His bullet slammed into Buck’s side, knocking her to the ground. Bobby, who was watching this whole thing unfold, screamed Buck’s name, drawing everyone’s attention.

Buck cried out in pain as she levered herself up and off the ground. Grabbing the gun with her right hand and holding her side with her left, she staggered over to the balcony. Looking down over the engine bay, Buck could see Dimitri fumbling around, trying to figure out where to go, and what to do next.

Takin the hand off her side, she grasped the gun with both hands and raised it up.

“Dimitri!” Yelled Buck, drawing his attention. “Give it up. The only way that you are getting out of here alive is if you drop the gun.”

Dimitri raised his gun up, looking around frantically for a way out when he spotted Chim, who was standing by the ambulance, staring up at Buck, terrified by the sight of his colleague with a gun in her hand, and anger in her face. Rushing over he grabbed Chim around the neck and used him as a human shield.

“I am going to be leaving here, alive. And I am going to take your colleague here as collateral.”

Buck saw red. You could do a lot of things to her, but the moment that you threatened her team, you were a dead man.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep, steadying, breath, before opening her eyes and raising the gun up, willing her hands not to shake.

“Отпусти его, ублюдок. Или, клянусь богом, я убью тебя на месте.” (Let him go, you bastard. Or I swear to god I will kill you where you stand.)

Dimitri laughed. “I have your teammate hostage. Are you really willing to risk his life like that?”

“Chim.” Yelled Buck. “Whatever you do, don’t move.”

Raising the gun she looked Dimitri square in the eye and smiled. “Я говорил тебе. Ты должен был убить меня первым.” (I told you. You should have killed me first.)

And she squeezed the trigger and Dimitri fell backwards, and Chimney hit the deck with a yell. When Chimney got up, once he realised that he was fine, he looked down at the man who cause all of this pain and suffering for everyone and saw that there was a small hole in his head, just above the right eye, that was oozing blood. It was at that moment that he realised that Buck hadn’t been completely honest with them about her past.

Looking up at the loft, he could see Buck standing at the railing looking extremely pale, with a large red stain blooming on her shirt. Bobby was also looking at Buck with concern. She had dropped the hand holding the gun, before clutching her side with her left arm again.

“Chim,” muttered Buck, barely loud enough for him to hear. “Get SWAT. They are outside.”

And with that the gun slipped from her hand and she collapsed to the ground. At which oint several things happened at once. Bobby hollered at Chim to open the bay doors, and at Hen to get upstairs with the medical kit. And as they did SWAT swarmed the building.

Once they had secured the only remaining one of the hostage takers that was still alive, Hondo made his way upstairs. And when he saw Buck laying there on the ground He yelled for Street to fire up Black Betty, while getting Tam to check on the two other dead bad guys, and Deacon to cut the firefighters free.

The moment that Bobby was free he rushed over to Buck and knelt down by her head. “Buck. Come on Buck, stay with us.”

The last thing that Buck remembered, as all of the colour and light faded out of the world, was Hondo and Bobby’s worried faces hovering above her.

Buck sat, huddled up in the corner of the room where she was being held, along with several other women. She hadn’t seen Steve by this point for a few days, but she was almost positive that he was being held in the same compound as her.

Buck was no longer sure how long it had been since the day that their Humvee had been blown up, but she was fairly sure that it was months. Winter was starting to set in and the nights were getting cold.

For months now the two of them had been moved around, interrogated and tortured. Buck was fairly sure that they were being kept alive for some reason, but what that reason was she was not sure yet. Fox died almost a week after they had been taken. He had never recovered from his injuries. Every night Buck prayed that they found his body and brought him home to his family, he deserved to be buried properly, not in some Afghani hellhole. She also prayed that they would find the two of them, the last that she had seen of Steve there was a wound on his side that was infected, and she knew that with out treatment then it would fester and become septic.

The two of them had been showing signs of their treatment for a long time now. There were deep marks on Buck’s wrists from where she had been strung up by her wrists. They had also branded her, they videoed that one and sent it to the press. Buck had also been water boarded, gang raped, and had false executions performed on her.

If she was being honest she was tired. She was starving, having loss almost all of the muscle that she had spent putting on, due to the fact that she had not had a decent meal in months. And if Buck was being completely honest with herself, she hoped that she would either get rescued soon, or that she would die. She no longer cared which, she just wanted one of them to happen.

After another day of being forced to service the men that were holding them, Buck was granted a moment to see Steve. And when she saw him she was horrified. He was thin, and he looked like he was running a fever. If she didn’t know better she would swear that his wound had turned septic.

“Steve,” she gasped flinging herself into his arms. “You need medical attention. Maybe I can persuade them to give you the treatment that you need.”

“No, Pup. You can’t, okay. You need to keep on fighting, they will find us, I am sure of it. And I promise you that I will fight until my last breath. But you need to fight.”

“Steve...” Began Buck, but she was dragged away from him and back towards the women’s section.

Once they threw her into the room and locked the door behind her, Buck collapsed to the floor and started to sob. The other women tried to comfort her, but she just shoved them away, and made her way to her little corner of the room.

As night fell Buck tried to settle down, but she had a feeling that something was about to happen, and as the night went on her suspicions were confirmed. The sound of gunfire started to fill the air, and Buck grabbed the shiv that she had made to protect herself, and hid herself in the corner of the room.

Her eyes were trained on the entrance to the room, but her ears picked up every sound coming from the compound surrounding her. There was the sound of people yelling in Dari, and what sounded like people yelling in English. But she knew that her mind could be playing tricks on her.

The sounds of gunfire drew closer and Buck braced herself for an attack, when the door was thrown open and a flash grenade was thrown into the room. Buck flung herself to one side, covering her ears, and when she looked up several, heavily armed, US military personal entered the room. They were yelling at everyone in Dari, Farsi, and English. Peering out from behind the bunk that she had ducked behind, Buck couldn’t believe her luck they were Nay SEALs. She didn’t know if they were there for her and Steve, or for something else, but she knew that she was about to be rescued.

Dropping the shiv, Buck raised her hands and slowly stood up and made her presence known. Immediately they started yelling at her to stop moving, and to get down so Buck yelled back. “American! I’m American.”

The men all paused, and Buck could tell that they weren’t expecting an American hostage. One of them, who Buck assumed was the leader, approached her. “What’s your name?”

“My name is Petty Officer Evelyn Buckley. I am a United States Navy SEAL. I am here with Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett. We went missing after our jeep was ambushed on the way back from running a surveillance mission on several Al Qaeda strongholds.”

Buck could see one of them relaying the information that she had given them to whoever was running the mission from the command centre. She waited with bated breath, hoping beyond all hope that they believed her. There was a pause for a moment then he leaned over to whisper in the leader’s ear, and they both turned to Buck, smiling.

“Petty Officer Buckley. It is good to finally meet you. We have had a lot of people looking for you and Lieutenant McGarrett. Do you know where he is? Where they might have taken him?”

When Buck finally heard that they believed her, she practically broke down in tears. “Oh thank god. Thank you.”

“Buckley, where’s McGarrett?”

“He is here somewhere. I saw him only a few hours ago. You need to help him, he’s hurt and I am fairly sure that the injury is turning septic.”

“We will. I promise.”

They then went off looking for Steve, while their medic started tending to Buck’s wounds. An hour later they were on a helicopter on their way back to Bagram, and for the first time in months, Buck felt safe. And her eyes fluttered shut, to the protests of the others in the chopper.

When Buck eventually opened her eyes she realised very quickly that she was in hospital. Looking around her she cold see Steve, Danny, and Hondo all asleep in the chairs surrounding her. She smiled at the sight of them sleeping peacefully. Reaching over she gently grabbed Steve’s hand and squeezed it waking him up.

“Huh? What?” He asked groggily. And when he saw Buck’s big blue eyes staring at him he smiled and woke the others up. “Pup. You’re awake.”

“Steve,” Buck whispered hoarsely. “You’re here. When did you get here?”

Steve reached over and grabbed Buck some ice chips, which she sucked on gratefully, while Danny went out an got the nurse. “Danny and I got here two days ago. Hondo called us and told us what happened. I would lecture you on fighting back without the proper equipment, or without back up. But I know you and it wouldn’t have mattered, you would have done it anyway.”

“Are the others alright?” She asked, as she looked around the room, worried when she didn’t see any of her team. “Did anyone get hurt? Are they angry with me?”

“What? No, kid. No.” Reassured Hondo. “We have only just sent them home about an hour or so ago. They are all fine, they are worried about you, but they are fine.”

Buck breathed a sigh of relief. Then she started feeling worried again. “What about me. Am I in trouble? Am I going to get arrested for what I did?”

Before anyone could answer Danny had returned with the nurse, and after checking over her vitals, she promised Buck that the doctor would be in to see her within the hour, and that she would be back soon with painkillers. The moment that she disappeared Buck demanded an answer to her question. “Hondo. I want the truth. How much trouble am I in for what I did?”

“There was talk about arresting you for murder, but once Steve and Danny got here we went to speak to the DA and we explained everything. We told him about your time as a SEAL, and your training, and how you are trained in threat assessment. We also mentioned how you were given the green light by SWAT to do whatever you needed. And eventually he relented. The whole thing has been classed as self defence, and a good shoot.”

Buck breathed a sigh of relief. She knew that there was a chance, even after being given a green light by SWAT, because she is not a cop, that she could have been arrested for murder, but to know that she isn’t was a massive weight off her shoulders.

“What about the team?” She asked.

“They are all alright. A few bruises, but noting more serious than that. You were the only one injured.” Hondo cofirmed.

“Good,” muttered Buck. “That’s good.” Buck looked down at her hands as she picked at a loose thread on her blanket. “I am glad that I am the only one who was injured.”

“Well, we’re not. And I think that you owe everyone an explanation about what happened. They all saw you in a very different light, and they are starting to ask questions.”

Buck groaned and put her head in her hands. “I knew that this day was coming. I hoped to put it off for a bit longer. But I guess that there is no way out of this now.”

“They will all be back here in the morning. Do you want to tell them then?”

“No. I will wait until I am discharged. I want to tell everyone at once. I hate having to tell this story more than once.”

