When Holly was aged 6, her beloved mum, Jo, died of bowel cancer just three months after her diagnosis. The trauma of the sudden loss has left the actress terrified of having kids of her own, despite the couple desperately wanting to start a family.
“I was so young and didn’t really understand grief or what was happening,” recalls Holly, 34. “One day, Mum was there and the next day, she wasn’t. My experiences have created a lot of fear around having my own children. I would never want them to go through what I did.”
The pain of losing Jo – who was just 32 and the mother of three young kids – has had a profound effect on Holly.
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“There was no therapy back then and after Mum passed away at Dunedin Hospital, my father Warren, my little brother Luke, my sister Taylor and I went home to Queenstown and just tried to get on with life,” she shares.
“I remember feeling so envious of the kids at school because they had mums. Losing a parent so young takes away some of the magic of childhood. I started to see the world as a place where terrible things can happen.”
Although their time together was all too brief, Holly – who played Chris Warner’s former PA Zoe Carlson on Shorty from 2018 to 2022 – has many precious, vivid memories of her speech-therapist mother, who she describes as a strong woman with a wicked sense of humour.
“Mum loved her sport and was never afraid to tell the refs when they were doing something wrong!” smiles Holly, adding that Jo’s fun-loving side helped pave the way for her own creativity and love of performance.
“We had a huge treasure chest full of dress-ups and Mum always encouraged us to use our imaginations. She also had the most incredible voice. We have a video of her that I love to play so I can listen to her speak.”
During Jo’s final months, the family moved to Dunedin to be close to her during her treatment. Holly recalls her father doing his best to create special memories with visits to places like the Cadbury chocolate factory.
Tells Holly, “I remember one super-rainy day, Dad put Mum’s sunglasses and sunhat on her, and we took her outside in the wheelchair so she could experience nature. We all pretended it was a beautiful day.”
Holly’s creativity has been a source of comfort and healing throughout her life. As a writer and actress, she’s used her work to express her emotions and find a way to channel her grief into something positive.
“One positive aspect of grief is that it can give you a new appreciation for life and allow you to love a bit deeper,” she explains. “I’ve written and created shows that have helped me process my experiences, and I feel like I can bring more depth to my characters because of what I’ve been through.”
After appearing as pregnant characters on Shorty, local comedy Double Parked and horror movie The Tank, Holly would love to overcome her fears and have a real-life experience of motherhood.
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“I’ve been waiting a long time for this afraid feeling to go away, but I’ve realised it may never,” she confesses. “It’s frustrating, but I’m working hard to accept my fears and move forward.”
Holly is grateful for Emmett’s constant support and understanding.
She says, “Emmett sees the real me. I’m lucky I can bounce anything off him and nothing is ever a problem.”
For his part, Emmett, 36, tells us, “I think it’s completely rational for Holly to feel the way she does. This is just part of the DNA of our relationship and it’s something we work through together. Holly has come through some big, hard things in her life and her strength is amazing.”
He can’t wait to be a father, he admits. “The thought of another little one of us running around is deeply exciting. With our careers, it’s hard to plan and find the right time to do anything, but I’m keen to jump in and figure it all out as we go. I’m a take-it-as-it-comes kind of person, so I’m looking forward to all the unknowns of having children and sharing that journey with Holly.”
In the meantime, Emmett is excited about the highly anticipated Shorty midwinter cliffhanger, which he directed, while Holly is developing a TV-length version of Millennial Jenny, as well as writing a semi-autobiographical dark-comedy series set in rural New Zealand.
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She’s looking forward to her appearance in this week’s episode of The Brokenwood Mysteries – now in its 10th season – which sees her playing a character she describes as an “absolute menace”.
Reflecting on her life’s journey, Holly hopes becoming a mother may heal some of the pain she still feels at losing Jo.
“Even though I had such a short time with my mum, it was magic,” she says, smiling sadly. “The thought of sharing some of that magic and creating new memories with our own children one day is a dream that helps to outweigh any fear.”
Holly’s episode of The Brokenwood Mysteries screens 8.30pm Sunday on TVNZ 1 and streams on TVNZ+.
Hair, makeup and styling: Maza White.
