Chapter Text
James potter is nothing if not a people person. He loves nothing more than roaring parties with his friends, music so loud you can’t hear your thoughts.
He likes the starts of parties, when everyone is still getting ready. Bowie playing on Sirius’ record player, balances precariously on the edge of moonys bed. Peter on his way to sneak snacks from the kitchen, Sirius sitting on Remus’ lap as he helps Sirius with his makeup. A gentle reminder that they’re young and alive.
He likes the middle of parties, drinking so much he forgets his worries, in the center of the action. He doesn’t always need to drink to have a good time. Sometimes he doesn’t. Just being around other people makes him happy enough.
He likes the end of parties, when it’s just a few people left. All of the younger years have gone to bed, or to study. It’s just him, his friends and a couple other seventh years sitting around the common room joking around, playing games.
He likes waking up the next day, energized, hangover free and ready for a few laps around the quidditch pitch.
Needless to say, James Potter loves parties. He loves being social and he loves people.
But sometimes he has bad days.
He doesn’t like to think about them, because he’s supposed to be the happy carefree one.
But some days it feels like everything is too much.
His clothes don’t fit proper, is hair is greasy, his skin is dry but also sweaty, his lips are chapped, his glasses have smudges. Everyone is too loud and too close. His brain feels too loud and busy. Everything becomes too much and he feels like he’s either going to scream, or curl up into a tiny ball and break down. Neither of which are ideal options, especially during the middle of a party.
Today seems to be one of those days.
They just won the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match, and he hasn’t even had time to shower since being whisked away to the after party.
Which really is dreadful, because he was hoping for a chance to see Regulus before the party.
Lovely, pretty Regulus.
But regardless of his wants, he’s in the middle of the party.
And he loves parties. Right? So why is he feeling off right now?
There’s dirt all over him, which normally he’s fine with, but right now it’s all too much.
“Hey Prongs, you alright mate?” Sirius asks
“Yeah…just tried from the match. Gonna go take a shower.”
Remus, who can always tell when somethings up stops him halfway through the common room.
“Bad day?”
James just nods in response.
“What can I do?”
And that sentence alone is the reason nobody will ever truly deserve Remus Lupin. This man,
goes through things that the strongest, bravest people couldn’t imagine. He’s been dealt the sh*ttiest hand, and he’s still one of the most caring human James has ever met.
“Just distract Pads, yeah? I don’t want him worrying.”
“James-“
“Go talk to your boyfriend moony, I’m fine.” He offers Remus a smile before climbing out the portrait and looking for an alcove to calm down in. He digs his nails into his palm to try and distract himself but it doesn’t seem to work.
As hes walking there, he bumps into something, only to look down and see he had knocked over Regulus.
“sh*t- Reg! Sorry…I didn’t see you there” he offers his other hand to help the other boy up.
“James? What are you doing, shouldn’t you be at the party?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Yeah, I was… I just needed a breather-“
“James, your hand…” Reg interrupts, looking down at James hand.
He glances down to see that his nails had dug so deep he broke skin. There were a few droplets of blood dripping down his hands now.
“Oh! f*ck- I- I don’t know why I keep- sh*t, okay” he can feel the tears forming in his eyes. His brain feels like it’s spinning a million miles a minute and it’s getting harder to breathe.
“James.” Reg says, putting his hand on James’ shoulder.
And that.
Just the one touch is enough to help him realize he’s spiralling.
It doesn’t stop him from spiralling, per se, because at this point he’s in far too deep, and nothing is that simple. But it helps.
“Take a breath, yeah?” He says, pulling out his wand and starting to heal James’ hand,
“Right, sorry-“
“Don’t apologize, you’re all good. Just breathe, okay?”
He tries taking a few deep breaths but his knees buckle and he falls to the ground, tears streaming down his face.
“Oh, James.” James can hear Reg’s voice faintly in the background.
He feels a hand on his back, rubbing calming circles. “What can I do?”
He tries to take another breath in, trying to Focus on Regulus’ hand.
“I’m fine-“ he chokes out, but he can tell it’s nowhere near convincing enough, especially to Regulus, who can always tell when he’s lying.
“Don’t lie, what do you need?” His voice is stern but still caring, in a way that vaguely reminds James of his mum.
“My kit-” he hopes Regulus can understand what he’s asking.
He can feel cool hands carefully loosening his quidditch kit before going through James’ hair, lightly scratching the scalp.
James, who no longer feels like he is choking, feels slightly better. He leans into Regulus, who is still beside him, combing his fingers through James’ hair.
They stay there like that for a minute, on the ground in the middle of the hallway, while James breathing levels out.
“I’m sorry, love. I know you don’t like when people cry-“
“James, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“Can you stay here for a bit with me?”
“Sure.” Regulus sighs, leaning back into the wall, taking James with him and putting his head into his lap. He continued combing his fingers through James hair with one hand while he looks for a chocolate frog in his bag with the other. “So do you want to tell me what happened?” He asks, offering the frog to the other boy.
His first instinct is to say that he’s fine, but it had been hard to earn Regulus trust, which he would not risk losing. James would rather pluck each of the hairs out of his head one by one with the world’s smallest pair of tweezers than do something to muck that up.
So he takes the chocolate frog gratefully and opens it as he tries to sort through his thoughts.
“It just became too much. You know? It happens sometimes, it’s too loud and there are too many people. Everything just becomes too much, I don’t really know how to explain it…”
“No, I get it. It happens to me too sometimes.”
“Yeah?”
Reg’s voice is so soft, so caring. James can’t help but smile at the way he’s treating him right now.