Hondo patted her shoulder sympathetically, and Steve and Danny looked sympathetic, knowing that Buck’s story was not a good one.

Five days later Buck was discharged from the hospital and she decided to stay with Hondo for the first week or so. Partially because she knew that he knew how to deal with the nightmares that had appeared, and partially because Buck wasn’t quite ready to face the 118 just yet.

After a week at Hondo’s, and the day before Steve and Danny were due to fly back to Hawaii, Buck decided that it was finally time to bite the bullet. It was finally time to tell the 118 about her past as a SEAL.

Frank was delighted, he had been trying to get Buck to open up to the people around her about her past, as part of the healing process. But Buck was always too stubborn about it. So when Buck told him that she was finally ready he was happy that she had finally decided that it was time to take that final step.

Hondo, Steve, and Danny all decided that they would come with Buck, to tell her story, as moral support. And Buck had also invited Abby and Athena along, as the two women also deserved to find out the truth.

Waking into the station Buck could see that everyone was there, but she could also tell by the noise that everyone was upstairs, most likely eating some of Bobby amazing cooking. Pausing for a moment to steady herself, Buck squared up her shoulders the best that she could, with the injury that she had, and she made her way up the stairs.

When she reached the loft, Buck was greeted warmly by the team, and all of them seemed pleased to see her, and pleased to see that she was up and about on her feet. Even Athena and Abby were happy to see her.

Hen though sensed that something was wrong. And when she hugged Buck she looked at her sadly. Buck just gave her arm a squeeze letting her know that everything was going to be alright.

Sitting down Buck looked a all of the faces in the room, and she knew that what she was about to tell them could completely change their opinions about her. But she also knew that it was time to stop hiding in the shadows and come out into the light.

“So... After what happened the other week, I figured that I should tell you some things about myself that I have kept hidden.” Buck looked over her shoulder at Steve, who smiled encouragingly. Then she looked over at Bobby, who was looking at her with pride. “Apart from me, only four people in this room know the truth about my past. And I am afraid that it is not a very good past.

Before I joined the LAFD. Before all of the travelling. I was in the Navy. More specifically the Navy SEALs."

When no one said anything, Buck took a deep breath and continued. She told them about her father, and the rape and abuse that she suffered at his hands, and how her mother just watched and never did anything to stop it. How her sister just stopped contacting her three years ago, and she had no idea if she was alive or dead.

She spoke about how the SEALs gave her the stability and the family that she had always craved for. She spoke of her missions, well the ones that she could talk about, how she once killed an innocent civilian and how that death haunted her, even to this day.

Then she spoke about the day that she was captured, and the months that she spent in captivity. She spoke about how she was freed and how she spent her time recuperating in Hawaii, alongside Steve. And how she ended up medically discharged after that. And when deciding what to do next she just decided to follow her original plan and hit the road, and how the road landed her here in LA.

By the time that Buck had finished speaking the room was completely silent. After a moment everyone got up and engulfed Buck in a massive hug, careful not to pull her stitches. Hen, who was crying, hugged Buck the hardest. “If I ever see your parents, I will kill them. And I will get Athena to be my alibi. No one should have to go through what you have been through.”

“Thanks Hen. And for the record, if you want a piece of my father you will have to get in line. I promised Steve and Hondo first blood.”

Later that night Buck fell asleep and she dreamt of her last few days in Hawaii. She dreamt of goodbyes to old friends. And she dreamt of the freedom that she finally felt for the first time in her life.

Chapter 10: Trapped

Chapter Text

Buck and Abby were enjoying a lazy morning in bed, just cuddled up to each other. As the two of them lay there Abby was tracing over Buck’s skeletal frog tattoo, wondering to herself what the meaning behind it was.

When Buck opened her eyes she could see Abby looking very intently at her tattoo, and she frowned. “What’s wrong? Is there something the matter?”

Abby shook her head. “No. Nothings wrong, I was just wondering about your tattoos. I mean we have spoken about your scars, after the shooting, but we have never spoken about your tattoos.”

“Well, what do you want to know?”

“What do they mean?”

Buck sat up and looked down at her body, wondering which tattoo she should start with. “Well, this one,” she pointed to the frog on her right arm, that Abby had been so interested in, and which had started this entire conversation off. “This one is for my brothers who were killed in combat. Each of the dates below represent the day that someone died.”

Moving to her right arm, she pointed at he intricate design there. I was a large piece covering almost her entire upper arm. It was a back and grey tattoo of flowers, with only two pops of colour in it. One yellow sunflower, and the yellow of a honey bee. “This one I got to honour my son that was a stillborn. The day after I had given birth to him, I was wondering down the street and every florist that I passed had sunflowers in the windows. I figured that it was a sign and I decided to get it inked on my arm.”

“What about the devil?”

Buck looked down at her body confused, wondering what devil Abby was talking about, when she remembered that she had a small carton devil inked onto her ass.

Laughing, Buck stood up and turned around so Abby could see the tattoo. “You mean this one? Yeah, I got that as a joke.”

Abby frowned. “What kind of person gets a tattoo on their bum as a joke?”

“A drunk one,” shrugged Buck as she started pulling on her clothes.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit childish?” Abby asked, and Buck frowned slightly. “I mean you left a permanent mark on yourself as a drunken bet?”

“Well it wasn’t a bet. And it was my twenty-first birthday, my team had a week off and we decided to go to New Orleans, we got wasted and I decided that I wanted to get another tattoo. I decided that it would be funny to get it on my backside. Unless I am naked, or in a thong bikini, no one will ever see it.”

Buck hopped out of bed and started to pull her clothes on, Abby though couldn’t seem to let it go. “Have you ever thought about having it removed? I mean what about in the future, if you have kids, surely you don't want them seeing that on your bum.”

Buck started to get upset that Abby was not leaving the topic alone. And she quickly let her displeasure known. “What is your issue with my tattoos? They’re not on your body, they are not affecting you and you don’t have to look at them. I may have got this as a joke but like all of my other tattoos I love it, it is important to me. If you can’t accept my body art, then I will seriously have to rethink this relationship.”

And with that Buck stormed off, ignoring Abby’s pleads for her to return.

By the time that Buck had arrived at work she was feeling down about her argument with Abby, and she was left to rethink her tattoos and whether or not people found them attractive, or if they were the reason that she couldn’t hold down a relationship longer than a few months. She had already taken out one of her piercings for Abby because it weirded her out, but she still wondered if it was enough.

The other’s had noticed that Buck was in a funny mood, and they tried to give her the space that they thought that she needed. They didn’t even say anything when Buck was practically ripping her way through a garbage truck with her bare hands they still didn’t say anything. Hen though, was the only one that noticed that Buck didn’t want space, that she wanted someone to vent to, so while Buck was cleaning up the kitchen after lunch she cornered her.

“Okay, Buckaroo. What’s wrong? You have been unusually quiet.” Buck looked up at Hen, her eyes red from crying, and Hen’s heart broke just a bit. “Buck. Don’t cry. Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

Whatever Hen was expecting, it was not what Buck said next.

“Do you think that I’m ugly?” Buck whispered. It was so quiet, hen was not even sure if she had heard it correctly.

“Do I think that you’re ugly?” Buck nodded. “Oh, sweetie. No. Far from it actually. If I am being honest, I think that you are one of the most stunningly gorgeous people that I have ever met. Why? Did someone say something?”

Buck just shook her head and carried on. “What about my tattoo’s? Do you think that they are too masculine? Do you think that I should get them lasered off?”

“What? No. Your tattoos are a part of you, it would be weird to see you without them. Did someone… Did Abby say something to you?”

“She saw the tattoo on my ass and decided to comment on it. And then it turned into a full-blown argument about whether or not I should get my ink removed. And how I will regret it in the future. I don’t know what to think. I have already removed my more intimate piercing, because she hates it, and is worried that she could hurt me when it’s in. Which is fair. But my tattoos are important to me, and each and every one of them have some meaning for me. Even if it is to cover up a scar of my past.”

Hen wrapped an arm around Buck’s shoulder and pulled her close. “Buck. I know that you and Abby are close, and I know that you have a lot of feelings for her, but if she doesn’t like what you look like then leave her. You have the right to have whatever artwork you want on your body, and you don’t need to change for Abby. You deserve someone that will love you. Crazy tattoos and all.”

Buck laughed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “Thanks, Hen. Thanks for being there for me. But now I have decide what I want to do, whether or not I want to stay with Abby, or move on and find something else.”

“Well, whatever you chose you have our full support. Now come on, I want to kick your nutt again in Mario kart.”

Buck laughed and let Hen lead her over to the couch, where the two of them had quite a raucous game of Mario Kart, until the bell went off.

Pulling up at a old fashioned looking building, Bobby debriefed them that there were people stuck in one of the elevator cars. As they made their way into the building, a rather harassed looking man ran over to them. “Oh, thank god that you’re here. All the cars are locked down. Car three was headed up to 14, and somewhere around eight, damn thing just started dropping like a rock.”

“How many passengers in the car?” Buck asked, as she started trying to figure out the best way to remove multiple people from the lift.

“Dispatch says two, a mother and her teenage son. The mother's hurt,” replied Bobby before turning back to the manager. “Where's the car now?”

“Halfway below basem*nt level. And that's the other problem...” He trailed off and everyone looked at him, and then he told them about their problem with the burst pipes in the basem*nt.

“So, the Basem*nt’s flooded?”

“Since this morning.” The manager admitted. “Third one this month. Pipes in this place are ancient. Every time the construction guys go near them, they burst.”

Buck started prepping for a possible water extraction, while Bobby continued questioning the owner. “Did you replace the elevator cables afterwards? The water corrodes them.”

“We were gonna do that after we took care of the flooding issue.”

Bobby turned to the rest of the team. “We're gonna have to go in from above.”

“Buck and I should just go down with the basket.” Hen said, pulling on one of the harnesses herself. And Chim started jogging towards the doors.

“I'll get the winch.” He called out over his shoulder.

“I'll lock and tag out the power of the cars.” Bobby said before walking off with the manager. “Where's the elevator room?”

“This way.”

