How to Turn a Fling into a Relationship (2024)

It’s a delicate moment. We meet someone we like, there’s chemistry, and we enjoy spending time together. Sometimes it feels perfect because we see each other often, but this togetherness still doesn’t have a name and seems like a fleeting phase that doesn’t permeate our daily lives.

Casual dating, aka a fling, and having a relationship are very different things, and as we’ll explain, the most important step is (in summary) diving into the real world, focusing on practical actions rather than conjectures.

Here’s how to turn a fling into a relationship, keeping in mind that everyone has their own, mostly instinctive, “formula.”

If that instinct isn’t there, well, maybe it’s time to reflect.

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If You Want a Relationship, Start by Spending “Quality Time” Together

Let’s assume your fling is going great, and you see each other often. A relationship, however, isn’t just about “seeing” each other, but about sharing quality time. What does this mean? It means doing meaningful things together.

Special, often unrepeatable experiences are a good start: a trip together, a dinner at a new restaurant, a walk in an unfamiliar part of the city. Quality is also determined by the amount of attention you give to your potential partner. Being on social media while spending time with someone who could become one of the most important parts of your life isn’t a good approach. In fact, it’s not good at all.

Create a Deep Connection

You already know this, but it’s worth repeating: if during your dates you’ve talked about everything except what’s important to you, you’re far from a relationship.

Do it if you can: try to understand the other person’s reactions and listening skills by sharing something about your childhood, things you only tell a few people, your slightly embarrassing passions, and especially the things that move you and make you happy.

There’s no relationship without emotional connection. Try to trust, even if you’ve been hurt. Everyone has vulnerabilities, just like you. Show them.

Your World Isn’t a Closed Box

One of the biggest signals you can give the person you’re seeing is to invite them into your social (and if relationships with your family are strong, also family) life.

We don’t live in isolated compartments, though we often act like we do because life only becomes real in context, among the people who make us feel good.

Introduce without fear who you’re seeing to friends and family. They’ll be a bright mirror to better understand what you feel, what the other person feels, and how others see them. If everything works as it should, you’ll feel an overwhelming enthusiasm and pride.

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Don’t Rush Into a Relationship, “Listen to Yourself”

Some people are ready for a relationship after a long time of dating; some understand everything right away.

Here’s the thing: a relationship involves two people (yes!) and it’s important to be on the same wavelength.

It’s essential that the story of your relationship (hopefully, a love story) is on the same page, otherwise an unbridgeable gap will form.

It’s important, even though we know it’s not easy, to focus on your emotions before the formalities.

Try to imagine that for some, a relationship is like a “mini-marriage,” a step where no papers are signed but where thoughts and (believe us) many past wounds need to be mediated. Be understanding.

Talk, Talk, Talk (But Don’t Just Talk)

We’re all convinced that actions are more important than words, but words clarify and make unequivocal what you want and where you want to go; otherwise, you’ll have to rely only on intuition, which often fails.

It’s not easy to open up and say you want something more “serious,” but we believe that the strongest “flowers” grow from expressing emotions.

A crucial piece of advice that helps a lot in developing your thoughts is not to think about how much you “love” the other person, but more generally what you think of him or her. Love is simple when you break it down into its basic elements: actions, thoughts, behaviors, looks, chemistry, words. What you feel from the sum of these simple things is the transcription of your feelings. Then, express them.

Don’t Forget Yourself, for Everyone’s Sake

During a fling, caught up in the involvement that permeates every moment of life, we often forget that the other person falls in love with us as individuals, not as “part of a couple.”

Having a strong identity and defending it will be one of the central ingredients for not trivializing the relationship before it even begins.

Remember that in love or out of love, you must also be happy, and if this aspect is missing, the engine of feelings is off and needs repair. And if it’s there, it’s not selfishness: your joy is the most precious gift you can offer.

This step is crucial: being with someone is not a solution to loneliness, but the culmination of who you already are.

If There’s Mutuality and Lightness, Go for It

Sometimes we want a relationship so badly that we don’t take a careful look at the other person.

All the processes of reflecting and expressing feelings we’ve discussed only work if the word “both” frequently appears in the mental tally of pros, even if it’s not perfectly balanced.

Forget the drama; both must believe in the story, with lightness.

Remember that things can go well, even though, we know they often don’t go as we expect.

Love is a life experience. Sometimes you dive in headfirst; sometimes you reflect too much, but it should remain a game, very serious and very fun at the same time. Life teaches us a sad thing that shouldn’t be sad if we internalize it: nothing is truly forever.

And precisely for this reason, every moment is to be cherished with joy, desire, filling it with things that ultimately make us say, “Wow, how beautiful.” Or: “It’s hard, but… wow, how beautiful!”

Think more strongly about the present and less about the past and the future: we’re all in the same boat. With lightness, enjoy the luck, privilege, and beauty of having someone who, today, at this moment, looks at you “with those eyes” and treasure it because it’s a real treasure, no matter what happens.

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This article first appeared on Grazia.it – Author: Alessandro Alicandri