Regulus carefully pulls James’ glasses off and wipes his tears with the end of his sleeve, before wiping the lenses and putting them back on.
“There we go.” He whispers.
“You’re being so nice to me” James says after a few moments of silence.
Reg’s smile falls, as if remembering to keep himself in check. James curses himself for pointing it out, but his eyes are still soft, and he’s still holding him, so he supposes that’s a good sign.
“Yeah, well don’t get used to it. I have a reputation to withhold”
James wisely decides against pointing out the fact that the other boys hands are still running through his hair. The cool rings feel nice, brushing against his scalp. He continues munching on his chocolate frog as he lets his eyes flutter closed.
He thinks back to the days a couple months ago, when he a regulus had first began being civil with Sirius’ friends.
James had always known regulus, being Sirius’ friend for so long, but they weren’t necessarily friends. By no fault of his own, mind you. James was perfectly friendly. Regulus just liked being fussy.
Of course, that much hadn’t changed. Only difference was, Regulus no longer pretended to hate James’ company.
Until one late night talk, weeks ago when Regulus confessed to hating him for being the one Sirius went to when he left.
Rationally, Regulus knew that Sirius had to leave. He couldn’t have stayed in that house. But James knows that even knowing that, it still stung.
That same night, Regulus also admitted that James is the only one he would have trusted to take care of Sirius, in the state their parents left him in.
This had initially surprised James. He had always gotten the feeling that Regulus didn’t like him. Of course, now he knows that was what Regulus wanted him to think.
All things considered, that late night had been a turning point for James and Regulus.
James, who had always been interested in Regulus (though unaware in exactly what way until quite recently) couldn’t be more pleased in the change of their relationship.
They talk almost every day, and have become a constant in each others lives. A constant that James can’t imagine his life without, now that he’s used to it.
“Reg?”
“Hm?”
“What were you doing out here anyways?”
Regulus bites his lip, looking as though he’s contemplating something.
“I was coming to the party.” He says quietly, as though he’s confessing his deepest secret.
“Really?” James can’t help his face light up at that.
“Sirius invited me, so I decided I’d say hello, maybe see what Gryffindor parties are like.”
When Regulus had shown up at the Potters doorstep exactly one year after Sirius had, James didn’t exactly know what to think.
He ran over the basics; he was no longer welcome at home, and no longer a part of the most ancient and noble house of black. Good riddance. In any case, James had obviously taken him in without a second thought.
All that mattered was giving him a place to stay, and letting him and Sirius talk. So they did. For hours.
They locked themselves away in one of the guest rooms, only opening the door to accept plates of food Effie had dished up for them.
James doesn’t know exactly what happened in that room, but from what Sirius had explained, a lot of crying, wrestling and apologizing. James supposed the siblings just needed some time to acknowledge, that they’d both hurt each other, but they were both out. They had each other and the needed each other.
They still do.
So James smiles, hearing even more proof of how hard they’re trying.
“I’m sure he’s missing you, you should go-“
“I think I’ll stay here with you until you’re ready to go back in. If that’s alright with you?”
James nods and snuggles in, closer to Regulus’ jumper.
“Thanks Reg.”
James can feel the faint brush of regulus’ lips on his head, pressing a light kiss into his hair. One of those ‘blink and you miss its type moments, but James couldn’t miss it.
He feels his eyes flutter close and briefly wonders if he imagined the whole thing, before feeling Regulus card his fingers through his hair once again. He drifts off to sleep feeling better than he can ever remember being.
“James”
He can feel someone shaking his shoulder, waking him up. James sighs, turning and digging his face deeper into the warmth beside him.
“James wake up, it’s late.”
Then it clicks what the warmth is. Reg’s jumper.
And James’ brain suddenly catches up. He’s lying on the floor in the middle of the hall with Regulus. Lovely Regulus.
Regulus who put up with his meltdown earlier. Regulus who’s still here with him, carding his fingers through his hair.
“Five more minutes?” He asks, voice muffled by the jumper.
He can feel a small laugh radiating through Regulus’ body.
“This may be hard to explain to Sirius, maybe it’s best you go.”
James turns his head to look up at Regulus and frowns.
“You’re not coming in with me?” He asks, sounding slightly childish.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, James.”
“Please?”
Regulus’ mouth forms a line as he silently weighs his options.
“Another time, okay?”
“I’m holding you too that.” James informs him, sitting up. Though he would much rather still be lying there with Reg, there is logic in his words.
Sitting up, he can really feel his head pounding from the dehydration. He already misses the warmth of Regulus, but he stays upright regardless.
“Head hurting?” Regulus asks, because of course he knows.
James nods slightly, fixing his glasses, which were poking his head and running a hand through his hair to try and tame it.
Regulus digs around through his bag for a second before pulling out a potion.
“Drink this, it should help with the dehydration.”
James smiles and drinks it, thankfully. Truthfully, James would probably do anything Regulus tells him to.
“Now go take a shower and go to bed, Potter.” Regulus smiles, standing up and stretching his legs.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice you calling me James” He follows suit, wagging his finger in Regulus’ face.
“You’re clearly delusional. Maybe you hit your head during the game? You should get that checked out, James” Regulus says, with a small smile.
“Ha! I knew you’d crack”
“I’ve no clue what you’re on about. Get some sleep.”
“g’night, love.”
“Good night, James.”
As James laid in his bed that night, hair damp, in clean pyjamas, he stared at the ceiling replaying their every interaction
Wishing he were back in Regulus’ gentle embrace, he drifted into a calm sleep, dreaming of the green eyed boy who’d claimed his heart without even knowing.