Barely five minutes later they were all set up and ready to go. “Pressure line's ready, Cap.” Said Chimney, and once they had the all clear that everything was perfect then Buck, and Hen made their slow decent into the elevator shaft.

Bobby was gently feeding the rope through the winch, and all the while peering out through the open doors checking on the decent of his team members. “All right let's go. All right, that's good.”

Eventually Buck and Hen touched down on the top of the lift, with a small thud, and they could her the people inside scrabbling around, and talking inside. “Honey. Honey. Do you hear that?”

“Uh-huh. Hello. Hello!”

“Hello?”

The boy in the lift sounded relieved when Buck called out to him. “Thank goodness.”

Grinning at Hen, Buck opened the emergency hatch, and yelled down at the mother and son who were looking incredibly shaken up. “Be right there, guys. You just need to watch yourselves. Rope coming in.”

Buck dropped the rope down and lowered herself down after. She quickly assessed the two people in the lift and after some quick introductions, Buck was soon harnessing up the mom, Marjorie, who was suffering from a head wound and needed seeing to first.

“Thank you,” she whispered. As they started hoisting her up she looked back at her son who was still in the lift waiting for his turn. “My son is, is right behind me, yes?” She asked worried.

Buck reassured her. “Yes. As soon as you’re up top, he will be on his way.”

Todd, her son, was also reassuring her too. “Yeah, I'll be right there. Don't even worry about it, okay? I'll be right there.”

Buck watched as she was slowly lifted through the emergency hatch, and into the sky. It took several minutes for her to reach the open doors on the ground level. And as soon as she was in the teams safe hands Buck breathed a sigh of relief. But all the while that this was happening the water was continuously rising. And by the time that Marjorie was back on solid ground the water had almost reached their chests.

“Okay, you're next.” Buck informed Todd before radioing up to Bobby. “Uh, hey, uh, Bobby, um, need another harness.”

“Coming down.” Buck didn’t even have a chance to respond when there was a loud groaning sound before the lift dropped by a foot. Todd looked alarmed, and even Buck was starting to worry when she saw what the water level was up to now. “What the hell happened?” Radioed Bobby.

“Hey, the-the weight of the water is pulling us down.”

“All right, grab the kid, get the hell out of there.”

“Yeah, but we both won't fit. I need another harness,” Buck said urgently, before turning to Todd. “I don't suppose you do a lot of pull-ups?”

Todd looked confused. “What?”

“That's what I thought.” Grumbled Buck as she looked at his skinny frame. The boy looked like he had barely even seen the sun, let alone the gym.

It was barely any time at all before the harness was being lowered down, and Buck had Todd in it and ready to move in record time. “Okay, ready?” Buck called up to Bobby and Todd was on his way up. “We got you; we got you,” reassured Buck. “All right... all right.”

Todd was soon out of the lift and on his way up to safety. The moment that he was clear, the water pulled the lift down even more, and the entire lift was now underwater. Looking down Hen realised that she couldn’t see Buck anymore and she started panicking.

“Buck! Buck! Buck!” Suddenly Buck’s hands broke through the water’s surface and Buck levered herself up and out of there. Hen helped to pull her clear before pulling her into a massive hug. “Thank god that you’re alright.”

“I’ve been in worse situations.” Buck reassured Buck with a massive grin on her face. “Come on. Let’s get back up there.”

Once they were back on the ground, Chim immediately grabbed Buck and dragged her over to one side, bundling her up in blankets, and checking her vitals, while Hen double checked the mom over, who was now laying on a stretcher. As Hen was checking her over Todd sidled over, a worried look on his face. “Mom?” He asked, and when she smiled him he let out a sigh of relief. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Is she gonna be all right?” He asked Hen.

Hen nodded as she replaced her stethoscope around her neck. “They'll check her out more at the hospital. It just seems like a mild concussion. You'll just have to keep an eye on her for the next few days.”

Marjorie and Todd both looked relieved, but Marjorie’s expression soon changed. “We could have died like that. Trapped together, full of anger and resentment. I don't want that.”

“But we didn't,” reassured Todd. “They got us out. We're free, Mom.”

But she still looked worried. “No. I don't mean today. I mean 20, 30 years together, stuck with each other until I draw my last breath. You need to move out.”

Todd’s face fell and Buck felt sympathy for him, but sometimes you need a bit of a push to move on in life. “But I don't have a job, Ma. I...” He floundered. Marjorie just put her hand on her son’s arm and smiled.

“You will find one. You proved today that you are not a helpless idiot.”

The rest of the shift was uneventful. Abby called early into the evening, asking for Hen’s number, and not long after Hen disappeared and when she came back she was laughing her ass off, but refused to tell anyone why. Buck and Abby had also arranged to meet up for breakfast, at their favourite brunch place in their favourite breakfast spot. This little cafe down by Venice, a favourite spot for whenever they get a chance to eat together. And after another conversation with Hen, Buck decided to lay it all on the line, and tell Abby how she really feels about the relationship, and her attitude to her body art.

Buck was nervous, waiting for Abby. And she was even more nervous when she saw Abby walk in holding a bouquet of flowers. “Hi, Abby.”

“Hey Buck. These are for you. They are a sorry for everything I said yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you. You were right, it is your body, and you can decide what to do with it. I don’t care if you’re covered in tattoos you will always be beautiful to me.”

Buck blushed lightly at Abby’s words. “Thank you. So, can we agree no more commentary on my tattoos, even if I decide to get more. And no weirdness about my piercings.”

“Well, your cl*tor*s piercing still scares me, I am still worried that with one wrong move I can hurt you. So, is there any chance that you can you keep that one out, at least while we are having sex?”

Buck laughed. “Sure. I can do that. That is a compromise that I agree with.”

The two of them ordered their food and settled down for brunch, looking out over the ocean, and just revelled in each others company. But the peace of the moment was short lived when Abby’s phone started to ring. “Oh, sh*t,” she muttered as she fumbled through her purse. “Hold on one second. Sorry. My mom.” Buck’s smile fell. The last time her phone rang about her mom when they were on a date Abby had to leave, and Buck was left to go in their hiking date alone.

But Abby didn’t notice that Buck was disappointed by the turn of events and answered her phone. “Hey, Carla. What's up?”

Buck listened as Abby tried to reassure her mom that everything was ok, but she could hear Patricia becoming more and more upset with everything. Eventually Buck hears Abby say the words that she didn’t want to hear her say. “All right. Carla, I'll-I'll just be there as fast as I can, okay? Okay.”

“Everything okay?” Asked Buck, even though she knew what the answer as going to be.

“Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I have to go.”

Buck’s heart sunk. She didn’t want Abby to go, even though she knew that she needed to. “But, come on. Best brunch place in LA. Possibly even the world. Do you know what I had to do to get a reservation here?”

“I know, I know. And I am so sorry. But it's my mom. Sh...”

Right at that moment, almost as if to prove Buck’s point, the food arrived. “Come on. The food’s here, you might as well say and eat it. We haven’t had any time, just the two of us in ages.”

“I know. Trust me I do. But we had a really bad night, and she's just... just in a terrible place right now.”

Buck could see the desperation in Abby’s eyes, and it broke her heart just a little bit. Sighing, she nodded her head. “Okay. It's fine. If you need to go, then you go.”

Abby leapt out of her seat and grabbed her back. “Thank you. Thanks. I'm sorry.” She added, before giving Buck a kiss and running out of the door with barely a “Bye” over her shoulder.

“Bye.” Mumbled Buck. Sighing she flopped back into her chair before turning to the waitress that had come back with their mimosas. “Do you do food to go?”

A couple of hours later, Buck decided that she should talk to Bobby, and possibly Hen, butg she wasn’t sure about Hen because she knew that she was going through some relationship problems herself, so she made her way into work. And she walked into the locker room and slumped down on one of the benches, to be greeted by a rather confused Bobby. “Thought you had the day off. When you left here you were crowing about something to do with the ‘Best brunch in the world.’”

Buck laughed self deprecatingly. “Yeah. She bailed on me. Uh, her mom wasn't doing well.”

“That's a bummer. Happens.”

Buck knew that Bobby was right and things like this happened but lately it seemed like it always seemed to happen to the two of them. And if Buck was being honest with herself she didn’t know if she always wanted to be second fiddle in a relationship.

“Yeah. I don't know.” She admitted honestly. “Look, I'm-I'm super into her. You know, she is... she's really smart. And when she makes fun of me, it doesn't make me feel bad. She has her own money. The sex is... insane.”

Bobby started laughing at her. “Oh, here I thought she just had great hair.”

“Yeah, I do have to admit that her hair is great. She's the perfect woman. But this is the second week in a row that my day off has been screwed up because she has to go and deal with her mom. And I am wondering if it is selfish of me to ask if there is space in her life for me.”

Bobby finally got what Buck was getting at. He had noticed that Buck was someone who wanted reassurance that people were not going to abandon her. She was someone who had been hurt a lot, and just wanted to belong. So he knew that he had to reassure her that it would be worth it sticking it out for the long run. “Well, people who are great tend to have full lives, with people who depend on them.”

“Yeah. And-and I really like her mom, you know? I-I do. And I respect the way that Abby takes care of her. But I'm-I'm starting to think maybe... ...maybe this kind of relationship isn't for me.”

“You mean a real one?”

“No,” she snapped causing Bobby to raise an eyebrow. “Sorry. What I mean is, I'm 26, right? You know, I-I want to have fun in my relationships. You know? And I'm not saying that I should go and start jumping back into bed with every person that I meet. I'm-I'm not trying to be that person anymore. But maybe I should find something that is a little less... adult.”

Bobby sighed, wondering how he was going to get Buck to understand this. “Look, all those things that you feel when you're with Abby... the closeness, intimacy and trust... those things don't come for free. Any woman of substance and experience has lived a life, and she's gonna come with some baggage. Afterall you know that about as well as anyone.” Buck couldn’t help but agree with that statement. “I think your problem is you're hoping to pull her out of this trap she's in with her mom. That's not gonna happen. What she needs is for you to step inside with her, keep her company in there.”

Bobby patted Buck on the shoulder as he left the locker room, leaving Buck sat there thinking about everything that Bobby had just told her. And leaving Buck with a big decision regarding the future of her relationship with Abby. And whether or not she wanted her future to still be with Abby.

The next day, when Buck returned to work, she was thankful to see that Bobby seemed to have talked to the team, and no one bothered Buck about how her date was. There was a couple of sympathetic glances from a few of them, and Hen and Martinez were definitely doing their best to keep Buck’s mind off everything. Buck was almost relieved when the alarm went off, and she practically ran to the truck eager to get to doing something physical.

The information they received about the call was minimal, and all they knew was that the caller was an elderly man, and his brother had been trapped by some kind of cave in. Hopping out of the truck Buck looked up at the building, and he could see that the house was looking extremely run down, and that there was signs of hoarding, but Buck couldn’t be sure.

“Buck, get the saw.”

“Yes, Cap.” She called out, jogging to the side of the truck. When she made her way up the porch steps where Bobby was standing he finished getting fresh reports from dispatch.

“Dispatch said something about the house being booby-trapped. We have to take the door.”

When she heard the word booby-trapped, Buck wondered what kind of people lived here. Unless you are some kind of drug lord, there is no reason to booby trap you house. She kept that information in the back of her mind as she handed Bobby the saw. “Here you go, Cap.” Buck took a cautious step back as Bobby started cutting through the door. But she soon decided that it would be better to hold the part of the door that Bobby was cutting to stop it falling, just in case it was rigged.

Once Bobby had finished cutting through the door, Buck shooed the others back and stepped to the side just in case anything happened the moment that she let go of the panel that Bobby had just cut out. But when it fell down there were all shocked by what they saw.

“What on earth?” Exclaimed Chim.

Hen just muttered, “We're never getting past that.”

Buck couldn’t help but agree with her. “Yeah. Not unless we have a bulldozer in the truck.”

The entire house was a hoarders dream, and Buck couldn’t believe that people lived like that. Now the reports of being crushed by a cave in made total sense. Buck figure that there must be a way in and out of the building, after all the people who live here have to leave and get things like groceries and stuff like that sometimes, but she couldn’t see where to even begin.

While all this was going on Bobby leaned down and picked up a newspaper that had fallen down from the open door. “1968.” He said, astonished that these people had been hoarding for fifty years.

They decided to take the whole door off its hinges and started moving everything out of the way, hoping to find some sign of a way into the property. Eventually all of their work revealed a small tunnel and they all couldn’t believe that this was the way in and out of the building.

Bobby went to talk to some of the neighbours and see if he could get some more information from them, while Buck and Chim went up a ladder each, to see if there was a way in through the upper floors, while Hen was sent around back to see if they could get in through there. But it wasn’t long before she was returning shaking her head.

“It’s the same thing round back. Window's our best choice.”

“I wouldn't be so sure about that. Heads up!” Hollered Chim. As he smashed the window to see what he could see.

Buck had managed to get the boarding on the window off, and when she peeked in she could see that it was similar to what she was seeing downstairs. “Damn, this is insane! Hey, Cap, you got to see this!” She called out, but while her head was turned she almost didn’t notice the bowling ball flying towards her. Luckily she saw it heading towards her at the last minute, and she jerked her head back, so even though the bowling ball did manage to hit her in the face she managed to avoid the worse of it. But the force of it did knock her off the ladder and she ended up gripping the windowsill, while Bobby and Hen panicked down below.

“Buck! Buck! You all right?” Called out Bobby, as Buck tried to regain her footing on the ladder.

“You okay?” Asked Hen, calling out Buck’s name again when she didn’t respond.

Eventually Buck managed to regain her footing on the ladder, and when she had calmed down she called down to the others. “Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Noting like a bowling ball to the face to keep you on your toes.

“I told you. Kooks!” Called the neighbour, and Bobby and Hen just looked at her.

It took some time, but it was eventually decided that the best thing to do would be to contact the man who called 911 and ask him if he knew what the best way into the building was. Bobby was patched through, and the others all waited to find out what to do next. “Cecil, my name is Bobby. I'm outside your place, and I'm gonna help find your brother. We need to pick a window, and you need to disarm the traps.”

“I can't.” He called back, and Buck wondered why the man would not want to helo his brother more, but her questions were soon answered.

“Why not?”

“I'm blind.”

“Okay, well, Cecil, what's the best way into the house?”

Buck prayed that the answer was not what she thought that it was, because going through that front tunnel was not the most appealing thing that she could think of. “Through the back tunnel,” Cecil answered, and Buck breathed a sigh of relief, but that relief was short lived. “B-but I think that's totally collapsed. So, there's only one way in; the-the front tunnel.”

Buck cursed under her breath as she moved closer for a better look, while Bobby tried to get some more information about how to get to him. “How far back does this tunnel go?”

“Maybe... 25 feet. Stay to the right. Just about halfway down, there's-there's a trap.”

“Perfect,” muttered Buck and Bobby elbowed her to keep quiet, but she just rolled her eyes at him.

“What happens if I trip it?” He asked.

“Uh, Winslow rigged a-a circular saw blade to-to fall through one of the cracks. It would cut you right in two. You disarm that, you disarm all the booby traps. I can talk you through it. Just please, please hurry.” Buck did feel bad for the man, he was clearly desperate to save his brother, and the two of them clearly needed more than medical help, but she also did not want to crawl through this tunnel. Even if she knew that she would probably end up doing just that.

The four of them crowded around the hole debating as to which one of them would be small enough to fit. “What do you think, Buck?”

Buck groaned internally. “I'm game, but... I am not a thousand percent sure that I would fit.”

Chim looked at the hole and looked between him and Buck. “I might, and if I could you could.”

Sighing Buck walked over to Chim. “On your knees.”

“Wait. What?”

“On your knees.”

Chim dropped to his knees and everyone stared at the two of them as Buck pulled Chim close to her. “Buck. What are you doing? This seems highly inappropriate to me.”

“I am seeing if the widest part of Chim, his shoulders, is wider than the widest part of me, my hips. I may have broad shoulders but I have ridiculously wide hips.” After a moment of debate it was determined that Buck’s hips were narrower than Chim’s shoulders, so Buck was the unwilling volunteer to venture into the hole.

Once she was all kitted up, and her phone was connected to Cecil’s, she made the slow journey to find Cecil and his brother. Buck’s radio crackled and Bobby’s voice came over the radio. “How you doing, Buck?”

“Honestly, small dark tunnel, one light source, it reminds me of something that I’ve seen once. I just can’t remember what it was.”

“Seriously? Do you not remember Die Hard?” Came Chim’s socked voice. “We seriously need to give you a movie night. Your lack of pop culture knowledge is embarrassing.”

Buck ignored Chim though and kept slowly shuffling her way through the tunnel. Eventually she heard the sound of the circular saw, and she could see a fishing line trip wire straight in front of her, and just off to the left was the cuckoo clock that Cecil told her about. Pausing, she looked up to see the circular saw buzzing away above her head, and she gulped audibly. “Okay, Cecil, I'm at the clock. What now?”

“Is-is... is it set for midnight?”

Buck glanced at it before returning her attention to the saw above her head. “Copy. It's set to midnight.”

“So; move it to 11:11.”

Buck glanced at the clock nervously. “Copy.” And she slowly started turning the minute hand backwards, all the while glancing up at the saw, bracing herself to bolt backwards in case it went wrong.

Cecil was a calm as anything and just kept talking her through it. “Turn the clock to ease the tension on the trip wire. Remember, that clock can set off other traps in the house.”

Buck’s eyes widened in shock, and it was something that she wished that she knew before beginning this whole thing. As she was turning the hand, something shifted from the mounds of papers and books that surrounded her, making Buck jump and squeak. The others heard it and started calling out to Buck. “You all right?”

“You okay?”

“I'm good. I'm good.” Buck called back, before returning her attention to the clock in front of her. She treated this whole thing like a bomb that could go off at any point and slowly but surely she inched the minute hand around. “Nice and easy, now.” She muttered to herself. “Slowly. It's at 11:11!” She called out. And suddenly the doors opened, and the cuckoo bird came out and chirped then the circular saw stopped whirring.

Buck breathed a massive sigh of relief. She was alive, and in one piece. “All clear.” She radioed back to the others, before a continuing on her way to Cecil.

She eventually made her way out of the tunnel, calling out to Cecil the whole time. “Cecil, can you hear me?”

“Hello?”

“Cecil?”

“Oh, yeah, yes, yeah.”

Buck made her way to where Cecil was calling from and when she reached what must have been the living room she paused, astonished by what she was seeing. “Oh, God.” She muttered to herself. She had seen the show on tv about hoarders but seeing it in real life was something completely different.

“Where are you?” Called out Cecil. “Are you here?”

“Coming. I'm coming.” Buck carefully picked her way through the room, eventually she reached Cecil and gently grabbed his hand, reassuring him that she was there.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now-now you have to help me find my brother.”

Buck’s heart broke a little when she heard how worried Cecil was about his brother, but she knew that before she could find his brother, she needed to get some light into the room, and then she needed to clear out some of the things, so that the team could get in there and get Winslow out. “Okay, I will, I will, I will, I will. I promise you I will.” Buck dropped Cecil’s hand and slowly picked her way over to the window. “Uh, just stay here for one second, okay? I'm just gonna let some light in here so I can see. Just stay right there, okay? Don't move.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” It took a couple of good tugs for the planks of wood that had been used to board up the windows to come loose, and when the room was finally filled with light buck could see the extent of the issue that they had to work with. “Oh, my God.” She muttered.

Almost every inch of floor space was covered with things, and it looked like they had never thrown anything out, ever. There were floor to celling piles of books and papers, and the air smelt mouldy. Buck shuddered at the thought of the things in here and she made a mental note to burn her uniform when she got back.

“How long have you been living like this?” She asked.

“Not sure what you mean. Uh... Winslow and me... we took the house after Mom and Dad died. So, 1967, and... Well, we had to protect the house, you know? We-we wanted to make sure that nobody stole anything. It's our house.” Cecil’s voice began to break, and Buck’s heart broke just a little bit. “It's our house, and we had to protect it, and I can't do this by myself, so I need you to help me find him right now. I need you to stop what you're doing and help me find him right now!”

“I will.” Reassured Buck. “I will. I promise you I'm gonna find your brother for you, okay? But I need you to stay right here so I can go get him, all right?”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Good.”

Over the next thirty minutes the 118 started removing everything that they could to create a path from the front door to, to the back of the house where they suspected Winslow’s body to be. Buck was at the front clearing out the belongings when she moved yet another stack of books she could see a foot. “Over here!” She yelled, drawing everyone’s attention. “He's here!”

Hen and Chim muscled their way forward as Buck cleared the rest of the rubble off Winslow. He was lying face down and groaning. “Winslow! You're gonna be all right, sir. We got you.” Reassured Chimney.

Hen called out for her bag, and she and Chim started work on Winslow. Cecil was becoming more and more anxious, and Buck was doing her best to try and calm him down, all the while helping out Hen and Chim with Winslow. “My brother okay?” He called out.

“Cecil, he's okay.” Reassured Buck, before she turned to Winslow who was laying on the floor trying to get up, while calling for his brother too. “We're gonna take care of you now. Please stay still.”

Looking up at Hen and Chim the team nodded to each other. “All right. Ready?” Yelled Chim. “One, two, three; flip!”

They all carefully turned Winslow over and placed him on the backboard, and when he was finally fully in view they could see that he had a fairly decent sized gash on his head. Chim tended to his head while Hen began examining the rest of him. When she noticed some blood on his trousers she immediately began cutting them off him. “All right, I see some blood down here. Let me check it out, you guys. All right, just keep... Okay.”

The others looked over and they could see what had Hen distracted. The bone in Winslow’s leg was sticking out through his skin.

“All right, hold on. We got a compound fractured tibia, penetrated to the skin. A slight discoloration below the break.”

“No blood flow?” Asked Buck.

Hen started checking the foot for a pulse, but her face was telling everyone that it was not good. “I'm not finding anything.”

Chim moved down to Winslow’s leg from where he was attending to the cut on his head. “He could lose his leg.”

“All right, we have to realign it,” ordered Bobby. “Re-establish blood flow. Okay, Buck, you and I stabilize. Hen, Chim, do your thing.”

“Winslow, sorry. This is gonna hurt.” Warned Chim.

Once Buck and Bobby had Winslow braced so he wouldn’t jerk and injure himself more, Chim began the countdown. “All right, hold him still. Hen, on three; one, two, three!”

There was an almighty crack and Winslow screamed out in pain, but the bone was aligned again, and Buck was relieved that he was going to keep his leg.

“All right. All right. Keep your leg still! Hard part's over. Now we got to get you to the hospital.” Reassured Hen and Chim as they got Winslow strapped into the backboard.

As soon as he was strapped in Winslow was carried out of the building. But almost as soon as they started moving Winslow he tried to get off the board and stop them. “No, no, no! I-I can't leave... I can't leave my brother! Please I-I need to stay. He needs me.”

Cecil though tried to reassure Winslow that everything was going to be okay. “Winslow, it's okay. I'm here.”

“No! No! I can't leave. Please, I can't leave my brother behind.”

“I'm here. I'm here, Winslow. Just... I'm here. Just let them take care of you.”

“I won't leave you, Cecil.”

“You don't have to. You don't have to. I'm... I'm-I'm coming with you.”

Everyone looked over as Cecil struggled to get up out of his chair. Buck broke away from the group that were helping carry Winslow out of the building and she made her way over to Cecil. Wrapping her arm around Cecil, she helped him to his feet and out of the house. The relationship between Cecil and Winslow slightly reminded her of her relationship between her and Maddie. How they always looked out for each other and protected each other. It made Buck feel all warm inside.

Then when she saw how Cecil reacted to the sunshine when he got outside broke her heart a little bit more. It was almost like he had never even been in the sun. And remembering the state of the home that the two of them lived in she figured that it was a good possibility that this would be the case.

As Winslow and Cecil and made their way to the hospital, and Buck and the others started the clean-up, Buck wondered what would happen to the brothers. She wondered whether they would get the help that they needed, or whether or not they would just fall through the cracks again. The two of them clearly needed some help, not just maintain their home, but with their mental heath too. And Buck wondered whether or not it was worth putting in a call to social services. Maybe they could help provide the resources that they need.

The next day all thoughts of Cecil and Winslow were wiped from Buck’s mind as she was on a lunch date with Abby. This time she picked a totally ordinary, completely un-special café. Somewhere where it wouldn’t matter if Abby did have to leave this time.

“Is this cool?” Asked Buck. “Like, I figured we try someplace completely not special, so-so if you had to cancel it, you wouldn't feel bad.”

Abby grimaced again as she remembered their failed breakfast date. “I'm sorry. This is great. This is great.”

“Um, so how's your mom doing?”

Abby looked sad, and Buck almost regretted asking. “Same. I mean, worse. You know, she's having a hard time walking, and eating is getting tougher. But the worst part, you know, is, like, it's just the memory and the personality.” Abby’s eyes welled up with tears, and Buck hated to see Abby in so much pain when it came to her mom. “T-this disease it doesn’t just eat away at it like cancer does. It almost just pushes it away.”

“It sounds awful.”

Abby laughed self-deprecatingly before smiling sadly again. “Sorry. I know, it sounds awful. And I'm sure you don't want to hear it, 'cause I don't want to hear it 'cause I don't even want to be going through it.”

Buck reached over and gently held Abby’s hand. “Hey. Hey. I do want to hear it.”

“Well...”

“Look. You're living it, and I want. I want you to talk to me. I want to help.”

“I know, and it’s very sweet. But it's just... I think there's a reason I've been doing this... alone, you know? It's hard to drag somebody through it. I don't want... you know. I don't want that for you.”

Buck’s eyes started welling up. She couldn’t believe that she was hearing what she thought that she was hearing. “You're breaking up with me, right?”

Abby shook her head. “I think I just... I'm letting you off the hook.”

Lacing her fingers with Abby’s Buck began to smile. “See, I feel like anyone else, most people, if they were dealing with the stuff you have to deal with every single day, they would, they would see it as a cage. But you don't. You find a way to break free. You find a way to be yourself. You find... life. And if the price I have to pay for being close to an amazing woman like you is, yeah, whatever, a couple of cancelled dates, then, you know what? Then that is one heck of a good deal, and I am in. I'm not going anywhere.”

Abby beamed at the news. And she leaned over and pulled Buck into a kiss. Truly contented in the way that everything was turning out.

By the next morning though, the little happy bubble that Abby was in had burst the moment that she walked into her mothers room. Looking over at her mom she gasped and called out for her. But there was no response as her mother lay there, dead.

Sinking down into the chair next to her mom’s body, she held her hand and started crying.

Chapter 11: A Whole New World

Chapter Text

It had been a tough week since Abby’s mom’s death. Buck had taken the whole week off work to help Abby with whatever she needed. Whether that was a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. She even stood by her side at Patricia’s funeral, holding her hand, and letting Abby use her strength to get her through the day. After everything was over, she also helped Abby put her dining room back to the way that it was before her mom fell sick.

Buck was worried that Abby was trying to do everything too soon and that she wasn’t even taking the time to process the fact that her mom had died, but she didn’t really know what to say, or how to help. And Abby’s dogged determinedness to get everything of her mother's sorted before her brother returned home was beginning to worry Buck.

A couple of days after the funeral, Buck, Abby, Carla, and Abby’s brother, Matt, were all sorting through the last of Patricia’s things and finishing up the last of the important paperwork. Abby and her brother were sat at the dining room table, while Carla was sorting through the last of Patricia’s medications. Buck, who had been in the spare room, helping to sort through the spare boxes, wondered into the kitchen. “Hey, hey.” She called out to Carla.

“Hmm?”

“I found another Patricia box.”

The two of them started rummaging through, and Buck smiled when Carla picked up what looked like a Christmas tree made of popsicle sticks. “Oh, wow. She kept it all.” Chuckled Carla.

Sadness flashed across “Yeah. It seems like Abby doesn't want to keep any of it.” There was a pause for a moment as the two of them looked through the box of memories. But when Buck picked up a newspaper clipping with Abby's name on it, a huge smile spread across her face. “No way. Look at this.” Buck showed Carla the newspaper clipping, and she too looked at it with surprise. “This is her, right? That's Abby.” Carla nodded and Buck spun around, waving the newspaper clipping around. “Abigail Clark. You never told me you made the Olympic team.”

“What is this?” She asked, reaching out for the newspaper cutting that Buck was handing out. Abby and Matt both looked at the cutting, Abby had a small smile on her face and her brother looked incredibly proud of her.

“200-meter butterfly. She was a rock star.” Matt proudly stated, making Abby blush a little.

“That was a long time ago.” Shrugged Abby.

Buck shook her head. “You’ve got to have this out. You should be proud.” Buck said, proud of her girlfriend. “You were an Olympian.” Buck looked around the room, trying to figure out where she was going to put it up. “I'm gonna grab a frame for it. You got some empty ones in the closet. I'm... that's going up, that's for sure.”

Buck jogged out of the room and towards the bedroom, and the moment that she was out of earshot, Abby’s brother and Carla turned to face Abby, both with a knowing looks in their eyes. “You didn't tell me she moved in.” Her brother stated.

“She didn't move in. I...”

“Abby,” interrupted Carla. “She knows what's in your bedroom closet.”

“And she's taken over the medicine cabinet.” Laughed Abby’s brother.

“Okay, stay out of my medicine cabinet.” Chuckled Abby as she poked her finger at her brother in jest. “She did not move in; she's just been here a lot because she's been helping me deal with everything.” Carla and Matt held their hands up in surrender, and when Buck came back in, holding a frame, box of nails, and a hammer everyone’s attention was brought onto her.

“What?” She asked looking around at the people staring at her. “What?”

“Nothing.” They all mumbled, and Abby smiled.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll tell you about it tonight.”

Later that day, when it was just Abby, Buck, and a bottle of wine, curled up on the sofa, the two of them were talking about Abby’s family and what they thought of Buck. “So, what did your brother... you know, did he like me?”

“I think he did.” Confirmed Abby, as she snuggled down into Buck’s side a little bit more.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Although he was really funny when he thought you had moved in with me.”

Buck snorted with laughter, and Abby couldn’t help but join in. “I guess I kind of did, right?” Buck said through her chuckles. But her laughter soon died down as she looked around Abby’s place and saw that there really was a lot of her stuff everywhere. And then Buck started to get worried like she was outstaying her welcome. Because that was where a lot of her issues stemmed from, the feeling that she wasn’t wanted. “Is that okay, my-my stuff being at your place?” Buck asked nervously. Worried that Abby was going to stay no and that she needed to move all of her stuff out of her place.

Abby started to think about it, and she could see what Buck was saying. But she didn’t feel like Buck overstaying her welcome, in fact, she felt safe when Buck was around. Like everything was going to be okay. “Yeah. I mean, I hadn't really thought about it like that. It’s just, you've been so amazing through this. And I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Hey. Hey. I got your back, you know that.”

“Really?”

“Really.” The two of them sat there, snuggled up together, when Buck suddenly remembered something. “Oh, Bobby called today. They are a firefighter down tomorrow, apparently, Johnson has food poisoning, so they need me to come in. Obviously, if you need me here then I can call in, but will you be alright if I go?”

“You don’t need my permission, Buck. You have been a godsend during this whole process, but if you need to go back to work, then go back. I will be fine without you for a day.”

“Alright. But if you need me then just call. You know that I’ll always answer.”

The next day Buck was back at work, and she was glad to be back. The morning had been a steady one, and Hen and Chim were just catching her up on what she had missed the last few days.

“So, you are seriously telling me that this woman was having a stroke, and that stroke made her become British?”

Chimney grinned. “Yep, full-on accent, syntax, every… Whoa.” They froze. The moment the three of them walked into the loft Bobby slammed his laptop shut, and instantly they knew that he was up to something.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that all about?” Asked Chim.

Bobby avoided their gaze and pushed his laptop to one side, almost as if being seen with it was an offense. “What?”

“You closed your laptop as soon as we walked in here, like you were hiding something.”

“No, I didn't.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“I just took a sip of tea.” But the moment that Bobby’s guard was down Chim lunged for the laptop, grabbed it, and dragged it away out of Bobby’s reach. “Chim!” Called Bobby but he ignored him.

“Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.” Chim opened the laptop, and Buck and Hen gathered around him, looking at the laptop with anticipation they couldn’t believe the sight that greeted them. Bobby was looking at a dating site. And not just any dating site, one that was popular with the badge bunnies.

“RomancingTheUniform.com?” Buck exclaimed with a little bit too much Glee.

“That's my dating site,” exclaimed Chim. “That's where I met Tatiana.”

“Gee, even I have had a few sordid hook-ups in the past from the site.” Admitted Buck, as she took the laptop out of Chim’s hand, moving over to the table.

“Holy crap, are you actually putting yourself back out on the scene?” Chim asked, way too happy about this news.

Bobby shrugged. “My sponsor said maybe it's time. I spend too much time in my work, in my head, and that dating, having a girlfriend would help get me out in the world.”

Hen patted Bobby on the back while glancing at Buck, who was still frowning at the screen. “I think it's great, you taking the leap. It's brave. While at the moment, I think that dating or sleeping with someone is not worth the trouble, but I'm happy for you.”

Bobby on the other hand was looking distressed. “Look, this just isn't me. I-I feel like a probie stretching his first job.”

Hen chuckled. “You're not a rookie, you're just rusty.”

“Last time I had a date, I was in my 20s.”

“Yeah,” snorted Buck. “I can tell. This is terrible.” Hen and Chim looked over at Buck annoyed that she would say this, while Bobby looked devastated by Buck’s words. Buck on the other hand seemed not to have noticed everyone’s reaction and had started laughing at Bobby’s profile. “And this picture looks like you're trying to sell real estate from a bus stop bench. And you know what? I will not be buying.”

Hen tapped Buck on the shoulder and tried to grab her attention. “Buck. Buck.”

“And another thing, you cannot describe yourself as, ‘I am a lifesaver, not a heartbreaker.’”

Bobby looked perturbed by that. “Why not? That's solid, sweet.”

“No, Bobby. It’s cheese. Sweet, sweet cheese.” Buck continued digging and this time even Chim and Hen laughed. “You like flan?” Buck howled with laughter.

“Good flan is the bomb.” Defended Bobby.

Buck and Chim were still laughing, but Hen had noticed the look on Bobby’s face and had stopped laughing.

“Oh, he... You don't? You have an AOL e-mail account still?” Howled buck. “It is literally like you were frozen in amber in 1995.” Hen nudged Buck, trying to get her to stop. “Bobby, you can never show this to a woman.”

Bobby looked a little insulted. “Why not?”

“Because as a woman, who dates men, and who uses dating sites, I can safely assure you, that people will see this profile as a joke profile. You know the profile for a guy no one ever wants to go out with.”

Hen and Chim glanced at Bobby, and they noticed the look of defeat on his face. Hen patted Buck on the shoulder, grabbing Buck’s attention as she was still scouring Bobby’s dating profile. “You know what, maybe you are not the right person he should be taking dating advice from, Buckaroo.”

Buck looked insulted by that. “And why is that? Because last time I checked, I'm in a stable, monogamous relationship with an amazing woman. I'm the healthiest dater at this whole table.”

The table fell silent, and everyone looked at each other before the realisation dawned on them that Buck was right. At which point Chim looked horrified. “Oh, my God, she's right. The world is turned upside down.”

Buck scoffed before turning her attention back to Bobby’s dating profile. “Yeah, okay, laugh, huh? I am proof that real change is possible. And as for this. I will fix this for you. Don’t worry, by the time that I am done you will be batting the women away with a stick.”

“Huh? What?”

Bobby looked over at Buck, but she refused to show him what she was doing. Buck was muttering to herself as she was typing, and no matter what anyone tried they could not get her to show them what she was working on. Buck muttered about “Lava cake” and “Practically Guy Fieri” but no one knew what she was really on about. And by the time lunch rolled around Buck was still typing away.

“Buck. Lunch.” Called Bobby.

“Yeah, just give me a moment. I am almost finished.” And with one last flourish, Buck made her way over to the table. “This is for you.” She announced as she handed Bobby his laptop. “I have pretty much rewritten your dating profile, it makes you sound more like a mature fifty-year-old man, who is looking for a potential partner, rather than someone who has not gone on a date since disco died.”

A few of the other firefighters snorted when Buck said this, but Bobby ignored them as he took the laptop off Buck. Bobby gazed in amazement at the profile, and he had to begrudgingly admit, Buck did a good job. He did actually look like he knew what he was doing. “Thanks, Buck. This is... this is actually really good.”

Buck just shrugged and shoveled some pasta into her mouth. “Welcome,” she mumbled, her mouth full of food. Earning her a smack around the back of the head from Hen.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Hen snapped, causing the rest of the table to snort out laughing.

Bobby looked over at Bobby and saw that he was looking at his profile with some trepidation. “Bobby, relax. The profile isn’t live yet, and you don’t have to make it live. But remember, dating is supposed to be fun, it is supposed to be about getting to know someone. It’s not meant to be stressful, and if it is becoming stressful then you can always take a step back. No one will think any less of you. I promise.”

Listening to Buck’s words Bobby pressed the button to activate his profile. He may not know what was to come of this dating business, but he knew that he would probably regret it if he didn’t try.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, apart from one callout about a guy at a fortune teller's place, who Hen and Chim declared dead, but other than that the shift really was nothing to crow about. And when Buck got back to Abby’s place, she found Carla there, and the two women were going through some more of the paperwork that needed to be finished. “Hey, how’s everything going?” Called out Buck, as she dropped her back down by the door.

“Hey,” called Abby. “How was your day?”

“Oh, you know, not bad. Bobby has decided to get back into the dating scene, but his profile was so awful I decided to jazz it up, other than that it has been a fairly unremarkable shift. How is everything going here? Can I get either of you a drink?”

“No thanks, buck. Carla just made us both a coffee.”

“Take a seat boo, and I will make you one too, now that you’re home.”

As Buck took her seat next to Abby, she saw the passport on the table and was immediately worried. “Are you going somewhere?” She asked, gesturing to the passport on the table. And when Abby, who was mildly confused by the question looked at what Buck was pointing at she smiled her sad smile.

“No... Oh, no, that's my mom's. I have to send it back so that no one steals her identity.”

Buck picked it up and started thumbing through it. And she was surprised to see that the passport was practically brand new. There were no stamps, there was nothing to show that she had ever traveled anywhere. “She never traveled?” Asked Buck.

Abby took the passport and started looking through it too. “Well, not Mom. She got married so young. She always talked about traveling.” Then in an absolutely uncanny impression of Patricia, she said. "I'm going to go to Ireland. I'm going to eat my way across Europe." Abby sighed and Buck squeezed her hand. “She didn't do it, though. She only...” Abby riffled through the passport, before stopping at a page midway through. “I think she only went to... Yeah, Mexico... Cabo. It was for, uh, Matt and Beth's renewal of their vows.”

“Maybe you will get to go to Ireland in her memory one day. See everything that she wanted to see.”

“Yeah, Buck. Maybe I will.”

Buck glanced over at Carla, and the two women were worried about Abby, she seemed so lost after Patricia’s death, and neither of them knew how to help her. After a moment of silent conversation, Carla tried to find out a bit more about what Abby’s plans were now. “Hmm. You good? I mean, you had me a little worried when you said you were going back to work. But you seem good.”

“I do?” Abby asked in surprise. And Buck knew that in private Abby didn’t feel like she was holding it together very well, even if Buck was doing her best to reassure her otherwise.

“Yeah.”

“I guess I'm good. Oh.” Abby started rummaging through the box of Patricia’s things, before eventually pulling out a velvet jewellry box. “I wanted you to have that. They were my mom's and they're not really valuable or anything, but they meant a lot to her, and you meant a lot to her. You meant a lot to both of us.”

Carla opened the box and smiled when she saw the silver and blue earrings nestled on the cushion. Buck saw them and she had to admit that she felt a bit emotional at the sight of “I love them. But, um, you sure you want to give these to me?”

“Oh, I have so many things... to remind me of my mom. And I want you to have something to remind you of her.”

Carla smiled and pulled Abby into a hug. “As if I could ever forget Patricia. Or you. Thank you for the earrings and, uh, making me feel like part of the family.”

“Anytime Carla, anytime.”

The three women spent several hours chatting away, telling stories about Patricia, and having a good laugh, and eventually when Carla left, and Buck and Abby went to bed, Buck could see that Abby was looking a bit lighter. And she hoped that this was the sign of Abby coming out through the fog.

The next morning though, Abby was preoccupied, and obsessed with Patricia’s passport. Buck was worried about Abby, and she had no idea how to help her. Buck decided that she would speak to Hen and Bobby at work about how she could help, she would have spoken to Chim too, but he probably would have just given Buck some wiseass comment that would have made her feel bad about herself, so she avoided that conversation.

Bobby and Hen weren’t much help, they both said that Buck just needed to give Abby time and space to get used to this new situation. And that she would have days where she looked like she was coming through the fog, but at the same time she could have moments where it looked like she was going backwards, and that was also perfectly alright.

When Buck got back to Abby’s, she was planning on talking to Abby and seeing what she could do, if anything to help her. But as she entered Abby’s apartment, she was surprised to see her suitcases by the door.

The first thought that ran through her head was that Abby was throwing her out, but then she realised that these were Abby’s bags, not hers it dawned on her what was Happening.

“Abby.” Called out Buck as she walked through to the lounge. “Abby, are you there?”

“I’m here Buck.” Came Abby’s voice from the couch and Buck grabbed the glass of wine that Abby had left out for her and made her way over to where Abby was sitting.

“I… Are you- you going somewhere?” She asked, her eyes flicking back to the cases.

“Um... I bought a plane ticket to go to Dublin.”

“Dublin, as in... Dublin, Ireland?”

“Yes, Dublin, Ireland.” The silence after Abby said this was deafening. Buck did not know what to say. She wanted to beg Abby to stay, to tell her that she was making a mistake, but she also knew the feeling of needing to leave and travel, and how overwhelming that urge is. Abby quickly broke the silence. “I'm-I'm gonna go for a while, probably. I don't know. I don't know how long. A few months maybe.”

“W-Why?” Whispered Buck.

“For Mom,” she explained. “She always wanted to go to Ireland. She never went. So, I need to go. Also, because... I'm kind of lost, Buck. And I just lost my mom, but... I realize I also kind of lost myself a long time ago, and... I-I don't know, I think somewhere along the way, I just started caring so much for everybody else that I stopped caring for myself. I mean, I used to be a person who would travel the world swimming in competitions. And I... demanded so much from myself. And I feel like I need to find that again. Because I feel like... I need to have something to give to my job and to the people who are counting on me and to the people that I care about.

“I care about you so much. You're amazing. And these last few months, I think you've gotten me, at least halfway, to the person I want to be. But I've got to do this so that I know I have something to give.”

Buck’s heart broke when she heard this, and she understood more than anyone the need to find yourself, but she also wished that she could go with her. But she knew that this was something that Abby needed to do for herself. Even if the thought of it hurt her very much. “I'm excited for you. Almost as much as I am, um... sad for me.” Admitted Buck, and Abby pulled her into a hug. “I'm gonna miss you.”

“I'm gonna miss you, too,” Abby mumbled, running her fingers through Buck’s curls.

Buck called in for the next day, and she and Abby spent one last night together, just talking, and rarely leaving each other’s arms. The next evening, after helping Abby tie up a few loose ends, and agreeing to look after Abby’s apartment until she returns, Buck drove Abby to the airport, and helped her with her cases to the door, but paused the moment that they reached the front entrance.

Abby turned to face Buck and she looked confused. “You're not gonna come in with me?”

Buck placed Abby’s bags on the ground and shook her head. “I learned a while ago; you never go beyond the glass doors.”

Abby sighed and wrapped her arms around Buck. “I must be crazy to be leaving you behind.”

“You're not leaving anything behind. You're moving toward something. And I'm gonna be right here when you come back, okay? Go on. You got this, okay?”

Abby pulled Buck closer to her and kissed her. As the two of them kissed Buck put all of her love and her feelings into the kiss. When they broke apart the two of them just stood there and held each other for a little longer when Abby whispered into Buck’s ear. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“You, too, Abby.”

With one final kiss the two women parts. Abby grabs her bags and walks towards the door, and with one last look over her shoulder, she walked through the glass doors and into the unknown. Buck waved her goodbye before heading off to her car. Quickly flinging a text off to Hen to see if the team were still at the bar that they were planning on visiting, Buck drove off, wondering if she would ever see Abby again.

Once Buck got confirmation that the team were all still out at the bar, she joined them. Walking over to them, Buck flopped onto the bench next to Hen, who looked over at Buck with a curious look on her face.

“I thought that you and Abby had plans today,” she asked.

Buck sighed loudly and tried her best not to cry. “She’s gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

“She left, she has gone to Ireland, to live out her mom’s dream and to find herself. Whatever that means.”

“Aww, Buckaroo.” Cooed Hen, as she wrapped Buck up in a hug. “Is there anything that I can do to make you feel better?”

There was a pause before Buck nodded. “Yeah, you can do what any self-respecting friend should do. You can fill me with liquor and then pour me into a cab.”

Hen nodded and flagged down a waitress. If Buck needed a friend today, then she would be that friend.”

Chapter 12: The End of a Chapter

Chapter Text

The last two months had been interesting to say the least. Buck was finally out of the “Frat House” as Hen called it and had fully moved into Abby’s place. Abby had moved on from Ireland, had spent some time in the UK, and was now travelling through France on her way to Italy. The phone calls between the two of them had dwindled from every day to just twice a week.

Things were going well at work; Buck was coming on leaps and bounds and she was now a little over a week away from becoming a fully-fledged firefighter. But her happiness was soon to be shattered during lunch, when Bobby said the words, “So, have you had any ideas yet about what kind of cake you want for your shield ceremony? Also, I am going to need you to confirm numbers soon, so I can sort out the catering and the cake.”

Buck froze a little when she heard this. She had never been one for parties, at least parties for herself. And the thought of being celebrated for just doing what she considered just doing the basics to receive her shield. She didn’t know why receiving her shield was such a big thing, if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t know why they cared so much. Over eighty percent of probationary firefighters make it through their probationary year, so it’s not like it’s something special.

Hen must have noticed the strange look on Buck’s face, because she very quickly changed the subject. Leaving Buck to sit there and contemplate who she could invite and whether or not they would come.

There was Hondo, Steve, and Danny. All three of them worked some crazy hours, and if they had cases then that would take priority. There was also the fact that for Steve and Danny, there was the matter of the six-hour flight just to get to LA. Abby was still on her adventures around Europe, and it would be rude to ask her to come back just to watch Buck get a promotion. Then there was Carla, who even though she was friends with Buck, Buck was unsure whether or not she was friendly enough to come to something like this.

No matter how much she wanted to there was zero point in inviting Maddie. It had now been over three years since Maddie responded to one of Buck’s messages, calls, or emails. Buck knew that wasn’t going to change for this.

There was another problem with her promotion ceremony coming up. This was the time where Captains and the leaving probies had to decide whether or not said leaving probie should stay at their current house or move to a different house. Buck didn’t want to move to a different station, she liked it here. She had almost found a family here and she was definitely worried that Bobby would take all of that away from her.

She knew that Bobby had done nothing to make her believe that she wouldn’t be wanted at the 118, but she also knew that her fear of abandonment was often more overwhelming than common sense. Buck knew that this whole thing was something that she would have to discuss with Frank when she goes to see him in a couple of days. But Buck guess that there wouldn’t be any harm in calling her friends and seeing if they could or couldn’t make it.

That night when Buck got back home, she decided to call a few people and see if they could make it to her shield ceremony. Hondo was the first person that she called but she didn’t hold her hopes up. “Hey, Kid. What can I do for you?”

“Umm, I was. I was wondering if you are free on the 27^th?”

“Of this month?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna be in Miami, Kid. It’s the annual SWAT conference and I am giving a talk. Why?”

“Oh, no reason. I was just wanting to know if you wanted to hang out. Have fun in Miami, bring me back a gift.”

“Will do, Kid. We’ll hang out when I get back. I promise.”

Buck flopped back on the couch and sighed. Picking up her phone she dialled again. “Aloha Steve. How’ve things been there.”

“Busy, we have just picked up a massive case. Human trafficking. And we’re not sure how long this one is going to take us. So, if you are calling to ask when a good time would be to come and visit, I would say not for a few weeks.”

Buck’s heart sank. “Oh, yeah. Cool, I will give you a call in a few weeks and take it from there. Be safe and look after each other. Give my love to Danny and Gracie.”

“Will do, Pup. Now I’ve got to go. Be safe yourself.”

“Bye.” And with that Steve hung up. Sighing Buck leaned her head back and closed her eyes, willing the tears that had formed there to disappear. She knew that the chances of them being able to come were slim, but it still hurt to think about.

Logically she knew that she hadn’t told them the real reason why she was calling. Buck also knew that it if she had it would have had an impact on their decisions. But she also didn’t want them to have to make a decision between their jobs, which were important, and coming to see her. They had taken a lot of time out of their schedules recently. After all Steve and Danny flew out after the hostage situation. But this was not an emergency, this was just a party, a party that they could have at any time.

Buck had also contacted Carla, who said that she had a new client so she was busy during the day with that, and even though she knew that she wouldn’t answer, she contacted Maddie and invited her. But she knew that was not going to happen. There was no one else that Buck could think of who would come. She knew that the families of the 118 would come if they were asked, but she didn’t want to feel like a burden on them. But she knew several of them had probably already invited their families.

A few days later Buck was back in Frank’s office, at yet another therapy session, and this time she was talking about her upcoming shield ceremony, and how she couldn’t bring herself to tell her friends the truth as to what was going on, so she didn’t end up disturbing their lives.

“So, let me get this straight, Buck. You called your friends, and asked them what they were doing on a certain day, but didn’t give them the reason why. Now why do you think that is?”

Buck rolled her eyes and sighed. She hated when Frank asked her probing questions like this. Questions where Frank already knew the answer, and where Buck thought she knew the answer but really, she had no clue. “I would say that I don’t want them to have to take any time out of their busy schedules just to come and watch me get my shield. My thing is nothing major, while the annual SWAT conference and taking down a human trafficking ring is.”

“I am not denying that those things aren’t important Buck, but your thing is important to you, and you are allowed to celebrate it, and you are allowed to want your friends and family there to celebrate it with you. So, give your friends the chance to decide for themselves whether or not you are worth dropping everything for. You might be quite pleasantly surprised.”

The next few days Buck mulled over what Frank told her, but even though she wanted to call Steve, Danny, Hondo, and Carla again and tell them the truth about why she wanted to see them again, she also knew that what they were doing was far too important. But at the day of Buck’s shield ceremony grew nearer, Bobby was more insistent on getting numbers from Buck.

Six days out Bobby cornered her at lunch again. “So, Buck I have a couple of questions to ask you. One, I need to know if you still want to work here with us or if you want to go to another station.” Everyone looked at Buck waiting to hear her answer. Bobby added one last thing that he hoped would help Buck make up her mind. “I want to say that we are happy to have you here with us. We don’t want you to go, but we will understand if you do.”

Buck smiled, that was one less thing that she had to worry about. “Yeah. I… I would love to stay here. I love it here at the 118.”

Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief and Buck smiled knowing that everyone really did still want her around. But then came the conversation that Bick had been hoping to avoid. “Well, now we have got that sorted, I really need the numbers for your party. Buck the catering need to be locked down by today, and we need to order your cake.”

Buck started chewing on her lip, worried that she was letting people down. The 118 always loved a good celebration, and here was Buck, wanting to put a dampener on things. The team would not let things up though, a few of them were talking about party ideas, and where they were going to put the trucks so they could set up in the loading bay. Eventually the talk about the party got too much and Buck just snapped.

“I don’t want a stupid party, alright.” Everyone stopped instantly and turned to stare at Buck, who was looking close to tears. “I don’t want a party because no one will come.”

“What do you mean Buck?” Asked Hen quietly.

“Look, Hondo is attending a SWAT conference in Miami, Steve and Danny are working on a huge human trafficking case, Abby is somewhere in France, Carla has a new client, and Maddie still isn’t answering her phone. So, what do you want me to do?”

Hen looked sad, and Buck quickly reassured her. “Of course, I’m not including all of you, who will obviously be there, but the people who I consider my friends and family outside of this station are not able to come.”

“What about Karen and Denny? They’re looking forward to coming. I think Karen has even gotten you a gift. Then I know Athena was thinking about coming too, and she was going to bring May and Harry also. This whole thing is not just about you. There were a lot of people who helped you get to this point, and I know that they are looking forward to seeing you up there grtting your badge.”

Buck was feeling guilty about her outburst, but she really didn’t want to celebrate this moment without Hondo, Steve, and Danny. They were her brothers, her family, and it felt wrong to celebrate something like this without them. Also, the thought of them celebrating with out them also makes Buck realise that she really is more alone than she realised.

“I… I… I just can’t. I can’t. I can’t celebrate something like this and not have my brothers there. I can’t. All I want is just to get my shield and get on with my job. I don’t want to put this station out; I don’t want to be a burden. I just want to do my job.”

“Buck,” Hen soothed. “It’s okay. If you don’t want a party then we won’t have one, maybe we will just get a cake for us and leave it at that. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, if you would just rather us have a small cake and a team dinner then we will do that. But you have to know that there is a lot of people here who love you, and who want to see you succeed, and they want to celebrate your accomplishments with you, if you will let them.”

Buck sat there quietly, contemplating everything Hen just told her. “Okay, you may throw me a small party. But no fuss. And as for cake, get something everyone would like. I don’t really eat much cake.”

Hen raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

“What? Does this ass look like I eat cake to you?”

Everyone laughed and Buck smiled to herself. She was so happy that she was getting to stay with these people. She was happy that she was getting to stay at her new home.”

The days in the run up to her graduation to a fully fledged firefighter were spent filling out copious amounts of paperwork, and making sure her new helmet was ordered in the correct size. Buck had still heard no word from Maddie about her coming to the do, and Abby hadn’t contacted her in over a week. Yet her Facebook page told Buck that she was currently spending some time in Spain.

By the time that Buck’s party rolled around Buck was looking forward for the whole thing to be over. So, on the day of, Buck got changed into her dress blues, and made her way slowly to the station, and when she arrived she was surprised to see both of the engines, and the ambulance parked up outside, and Buck knew that this whole thing was going to be bigger than expected. And when she walked in, she was proven right.

There were dozens of people milling around, line up against the back of the room were several trestle tables placed together, and they were groaning under the weight of all of the food on them. There was a massive sheet cake, with “Congratulations Firefighter Buckley” written on it.

There were also so many people milling around the station, and it seemed like everyone had brought their families with them, and all of the firefighter kids were sat around one of the tables that were placed around the engine bay. Buck could see Denny, and Athena’s kids, Harry and May, Anderson’s twins were there, and Martinez’s kids too. The moment that they saw her they stopped what they were doing, and all came running up to her.

“Buck, you made it.” Called out Denny as he flung his arms around her.

“Hey Denny. How are you doing? How are you all doing?”

“We’re good.” Replied Harry.

“So, what y’all up to?”

“Were making you something, but you have to wait and see what it is.”

Buck laughed and hugged the kids again, and they ran back off to the table, leaving buck standing there looking at them fondly.

As Buck was stood there, she heard a loud voice calling out to her and when she turned around, she was shocked to see Carla approaching her. “Seriously Boo. You didn’t think that I wouldn’t have taken a day off work to be here if you had told me, I’m insulted that you think that little about our friendship.”

Buck blushed and looked at Carla guiltily before hugging her. “I don’t,” she murmured into Carla’s shoulder. “I think that little of myself. Besides, how did you know to come here today?” Buck was curious as to how Carla knew about the whole thing, because as far as Buck knew, no one but her at the station had any contact with Carla.

“Your friend Hen called.” Buck turned to glare at Hen, who quickly looked away when she saw Buck staring at her. “She said that you didn’t want a party because none of your friends would come. Now imagine my surprise when I heard that, Buckaroo. Because I am fairly sure that you never mentioned anything of the sort to me.”

“I’m sorry Carla. I really am. But when I called you that night and asked what you were up to, and you told me that you had your hands full with a new client, I thought that the best thing to do was to let you be. I figured I could tell you about it after the fact over a bottle of wine.”

“Hmm. Well now you owe me two bottles of wine Boo.”

Buck burst out laughing. “I am glad that you’re here. There’s food over there and I will catch you up later about making a date for wine night.”

Carla made her way over to where everyone was milling around, waiting for the ceremony to start, while Buck started to walk over to Hen, to find out how she got Carla’s number. When suddenly, movement from the engine bay doors caught her eye. Turning she saw Hondo walk in, dressed in his dress uniform and she rushed over to him.

“What are you doing here?” Cried Buck. “I thought that you were in Miami at the SWAT conference.”

Buck ploughed herself into Hondo’s arms, and he chuckled as she held him tight. “I was going to be. Then I got a rather interesting phone call from Bobby. And he told me that today was an important day for you. So I sent Deacon in my place. This is far more important than listening to a lecture of techniques that I already know.” Buck felt herself get all misty eyed as she realised that she really was important enough for her friends to drop everything and be there for her, for the big moments.

Buck was about to say something when a whistle from behind her made her start laughing. “Pup. What are you doing talking to that loser?” Called out Steve, and when she looked over her shoulder she saw Steve, Danny, and Danny’s daughter Grace all making their way to her. “Honestly, when you called us why didn’t you tell us about this. You know that we would’ve come. I thought that we got you past the whole ‘I don’t want to be a bother’ thing.”

“I promise you, it’s something that Frank and I are working on.” They all hugged, and Buck was incredibly happy to see all of her brothers, and her honorary goddaughter, all in one place, and not because Buck was sick or injured. Scooping Grace up into her arms, Buck swung her around before gently placed her onto the ground.

“Hey, Grace. I want you to meet some really cool kids that I know.” And Buck led Grace over to the table where the 118 kids and Harry and May were all still sat. “Hey guys. This is Grace, she’s my brother’s daughter. Do you think that she could hang out with you all?”

There was a chorus of kids all agreeing, and May got her a seat at the table and whispered to Buck; “Don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure that she has fun here.”

“Thanks May.” Buck whispered back before turning to Grace. “Hey, as soon as I have got my new helmet do you want to help me cut my cake?” She nodded excitedly and Buck gave her another hug before making her way over to where Hondo, Steve, and Danny were talking to Bobby.

“Hey, Cap.”

“Yeah Buck.”

“Thank you. Thank you for not listening to me, and thank you for calling my brothers. Frank was right, I should have jut told them and trusted them to make the decision for themselves.”

Bobby laughed and put his arm around Buck’s shoulder. “Any time kid. Besides all I did was call Hondo, he called Steve and Danny here.”

“Well I am grateful to you, all of you. Even to Hen over here who seemed to have gone through my phone to get Carla’s number.” Buck glared at Hen and she looked way smiling. “But honestly, you were al right. This isn’t just about me, it’s about all of them too. I never would have made it this far without any of you so thank you.”

“Any time Buck. Now, shall we get started.” Buck nodded and Bobby called out for everyone to take their seats. Once everyone was settled into their seats, and Bobby and Buck were stood up at the front Bobby began his speech.

“People assume we choose this life. I'm not so sure. Sometimes I think this life chooses us. For those that answer the call, there can be no doubt, no equivocation. It's not just the lives of those we serve that depend on us, but our own. The lives of our fellow firefighters and first responders.

“Today we welcome into those ranks a new sister. After a year of hard work and dedication, I am proud to officially declare that your probationary period is at an end.”

Pinning Buck’s new shield to her uniform, Bobby was beaming with pride at her finally becoming a fully fledged member of the LAFD. “Welcome to the Los Angeles fire Department, Firefighter Buckley.”

There was a massive round of applause and when Buck turned around she could see Harry, Denny, and Grace all making their way up to her holding her new helmet. She hugged all three of the kids and as she did, she knew that this was her family, and this was her home.